A/N: So here's the next chapter :) I had to change a few things 'cause I did have this chapter completed but it went in an entirely different direction and I found I didn't like that very much. For the time being I'm kind of sticking to the game but that will be changing soon :) I appreciate the reviews, you guys! Thanks!

Onward!

Chapter Four

Kaidan's return to consciousness was anything but gradual. One second he was unconscious, the next he was awake, struggling to sit up as adrenaline rushed his system, his last thoughts that of a fight. He didn't know where he was until he saw the hole in the floor and struggled over to it despite the hands grabbing at him, trying to hold him back.

"Kaidan," a familiar voice said, but it was wrong, "stop."

He continued his slow crawl until he was at the edge of the broken fish tank which had been the restaurant's floor. Looking through the hole he saw nothing but a long plummet with shattered lights and glass, evidence of a fall, someone struggling to hold on but in the end their efforts were futile.

Shepard fell.

And it was a long damn drop. He couldn't even see the ground from where he was. Kaidan stared at the drop, hands grabbing at his shoulders, pulling him away from the edge.

"Kaidan."

He fell.

"Kaidan?"

He's gone.

That thought left him all but crumpling to the ground, the fight leaving him as he let those hands pull all they wanted. Hands cupped his fast, twisting his head but he just closed his eyes. He didn't need to see the person's face to know it was wrong. The voice was wrong, the hands were wrong, everything was just wrong.

"How is he?" another voice asked, but that voice was wrong, too.

Would never be right, he realized. Would never be right again because Shepard was gone.

No one could survive that fall.

Not with all those windows broken. So much glass, such a long drop… it would take a miracle to survive it and while Kaidan prayed for Shepard's safety more than anything else, a part of him knew it was too much to ask. The universe could only give him back so many times before it permanently took him away.

And Kaidan had so many chances. The destruction of the first Normandy – he got him back. The aftermath of leaving Earth – he got him back. Rannoch – he got him back. Hunting Leviathan – he got him back.

That blown mission from hell. He got him.

Now, though…

He'd failed one too many times and now there was no way to fix it, no way to take back everything he'd done wrong. No way to make it right.

No way to save him.

"Kaidan, look at me."

The words were simple, an order he could easily follow. He opened his eyes and looked at Liara as she sat there in front of him, hands cupping his face. The unshed tears in her eyes confirmed everything and he closed his eyes again.

"He's gone." The words felt like betrayal coming out of his mouth.

"They're… They're looking for him," Liara said quietly. "Trying to contact him. So far…"

No luck.

He'd answer if he could. If he was awake. Alive.

Kaidan knew this. Shepard would always answer as long as he was able to do so. It was part of what Kaidan loved about him.

Was.

Past tense. It was all past tense now, wasn't it?

"You'll be okay," Liara said, as if he cared about the fact he'd gotten shot. "The wound wasn't too bad but you did lose a lot of blood. Brooks used medi-gel, though. Saved your life."

Saved my life.

Was he supposed to be grateful?

Should have saved his. Not mine.

It's your fault. It's your fault he's gone. You did this.

And he knew that was true. He was the one to push him out of the way, onto the unstable glass of the fish tank floor, and whoever came up with that idea was stupid. But he was the one to push him over there. He was the one to watch him fall, watch him slip away even as all Shepard worried about was him, could see that much in his eyes, the sound of his voice…

"Kaidan!"

I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I failed again.

His fault Shepard wasn't there right now. His fault in so many ways because he pushed him, wouldn't let him use his biotics, told Hackett to force this shore leave on them…

All his fault.

"There's time," he once told Shepard.

Out of time now. Wasted it. I'm sorry.

So sorry. He'd take it all back if he could, get Hackett to not agree to shore leave because then maybe they wouldn't have been here in the first place and he wouldn't have pushed him like that, pushed him onto unstable ground…

I'm so sorry… Not fair.

None of this was fair. Kaidan messed up, not Shepard. Not Ryan.

"I've got him!" came an enthusiastic voice, and Kaidan's gaze snapped toward the sound of it to find Brooks sitting off to the side, omni-tool at the ready.

Got him?

Shepard? She'd contacted Shepard?

"Commander, are you all right?" Brooks was asking as Kaidan pushed himself to his feet, brushing Liara off of him as he walked toward her.

"Fine," came the barely audible voice, but it was his.

He's alive. He's alive.

He somehow survived that fall and it took all Kaidan had not to collapse to the ground in relief because he was okay…

I didn't fail.

Well, not as much as he thought he did. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself as he listened to Brooks speak with Shepard. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but was cut off by Liara's hands around his arms, pulling him away.

