A/N: Heyyy so you know how I said this chapter probably wouldn't come until tomorrow... yeahhh I lied :P I can't sleep so I went ahead and finished the chapter but the next one is definitely not coming until at least tomorrow XD Sleep... must try, heh. I hope this chapter sounds okay, let me know, please!
Onward!
Chapter Fifteen
He just attacked the real Shepard. Brooks was the one who had been confused, that was why not-Shepard seemed shocked that she was shooting at him. Kaidan, though… he should have known better.
The effects of reave finally wore off and Shepard got to his feet, swaying as he did so, face far too pale. Kaidan released a sound which could have been a growl or a sob and ran forward as Brooks finally seemed to realize she'd been shooting at her Shepard and turned her gun on his Shepard.
Garrus's concussive shot left Brooks faltering just long enough that Kaidan got to Shepard, hands gripping his arms as he hauled the commander to his feet.
"You reaved me," Shepard breathed tiredly, all but leaning against him.
"I'm so sorry," Kaidan said, but there was no excuse for what he did. "I-"
He was cut off, then, by the look alike charging into them. Shepard was torn from his grasp as the look alike used a nova. It shattered Kaidan's barriers and left him staggering even as it left Shepard groaning as he went to his knees, breaths heavy and ragged.
"Ryan!"
He moved to go to Shepard, help him, guard him, but was easily forced back as Brooks fired at him with her shotgun, leaving him staggering back lest he be torn apart by those shots, his barriers still down from that nova.
Carnage was used on Brooks, as was a combat drone, and he was free to make his way to Shepard, who had managed to get back to his feet.
Oh, God. He's overdoing it.
There was blood dripping down his nose, now, and his eyes were beyond bloodshot. The stark contrast of the red blood against his white skin made him look that much paler.
The look alike charged at him and Kaidan threw himself between them because he wouldn't let Shepard take another goddamn hit.
The pain was quick and intense, as was the combined nova which the look alike seemed rather fond of using. It was brutal and effective.
Even so he used a cryo blast on the look alike, at least making him slow down long enough for him to be able to use reave again.
And then Shepard shot past him with his own biotic charge, and it was like watching him charge that atlas all over again.
He slammed into the look alike and used a nova. The blast knocked the look alike back and seemed to really hurt him, finally having eaten through his armor, but Shepard also went to his knees, legs unable to hold him up any longer.
And then he looked at Kaidan, and it was that look all over again.
A sob ripped free of Kaidan's throat. "Don't," he all but begged.
No, no, don't-
A gun pressed easily against the side of Shepard's head. Everything, his whole world, froze.
"What are you?" Shepard asked tiredly, never tearing his gaze away from Kaidan even as he spoke to his look alike.
Kaidan took a step forward, gaze forever focused on those exhausted blue eyes.
"I'm you," not-Shepard replied with a laugh, "without the wear and tear. Without the emotional baggage. The doubts. The fears. I'm what you should be."
"Why me?" Shepard asked quietly.
Kaidan watched, heart in his throat. Afraid to move forward for fear it would cause the look alike to shoot, afraid to not do anything for exact same reasons.
Don't do it. Don't shoot.
"What makes you so special?" not-Shepard asked instead of answering. "Huh? Why you and not me?"
"What do you mean?"
How the hell could Shepard's voice be so damn calm when that gun was pressed against his head and he was still looking at Kaidan like that.
"Finish him," Brooks said from somewhere behind Kaidan.
Everything seemed to be in a holding pattern at the moment. There was no gunfire, no fighting… just watching the two Shepards, watching that look.
"I was made from your DNA," not-Shepard said.
"A clone," Tali murmured from somewhere in the background.
"In case you needed a new arm, or a heart, or a lung." Not-Shepard's voice was bitter as he shook his head ruefully. "You weren't the only Shepard Cerberus brought back."
What does that even mean…? How is any of this possible?
