A/N: thanks, Jules and the-creme-de-la-crop, and everyone else who secretly reads but does not leave a review! Your patience with my lazy writing is awesome, please forgive me if I don't update too often.. sigh. love love love :D and thanks again!

Chapter 9

Next morning when I woke up and dragged myself downstairs I found the kitchen empty. Breakfast was on the table, nicely presented for me obviously, since the house was quiet and there was only one plate and a note.

"Have a nice day sweetie, here's your favorite pancake. Love, mom."

Mom and Chris gone didn't surprise me as much as the fact that James had already left too. Thought we'd go to school together, talk about last night. But apparently he took the only friends thing more seriously than I did. He really wanted distance between us then. He was scared that I'd fuck it up. It kinda hurt me. But I understood. No fuck, it feels like getting stabbed in the guts.

Or I could have been overreacting and he just had to run for some reason. I decided I better stop thinking about James, instead I texted Kendall that we meet after classes by the lake. He almost immediately replied with "OK".

School was boring and tiring as it always was. I had only seen James two times so far, and the day had almost ended for me. I didn't have much sleep in me since we had gotten home late after the concert the night before, but I tried to focus on whatever the teachers said. And also made sure that I stayed out of sight, didn't talk to anyone.

Every day in school I felt like inside these walls was a whole different world. I didn't have friends, or any courage to make an effort and talk. I spent most of my time wondering why I was like that here, and why could I be more easy-going anywhere else with anyone else. I had never found answers to those kinds of questions in my head though. But I didn't even really care anymore. It was good for me this way. As long as everyone left me alone, I was fine. If someone started saying something to me I freaked out, they'd laugh at whatever I said, make fun of me, again. So I came off rude when I didn't say a word to my classmates.

Maybe that was why they didn't like me. They'd thought I was an asshole. But no, that didn't make sense. People clung to assholes. Every jackass was popular. In fact, it was obvious that people rather liked being befriended by assholes than be an enemy to them. And to the assholes everyone who dared speak up against them, were just enemies.

Some kids, like me, simply didn't acknowledge them. We would not laugh at the assholes' jokes, or be a slave for them, or asskissers so to speak. And these people, we were the enemies, too, the kids that were at school only to be bullied. That was how the assholes' way of thinking worked.

"Carlos, you'll work with James." Oh. I hadn't noticed class had started and that it was physics. And that James was in the room too. Although I'd seen him a few times today, I had not talked to him, he hadn't glanced in my direction whatsoever.

By the time I woke up from shock and would've looked around to see where he sat, I realized he was already next to me. He had a thing with secretly creeping beside me. Or was I just so distracted lately that I forgot to pay attention to the world anymore.

"So quiet today?" He whispered, pretending he leaned over to glance at my papers to check if his calculations were right.

I just nodded. "What's wrong?" He did it again. The looking at my numbers. Although I had an eye on his papers too and to me it seemed like he totally understood what the task was about, unlike me, whose paper was a full mess. I couldn't figure out why it bothered him that I was quiet though. I had always been quiet. And so our silence continued. He didn't want to get caught talking, or get caught talking to me. He just kept staring at me. So I wrote on the margin of my exercise book.

You're an asshole.

When our eyes met I saw the shock on his face and the 'excuse me?' question hung in the air. I quickly shook my head and almost laughed. Not in a bad way. I continued writing. People here think you're an asshole because you've been a little unresponsive to everyone. That in some twisted way got you popular and you had to keep it up. There weren't much space left on my page to write on so I just put word after word in different places, wherever they fit, but James seemed to follow anyway. I didn't try to be one of your "friends". Anyone who does that is an open target for bullying.

Then James took the pencil from me and scrabbled a simple word in the middle of the page. "No." I raised my eyebrows not quite understanding. His eyes were on the paper again and he wrote, "I could've chosen not doing a thing."

I got another pencil and wrote somewhere, I understand.

"Please do not."

Why not?

"Because you should be mad at me. That's how it's done. Don't be nice to me. Not here."

Not here. I didn't write any more. I just stared blankly at all the words in front of me, mingled with the numbers. They didn't make sense and there was no way I could make out the example in the remaining short time. James was writing something on a paper that he had ripped out of his exercise book. When the teacher called that we were out of time, James slid that paper in front of me. The calculation. He was fast back at his own seat in the far end of the classroom.

I couldn't yet catch my breath when the teacher called my name again. Why can't he just leave me alone for God's sake? I read my, cross that, James' answer, off my paper. Mr. -let's-fuck-with-Carlos-every-single-day- nodded and ranted on and on about how the class must learn this lesson or we'd be in trouble with the rest. I was glad that he didn't even bother telling me a 'Well done, Carlos' or anything like that. After all I'd have again been laughed at if it hadn't been for James.

When we were finally dismissed I heard a guy speaking. "Hey James, why didn't you ask for another partner? The little mouse is so dumb. I wonder why did you tell him the good answer?" Pushing my books into my bag, anger boiled in me. Get out before you hear what he replies. Run.

But James remained quiet. Like he was waiting for me to get out. Or thinking deeply about how to reply? I was ready to leave and he hadn't made a sound. I moved towards the door along with the other kids, but some stayed around James, I saw it from the corner of my eye. "You're dumb too, Adam. Didn't you notice how many times I've saved your ass?"

"The mouse doesn't deserve that though." Another boy said. Laughter echoed in the room. I couldn't make out James' voice. I stepped out, but with my back against the wall next to the door I listened. The laughter lowered and speaking took over again.

"Why now, does Adam deserve it?" James asked poetically. Some laughter came again, then he continued. "I do what I want." The sound of a chair pushed away was my reminder to go away before they come out.

But before I moved, I heard Adam again. "You're defending him."

Silence.

Long. Silence. My breathing quickened. What was he going to say? I knew I should go now. Just go. And not hear it. Whatever he was going to say, I should not be there to hear. But they were talking about me. I froze. "I'm playing. Isn't a mouse the best toy for a big strong tom-cat?" I didn't have a clue whether he meant it or not, and that was just why I shouldn't have been there. I had no idea if his being nice to me wasn't a game all together, so it could have been even true. And on the other hand, I didn't know if all this time that he'd been bullying me, was in fact the game. And the nice James, the one who had moved in to my house, would call a pause on the game, and was the real James when we were on our own. "Slowly he'll believe he can be my friend. And then he'll fall on his ass." Ear shattering laugh broke out, and so did my eyes. I began to let go of my tears.

Through my blurred vision I saw the saddest expression take James' face as he exited the classroom and caught a glimpse of me. Then pushing my way past him I ran outside and headed home.

Another night in my room, alone, was awaiting for me.