Update: Time for the inevitable confrontation. This chapter just kept going and there is a lot of feelings going up and down. Hope you can keep up with the ongoings.:)
When Starscream wakes up in the morning, he is alone.
Sitting up on the berth he looks around for Thundercracker, craning his neck to look through the open door into the office. He cringes at the sight of the destruction he has created the night before and wonders if Thundercracker is angry at him for it. As far as he can see, not a single piece in the previously tidy room is intact.
With a deep sigh he leans back on the berth and offlines his optics to just sort his processor and relax. The energon dispenser is ruined as well, so there is no reason for him to rise, even if his tank is churning empty.
What precisely happened last night?
His processor is muddled and his thoughts are dizzying.
Images flashes through his processor, too fast for him to quite grasp and understand.
A tricolored seeker in red, white and black.
Thundercracker all regal and stoic at a window.
The feelings following the rush of images fill him with want and jealousy.
There had been something between Thundercracker and that seeker and whatever it was it annoys him to not remember clearly.
He is drawn from his thoughts at the sound of the door swooshing open, and as he onlines his optics he sits up again, neck craning to see who it is.
At the sight of Thundercracker walking in, two cubes of energon in his hands, Starscream straightens a bit more. The scent of the fresh energon is strong above the stale smell from the energon littering every surface of the office and when Thundercracker turns towards the berth room, Starscream looks forward to a full tank to stop its constant churning.
However the sound of the debris when Thundercracker steps on what remains of his office reminds Starscream about the inevitable apology he has to make before Thundercracker chews him out on his behavior. He isn't sure he can handle it if the blue seeker turns hard, disdainful optics on him. Skywarp always seemed immune to the intimidating sight whenever Thundercracker put him through a lecture and punishment detail after particularly nasty pranks during their Academy time, but Skywarp is also incapable of feeling any kind of guilt. And Starscream is by no means Skywarp.
Rising from the berth, he dutifully waits for when Thundercracker enters, wings held low in submission and carrying a cant of apology.
"Thundercracker, I-" he begins when Thundercracker is a few steps into the berth room, but stops when the blue seeker turns his back to him. With a stiff flicker of the wide wings Thundercracker places the cubes on the berth and then sits down, lifting his right thruster and with a wince pulls out a piece of debris, a moan of pain following the movement until his thruster is free of the obstructing piece.
Starscream just stares, feeling even guiltier, and it becomes worse at the sight of the drops of energon seeping from within the thruster.
"You are staring." Thundercracker comments evenly, optics fixated on his damaged thruster.
"I-I'm sorry Thundercracker." he blurts, taking a step towards the blue seeker before he simply just kneels and crawls closer. When close enough he reaches his hands to gently inspect the damage himself, brushing Thundercracker's hands away.
Thundercracker leans back while watching the tricolored seeker intently as he works, his field held taut against his frame and not showing any emotions.
Grunts of pain is forced from his vocalizer when Starscream begins his careful inspection, and with a ragged breath Thundercracker leans his head back, looking up into the ceiling of the room and not the seeker kneeling in front of him. He has to remind himself that the seeker tending to him isn't Solarstorm, but Starscream. In the dim darkness of the berth room, the tricolored seeker's blue color is almost black.
But looking at the ceiling does nothing about the slowly growing arousal in his frame caused by the continuous delicate caresses to his thruster and he wonders if Starscream knows what he is doing to him.
Right now it is so tempting to give in to the flaring arousal and the heat from his frame pooling so deliciously behind his spike cover, pressurizing his spike and causing it to strain against its confinement. It would be so easy to subdue Starscream, throw him on the berth and impale him. It has been such a long time since he last interfaced and with each careful stroke of the fingers in his sensitive thruster his control slips more and more.
Then, just as he is about to give in and prepare to pounce on the unsuspecting Starscream, the tricolored seeker removes his fingers and leans back with a small sigh.
