A/N

Thank you for your wonderful reviews!

SmileRen (Not quite! Her parents aren't replying despite the fact that they've seen them)

TheGirlWithNoIQ (caring Levi is my favourite Levi. Actually, I quite enjoy the snarky Levi who cracks bad jokes… who am I kidding, I love ALL Levis ugh)

NoxBlade1254 (No worries my sweet! And the mystery of mounting might be solved if she's diligent enough!)

moveslikejeagerr (hehehe)

Ubermarine (Muahahah that's the plan!)

openedlocket (nope, it's her mission to discover it herself!)

IKhandoZatman (her parents are real snobs!)

Anon (heheheh beaaaaa)

Year 841

Sunday late afternoon, March 4th

Beyond the walls

Being out here alone is scarier than I anticipated (by alone, I mean without any close friends). It doesn't help that I have absolutely no manner of defence against the titans that might choose to come our way aside from fleeing. Schreiber only allowed me to tag along with the small scouting troop (there's only about twenty of us in total) out past the walls as a test run.

I've told deaths out here are inevitable, but not one person in the set of squads I'm accompanying has perished (…yet. Hey, I just don't want to jinx it!). It's awfully quiet without Max and Hanji around. Scary, too. I haven't seen a titan yet, but I'm in no rush, happy that the scouting troop is merely surveying the landscape to extend their maps of the land beyond the walls. I guess my good luck is finally coming arou

Later, beyond the walls

I spoke too soon.

I jinxed it.

Literally as I was writing, a few titans were spotted in the distance and we had to hightail out of there with no time to spare. The giant pounding of their footsteps still echoes in my mind.

I wonder if anyone else is as scared as I am – because I was about to wet my pants mid-flee when the shout came that the titans had spotted us and were headed in our direction. I may or may not have cried (it was only for about five minutes, I promise!). A kind woman named Rene handed me a handkerchief when we came to a stop after the titans were out of sight, and she patted me on the back.

"Was that your first sighting?" she asked me, her voice low.

I nodded, my voice evading me as the others built up a fire to get us through the chilly night.

"That's okay then," she counselled, her voice just above a whisper, "at least you didn't wet your pants like some of the other troops."

I giggled at that, despite the suggestion not being too far off the truth.

"Excuse me," another woman approached us, "you're the medic, hn?"

"Yes," I nodded, looking up at her imploringly.

"In that case, my friend's sprained his wrist and the other's got a fever," she had to speak over the two men's cries of protest from across the bonfire, "they're denying it, but I'd like you to check anyway."

I nodded and stood, hugging my green cloak around me tighter as I padded over to the two exasperated men. The man with the suspected sprained wrist was first up, and with a bit of prodding it seemed that he had fractured it. I told him this as I set it in a splint and wrapped it, advising him not to jolt it too much riding.

The second man did indeed have a fever, to my dismay. We were too far beyond the walls for him to get any semblance of rest, so I brewed him a special tea, banned him from eating or drinking anything sans water and kept some syringes handy for later, if his condition worsened. He protested at the prospect of no food, but after a stern ten minute lecture on the body's healing processes from me, he snapped his mouth shut and drank his tea in silence.

From then on I went around to everyone, ensuring they were in their best health. I treated things from month old rashes to fresh grazes, persecuting even the smallest of sniffles until there was absolutely no chance of anyone returning back to the walls in a state less than perfect.

I can be a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ensuring health.

So now it's just starting to get late, and I'm wearing my fingers raw from writing in this freezing weather.

There is a pressing matter to be pondered, however.

When we were running from the titans, and my ever cool-headed self began to panic and think I was about to reach my untimely demise, a few strange thoughts flickered through my mind.

First there was fear, and the daunting thought of which ways I'd be eaten.

Second came the many faces of the soldiers in troop I was with, wondering which would find my diary (IF they found it, and whether they'd burn it like I asked).

Third was my friends. Max, Mike and Hanji first and foremost, but then Erwin, Ilse, Dita, Gunter, Erd, Nanaba, Keji, Moblit, Henning, Luke, Gerger and Levi.

With the thought of the last person on the list, my teary face flushed and I threatened to sob hysterically. The thought of not being able to see him again scared me more than someone finding and reading this diary ever could. I didn't want to leave the world without seeing him one last time.

Yes, I know I'm overly dramatic, and I make a much larger deal of everything than I should, but my main point of confusion was why I was thinking this drastically about Levi. I've only known the man for two months! Sure, he taught me how to ride, made sure I was treated with respect, stuck up for me when people called me short, brought me coffee whenever he had some – hold on.

Wait.

No.

Does he… no, he can't possibly.

Levi Rivaille is well renowned for his stoic nature, his cold treatment of everyone around him. Even his friends faced his snarky comments and blunt insults, Max said so herself… but he doesn't seem to treat me that way. Could it be that he feels sorry for me (for both my tiny stature and feeble luck in anything involving physical activity)? Could it be that he feels as though he owes me for fixing him up when he got the flu (wait, now that I think of it, he was nice to me even before then…)?