Doesn't matter, dammit, just find a way to get him to move that gun.
Shepard was strong and had survived a lot of things, but Kaidan was convinced he could not, would not, survive a shot to the head.
"Why you and not me?" not-Shepard asked again, anger evident in his voice, his grip on the gun shaking somewhat as he glared down at Shepard. Kaidan could almost feel his finger tightening around the trigger.
"You don't have to do this," Kaidan said, breaking the uneasy silence as he took a step forward.
"One more step and he's dead," not-Shepard snapped. "I knew I should have killed you when I had the chance."
"Finish him," Brooks said. "Kill him and become who you were meant to be."
"Don't," Kaidan said quickly. "Don't shoot."
"Begging for his life?" not-Shepard asked.
Yes, he wanted to say, staring into those tired blue eyes, so goddamn accepting of the gun pressed against his head. Yes, don't kill him.
Except he knew that would not be appreciated – by anyone.
"I'm begging for yours," he said instead, narrowing his eyes as he finally tore his gaze away from Shepard to look at the look alike, the clone. "If you kill him… I won't rest until you're dead."
Until I've wrapped my hands around your goddamn throat and squeezed the life out of you.
"Finish him," Brooks said again.
"Why you and not me?" not-Shepard growled, seemingly stuck on that. "What makes you so damn special but not me?"
And then, Kaidan watched, in slow motion, as that finger curled around the trigger.
"No!"
The gunshot drowned out his plea.
Except Shepard suddenly wasn't there anymore. In the time it took to pull the trigger he'd used a charge after constantly watching Kaidan's face so he knew when the exact moment would be, when the horror dawned on Kaidan's expression. The gun fired into empty space as Shepard charged toward Brooks, catching everyone off guard.
Kaidan's relief was short-lived as the fight began anew. He was rammed into by not-Shepard. In the chaos that followed he lost sight of everything except Brooks, who for some reason kept going after him with a frenzy. He assumed not-Shepard was going after the real Shepard and Garrus, Tali and James were helping him with that.
The fight was intense but short lived as a well-placed shot from Tali's combat drone had Brooks dropping to her knees. In the next second Kaidan's gun was aimed at her face and she held her hands up defensively.
"I'm unarmed," she said quickly.
Kaidan wanted to shoot. She was responsible, at least partially, for everything. The attack at the restaurant, the attack at the apartment, him thinking Shepard was dead, stabbing him…
She was to blame for this.
He wanted to pull the trigger.
But something made him stop.
You're not a killer.
He wasn't. Shooting her would make him no better than her, and he wasn't a murderer.
James appeared next to him.
"Get her the hell out of here," Kaidan growled, glaring down at her because if James didn't take her away, he wouldn't be able to fight the urge to shoot her despite everything.
James grabbed her, then, and Kaidan turned back toward the rest of the fight.
Tali was on the ground, motionless, and Garrus was next to her, checking on her. She was still alive, Kaidan knew, because if she wasn't he had a feeling Garrus wouldn't be looking so damn calm even as he waved his omni-tool over her, checking her vitals.
Kaidan's gaze sought out the two Shepards who were across the shuttle bay.
Shepard used a nova which brought not-Shepard to his knees, his armor destroyed and the fight leaving him. Kaidan hurried over to them, aiming his gun at the not-Shepard, but right as he was about to pull the trigger, Shepard's gaze snapped toward him.
"Don't," he said.
"What? But Shepard-"
"We're not killers," Shepard replied, even as Kaidan's gun kept the look alike, the clone, subdued for the time being. He must have been out of medi-gel. "He deserves a chance to live."
"Like hell he does!" Kaidan snapped. "He tried to kill you! Several times, I might add!"
And he very nearly succeeded.
"Why me and not him," Shepard said quietly, looking at him.
Both Kaidan and the clone looked at him, confused. "What?"
"He's right, Kaidan. Why me and not him? Why am I so special?"
