Oops. I had this written up a few days ago, and I thought I posted it. But I didn't. You guys should spam my tumblr inbox when it takes a while to update! Because for whatever reason, I don't get emails notifying me of reviews and favorites and all those things. I have to manually check everything, except tumblr. I get emails anytime someone asks a question.
Yumi, thanks again for reviewing, you are wonderful. I hope this chapter proves to be satisfactory for my readers.
Coulson continued to type, murmuring dirty, 50 Shades quality writing to himself, his head lolling around. He froze midsentence, realizing he needed a better word.
"Judith!" He snapped. She paused in the doorway with a look that asked "What?"
"What's another word for . . . engorged?"
"I'll look it up," she growled in a sour tone.
"Okay." Carefree, he went back to typing, muttering synonyms. ". . . swollen . . ."
"Tumescent?" Loki suggested from the doorframe.
"Perfect!" Coulson entered the 'tumescent' into the next sentence before looking up again. "So I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Fury's class. Again."
"Expressing my opinion shouldn't be classified as a terrorist action."
"Like the way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? Which, by the way, his testicle retrieval operation went extraordinarily well, in case you were wondering."
"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls."
"The point, Loki, is . . . People perceive you as somewhat. . ."
"Tempestuous?"
"'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often." Coulson's face was dead serious. Loki turned the corners of his mouth down once again. "You might wanna work on that. Thank you."
"As always, thank you so much for your wonderful guidance. I'll let you get back to Sarah's moist velvet gloves." Loki left in a flurry of sarcasm. Coulson approved the phrase and added it to a list of euphemisms.
Tony stood and joked around with a friend who piped up with "Virgin alert," as Thor and Sif passed.
"Looking good," Tony nodded upwards with one corner of his mouth turned up.
"They're out of reach. Even for you, Stark."
"Pff, no one's out of reach for me."
"You willing to put some money on that?"
"Nah. I've got money out the ass. This... I'm gonna do it for fun."
Steve and Bruce peered across the way, seeing Tony watching the two like a vulture and making remarks to his friend.
"Who's he?" Steve consulted Bruce.
"That's Tony Stark. He's a jerkoff. And a rich model."
"A model?"
"A model. Mostly local stuff. Though he's rumoured to have a tube sock ad coming out."
"Really?"
"Really." Steve laughed, a muffled sound. He turned his attention back to the tall and beautiful blonde. "Man, just.. look at him."
"Is he always so . . . vapid?"
"Don't say that! He is totally . . ."
"Conceited?"
"What are you talking about? There's gotta be more to him than you think. Look at the way he smiles. Like a golden retriever. And his eyes. He's totally pure, you're just missing what's there."
"No, Steve. No. What's there is a snooty Prince charming wearing a carefully planned half transparent buttondown to show off his body and also remind us he's absolutely out of reach for us. It also makes sure guys like Tony realize they really want to touch them. Thor, my friend, is what we'll spend the rest of our lives not having. So stick him in the Spank Bank and move along." Bruce had the look of a teacher giving an idiot a simple lesson.
"No! You're wrong! About him. And . . . He deserves respect, not just wet dreams and . . ." Steve's face reddened. "And jerking off."
"Alright, I'm wrong? You're going to take a shot at this? Go ahead. He's looking for a French tutor."
"Are you serious? That is perfect."
"Do you speak French?" Bruce raised an eyebrow.
"Well, no. But I will." Steve had a lazy grin, but determination sparkled in his blue eyes.
Loki and Natasha walked together out front of the school, finding their way to his car. Tony braked next to them, an arm hanging over the sleek red of his convertible.
"Hey, Loki, your outfit is so out of style. Didn't you read last month's GQ?"
Loki didn't even spare Stark a passing glance and instead patronizingly stated "Run along."
Thor and Sif strolled next to each other, Sif asking the deep questions. "I know you can be overwhelmed, and underwhelmed, but can you ever just be . . . whelmed?"
"You can in Norway." Thor answered, but his face betrayed confusion. Tony stopped his car again, this time in front of the other two.
"Hey there, would you sweet young things like a ride?" Sif turned to Thor immediately, a smile spreading over her cheeks. Thor shared the same look, and they climbed into the back seat.
"Careful on the leather." Tony grimaced at their heeled shoes.
"That's a charming new development," Natasha commented in a dark sarcastic tone.
"That is repulsive." Loki agreed. Just then, Bruce was going to pass the car when his motorcycle's engine died in front of the hood. He stuttered to a halt.
"Remove your head from your sphincter, then drive," Loki snarled out the window. Bruce kickstarted the motorcycle and motored over to Steve.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Just a minor encounter with the shrew. The love of your life's brother."
"What? That's Thor's brother?" Steve's face crinkled in surprise.
"Yup. The mewling quim himself." Bruce shot off again, veering around a car and shooting right off the road and flying down the grassy hill that came to an end at the football field. He jolted all the way down as a bunch of students observed. He finally came to a stop and stood up, putting his hands in victory, everyone cheering.