"There. It is only a minor injury, something that will heal on its own, but I guess you will be sore for a while." Starscream explains in a tone showing his relief at the fact that the injury isn't serious. The relief, however, only lasts for as long as it takes him to lift his head and look into smoldering indigo blue optics and Thundercracker can almost feel how the sight of his fiery arousal is speeding up Starscreams spark pulse.
He doesn't know if it is out of fear or excitement, and currently he doesn't even care. He is on the very edge of his control and aware that he is losing the internal battle to regain it. It doesn't help that Starscream just stays there, kneeling submissively in front of him.
With the very last vestige of control he rises from the berth and tries to lay some distance between himself and Starscream. The tricolored seeker flinches slightly at the sudden movement, and Thundercracker can feel the red optics follow him as he walks towards the door.
"Thundercracker…?" There is puzzlement in Starscreams voice and he fights against the urge to turn around. Gently releasing his tight control on his field, he reaches out and is confirmed with the suspicion that Starscream yet has to move from the kneeling position.
"We can't Starscream." He answers the unspoken question.
"Why not? I want it, you want it… What is the problem?" Starscream asks with clear confusion in his voice.
"Because we can't!" He can hear how lame his excuse sounds and knows that Starscream isn't going to leave the issue be. This shouldn't have happened at all. He shouldn't have let Starscream tend to his thruster. He knew what it would do, yet he just passively allowed it to happen, and now they are in this situation.
"Why?" Starscream predictably counters, and there is hurt in the voice now.
A deep sigh leaves the blue seeker's vocalizer before he turns around to face Starscream, who at this point is standing with flared wings and an indignant expression on his face.
"Because I don't know if I can trust you. Because of what you have done in your past. I need to talk to you about one of your memories of Vos and my counterpart. I need to know your reasons for entering the war." Thundercracker explains, and fights valiantly to keep his wings from drooping.
At this point any sort of arousal that had been is firmly killed, and Starscreams flared wings begins to tremble as he stares with wide optics at Thundercracker, mouth slightly agape, lips moving, but no sound escaping. Then after a minute the white wings lowers submissively and Starscream looks away from Thundercracker's adamant stare, clearly ashamed.
"You don't know how it feels to not matter." The tricolored seeker whispers in an even voice carrying a cant of anger.
When all that greets his statement is silence, Starscream looks up from where he has been staring at the floor.
The look in Thundercracker's optics causes him to flinch. There is that hard disdainful stare he wanted to avoid, but there is also hurt in them as well, and it is then that he realizes how his words must have sounded to Thundercracker. As if the sacrifices made during the Quintesson war is nothing compared to his own suffering at the Council and Senate's hands.
"I know better than anyone how it is to not matter, Starscream. Never presume that you have sacrificed as much as me or any of those who fought and died by my side so that you and your band of decepticons could be free sentient beings! And what is the gratitude for all our sacrifices? Our population reduced to the very verge of extinction! Maybe we deserve to simply die out and be forgotten." The words are harsh and ruthlessly voiced through gritted dentas. It takes a great deal of the blue seeker's control to not backhand Starscream for his insolence to presume that he has suffered.
"No! I… No Thundercracker it wasn't what I meant!" Starscream pleads, cowering at the sight of Thundercracker truly enraged, and he can feel the ruthless warrior in the blue seeker's violently flaring field, it is like a punch to his midsection and he collapses to his knees awestruck and fearful.
"Then explain!" He sternly demands of the tricolored seeker, not hiding his disappointment at the fact that a seeker with so much potential turned into an instrument of destruction. It is time for some hard truths, and it doesn't help Starscream any if he hides his true feelings when he learned that his most promising students turned into murderers.
It was the initial reason for him to capture Starscream, and even if the Prime tries to negotiate with Megatron about the release of the seeker, Thundercracker has no intention to let Starscream out of his sight. What started as a quest to understand what went wrong has ended up affecting him more than he want to accept. Emotions runs strongly inside him and the sight of Starscream cowering and fearful at his feet doesn't please him the least, but if it is what is needed to regain trust and bring them on track again, he accepts what needs to be done.