Because you're the commander. Because I love you. Because…
"Subdue him," Shepard said, stepping away from the clone who watched him, befuddled. "But don't kill him."
Kaidan swallowed and nodded, moving to do exactly that. He waved his omni-tool over the clone, administering that goddamn sedative Shepard injected into him, having configured it to his omni-tool for quicker, more convenient use. If it could be done with medi-gel, it could be done with sedatives too, after all.
Within seconds the clone was unconscious, toppling down in a motionless heap.
And then next to him, Shepard went to his knees, the exhaustion finally getting the better of him.
"Ryan," Kaidan said worriedly, darting toward him, hands lightly grabbing at the commander's shoulders.
"We did it," Shepard breathed, eyes sliding closed as he leaned into Kaidan.
"Ryan, stay awake, okay? You really overdid it this time."
And that really worried him. Not only was the commander's face bloody and pale, sunken and sickly, but his breaths were worrisome in how staccato they came out.
"We did it…" Shepard sighed again.
"Shepard? Ryan? Hey. Look at me." One of Kaidan's hands moved up, cupping the side of Shepard's face, turning his head toward him. "Ryan, c'mon – hey!"
" 's okay," Shepard murmured, voice barely present, growing heavier against him. "Jus' gonna… s'eep…"
"Ryan – c'mon, I need you to – look at me!"
Blue eyes opened but only just. "We did it, K…"
"Yeah, we did, so stay with me, okay?"
Shepard was cold and feverish all at the same time, burning and chilling his skin, blood dripping from his nose.
Dr. Chakwas' voice rang through his head.
Systems fried.
Unstable.
Detrimental.
Medical leave.
No biotics.
"Ryan?" Kaidan couldn't help it if he sounded like a little kid, voice soft and rough yet hopeful. "Shepard, c'mon…"
Shepard's eyes closed as he breathed out a sigh. "K… I…"
And then he went limp and Kaidan was left frantically feeling for a pulse, jabbing his fingers into the cold skin of his neck, moving his hand from the flushed heat of his cheek. The pulse he found was reassuring only in that it was there. Otherwise it was sluggish and weak and left his own heart racing.
"Ryan… you goddamn idiot…"
He breathed in a shaky breath that was anything but calming.
"Stay with me."
Don't you dare die on me.
He took in a breath and looked at the motionless clone, before his gaze slid toward Garrus and Tali. Tali was sitting up now, leaning against Garrus as he helped her. James was nowhere to be seen which was probably a good thing. Kaidan was still tempted to kill Brooks – still incredibly temped to kill the goddamn clone as well.
But Shepard, for some reason, wanted to spare the clone.
Silence rang in his ears, leaving him frowning in confusion as to why he was suddenly hearing it. And then he looked down at the slack face of his commander and saw the blue-tinged lips, the blood standing out in stark contrast.
He's not breathing.
"Shepard? Ryan?"
He shook the commander, like that would help.
It did nothing except make his head loll around.
"No," he all but choked. "Breathe, you idiot!"
Frantic fingers fumbled for a pulse. It beat defiantly against the stillness of his body, still there, still alive, just not breathing.
Breathe, you idiot. Don't do this to me.
He lay Shepard on his back and pinched his nose closed, smashing his lips against his commander's in a desperate attempt to literally breathe life into him.
When he pulled back and Shepard didn't breathe, he felt for that pulse again.
No.
He felt nothing.
No. Don't do this to me.
Absolutely nothing.
Shepard, don't you do this, dammit.
The pulse which had beat defiantly before was now gone. Breathless, no pulse, no rise and fall his chest… by all intents and purposes, Shepard was…
Dead, Kaidan's mind supplied.
He's dead.
A/N: And there's that chapter. Um... don't kill me? *hides behind laptop* Kept the clone alive because, well, plans and also because I was always irritated you have the option to 'save' the clone but then he dies anyway :P Ugh. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!
~Muffy the Dough Slayer~