A/N: Holy moley I am sooooo sorry for the delay! I've had exams and other annoying things in the way, so I sort of put this on hold. As for the time skip… you'll be enlightened as to its happenings soon (and by soon I mean later muahaha).
Thank you once again for everyone who's taken the time to review – it makes writing worthwhile :)
Year: 841
Day: unknown
Date: sometime around September 17th
Location: Beyond the walls
My name is Adelheid Grünberg.
I don't know where I am or where I need to go, only where I have been.
The hours are beginning to drag, and though my supplies are plentiful, I'm unsure whether I will last the approaching day.
The echoes of footsteps thunder in the forest around me.
I'm scared.
I should have anticipated this – it's often the least physically able that get left behind.
I don't know how long ago it happened, but we were at the forest of giant trees when we were ambushed by hoards and hoards of titans. They seem to grouping together, almost as though they're waiting just south of the wall, collecting into larger and larger numbers in anticipation of an event (which I'm not yet sure of).
They're hungry.
I can feel it every time the ground shakes, smell it every time one wanders by.
This little cave is my refuge – without it I'd have been long dead.
I was riding alongside Levi through the forest when it happened.
The stampede of footsteps, the screaming soldiers – everything turned to hell. The Captain was up and off his horse in the blink of an eye, cutting down titans at a ridiculous pace.
I could see Max and Hanji working as a team in the distance, but my attention was pulled to the injured soldiers littering the grass. It was a stupid time for me to be brave.
I leapt off my startled horse and made a mad dash for the first man I saw, wincing as he coughed up blood. The screams of dying men met my ears, but I focused my blurry gaze to the task at hand, hurrying to do all I could to help the man get back on his feet.
In a few minutes the man stumbled away, and I bolted to my next patient, a woman, crying for her children – one arm severed to the elbow. My hands shook and I was crying, but I managed to make a sturdy tourniquet and dab it with salve before pushing her off in the same direction as the other man.
It occurred to me that the flow of titans didn't stop despite how many were cut down. I was treating my fourth or fifth man when the cry went up.
"Retreat! Get to the horses and flee north!" the Commander's voice rung over the den.
"Two minutes," I sobbed, desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood from a man's leg, "just two minutes, then we can leave."
And that was when the hand snatched my patient away, kicking and screaming. I could only kneel there on the floor, mouth agape as he was taken away, numbly aware of the whizzing of the 3DMG as the soldiers retreated without question.
I looked to my waist.
Ah.
I'd left my gear on my horse.
Hm.
It was a strange thing, to see so many of the wounded that I was capable of healing being picked off the floor and munched right before me. I guess their sacrifice served as distraction enough to let the other troops escape.
It was at that moment that I realised something.
I was being sacrificed as well.
My cowardly counterpart chose that moment to spring to life, and I was on my feet, running like a madwoman in a desperate attempt to flee the scene. I hoped that my running would give Max enough time to escape over at the edge of the forest.
A childish, selfish part of me hoped she'd notice my absence and come back for me, but I knew not even she would endanger the lives of everyone in the legion to come and get me. I hoped she'd forgive me one day.
I ran and ran, the screams of soldiers being devoured carrying across the dense forest, reaching my ears in a crescendo. I was hyperaware of the many giant footsteps thudding after me, but I refused to make the same mistake, and refrained from looking over my shoulder.
I don't know how long I ran for, or how fast I was going, but for once in my life I was grateful for the hell Max put me through in training. The old me would have collapsed at the very start of the chase.
It was by sheer luck that I spotted the burrow. It resembled the one I'd fallen into on my first expedition, and it took me little to no thought to dive into it, hoping against hope that it would hold against the titans.
It did.
I spent the night in there, crying for my life which was destined to be forfeit. I wish I could have seen Levi just one last time. I scurried out of the burrow some time before sunset, lucky that the titans were inactive in the dark. I trudged on and on and on until I came across a dead end of sorts.
It was a rock face, covered in moss and vines, and as the sun began to rise I thought my doom would come with it. That was until I spotted the narrow entrance, only about as tall as myself, and just wide enough to fit me with my arms slightly extended. I crept in, peering up at the narrow gaps in what had to be a little cave.
Light filtered in, illuminating a scene which I wish I hadn't come across. Two skeletons sat propped up against the back wall of the cave, old, moth eaten shreds of clothing falling off their dusty frames. The smaller skeleton cradled a bundle of fabric to its chest.
With bated breath, I crept forward and peered into the swath of fabric, holding back the bile that threatened to appear at the tiny skeletal form of a baby.
"How do you do, Mr Skeleton, Mrs Skeleton, baby Skeleton?" I murmured, edging away from them, but taking a seat in the cave nevertheless.
I opened my pack, scowling at the abundance of food, water and healing supplies – what a waste. They wouldn't do me good for more than a week or two.
With that I stayed in the cave, watching as day faded to night, night gave way to day and so forth until I was too tired to count much longer.
