Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory and no profit is being made from this story. Please note that this story has not been beta read. If you have an issue, please send me a message so I know you're interested in the job. Also, I want to apologize for the length of time in between updates. I have a lot going on in my life and not all that much time to write; I'm doing my best.
Sheldon couldn't concentrate on his work. For the past two hours and three minutes, the amount of time he'd been at work, he couldn't get what Penny said about liking to cuddle with him out of his mind. He had tried distracting himself by researching appropriate attire for a white tie event on the Internet. That had taken him all of five minutes. He then spent twenty four minutes pricing out different tailors to see about making him a custom suit for the Nobel Prize events. He made an appointment with the most reasonably priced tailor for the next day, Saturday, at 1:30 pm to get measured.
Now, he supposed, he should call Penny to ask her for a ride to the tailor's. He certainly wasn't going to ask Leonard for a ride after his behavior. He supposed that he could ask Raj or Howard, but for some reason that the he couldn't properly discern, he wanted to ask Penny. Besides, he reasoned with himself, Penny's living across the hall made it much more convenient for her to give him a ride than either Howard or Raj.
He picked his phone up from his desk, where he had placed it for convenience, and called Penny. "Hello," came her voice after the third ring.
"Hello Penny," Sheldon said happily.
"What do you want?" Penny sounded wary.
"What do you mean 'what do you want?'" Sheldon was slightly offended by her being distrustful.
"Sheldon, you never call me from work unless you want something."
Since Penny was right, he said, "Fair point. I need you to give me a ride tomorrow to the tailor's. I have to be there at 1:30."
"How do you know I don't have plans?" Penny snapped.
"Well do you have any plans?" Penny sounded annoyed by something.
"No, I don't."
"Than what was that about?" asked Sheldon feeling baffled.
"I'm sorry, Sheldon," Penny sounded truly apologetic and Sheldon appreciated that. "It's just that my brother's in jail again, my agent wants me to update my head shots, which I don't have the money for, my physics class isn't going so well, and I realized that I have a drinking problem. I would drink, but that wouldn't help my drinking problem."
Sheldon decided to try and comfort Penny over the phone. "I'm sorry your brother is incarcerated again. I will lend you money for your head shots. I can help you with physics since I am, after all, a soon-to-be Nobel Prize winning physicist. Also, I'm proud of you for confronting your drinking problem. I wish my father had confronted his drinking problem."
Sheldon meant every word he said, including the part about Penny's brother being incarcerated. Sure, he'd never met the guy, and from what he knew about him he most likely deserved it. Still, he obviously meant something to Penny and if it was upsetting to Penny than he was sorry because he wanted Penny to be happy.
"Thank you, Sheldon," said Penny sounding sincere. "I can't take your money, though, not after the five thousand dollars. I appreciate you helping me with my physics, but you can only help me if you promise to go at my level since last time you tried to teach me physics you went way too fast for me."
"Please, take the money," said Sheldon wanting Penny to be happy. "Also, I promise to go at your pace with the physics."
"Thank you, Sheldon. But I do have a question."
"Yes, Penny?"
"What were you doing looking at my boobs last night when we cuddled?"
Penny's question threw Sheldon for a loop. "I... Uh... Penny...Well..." Sheldon spluttered as he wracked his brain for an answer other than "Looking at your breasts gives me material for my masturbatory fantasies."
"Sheldon," said Penny sounding serious, "Do you ever touch yourself? I mean in a sexual way."
"Penny!" exclaimed Sheldon, shocked at the question.
"I didn't hear a no. Sheldon, it's okay to do that. Everyone else does." Penny's tone was soothing and reassuring. However, the soothing and reassuring made it all the worse that Penny had just found out his biggest secret.
"No, it's not okay," Sheldon practically sobbed. "I am homonovus and therefore above such things."
"Sheldon, you may like to think that you are a different species, and sometimes we all agree. But I know the truth; you are human. Anyway, you once said that your genitals are 'fully functional and aesthetically pleasing.'"
Sheldon was desperate to get off this subject so he said "Will you give me a ride or not?"
"Of course I will," was Penny's response.
"Thank you," said Sheldon.
"Oh, since we're both on the outs with Leonard," said Penny, "would you like to come over here for dinner tonight?"
Sheldon quickly considered Penny's offer and then said "That would be nice. I think I will. Remember, tonight is Chinese. I guess since it will be just you and me, I will change our order to just General Tso's chicken and vegetable lo mein."
At that point, there was a knock on his office door. Before he could respond, the door open and Howard and Raj entered.
"I got to go," Sheldon said to Penny before hanging up.
"Hello, Sheldon," said Howard.
"Why are you here?" asked Sheldon, annoyed that they had interrupted his phone call with Penny.
"We were worried about you," said Howard, actually sounding concerned.
"Why would you be concerned about me?" Sheldon asked with some confusion. He wasn't sick and he wasn't acting out of the ordinary.
"Dude, you missed lunch," said Raj.
Sheldon glanced at his watch. Raj was right, he had missed lunch. This was not good; it would upset his bathroom schedule.
"Dang it, Penny!" Sheldon muttered to himself. This was all Penny's fault. If Penny hadn't been a distraction to him, he could have researched white tie attire some other time and the chain of events would not have forced him to call her to ask for a ride and then engage in a long conversation with her.
"What did Penny do?" asked Raj sounding curious.
"Nothing," said Sheldon. "Oh, by the way, I'm canceling dinner at my place tonight. I'm eating at Penny's tonight. Also, since I'm not speaking to Leonard, I'm canceling vintage game night. You guys are on your own tonight."
"That's fine," said Howard. "Bernie and I could use a night alone."
"That's fine with me too," said Raj. "Cinnamon and I were going to have a sleepover with Stuart anyway. He can just come over early."
Howard shook his head while both he and Raj left Sheldon's office.