Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory and no profit is being made from this story. I want to thank Amie357 for beta reading this chapter.
In Sheldon's opinion, the evening with Penny had gone well. Once Penny had dried her eyes and ordered their food, Sheldon found the conversation flowed easily and comfortably between them. Sheldon told Penny that his sister was pregnant and due to give birth around Christmas and how he couldn't understand why she wanted a home birth. To make matters worse, his mother had informed him that he would be required to witness the birth. Sheldon was pleased that Penny had said that she wouldn't want a home birth either and the whole thing seemed very messy.
They flowed through smoothly from topic to topic and arrived at how Penny was not enjoying her physics class at all because she was struggling to understand some basic parts of the course and was struggling to keep up with the class. Since Sheldon adored physics, he had trouble understanding why anyone would not enjoy it, but he sympathized with Penny and offered, once again, to help her with physics. Sheldon was pleased that Penny accepted his offer again.
Penny also told Sheldon all about how her boss was a jerk because he promoted Josh, a 19-year-old who had only been working there for a year, to Assistant Manager instead of Penny. Sheldon was on Penny's side because Penny had much more experience than Josh. Penny pointed out that Josh did have a better work ethic than her and while she was annoyed about being overlooked, deep down she was happy for Josh.
Sheldon shared how much he was looking forward to the fiftieth anniversary special of Doctor Who. He was happy when Penny revealed to him that, through Leonard forcing her to watch Doctor Who, she had become interested in the show too. Sheldon suggested that they could watch Doctor Who together and was quite pleased when Penny smiled at him and took him up on his offer.
Once the food arrived, Sheldon shared all sorts of food related trivia: peanuts are not actually nuts but really legumes; refrigerating a tomato will make it lose its flavor; and if you wash mushrooms in water than you wash away the flavor. Sheldon was delighted when Penny added to his food trivia by saying that you don't really have to drink milk by sell-by date because sniffing it will tell you whether or not the milk is sour.
While they cleaned up from dinner, Penny expanded slightly on what she had told Sheldon earlier about her brother being incarcerated.
"He got caught doing meth again by the police. This time he's got five years in the slammer and a ten thousand dollar fine. My parents can't afford to pay the fine and my brother has no money. I have no money otherwise I'd help."
"Penny," said Sheldon slowly, choosing his words carefully, "giving your brother money to basically do more drugs is enabling him. I know it's hard because he's family. Family is the only real reason I would consider going to Texas to watch my sister give birth. Giving birth isn't illegal but abusing substances is. You do not need to feel guilty about not being able to enable your brother."
"It's just so hard," said Penny glumly as Sheldon watched her sit down on the couch before going over to join her.
"I know," Sheldon said gently as he wrapped an arm around her. It occurred to him that they were now cuddling quite frequently. It also occurred to him that there was now a stirring in his nether regions.
While Sheldon did enjoy their now frequent cuddling, he did not appreciate that there was visible evidence of this fact. He shifted around, trying to find a position that would hide his slight erection from Penny. Unfortunately, while he was shifting, he accidentally bumped Penny's side with his groin.
Sheldon was mortified that Penny now knew about his current state of sexual arousal. He felt like his face was on fire. However, despite the embarrassment, his erection refused to dwindle. He decided that the best way to deal with this situation was to leave Penny's apartment as quickly as possible.
As he began to get up from the couch, Sheldon felt Penny's hand on his arm. He looked over at Penny who said to him, "Sheldon, it's okay."
"No, Penny, it's not okay. I am thirty three years old, not some teenager. This should not be happening to me! It is definitely not okay! I read that book that you and Leonard gave me about the birds and the bees. While that book literally gave me nightmares, I find myself now trapped in a different kind of nightmare," Sheldon ranted in an attempt to explain himself.
"Earlier we were talking about babies. How do you expect to make a baby if you don't feel comfortable with this sort of thing?" Sheldon found Penny's logic to be soothing.
"I don't know," Sheldon answered honestly as he sat back down. "I do know that lately I've been having to deal with these feelings a lot more frequently than I have in the past and it's all because of you! You and your wonderful-smelling hair, your nicely shaped bosom, and your ample hind-quarters!"
"Ample hind-quarters?" Penny's tone sounded slightly dangerous to Sheldon.
"Yes," Sheldon hurriedly explained, "evolution has made it so that human males are attracted to females with large hips and bottoms so that there is a better chance that their offspring will be safely delivered."
Penny burst out laughing, which confused Sheldon. Why would his current predicament be funny? "What?" he asked.
"You are such an ass man!" Penny said in between bursts of laughter. "Who would have thought that Sheldon is an ass man!"
"Excuse me! I see nothing funny about this at all! As I explained you to you, evolution-"
"Evolution, schmevolution! You have a deal!" Penny's interruption had annoyed him, but Penny seemed to be happy and Sheldon deemed that a good thing.
"I'm glad you're happy, I really am, but I still fail to see the amusement in sexual arousal!"
"Oh Sheldon," he heard Penny say with a sigh, "never mind."
Penny leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek! To Sheldon's absolute astonishment, he found that he didn't mind the kiss at all! He knew that it was wrong to compare, but he couldn't help it because for some intangible reason, Penny's kiss was infinitely more enjoyable than any time Amy had every kissed him.
Sheldon took a few slow, deep breaths to clear his head. Once the fog had cleared and his heart had slowed down to a normal rate, he realized that his erection was gone. With a sigh and a smile, he decided that he should make his exit so that he could attempt to get to sleep on schedule.