A/N: Hey guys :) I'm a little nervous about this chapter because it starts to get into the actual AU-ish elements of the story :P Let me know what you think?

Onward!

Chapter Eight

For once, Kaidan woke before Shepard. He opened his eyes to darkness, sunlight not yet visible through the Citadel. Kaidan was often relieved to find the Citadel had a day cycle just like everywhere else except the ship. It was easy to lose track of the days while in the Normandy, out in space. Having a day and night cycle grounded him in reality, and he slowly crawled out of bed, listening to Shepard's quiet breathing as he did so.

It was rare that he woke before Shepard. Shepard gave him one day and he knew it would be over as soon as the commander woke up, so he wanted to do at least one more thing before the grace period ended and he had to step back and watch Shepard throw himself once more into the fray.

Shepard was at home in a battle, Kaidan knew. Be it infiltrating something, physically fighting someone or just gathering information on them, he always appeared perfectly calm despite everything else. Then again he'd been trained for such a thing – used for it, even. Cerberus only brought him back so he could keep fighting, and while a part of Kaidan would always be grateful that this organization, however hated, had brought the man back to him, he couldn't help but wonder if it was actually for the best.

Shepard was their only hope against the Reapers, Kaidan knew. But other than that…

Did Shepard even want to be brought back? The two of them had never discussed this. Shepard rarely spoke of his 'death' and Kaidan never brought it up because he didn't enjoy reliving it, remembering how horrible it'd been to open that escape pod and find only Joker inside. He shuddered just thinking about it.

Quietly, he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen. It had been a while since he'd actually cooked anything but after all that had happened, he could make Shepard breakfast. It could be the last normal act they had before the commander jumped back into the fight, and everyone needed to start the day off with something.

He knew they had the ingredients for pancakes simply because he'd been there when Shepard was virtually purchasing them via the extranet. It certainly made shopping easier and they delivered it to you so they didn't have to worry about actually going anywhere, which was nice.

He'd just mixed the batter when warm arms encircled him from behind, pulling him backward into an equally warm chest. Despite the initial shock, a grin spread across his face as he leaned into Shepard's light hold.

"Morning," he said.

"Mm," Shepard hummed in response, lips pressing against the back of the sentinel's neck, sending welcome shivers down his spine. "What are you doing?"

The breath was hot against his skin. "Making breakfast."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't know you could cook."

Kaidan chuckled even as Shepard's arms dropped from around him and the commander stepped away, now standing next to him instead of behind him. "I'm just full of surprises, I guess."

"Pancakes?"

The odd lilt to Shepard's voice had him glancing over. "Yeah. You don't like them?"

Crap. I never thought about that.

Shepard shook his head. "No, I like them. At least I think so."

"You think so?" Kaidan echoed, frowning.

"I've never actually had them," Shepard admitted somewhat sheepishly, causing Kaidan to stare at him.

"You've never had pancakes?"

"I joined the Alliance as soon as I turned eighteen," Shepard said, shrugging. "I had more important things to do."

"Didn't your parents…?"

Shepard's gaze darkened. "They were killed when I was sixteen. Before that… they were always busy. Mom…" His expression softened then as he averted his gaze toward the pancakes slowly browning. "She wasn't the best cook. She burned ramen."

Kaidan laughed. "Is that even possible?"

Shepard smiled faintly. "She found a way. Anyway, so I've never had pancakes. I heard they're good, though."

"They're pretty fantastic," Kaidan said. "But nothing compares to steak. I'll have to fix you dinner sometime."

Shepard grinned, finally looking at him again. "You're gonna spoil me."

"What's the point in dating you if I can't spoil you?"

"Dating. Huh. Has a nice ring to it."

"It does," Kaidan agreed, grabbing for the spatula so he could flip the pancakes over. "There are perks to having me as your boyfriend."

Shepard's laugh was a welcome sound. "Boyfriend, huh?"

"I could think of worse things to call you."

Shepard shook his head and walked away from the counter, leaving Kaidan to his cooking. Movement behind him assured him Shepard was sitting at the little island area in the middle of the kitchen, on one of the stools.

The next few minutes were passed in a comfortable, easy silence. Finally the pancakes were done and Kaidan served them on two plates, putting one down in front of Shepard while he pulled out the stool across from him, sitting down.

He was happy to see two glasses of milk already present.

"I could get used to this," Shepard said.

Kaidan smirked at him. "Yeah. Me too. We'll have to do this more often."

"We probably won't be at the apartment much longer. Shore leave's kind of gone to hell."

"No it hasn't."

"Kaidan. I fell through a fish tank."

"There's a first time for everything."

Shepard shook his head, chuckling somewhat.

"Besides, are we really going to let this ruin our vacation?" Kaidan asked.

"Some vacation," Shepard sighed. "Maybe if we wrap it up soon enough…"

Kaidan sighed, knowing that was as good as he was going to get on that subject. "How are the pancakes?"

