A/N: Hey guys :) Thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate it! Anyway, this chapter is basically filler, sorry. Also I think I am going to skip over a lot of the DLC's dialogue and whatnot because that gets repetitive and I really don't like doing canon dialogue O.o But we'll see, I guess. I don't know when I'll get around to posting the next chapter because I'm debating about different ways to take it, but for now I hope this chapter will suffice ;)

Onward!

Chapter Five

Joker dropped Kaidan and Shepard off at Shepard's new apartment before he left to get the others, and pick up Brooks who Shepard thought would be useful in answering their questions. She seemed to know about it before hand, after all, at least enough to know that she came to warn them.

But honestly Kaidan didn't care about that at the moment. Instead, the moment that door closed behind them, he was reaching for Shepard, easing him out of that jacket so he could see his injuries. He knew he wouldn't like what he found, and Shepard used his biotics which wasn't good, but he needed to see it for himself. See the extent of the damage.

See how close I came to losing…

"Sorry," he apologized when Shepard winced, finally pulling the jacket free. He tossed it aside with an odd sense of detached disdain and looked back at Shepard and the ruined T-shirt.

There was blood covering his middle and his sides, the stains leaning downward into his jeans. Kaidan was reaching for the hem of his shirt before he knew what he was doing, anxiously lifting, needing to see…

The cut looked ugly and jagged but had long since stopped bleeding. It was barely clotted, though, and the edges of it were red and raw. Infection, probably. He fell out of a goddamn building, after all, through the fish tank floors, of course there was going to be infection. He was Shepard, after all – why the hell would anything be easy?

He led Shepard upstairs into the bedroom they stayed in the night before. Jesus, had it only been a day?

"Sit," he ordered, gesturing at the bed. Thankfully Shepard didn't argue with him, more exhausted than he let on. He all but collapsed onto it with a heavy sigh as Kaidan turned and looked for antiseptic and an old fashioned med kit. The omni-tool was great at stopping bleeding, but did little to stop infection and whatnot.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he found one in the cabinet under the sink, pulling it out before he went back to Shepard who sat on the bed, back against the headboard as it if was too much of a strain to keep himself upright physically.

Kaidan swallowed and told him to take his shirt off. Shepard sighed and did as he asked, and Kaidan tried to ignore the shakiness of his movements, the trembling of his hands as he did so. He sat in front of Shepard then, glaring at that goddamn stomach wound which had obviously been made from the glass during his fall.

The fall that should have killed him.

He didn't want to think about it, though. Didn't want to think about how close he came to losing what he'd had for only a little while, for only a little over two goddamn weeks.

"Kaidan." Shepard's hands grasped at Kaidan's own. Kaidan didn't realize his own hands were trembling until those blood-stained fingers wrapped around them. "Kaidan, hey, look at me."

He took in a slow breath and brought his gaze up to meet Shepard's eyes.

"I'm okay," Shepard said quietly. "You're okay. It's okay."

"It's not okay," Kaidan all but choked, because he came so goddamn close…

Shepard snagged one of Kaidan's hands, dragging it toward him. Kaidan allowed the movement, unable to deny Shepard anything at the moment. He could ask Kaidan to do anything right now and he'd agree, anything except leave because he couldn't, wouldn't…

Shepard placed Kaidan's hand over his chest, over his heart. The steady thud-thud was reassuring in a way nothing else could compare, and Kaidan felt his resolve crumble away as he released a shaky breath, all that pent up worry finally tumbling out.

"It would have been my fault," he said quietly, voice rough.

"What would have been?" Shepard asked, frowning at him.

Kaidan shifted a little closer, eying the wound. "If you… If you died. It would have been my fault…"

"How so?"

And leave it to Shepard to sound confused.

"Because I… I pushed you aside." He took in a slow breath. "I told Hackett to enforce shore leave."

There was a long silence, then, as his confession filled the air.

"You… what?" Shepard asked, eyes narrowing somewhat. His hand twitched, then, pulling away from Kaidan's own and at the moment he couldn't allow that to happen, needed to keep that connection a little longer.

So he held tight to that hand, his other hand still hovering over Shepard's chest, the beat of his heart calming him enough he could think clearly.

"You were… You were burning yourself out," he said softly, hoping Shepard understood but if he didn't, that was okay because it was all a mistake anyway. It would have been his fault… "I couldn't… I had to do something. So I… I told him to enforce shore leave so you'd rest."

"Kaidan, what the hell?"

