A/N: I'm back :) and so here is chapter 5! Thanks for the love as ever, you guys are awesome :) I hope you like this chapter, sorry for any mistakes that you may find!

Chapter 5

I didn't know what happened.

I ran out of James' room as fast as I could after realizing that my stepbrother was kissing me.

My stepbrother who was James Diamond, who had never made an effort to be nice to me until the day he had moved into my house.

I had no idea what was going on with him, and I got scared.

Throwing my door open, then quickly locking it, I started to cry.

The hell?! I'd not cried ever since dad died. Mom told me so. I couldn't cry for fucking James Diamond. I crawled underneath the comforter and tried to stop with the tears but I couldn't say that anything worked. Sometime I fell asleep though, and I was grateful for the dreams about my father telling me that he loved me.

The next morning when I woke, I first didn't remember any of yesterday's events. I just lay comfortably in bed till it all came to my mind and hit me like a freight train would. I jumped off the sheets and headed for a cold shower.

Once I needed to get rid of my boner and the thoughts of James kissing me that only kept making everything worse. I'm not going to jerk off with that thought in mind! NO WAY! I was freezing as my skin met the icy water but it was the only thing working, I knew. I couldn't face the family otherwise. I needed to clear my head out.

When I finally got dressed and could put on a somewhat decent face, and stepped out of the safety of my room, I found myself staring into hazel eyes of a handsome, tall and very very sad James Diamond. I did not want to talk about anything with him, didn't matter the facial expression he wore. I needed to move away from him before I'd pity him for obviously looking sorry.

I took a step aside but he moved to the same direction causing me to bump into him. So I took a longer step to the opposite way but he was right there too and I fell harder against his chest. He chuckled, but I couldn't draw my eyes to his again. Keeping my head low, I slightly pushed his front and then ran downstairs.

The kitchen was filled with delicious smells of breakfast and I was surprised to find Christopher yet again being the one feeding us. After a while I'd start missing mom's cook and he was starting to take all of the let's-impress-the-Garcia's mission a bit too far.

"You don't have to cook for us every day." I snapped coldly as a respond to Christopher's warm "good morning" smile. His face went stiff not registering what was going on me and I just sighed. How would you know? "Sorry." I mumbled sinking to a chair and filling a glass with orange juice. "It's just weird for me to see you here rather than mom."

"Your mother will be downstairs in a bit." He said obviously trying his best to speak nicely to me even after the way I had greeted him. "But she is lately called in a lot. I told her I like doing all kinds of housework, including cooking."

I nodded. Okay, mom worked a lot. Really too much lately but I was getting older and didn't even realize her absence. Actually I was even grateful for the lot of "me time". I suppose there won't be that much of that anymore. "It couldn't be easy to raise your son alone." I said immediately regretting my words, but Christopher didn't seem offended.

"Yeah. I've learned a lot of things." He laughed. "Strange, but I know how to cook and clean and do the washing... all that shit a mother should know better. And then I don't know how to be the father he wants me to be, you know?" I nodded again.

"Is it because of the mistakes with his mother?" I asked and watched him slowly nod. "He couldn't forgive you?"

"Never. He will never forgive me. But he doesn't understand it."

"Why don't you try to explain it?"

"He's not interested at all. When I start going into that kind of talk, he always runs off."

"I'm sorry. At least he should listen to your side of the story too. It's not good for you two to be so far from each other. He'll need a father someday, and you'll need your son. And it may be too late when you guys get to realize it." I felt like my heart skipped a few of its beats when I thought about my father. "I'd give anything to have my dad here."

I nearly started with the tears again but then James appeared in the door and all emotions except anger, left me. I turned my gaze away, Christopher went on with cooking. James poured some water to himself and downed it. Then he walked out and in a few seconds I heard the front door shutting.

"Doesn't he have breakfast?"

Christopher pushed some eggs onto the plate in front of me. "Usually he doesn't. On better days he does."

Then I got up and emptied half of my eggs into a food holder. Then packed some bread next to it and pulled out a box of juice from the fridge. "Tell mom I love her?"

"Of course. Be good?" I nodded and smiled weakly tucking the food into my backpack and ran after James.

His long steps were hard to keep up with, but I wasn't giving up. I jogged next to James and literally shouted at him for not even acknowledging me. "James! Don't you get fucking mad at me for getting upset with you! You have got no right!"

"You have got no fucking right to talk to my father about me!" He snapped back and walked even faster. I broke into a run.

"Yeah, I don't! But poor guy doesn't know what to do to make you listen to him for one fucking time! I want to keep him hoping that you're sooner or later going to realize that you need to forgive him!"

"You don't know shit. Shut up Garcia!" I was yelled at just like I had been so many times at school. But none of those had hurt me so bad like this one did. James ran looking like he had no intention of stopping ever, so I gave up.

I arrived to school a lot earlier than I usually had, so I decided to eat my breakfast before class starts. I sat in the hall, there were a very few kids around yet, and they had never done a thing to me so I wasn't afraid of being seen.

Getting lost in the delicious eggs sandwiched in between slices of bread, I didn't recognize the person that sat beside me. I didn't even pay attention to be honest.