Shepard stuck a bite in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully, expression brightening somewhat. "They're terrific."

"There are benefits to dating me," Kaidan said, unable to hide his smile.

"I'll keep that in mind."

They ate in silence for a few moments before Shepard got to his feet, finished.

"My hands are sticky," he complained, tossing a glance at Kaidan. "I need to shower." His hand landed on Kaidan's wrist, then. "And now you're sticky too so you'll have to join me."

Kaidan barked out a laugh, getting to his feet. "Whatever you say, Commander."

Shepard's smile was real and sincere as he led the way upstairs, leaving the plates forgotten in the kitchen. Kaidan followed hurriedly, watching as Shepard pulled off his shirt, revealing the still-healing wound across his middle. It was looking much better, Kaidan had to admit, and probably wouldn't even scar even without the use of medi-gel, but it still served as a reminder of how close he'd been to losing the man.

Again.

And that was something he wouldn't let happen. He was clumsy and messed up before, at the diner, but he wouldn't let it happen again. This time he'd be ready for anything.

Shepard's mouth nibbled lightly at his neck, dragging him back into reality.

"Where'd you go?" Shepard breathed, hands firm on Kaidan's hips, holding him still, the commander's body lightly pressing against his.

"Nowhere," Kaidan replied, voice just as breathy as his own hands came up, easing down the smooth, naked flesh of Shepard's sides, careful of the still-healing wound.

"Good, I'd hate to think I was too boring."

Kaidan smiled, allowing his forehead to rest against Shepard's, lightly pushing the commander up against the wall, leaving no room for escape. "Never boring, Ryan."

Shepard was many things, but boring wasn't one of them.

"If anything you're very distracting," Kaidan said.

Shepard's laugh was a breath of air ghosting over Kaidan's nose, smelling distinctly of pancakes. "Good distracting or bad distracting?"

"Oh, the best kind," Kaidan replied, moving so his mouth pressed firmly against Shepard's, a stunning amount of affection bubbling up inside of him. He'd never felt this rush of emotion for anyone before he met Shepard, and he knew he would only ever feel it for the commander.

"Shower, K," Shepard breathed, lightly pushing him away, smiling, "join me."

Always join you.

"Your wish is my command," Kaidan said, allowing himself to be led into the bathroom.

"Kaidan, you… You make it easy."

The words were quiet and came out of nowhere. Kaidan lifted his head from Shepard's shoulder and frowned at the brunette. The two were currently lying in bed, clad only in their underwear after having taken a shower together.

"Make it easy?"

"Yeah," Shepard breathed, blue eyes shifting to look at him. "Easy."

"What do I make easy?"

"You make it easy to… to be me."

Kaidan blinked at the words, at the slight crease in Shepard's brow, and pushed his elbows under him, sitting up. "Who else would you be?"

"I don't know. You just…" The commander took in a breath, watching him. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Kaidan smiled, leaning his head down to capture those uncertain lips. "You'll never find out," he promised, because he wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't going to let the commander out of his sight.

Shepard smiled as Kaidan pulled away.

"We should probably get dressed, though."

"Ugh. Yeah. Probably not the best idea for Commander Shepard to walk around in his underwear."

"Probably not," Kaidan agreed with a quiet laugh as he walked toward the closet.

There was a sudden, hot pain in Kaidan's head and he went to his knees, unable to hold himself up as confusion weighed heavy in his mind.

A hooded figure walked past him, easily pushing into the room. It stood between him and Shepard, who was watching Kaidan with a twisted expression, darting confused and angry glances at the hooded figure.

"What the…?" Shepard asked in shock.

The figure's hand lifted, the faint glow of blue encircling it.

With one wave of the figure's hand Shepard was hit. Kaidan struggled to his feet just in time for that fist to blaze blue again.

The next thing he knew, he was flying into a wall, his head slamming against it, and then all he knew was darkness.

Groaning, Kaidan woke from a sleep he never meant to have, images flashing briefly through his mind before his eyes snapped open.

Shepard.

That was the only thing that mattered at the moment. He couldn't exactly remember what happened but he did know there was an attack of some kind, in the bedroom they shared, in this apartment which should have been safe, on the Citadel where it should have been safe…

"Shepard-"

He sat up and immediately regretted doing so, white spots flashing before his vision, leaving him groaning.

"Good, you're awake," came a familiar voice, and Kaidan looked over to find Shepard leaning against the far wall while Kaidan himself was in the bed.

"Shepard," Kaidan breathed, relieved. "Are you okay? What happened?"

He remembered going to the closet for clothes. Currently he and Shepard both had clothes on so he assumed he'd at least been successful in that regard. Shepard was dressed in the standard uniform pants but also wore an N7 hoodie. The next thing he remembered was getting hit in the back of the head, a hooded figure entering the room.