"I was worried about you!" Kaidan snapped, glaring at him, watching as Shepard snapped his mouth shut. "I did it for you! Only for you!"

"Kaidan…"

"You were burning yourself out. Doc said… She said it could kill you, if you didn't stop. And… And I know there's a war going on and you don't like shore leave, but, Ryan… I had to do something."

He wouldn't apologize for that. He wouldn't apologize for wanting Shepard to rest. Was that really so much to ask?

"That wasn't your call to make," Shepard said.

"I care about you, you idiot," Kaidan all but growled, tightening his hold on that hand until Shepard nearly winced, "that makes it my call. I did it for you, Ryan, only for you. Don't you see? You needed it."

And was it really so bad?

That first day… Kaidan remembered the Jacuzzi, the pizza, watching those stupid vids and playing cards… waking to find Shepard hovering over him…

"We can argue later," Kaidan said. "Right now, just… Just let me clean you up."

Let me fix this.

He reached for the med kit then, taking his hand away from Shepard's chest, immediately missing the calming effect of the thud-thud. He opened the little white kit and pulled out the antiseptic which he dabbed onto a wash cloth.

"This is gonna sting."

Shepard took in a breath and nodded, steeling himself. Kaidan began cleaning the wound, Shepard squeezing the hell out of that one hand Kaidan still held captive. A few minutes later it was over and Shepard relaxed against the head board, grip going slack in Kaidan's as he tossed the cloth aside.

He snapped his gaze back toward Shepard and found tired blue eyes watching him.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked quietly, putting the kit aside, sliding a little closer to Shepard.

Shepard sighed and slowly shook his head. "Could never be mad at you, K," he said, voice so honest Kaidan couldn't help but breathe out a quick laugh.

"We make quite the pair, huh?"

"I'm okay with that," Shepard replied. He sank down the head board then, finally laying down. He patted the bed next to him, watching Kaidan. "Lay with me, K."

Kaidan swallowed. "The others…"

"They can wait."

Shepard's free hand grabbed at his wrist, lightly pulling, tugging him downward.

"Jus' wanna… be with you for… a minute…"

The exhaustion was clear in his words, his voice, and the way he seemed to be having a hard time keeping his eyes open. Kaidan swallowed, wondering if it was okay for him to sleep.

I'll stay with him.

He would lay with him like Shepard wanted, and keep an eye on him. If anything happened he didn't like…

I'll sick Chakwas on you.

So he crawled over and lay down next to Shepard, still holding that one hand captive. The warmth and strength behind it left him feeling calmer than he would have been otherwise.

"Glad you're okay," Shepard breathed sleepily, and Kaidan glanced over to find his eyes fluttering closed.

"You too," he whispered back, but Shepard was already asleep. He watched his face go slack, watched those worry lines disappear, watched that peacefulness settle in. He rolled over toward him somewhat and place a soft, gentle kiss to those lips before he lay back down, sighing heavily.

Never do that again, Shepard.

Thought I lost you…

Kaidan didn't sleep. Instead he merely lay awake, mostly staring up at the ceiling, unconsciously counting the breaths of the man next to him. He knew Joker would be back soon and he'd have to get up and let him into the apartment, but a part of him hoped the pilot would take his time. He had no desire to move in any way. The bed beneath him was soft and comfortable, and here he could reassure himself of Shepard's presence in a way he couldn't in any other room at the moment.

He'd never felt the need to do such a thing before, but after all that had happened, all the doubts and worries… It felt more than a little necessary. He didn't fight the urge because there was no reason to do so. At the moment he could lay here all he wanted, fingers lightly grasping Shepard's wrist, that pulse steady beneath his fingertips.

Even so, someone was trying to kill Shepard and they'd very nearly succeeded, thanks to Kaidan. Who wanted to kill him? Brooks said it wasn't Cerberus or the Reapers but someone new. Other people. New people. But Kaidan couldn't figure out who would want to kill the man because why would they? Shepard was leading the war against the Reapers – killing him would greatly hinder the war efforts. The war would suffer for it.

So why…?

It didn't really matter, though, because Kaidan wouldn't let it happen. He'd failed too many times, been careless too many times, and he couldn't let it happen again. He tightened his grasp on that wrist as he took in a deep breath.

I won't fail again.

There was the distinctive sound of someone knocking on the door downstairs. It was faint but this place kind of echoed. It was a lot harder than it should have been to release Shepard's wrist and crawl out of bed. He left the room and wandered downstairs, prying open the door to the apartment to find everyone there.