"Explain it to me Starscream." He demands again, this time a bit more gentle and he kneels down beside the shivering tricolored frame and caresses a violently trembling white wing. The flinch at his touch makes him regret it all a tiny bit, but he desperately needs to get them back to where they were before, and that can only happen through some hardships.
"I'm not going to hurt you Starscream. I just need to know. Tell me." he adds, purring reassuringly while keeping the touch on the wing gentle and soothing, rubbing the plating in circles.
"It should only have been a peaceful rebellion to gather attention from the society to the wrongness happening in front of their optics. Mechs were dying due to starvation in a presumably rich society. It was so wrong, but no one cared, and no one listened to our protests. The only thing it did was getting the attention from the ones starving, giving them a weak hope, and when that was crushed, mechs having nothing to lose began yelling and demanding that the Council and Senate be made aware in any way possible, even using violence." Starscream explains, field showing his desperation at recalling the hardships back then.
"Me and 'Warp, we knew of all this due to our assignments. We got sent outside Vos on duties now and then and encountered the starving and the beginning rebellion. It was a cause worth supporting, and Megatron was different back then. Then the peaceful protests became violent, and we were marked as criminals everywhere except inside Vos, where you yet had to learn about the escalating crisis. We went to Sunstar to ask for help, but he refused to support us. He wanted Vos to stay neutral in the growing conflict." The tricolored seeker explains further, guilt hanging heavily in his field.
"So you killed him?" Thundercracker asks.
"Yes. We killed our own Winglord. The rebellion desperately needed the strength in the seekers on our side to battle against the merciless war machine the Council and Senate sent against us or we would have been wiped out within a vorn. I wasn't the one suggesting it, but I became the one carrying out the mission. We felt betrayed by our own leader and didn't think deeper into the reasons for his refusal. We trined with you a few days prior to the mission and used your knowledge to guide us to his hideout when the rest of the rebellion launched attacks on Vos to distract the rest of the population from what was going to happen. Vos burned and those not joining us would as well." Starscream answers, his field thick with guilt and shame.
"Did you know that Sunstar was my descendant?" the blue seeker asks when it is clear that Starscream is done talking.
"No…?" Starscreams dreadful voice is merely a whisper, the horror in his field almost palpable.
"Yes. He was the only one beside myself able to carry on the ancient coding. The Winglord has always been born instead of built. It has been so ever since I sparked the first one at the end of the Quintesson war. That is all I will let you know." The blue seeker explains evenly.
"I'm so sorry Thundercracker. I truly didn't know!"
"And it wouldn't have mattered if you had. You needed the seekers; my relation to the one keeping the forces from you would hardly have made any difference. But what hurts me is the fact that you used me to get to him. Technically I'm responsible for his death as well." He sighs in answer to Starscreams panicky reply.
"I'm still sorry. You have lost so much." Starscream looks away, his wings drooping and trembling slightly, the guilt and shame still strong in his field. It is clear to Thundercracker that the seeker in front of him truly regrets what has been done and it eases the pain in his spark.
"It is okay Starscream. I don't resent you for what you did. So many atrocities have been committed in this war and not all of those by the decepticons. I understand that and I'm not going to condemn you for what you did when so many others have done worse. I just needed to know your reasons. That memory you unintentionally shared with me during our merge showed me your attack on Vos and the death of Sunstar. It hurt a lot to witness and shook my faith in you, but seeing your guilt and shame, I forgive you." Thundercracker reassures with a small smile.
His touch on the wing moves along the tricolored frame, and is joined by his other hand as he gently forces Starscream to look at him. Then slowly, allowing the seeker time to protest he closes the distance and touches his lips against Starscreams. The seeker is frozen for several long seconds, lips unresponsive as if what is happening is too improbable for him to comprehend.
After this emotional ride Thundercracker still desires him?
"You don't want me?" Thundercracker asks when he breaks the one-sided kiss, leaning back and studying Starscream with his usual frown.