He quickly got to his feet, moving toward the commander who watched him with semi-narrowed eyes, arms folded across his chest in his usual pose, but something about it seemed kind of off. Kaidan wasn't sure what it was but it might have just been because of that hoodie. He'd never seen him in it before, after all.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, reaching out to check for injuries, assess for himself that Shepard was alright.

Shepard easily smacked his hands away, scowling. "I'm fine, Major."

Kaidan frowned.

Major?

They rarely used titles unless they were joking. This was no laughing matter, though.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Someone broke in," Shepard replied with a shrug. "Don't worry, it's taken care of."

Taken care of?

"Who was it? What did they want?" Kaidan wanted to know. "Were they working for Khan? For that guy that apparently hates you?"

Though I don't know why he'd hate you.

Shepard's expression darkened before going blank, the equivalent of a door slamming in Kaidan's face, leaving him frowning in confused shock.

"Ryan?"

Shepard shook his head and turned, heading out of the room. Kaidan followed after him.

"Ryan, what's wrong?"

Something's not right here.

He felt it in his gut, he just couldn't place what it was.

Shepard continued on down the stairs, leaving Kaidan growling after him.

"Would you talk to me?"

"There's nothing to discuss, Major."

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

He didn't get an answer, though, because at that moment there was a knock on the door and Kaidan tossed a look at Shepard before he went to open it. He found Garrus standing there, and quickly waved him in.

"Did you get them?" Kaidan asked.

Garrus frowned, confused. "Get who?"

"The guy who broke in here," the sentinel replied, frowning because shouldn't Garrus have known about this? Wasn't this why he was here? "Knocked me out."

Don't know what he did to Shepard but he doesn't seem like himself…

And Kaidan had no idea what was wrong with him.

"Call Dr. Chakwas," he sighed, scrubbing a hand across his face. "Shepard should get looked over. He seems stressed."

Or something. I don't even know.

He looked over at Shepard, who stood in the kitchen, watching them from afar. His eyes were narrowed into a suspicious gaze and that didn't seem like him at all. Kaidan liked to think he knew him fairly well and he'd never seen that expression angled at him before.

Maybe with Dr. Chakwas' help he could figure out what was wrong with Shepard.

"We need to get into the archives," Shepard said a few minutes later, when Kaidan tuned back into the conversation. He snapped his gaze toward the commander, frowning as they all huddled over a virtual map.

"The archives?" he asked. "Why?"

How will that help?

"Well…" Shepard said slowly, glancing at him briefly, "if this guy is really targeting me and hacking my personal records, I'd think the archives would be a good place to start."

Kaidan nodded slowly. "Alright. I guess that makes sense."

Shepard nodded, looking at the small group around them as some of the others had finally shown back up as well. "Vakarian, T'Soni, you're with me."

"What? Shepard-" Kaidan started.

Those blue eyes which looked at him were not the soft and bright hue he remembered. There was something darker in them, something more cold, like some kind of hidden anger and it left a chill crawling down Kaidan's spine.

Shepard, what's going on?

This just didn't seem right.

"We leave in five," Shepard said, glancing at the others, who nodded.

"Shepard," Kaidan said, grabbing at the commander's arm. Shepard brushed him off, tossing him a quick glare, and Kaidan couldn't help the stab of hurt he felt at that. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Major."

"Stop calling me that. I thought we agreed to stick with names?"

"I've got work to do. I don't have time for this."

Kaidan's eyes flashed. "Then make time, dammit! You can't just jump right back into everything after-"

"You're just pissed because you're not coming with me," Shepard said, eyes narrowed into icy slits as they watched him, and Kaidan felt himself flinch at the harsh bite of the commander's words. "Get over it, Major. This doesn't concern you."

Doesn't concern me?

"Shepard-"

But Shepard was already walking away, toward the back of the room where the others were standing, talking quietly amongst themselves.

Kaidan growled and snagged Shepard's arm, pulling him back. Shepard shook him off roughly, blue sparking to life around him and Kaidan found himself flying backward, slamming into the wall, the commander's glowing blue fist hovering just in front of his neck, the commander's blue eyes darker than he could remember seeing them.

"Ryan?" he breathed, tongue thick and heavy in his mouth as he looked over Shepard's face, into his eyes, trying to make sense of everything. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

I can't fix it if you don't tell me.

"Leave me alone, Alenko," Shepard all but spat, allowing the sentinel to drop to the floor before he turned and started walking back to the others who were staring at him in shock.

Kaidan got back to his feet, staring after the commander.

What the hell's going on, Shepard?

A/N: And there's that. I'm nervous not only because of the AU-ish bit but also because I'm half asleep on my meds at the moment and everything's kind of blurry and I can't think straight so my writing might be ramble-y :P Sorry! Thanks for reading and please review!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~