The following day, House sat in front of the lawyer that Foreman had recommended and, as it happened, this lawyer did a lot of work for Princeton Plainsboro. "Well, Dr. House, I certainly have heard a lot about you, but from what you just told me, your reputation doesn't do you justice." Said Derek Fey.

House just gave him a sarcastic smile, "I also have a reputation for greatest street performer ever, so I'm S.O.L.?"

"No, I didn't say that." Fey said with a smile, "But, you have weaved quite a mess for yourself. I'm going to go to the judge and plead your case."

"That's it?"

"Well, no," Fey told him, "Discussing the case with the judge is only the beginning, but you turned yourself in on good faith and that looks good at least. Odds are, this won't go to court and we'll find some settlement. It's good news."

House looked at the floor, not liking the sound of his future.

He was outside on a bench when his legal counsel and the judge were in conference. Fey had probably rightly chosen not to have House present, "You're abrasive." He said by way of explanation, "It's best if he sees you after the initial presentation of your case…in a suit and politely apologizing for your illegal actions. Ya know the drill, 'yes, sir, I know I screwed up, no sir, I will not do it again.'"

House found himself thinking about Cuddy and wondering why she was trying to convince him to stay. She was clearly making a poor decision if she wanted him back in her life but he couldn't get himself to walk away. Perhaps he wasn't giving her enough credit. She was a mature grown woman who could make her own choices. He had warned her what he was before and she had still chosen to be with him. Maybe it was time to try and make himself happy instead of making everyone else miserable or trying to spare them from misery. Maybe, as Cuddy said, he did deserve happiness. Wilson thought so. But as they both had pointed out, he feared that happiness wouldn't last and seemingly sabotaged it on purpose in order to stay in control.

"What will you do?" Wilson had asked, lying in a hospital bed they had procured and placed in a month to month rental apartment.

"I don't know." House said, lamely. This was not the first time Wilson had asked this.

"Fix yourself, House. Figure out what means something to you, makes you happy, truly happy, and live for that."

"Nothing makes me happy." House admitted.

"You've been happy before, but you were too afraid of it to live for it." Wilson sighed, "If you weren't such a coward, you might be happy."

"I wouldn't know where to start." House admitted.

"You're miserable because you push happiness away because you're afraid to lose it." Wilson told him, "If that's not the definition of illogical, I don't know what is."

"I didn't push Cuddy away." House said, suddenly.

"Yes, you did, you married a hooker. And you would have pushed her away earlier if you had suspected it would all end." Wilson argued, "No one should have to make their own lives more difficult to make sure you understand that they're not going anywhere. You have to give loyalty to get it and she was devoted to you. If you weren't such a selfish ass and you'd be surprised how many people will be happy, including yourself."

"She had already ended it before I got married." House argued, knowing it was lame.

"Because you let her down, but instead of proving you had actually learned anything from it, you became an even bigger selfish ass."

"How do I prove I learned anything from it?" House demanded, "Because I did, do you think I would have acted in the same way again?"

"It was important to her and you bailed." Wilson summarized, "It wasn't like you forgot an anniversary, she thought she was dying."

"I thought she was dying and I was scared!" House had shouted at Wilson.

"It wasn't about you. You chose to protect yourself rather than be there for her." Wilson shot right back.

"I know what I did wrong!" House yelled.

House was taken abruptly out of his memory by Fey tapping him, "Bail has been set at $500.00 which Foreman paid, so at least you're not going to jail...yet."

"Oh god, owing Foreman money is worse than jail." House quipped, keeping his relief to himself.

"You're also to report to Princeton Plainsboro every weekday at 9am."

"What? Why?"

"Because one of the things that kept the judge so lenient is that you have saved a lot of lives as a physician and your practice as one had nothing to do with your illegal actions. I also explained James Wilson's case. You'll be doing a sort of community service at the hospital." Fey explained, "Under the supervision of Eric Foreman."

"I knew it wasn't a selfless act to bail me out." House complained, "And I didn't want you to bring up Wilson, I don't want sympathy."