"D-don't want you?!" Starscream stutters, wings flaring out wide in surprise.
"Well, I can understand if my behavior towards you today has killed any interest in me. I just desperately needed to know your reasoning for what you did and whether you regretted your actions or not before I went any further with you." The blue seeker explains.
"You want me?" The incredulous statement makes Thundercracker laugh, but it isn't long before he is tackled by a suddenly eager tricolored frame.
Flat on his back, the blue seeker keeps laughing as Starscream straddles his hips, taking the very position that Solarwind had in Thundercracker's memory. The sight of Thundercracker sprawled unabashedly beneath him is intoxicating, and the feeling of the powerful thrumming from within the blue seeker is filling his whole frame with a delicious charge.
It takes no time before he is running his hands greedily along the lines of Thundercracker's frame, truly exploring it for the very first time and taking in all their differences at once. The powerful thrumming grows as his hands travels along the hips, over Thundercracker's midsection and cockpit to stop at the chestplates. At this location the thrumming almost feels like an earthquake, and he wonders how Thundercracker can stand the shaking this close to his sparkchamber.
"I see you have found one of my secrets." Thundercracker teases, seeing the frown forming on Starscreams face as the tricolored seeker feels against his chestplates. Before Starscream is able to voice out anything, Thundercracker has already reached and is parting the thick layers of metal protecting his inner circuitry and revealing one of the major differences between their builds.
Thundercracker has two fuel pumps.
"So this is why I can never outpace you. You are cheating!" Starscream scolds, but with a smile.
"Born with it. Not cheating." Thundercracker teases back, closing up the plating again and efficiently rolling them around and pinning Starscream to the floor while moving his hips suggestively in-between Starscreams.
"Wait! Hold up. Born with it? How does that actually work? If you could create like that back then, why can't we now?" Starscream asks confused.
"Starscream, the ability to create like that belonged to the ancient frames. The period it took carrying the unborn was a whole vorn, and then when it emerged it was like we all were before sentience formed. It took so much work to get a sentient, independent cybertronian out of the old way of creating that we found a new one with the help of Vector Sigma." Thundercracker explains, blue optics looking deeply into red and slowly the confused expression on Starscream changes.
"I can still create, and every one of you living here on Earth is able to carry. The only difference between our frames, in regard of the reproduction, is that you aren't able to produce the nanite rich transfluids needed to fuse with yours inside your gestation chamber. We didn't want accidents when we began mass producing your builds. It would ruin the whole purpose with the new models if you all could create like that as well. Your spikes are also shorter, so that you don't accidentally puncture the barrier separating the valve from the gestation chamber. It would mess with your reproduction protocols if that happened and it would be painful to have a frame preparing itself to carry without actually be carrying." Thundercracker adds and then smiles at the sight of Starscream taking in every word with deep fascination.
"I'm able to create life?" Starscream asks airily after a moment's silence, a hand absentmindedly caressing at his midsection. The presence of a gestation chamber had always been a wonder to their people, and now he has the missing piece to that puzzle.
"Yes. But we won't. I will be careful to avoid any breach of the barrier when I penetrate you. Now, open up. I know you want me just as much as I want you little seeker." Thundercracker murmurs and lowers his head to nuzzle at Starscreams and pecking small kisses along cheeks and jawline, coaxing his passive partner to allow him inside the tempting warm and willing valve only separated from his spike by two thin layers of metal.
At the sound of the valve cover retracting, he retracts his spike cover and grinds their frames gently against each other while his spike extends from its confinement, creating some delicious frictional pleasure before he positions his fully erect and pressurized spike at the rim of the valve and slowly hilts himself within the wet warmth.
A small whimper escapes Starscreams vocalizer at the feeling of the girt of the spike spreading his valve wide, straining the lining in an almost painful degree. His trinemate had been large, but Thundercracker beats that easily and it raises some curiosity in him that he ruthlessly discards for later as the spike bumps into his ceiling node and forces a scream of painful pleasure from him.