"Dr. Chakwas should see you," she was saying but he didn't care about that.

"Shepard-"

"We'll get him," she said. "But you're not looking very well, Kaidan."

I don't care. I'm going.

"I'm going after him," he growled, ripping free of her grip. "And you're not stopping me."

"Shepard, can you hear me?" he asked ten minutes later, down in the lower levels of the strip, searching for that shuttle place Brooks mentioned Shepard was trying to get to. He was still trying to get over the fact Shepard was even alive after a fall like that.

"Kaidan," Shepard responded, voice loud and clear and all those knots in his muscles and stomach loosened, allowing him to breathe. "You're okay. I'm glad."

"I got medi-gel," Kaidan replied. "It's good to hear your voice."

More than good. You have no idea…

He swallowed thickly, remembering those few moments when he thought he'd failed, when he was sure Shepard was dead because of that drop… and the lack of communication…

"Are you okay?" he asked, and if his voice shook a little, neither of them mentioned it.

"I'm fine," Shepard said, but there was a lilt to his voice that left Kaidan uncertain. Shepard didn't know the meaning of the word, after all. "Might need a little help, though."

He's actually admitting this…

That meant it wasn't good, Kaidan knew. Shepard never asked for help.

"I'm on foot," he said. "But not far."

I hope I'm not, anyway.

"You're putting Commander Shepard in danger," Brooks said through the comm link. He didn't even realize she could hear them until then.

"Easy, Brooks," Shepard said. "Kaidan's fine. Everybody play nice."

Kaidan took in a breath, nodding even though he knew Shepard couldn't see him. "I'm not far," he said again, quieter this time, "so just…"

"I'll be careful," Shepard promised.

"Good. I'd hate to have come all this way for nothing."

"Shit…" Shepard muttered through the link, and Kaidan stilled. He wasn't too far from the sky shuttle place, making good time. He hoped Shepard was almost there too.

"Shepard?"

"Gotta take care of this."

Then the link faded with gunfire. Kaidan took in a breath, deep and slow, trying to calm himself. Shepard was fine, as he kept telling himself. If he managed to survive that damn fall, he could survive this.

And Kaidan was close to him. He'd get to him. He'd-

There was the distinctive sound of a high-pitched alarm ringing through the air. Kaidan stiffened because he knew only one person could have caused that, would have caused that in this emergency lockdown the strip had going at the moment.

"Shepard, what are you doing?" he growled into the comm link. "I heard that from here!"

Are you crazy?

"It's all under control," Shepard said.

Like hell it is!

"Are you crazy?"

"Thought I'd make things more interesting," Shepard said.

"You thought you'd..!" He took in a breath. "What do we know about these mercenaries?"

"They have guns and don't like me," Shepard replied.

Could you please take this more seriously?

He already saw him fall through the damn floor. That was bad enough and it was an experience he wished never to repeat.

"Very helpful," he muttered. "Thanks."

"Commander," Brooks said, "it would really be great if you could stay off the comm."

"Hey," Shepard said somewhat petulantly, "he contacted me. Jesus!"

"What?" Kaidan asked. "What's happening?"

"How many goddamn grenades do they have to throw at once?"

Grenades. Great.

As if this wasn't bad enough already.

"Just get to the sky car lot," Kaidan said. "I'll be there."

Just get there. Meet me.

Then Kaidan could see for himself that he was okay, that he was alive, that-

"Doing my best," Shepard grunted. "But they really don't like me. I don't know who I pissed off but it must have been bad to go through so much trouble."

Kaidan silently agreed. To attack Shepard on the Citadel, one of the supposed safest places, with heightened security since the Coup attempt… that took a lot of guts, and it must have been someone influential and powerful.

We'll deal with that later. At the apartment. Where it's safe.

Where it was safe and he could make sure everything was really okay, dammit.

He pushed onward and hoped Shepard was doing the same on his end. The comm link remained quiet and he hoped that meant Shepard was focusing, and not that he was-

No. Don't think about that.

He took in a breath and rounded a corner to see three guys standing there, discussing how they could have failed so horribly. They said things like the fact that Shepard was somehow still alive despite the fact he'd been unarmed when they first attacked him. Kaidan felt a rush of pride for his commander, his… what? Boyfriend? His Ryan. Felt a rush of pride but also a rush of fear and anger because Shepard was still in danger and these were some of the people who were trying to eliminate him.

Eliminate him.

And Kaidan wouldn't stand for that, dammit.

He wasn't aware he was using his abilities until those men were dead on the ground. He didn't like killing with his biotics – it always reminded him of his days at BAaT and how Rahna looked at him afterward, but dammit, they were trying to kill Shepard. They were responsible for those few moments when he thought for sure Shepard was gone, and the rage that filled him wasn't to be tamed.