"My relationship with dad has been shitty ever since mom's left and I don't ... "

I cut him off. "Don't start with it. I don't care. James I can't do this. One moment you're telling me things I've never known about you, then you kiss me, then you yell my head off for trying to help. No. I'm not interested in doing this. Leave me alone and sort your things out."

It was so wrong to tell him off like that, but my heart ached because of his coldness. I didn't want to let myself fall for him, I didn't need this.

James stared at me like I was some sort of strange vision, then slowly lifted himself from the bench and was gone quickly.

Until English class I didn't see him. I felt bad for pushing him away when he'd wanted to open up, and I knew he hated me with everything he had. I don't care. I don't care. I chanted. I didn't want to care if he was hurt. But I did care. I was the reason and I hated to be that, maybe even more than he hated me at that moment.

But James didn't take notice of me, which somehow made it easier for me.

We were halfway through the class and I had no idea what the teacher was talking about. I didn't like English. Half of the time I was daydreaming, other half I was thinking what my next humiliation would be like.

When Mr Schmidt asked me something about the last piece of art we'd read, I was at a loss of words. Oh shit.

"Obviously Mr Garcia isn't that smart as he thinks he is." James' voice came from the back of the room. I didn't make a sound, but listened to Mr Schmidt giving a lecture to James about how to behave during class, then asked him if he knew better than me. And surprisingly he did. James' answer pleased the teacher and his little scene was quickly forgiven. But I was going to be going to the principal for having bad grades and not even trying to pay attention at class.

English was the only class I was nearly failing.

The one and only, ever in my life and mom was going to be furious about it.

And the whole class was laughing at me.

But I was so used to it.

I was released with a warning of words. Thank God. Although I was fully aware that mom was going to be called about this incident, I didn't care. She really couldn't complain about me. I'd never had a bad grade, always behaved well. She'd even asked me once what was wrong with me that I had been such a good kid, unlike all the others.

But now I was failing from one subject. One bad grade led to another one, and what if I was going to continue on this road down? I knew that this was why the teachers wanted to warn me, to make me see that I needed to put myself together.

It was so hard though.

Every day the bullying would go further and even though I pretended like I didn't care and they didn't do much to me, it was slowly breaking me.

Walking home I several times felt like wanting to cry. A few tears escaped here and there but I held back.

I successfully made it through the front door, then up the stairs and in to my room. I locked the door and lie on the bed. I did not want to eat, or to study, or see mom, or Christopher, or James. No one. I wanted dad to be there. So many times I'd wondered what my life would be like if dad had been there for me.

All three of them kept begging in front of my door to open up and come out but I didn't move from bed till the next morning. My little family with only mom on my side was now past. So were my excellent grades. And lately every little hope I had seemed to fade away one at a time.

I wandered downstairs. Christopher held mom as she cried. James stared at them blankly. Then he spotted me. "Carlos. Are you okay?" He came towards me but I pulled away.

"I'm sorry mom." I started. "I didn't want to scare you." I cried as she ran to me and wrapped me up in her arms.

"But what's wrong baby?" She asked, her eyes watery. I'd never seen her so worried. "If it's about what happened yesterday in school, baby it's okay. I know you'll make your grades right again. I'm not mad or anything."

"I'll study more. I promise. I didn't want to disappoint you. I'm so ashamed for being so stupid." She stroked my head.

"You're not stupid, son." Mom kissed my cheek. "I love you so much. Believe me you're not stupid. You're the smartest and strongest boy on this planet, okay? Doesn't matter what anyone says." I nodded. I felt James' eyes burning my skin just like the first night he had come here.

"Will you drive me to school, mom?"

"Of course I will." She smiled. "But first you're having breakfast." I followed her to the kitchen. Breakfast sounded good. I just noticed how hungry I was. And then mom would drive me, so we'd have some time for us. I could talk to her about a few things. "Eat, Carlos please." Mom pushed a plate full of food in front of me and I smiled. "I need to get ready. I wasn't about to go to work today in case you stay home. Be back in a bit." She kissed my forehead and left.

I started on my food and I could say I had a real good appetite.

"Carlos I'm sorry." The boy had a need to ruin my meals all the time. James sat opposite me, his face even sadder than the previous day. I shrugged. "I understand you're mad. I've been an ass to you. I'm really sorry, okay? I can't say it otherwise. I'm just a douche as you think I am and I can't change that. I shouldn't have yelled your face off. I shouldn't have hurt you in front of the class. I should have not ki-..."

"Shut up." I pointed my finger at him. I didn't want to be reminded at what we did. "You're all forgiven. It's not even your fault, okay? It's me! Dammit! It is always me! Because I'm stupid! Because I want to be nice! Because I want to help! Because I'm lonely. Because I'm fucked up! Because I'm a fatherless piece of shit! And it hurts me so bad when I see your dad nearly crying for your forgiveness but you don't even give a shit about it! It's always me! I don't blame you. I don't care what you say or do. Everything that's happening is only because of how I am! I deserve this." I got to my feet and walked out to mom's car. I yelled at him again but I had to get it out of me.

I couldn't let James Diamond to get under my skin. No fucking way.