And he meant everyone.

Joker, EDI, Garrus, Tali, James, Cortez, Liara… everyone.

He stood back as the group entered the apartment.

"Shepard's asleep," he said.

"Better wake him up," Joker said. "He's the only one who can tell us what happened after he fell."

After he fell.

Kaidan took in a breath and nodded despite the fact he wanted to tell them to let the man sleep. He'd been injured, after all, and he used biotics when he really shouldn't have, but there was a part of him that wanted an answer to that, too.

Not that he wasn't grateful he was alive, because he was, it was just… he did have questions. Plus they really needed Shepard if they were going to figure any of this out. Shepard would also be pissed at him if he didn't wake him up.

Kaidan walked upstairs while the group gathered in the kitchen and the living room. He entered the bedroom and quietly approached the bed where Shepard lay exactly as he had been, minus Kaidan holding onto him.

Kaidan circled around and sat on his side of the bed, carefully reaching over to shake Shepard's shoulder. Normally Shepard was a very light sleeper – one had to be in their line of work, after all – but this time it took several good shakes and Kaidan calling his name before those blue eyes blinked open. Kaidan knew the commander had to be exhausted, his systems probably fried once again, and he really needed to call Dr. Chakwas…

Right now, though, he was here for a reason.

"The others are here," he said quietly.

Shepard blinked at him, slowly focusing, before he nodded and pushed his elbows under him, leveraging himself up. Kaidan fought the urge to help, knowing it wouldn't be appreciated. Shepard either didn't like appearing weak or he just simply wasn't used to people caring; honestly, Kaidan could believe either one.

Oh, people cared – they cared about Commander Shepard and his efforts in the war, but Kaidan was beginning to realize just how alone Shepard – Ryan – must have been this whole time without any of them really noticing. He was happy he could at least be there to reassure the commander that he was human, just like the rest of them, even if it was figuratively speaking for the aliens on their crew.

Jerks and saints. More human.

Shepard reached for his torn white T-shirt and Kaidan slapped his hands away, shaking his head. He stood, then, walking over toward the closet across the room, where he pulled out a gray T-shirt and another pair of blue jeans.

"You should really get out of those," he said.

You really should shower… you might feel better then.

Except they didn't have time for that at the moment. Not with the others waiting for them downstairs. Kaidan realized he didn't regret his decision to make Shepard sleep instead of showering – he could clean up whenever, but sleep… resting… that was what mattered.

"Thanks," Shepard said quietly, grabbing the offered clothing before he stood and stripped of his jeans. It only made the wounds that much more visible in Kaidan's opinion, all those little cuts he hadn't noticed before, each reminding him how close he could have been to losing the man.

He looked away, not in an effort to grant privacy, he realize, but simply so he wouldn't have to see those cuts and wounds. Shepard hadn't been given medi-gel like he had. He'd have to administer his own and heal those cuts before they became further infected but at the moment he didn't have any medi-gel on him.

What a horrible sentinel he was, he thought. It was his job to be the field medic and yet here he was, unable to heal his… his… Ryan.

The sound of Shepard moving toward him had him lifting his gaze to meet those blue eyes he'd grown rather fond of. Shepard's smile was weak but honest and Kaidan found himself returning it.

"We'll get through this," Shepard said.

Kaidan shook his head. "Aren't I supposed to be saying that to you?"

"You did," Shepard said, arms sliding easily around Kaidan's waist as if they'd always been there. Kaidan wrapped his own arms around the back of Shepard's neck, leaning his head in for a lingering kiss.

"I love you," Kaidan murmured, resting his forehead against Shepard's.

Shepard sighed and pulled him a little closer, their chests touching. "I know," he said quietly, and in those two words Kaidan heard volumes.

Things like:

I love you.

I just can't say it right now.

And so much more. Kaidan could wait, though, to actually hear the words but he honestly didn't need to. Shepard's actions said so much more than his words ever could and they told him that the commander did feel the same, did love him back even if he didn't say it.

Shepard was the first to pull away. Kaidan sighed and let his hands drop to his side.

"We should go," Shepard said quietly, and Kaidan nodded.

He'd come up here to tell him the others were downstairs, after all.

Now wasn't the time for… well, anything other than answers.

"Let's go," Kaidan said, nodding his head at the doorway. Shepard nodded and led the way, Kaidan right behind him.

A/N: And there's that chapter. Like I said, nothing really happens, it's mostly filler, but hope it's okay :) Thanks for reading and please review!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~