Instead he eliminated them.

And then there came Shepard, walking around the corner like nothing was wrong, pistol held lightly in his grip. And Kaidan felt weak with relief but he somehow managed to walk toward Shepard. Blue eyes latched onto his, chasing away those memories of a similar moment before the commander plummeted downward due to gravity.

Their reunion was brief and short-lived but Kaidan wouldn't trade it for anything. Their lips collided very briefly, a simple touch to assure themselves they were both very much alive, and Kaidan's hands grasped firmly to Shepard's shoulders, holding him steady as he looked him over. The red blood stood out on the white T-shirt beneath the leather black and red jacket, stained the shirt, stained the blue jeans.

He was hurt, but there wasn't time to assess all the damage. Shepard's arm wrapped briefly around his middle as he took in a slow breath.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you," he said. "I'm out of ammo."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes. "You didn't use your biotics, did you?"

You better goddamn not have.

He was already hurt – he couldn't risk-

Shepard smiled sheepishly. "I might have sort of used a charge to escape a few grenades. And a nova. But I'm fine."

"No," Kaidan breathed, chest tight and mouth dry, "you're not."

He really wasn't. He was favoring one side, he was covered in blood, and despite the brightness in his eyes his face was pale and his breaths weren't exactly as Kaidan remembered. They were semi-shaky, evidence of his fatigue and pain, and all he wanted right then was to get them the hell out of there.

So he shoved those thoughts and worries down. He could worry about it later but right now he just wanted to get them out of there before anything else happened.

"There's a landing pad over there but it's behind a locked gate," he said, pointing.

"Well," Shepard breathed, "we'll have to find a control panel." And then he brushed past him, heading in the direction Kaidan gestured.

And Kaidan watched him for a moment.

"You look like hell," he said, causing Shepard to stop and look back at him.

"Thanks, K," he drawled. "You always say the nicest things to me."

Kaidan shook his head. "Control panel. Right."

And then they walked together toward the area Kaidan mentioned. Shepard eyed the door for a moment before looking at his gun, which he'd previously said was empty. If he was going to shoot his way in, Kaidan would give him his own pistol. But movement beyond the glass window caught his eye and he reached a hand out, lightly grasping Shepard's wrist.

"Wait a minute," he said before he knocked lightly against the glass. "Can you open the gate, please?"

There was a small pause but then the gates opened and Kaidan tossed a semi-smug look at Shepard, who rolled his eyes.

"I could have done that," he said.

"Yeah, but you didn't. C'mon – let's get out of here."

Get out of here so I can look you over, you reckless idiot.

They walked through the now open gate and found a C-Sec shuttle waiting for them. Kaidan could finally breathe again because they could get out of here and everything would be fine.

But then the shuttle door opened to reveal more of those armed men, all aiming their weapons at Shepard.

Son of a-

Shepard grabbed Kaidan by the arms, tossing him in the direction of cover. Kaidan would have complained but Shepard followed him over just as the armed men started firing. The bullets whizzed past them and the two shared a look.

Shepard was out of ammo – he would use his biotics, Kaidan knew. And he couldn't let him do that.

They were outnumbered, outgunned, and-

"Commander!"

The voice was familiar and they both looked up to see James up in the rafters, holding a powerful gun. With one shot of it all the men inside the shuttle died and the shuttle fell to the ground, half on fire. Shepard eased out of cover to check the body of one of the dead gunmen.

Kaidan followed after him as James joined them on the ground, but without that gun. If it was the gun Kaidan thought it was, it only ever held one shot.

It served them well, though.

"Here, Loco," James said, handing a rifle to Shepard, who nodded in thanks.

"We've got company," Kaidan said, watching as people appeared behind them.

"Joker's on his way," James told them, and Kaidan nodded.

They just had to hold out for a few minutes. They could do this.

His mind flashed back briefly toward that mission gone wrong, when Cortez said they had to wait five minutes and it felt like an eternity. Everything went to hell after that. He wouldn't let it happen this time, he vowed to himself as he kept a firm eye on where Shepard was at all times.

Thankfully Joker arrived quickly enough and they all hurried into the shuttle, gunfire chasing after them from the remaining gunmen.

"Where to?" Joker asked.

"Apartment," Shepard breathed, sitting heavily on one of the bench seats next to Kaidan. "Then go get the others. We need to talk."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

A/N: And there's that chapter. I hope it sounds okay! Sorry if some of the canon dialogue is off, was kind of playing it by ear. Thanks for reading and please review!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~