"I'm going to be gentle with you Starscream." Thundercracker grunts into his audio, voice strained with pleasure and his mind fighting against his frames desire to just pound into the valve.
The only answer Starscream is able to give is a jerky nod, his frame trembling and his vocalizer reduced to useless static. Primus, he is going to be so sore tomorrow, but it is worth it to have this intimate moment with the blue seeker. Everything isn't perfect, but if what Thundercracker confessed is true, then he might have a complete trine again soon.
Skywarp will be so overjoyed, if just the black and purple seeker can accept that this Thundercracker isn't his Thundercracker and never will be again. The personality is completely different, and Starscream is aware that the seeker he has called trinemate for all these vorns was a cripple and barely a complete personality.
Then any thought is erased from his processor as Thundercracker begins a slow dragging pace in and out of his valve, the spike massaging his sensor nodes in just the right ways to create cascade after cascade of pleasure. He isn't even aware of when the pace slowly increases as his valve adjusts to the size of the spike and Thundercracker is able to move more freely without any fear of hurting him.
As he clings to the blue frame, he can feel the tensions in it, and onlines the optics he didn't even know he had offlined. Thundercracker is looking down at him with a pained expression and Starscream realizes that he is holding back with all his strength to not go further than the ceiling node. The sheer willpower in the act is overwhelming and his spark swells at the sight of how much Thundercracker cares, enough to withhold his own pleasure to protect him from harm. But I also make him frown. He wants Thundercracker to be able to relax in moments like this.
"I can read your mind Starscream. Don't ever go there. Solarstorm and Novastar did, and without my knowledge. I don't want you to give up the ability to carry for my sake. So erase it from your processor. I can assure you that I will force Ratchet to deny you the option." Thundercracker pants, shaking his head to clear it before he loses the internal battle against his own protocols urging him to thrust just that tiny bit further into the valve and breach the barrier, which will send him into a cascading series of overloads until he has filled the gestation chamber completely with his transfluids.
"It is my frame. You have no right to decide what I do or don't." Starscream protests in between several static whines from his vocalizer.
At that, Thundercracker stops moving and looks down at the tricolored seeker with a peculiar expression. It's almost a semi frown and smile, as if Thundercracker can't decide if he should laugh or scold.
"And what if I someday want to create with you?" the blue seeker whispers gently, the words smooth and promising, the field carrying a sense of hope and want.
"But… You didn't want to. You said we won't." Starscream protests perplex.
"We won't do it now. I didn't say we never would. I don't know how well Cybertron is, and how functional Vector Sigma is. It might be the only choice we have to repopulate, and I really want to create with you Starscream. If I hadn't had my trine when I educated you and Skywarp I might have pursued you as trinemates after you had graduated. I know I'm way older than you both and probably a lot more grouchy and burdened by the experience of a long life of hardships, but I am certain you and Skywarp would have dragged me out of the isolation I am so fond of." Thundercracker smiles, and a small chuckle escapes him as he imagines what could have been and what might be.
It is then he realizes that the loss of his trine and sparkbonded doesn't hurt him that much anymore. That he is actually moving on in his thoughts and that he can have a future where he isn't going to destabilize as the hollowness in his spark slowly drives him insane.
That is what he knows Solarstorm would want for him, to remain healthy and happy with someone who cares for him as much as Solarstorm himself did. It is still painful to let go of so many vorns of love and feelings and enter something new, but if he should chose it would be Starscream anytime.
"Let's finish up before anyone comes looking for me and ruins this pleasurable moment." He smiles, lowering his head to kiss Starscream deeply and resumes thrusting. He is aware that Ratchet might contact him within the next hours to report Skywarps state after the night.
The fact that everything so far has remained calm is a good sign and tells him that Skywarp has survived the night without any further complications, but he needs to await Ratchet's report before anything is certain. And then he needs to explain the progress to Starscream. It is only fair that the seeker knows of his trinemates state now that Skywarp hopefully is stabil.