Could it be that he would think of me in a near death situation, the same way I thought of him so desperately?

Ugh.

All this thinking is hurting my head.

I don't think my fingers have the strength to withstand any more cold, so I'll most likely write when we get back to Headquarters in a week and a bit. I must discover what it means to mount Levi.

Hopefully I don't die, fingers (preferably not frozen) crossed!

Year 841

Tuesday late afternoon, March 13th

Bunker 221

Home, sweet home.

I have never been more relieved to be inside the walls than I was this morning.

We rode through the gates of Shinganshina swiftly, heading straight through the town until we hit the inner Wall of Maria, just beyond the gates where the docks were situated. From there we headed west, over to where the Scouting Legion's Headquarters stood.

The joy that overcame me at seeing the grand walls of stone had me almost wetting my pants (in excitement, this time!). It made me wonder whether the whole reason the soldiers even ventured outside was to feel this sense of home upon their return. We rode into the entrance courtyard, which was typically empty. I tried to supress the disappointment brewing in my stomach (of course it would be empty, everyone was training!).

I dismounted and tended to my horse in the stable before heading to drop off my sleeping mat at the supplies room. The halls held the familiar echo of the boisterous cooks in the kitchen, the scrubbing of the Mess Hall by a poor squad, the earthy smell of the woods drifting through the lofty windows.

It was calming.

The washrooms were deserted, so I took the luxury of two hot baths, even going so far as to indulge in the scented oils I'd brought with me from the capitol. They smelt like vanilla and chamomile. It reminded me of my mother. Though she was always stern and strict, she remained soft in her treatment of me, and she did only want to see me excel.

Even now, my old life feels eons away, with its immense luxuries and the grandeur of the inner workings of Sina. Despite the hardships down here, a world away, these Headquarters feel more like home by far. Maybe it's that I'm happier here – without having to uphold the formalities of the King's court. The people here are much better, too. I mean, they're a bunch of misfits and weirdos, but so am I, and they make me feel like I belong somewhere.

After my hour long bathing session, I dressed in clean clothes and headed back to my bunk at a leisurely pace. I rounded the final corner and was about to head down the corridor when I spotted him. I know I looked like an idiot, standing there, watching him approach much like a stunned deer, but I couldn't help it. He was so real.

My thoughts hadn't done his handsome face justice (nor his muscles, for that matter).

"Heidi," his voice was soft and smooth as ever as he stopped, not five feet away from where I stood.

I wanted to speak, but my tongue was tied. I took three big steps forward and crashed into him, wrapping my arms around his muscled frame. His warmth sent a jolt of relief through me like no other, and I was grateful that he was the first familiar face I'd seen (gah, sorry Max, but he's so Levi… and you're… not). I was about to pull away and apologise, but his arms suddenly raised up and pulled me back to him, locking me into place against his chest.

I inhaled, revelling in the smell of ground coffee, cinnamon and fresh laundry. The combination was overwhelming, and ridiculously comforting. His arms tightened around me and he buried his face in my slightly damp hair. The sensation was enough to have me drifting off to sleep. I don't know when my body slackened against his, or when he began holding me upright, but I was roused by his light murmurs of, "Heidi…"

Though my mind was fuzzy, I managed to find my feet, stifling a yawn against the crook of his neck, "I missed you…"

It slipped out by accident, I promise.

His arms tightened around me for a fraction of a second before I was released. I yawned again, rubbing my eyes as he stepped back, "Welcome back," he uttered, light blue eyes surveying me carefully.

I smiled, a slight flush heating my cheeks, "Thank you, Levi. It's good to be home."

"Is all well? How was the mission? Are you hurt?"

His questions caught me off guard – I hadn't realised he'd been wondering anything of the sort. It was probably protocol anyway, him being my superior and such.

"Everything's good," I sighed, beginning to walk towards my room with Levi at my side, "a few colds, a couple scrapes and broken bones, but everyone's back here and we got the information we needed."

He looked at me then, a brow quirked, "Everyone came back?"

I nodded, pushing my door open and heading to the bed, "We were lucky that the titans we came across didn't cause the squads much trouble," I explained, heading to unpack my unused supplies. Levi leaned in the doorway, eyeing the room with distaste (hopefully at Hanji's organisation skills, not mine!). "I'm just glad it didn't storm while we were out there. The terrain is painfully bare."

"You should take a nap," the killing machine in my doorway advised, "you look dead tired."

"Funny, that's exactly how I feel," I yawned, cursing my droopy eyes. I knew I would come off as touchy, but I wanted one more hug to lull me back to sleep. Without really thinking, I half stumbled, half staggered over to the door, practically falling into Levi's arms.

"Sorry," I giggled softly, his cravat tickling my nose.

"Heidi?" his voice was making me even sleepier.

"Hmm?" I hummed in reply.

"I'm glad… I'm glad that you're back," his voice had dropped to a whisper, and his lips were at my ear.

The last thing I was consciously aware of was the sudden sensation of being lifted, the smell of coffee, cinnamon and fresh linen, and then the warmth of my bed.