"You needed a decent reason to have faked your death because that's the charge now. It's not just the probation violation anymore." Fey explained, "I also need character witnesses on your behalf to make this work. Anyone but Dr. Cuddy."

House scoffed, "Looks like I'm screwed."

Back at Bayshore, House noticed Cuddy's room was empty but for her. He limped inside and she smiled softly at him.

"No stripes," She said, casually of his clothing.

"Out on bail." House told her.

"So it went well?"

"More or less. I have to kiss Foreman's ass and work as a candy striper at Princeton, and find some people who love me enough to lie and say what a stand up citizen I am and I'm in the clear."

"In the clear?" Cuddy wondered before giving him an ironic smile, "A stand up citizen?"

He gave her a scolding look, "Well, it'll make me look good enough to avoid prison and a trial and settle the case with something more lenient like probation. As in the clear as I can be given the circumstances." He couldn't exactly explain why, but he felt the weight lifting off of him as he told her his new circumstances. He hated to admit it, but it felt good to be legal again and be able to have a legitimate job and life. His freedom had been limited and he remembered having to procure different ID's and find ways to hide who he was. He hadn't realized it before, but being legally alive was far better than legally dead. This truly felt like starting over. He wouldn't have to wonder 'what if' anymore, his slate would be cleared instead of hidden. Even with this feeling, he still got the impression that Cuddy had reconsidered her position on him. Why did he feel as if a wall had suddenly come up between he and Cuddy? Maybe Julia's words finally hit him and her.

"I'm going home tomorrow." Cuddy interjected into the silence.

"Great." House said, a little short.

As much as Cuddy still loved House, she couldn't justify being with him right now. Emotions had run high the last few days and near death experiences tended to make one vulnerable, but sitting here most of the day made her logical brain come back. Julia had been mostly right and even though he was trying to put his life back together, she wouldn't put herself and Rachel through it again. House was still considered a loose cannon. However, "I'll be a character witness." She offered. Perhaps he would open up again.

"You can't be." He told her, "Judge's orders." He felt himself closing off again, afraid of losing the simpatico they had rediscovered in the last few days, afraid to ask her to love him again. He didn't know how to stop the downfall. Why did he always do this?

"I have to go." He said, simply, leaving a confused and saddened Cuddy behind.

Two months later, House stepped out of the courthouse, officially a free-ish man. Foreman, Chase, and even Cameron had appeared in his defense. They didn't sugar coat what a bastard he was, but they did impress upon the judge that he was a good doctor and did care about patients and people in his own way and that pain and drugs had affected his ability to think clearly. House was clean now, another of Wilson's stipulations of redemption which worked very much in his favor to the judge.

One year of probation and a job at Princeton, he repeated in his head after the judge had made a deciswion. He hadn't wanted the job, but would have to hold it down for at least six months as a part of his probation. He didn't want to go back to Princeton where his old life hung before him but would never be the same again, but it was better than prison…slightly.

The last thing he wanted was his old apartment, so he got a place on the other side of town. No piano, nothing familiar. That was at least a comfort. Unpacking in his new apartment, he found the letter little Rachel had written him asking him to be friends again. He had so few items that he carried around, but Rachel's note was one of them. It was one of the few memories of connecting with another human being that didn't make him feel like shit.

On Rachel's birthday two weeks after his hearing, he had sent a card and a gift. The card read, 'Have some rum, ya Bilge Rat.' Reminding Rachel all over again about the awful pirate cartoon House had showed her. He had also sent Cuddy a letter, reading, 'I hate letters. I hate writing them. I hate the sentiment that's expected in them. I lobe you. I stole a thong as well as that picture. Get well soon.' He had heard no word from her.

Life moved on and House worked case to case as before, trying to find that thing he loved. Outside of Princeton, at a table that he and Wilson had eaten lunch countless times, House sat. The memories of the hospital were dragging him down and he missed Wilson all the more for it. He had no friend to turn to anymore and Cuddy had made herself clear at her intentions toward him. He had heard no word from her at all, "Here I am again, having done everything right and I still feel miserable." He said to Wilson. That evening, as he was watching television, there was a knock at his door and he limped to answer it only to find Cuddy on the other side.