Is that – no, my imagination is getting the better of me.
I thought… I thought I heard someone calling my name, but – oh there it is again.
I never thought it could sound so real – hold on –
Later
I – I can't believe it.
He came for me. He came back to find me.
He is such a fucking idiot, in fact, I don't think I can forgive him for this. Instead of just me dying, he's going to die too.
Hm.
Is it bad that the prospect of not being alone brings me a sense of relief?
Oh, but I don't want him to die! Considering our predicament, however, we don't have much of a chance.
The odds aren't particularly in our favour.
And by 'not particularly in our favour' I mean that we're fucking screwed.
Let me explain.
I exited the cave after distinctly hearing, "Heidi! Heidi!" being bellowed at the top of a very familiar set of lungs. It was daylight, perfect conditions for any titan, in fact I could see a few lumbering through the trees in the distance. I ducked behind a boulder and my ears perked as I waited on bated breath, wondering whether the voice was just a figment of my imagination.
And then I heard it.
The unmistakable whirring of someone's 3DMG, and the familiar metallic whoosh signalling a titan was being cut down somewhere close. I scurried atop the boulder, searching the woods frantically for someone – anyone.
"Heidi!" Levi's voice cried from high up in a branch. My eyes shot up and found him, and I almost fainted right then and there (from relief or horror, I still can't tell). For a moment we held each other's gaze – and then the titans came.
The Captain was high in a tree, and so remained safe for the most part. Me, on the other hand, well, I was standing on a boulder, ripe for the picking.
Hence I was plucked off the boulder, into the large, powerful hand of a grinning titan.
"No!" Levi's shout echoed through the gigantic forest. The ever-familiar whiz of the Manoeuvre Gear sounded.
"Levi! Run, go!" but my pleads didn't hinder his course.
"I'm not leaving you here!" his growl sent chills down my spine, and a second later he shot past me. In a flash of silver and a blur of red, I was dropped to the floor, where I could only sit, cowering, watching as Levi cut down two titans in less than half a minute.
He glanced down at me for a second, and his eyes widened drastically, "NO!"
Before I could so much as look over my shoulder, he had propelled himself downwards with such force that he was rendered a blur in my eyes. I spun around just as Levi kicked away a titan's fist. I heard the painful snap, saw the unnatural shift in his ankle.
I knew immediately that it meant a very painful, long term injury stemming from his ankle to his knee, perhaps even up into his thigh if the trauma was severe. He cried out, but continued fighting. I scurried back, back, back, until I was at the entrance to the cave.
"Levi! In here, quick!"
He was killing with a vengeance, but even he knew he couldn't continue fighting the steady stream coming our way, and so he swung towards me, too fast for me to move out of the way.
Our bodies clashed, and we went tumbling into the cave. The force of the impact knocked the breath out of me, and we came to a dazed stop, the heavy deadweight of the Corporal still above me.
"Fuck, Heidi, are you hurt?" Levi questioned hurriedly, pushing himself off me the slightest bit.
"You idiot!" I screeched, tears prickling at my eyes, "I thought you were going to die, you fucking stupid-"
And then his lips crashed against mine, and his hand came up to trace the side of my face, and everything was horribly desperate and perfect at the same time.
He broke away, glaring into my eyes with fierceness I'd never seen before.
"I love you," he panted, "I fucking love you, Heidi. I love your smile and your hair, I love your eyes and your laugh, I love your hands and the way you blush, I love everything about you, and I love the person I am when I'm with you! I love you and I'll be damned if I was going to let the Commander leave you behind."
I was sobbing by then, hands fisted in his shirt collar as I tried to find the words to say in return. Acting on impulse, I tugged him to me again, and our lips met again, softer this time.
His tongue snaked across my bottom lip, asking permission. I parted my lips, and he slipped between them, slowly coaxing my own tongue to dance with his. It was soft and smooth and passionate, everything I ever dreamed it would be.
"I…love…you…" I slurred into his mouth. His arms tightened around my frame and he pressed his weight more firmly against me, deepening the kiss.
I shifted beneath him, wanting to get closer, and my leg accidentally brushed against his. He broke away with a hiss, burying his pained face into my neck.
"Your leg!" I cried, scurrying out from beneath him, "Turn on to your back and don't move!" I demanded as I lunged for my pack, tearing it open to his dry chuckle.
"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that… though not in these circumstances…" for some reason my face flushed at his words, and I frowned.
"I'm assuming your statement had sexual connotations, and I just want to inform you," I set my stare on his slightly apprehensive face, "that I am perfectly okay with that. It's you who doesn't know how painful waiting for that kiss was – it was even better than I'd imagined."
His brow quirked at that, "You've imagined that before?"
My face turned beet red, "Amongst other things."
His expression was comical, and so I spared him a giggle, hurriedly swiping at any leftover tears before I swiftly tugged his boot off. He cried out, but made no move to hinder my prodding.
Tutting, I wrapped the limb firmly, and headed to the back of the cave to tug a rock over to where he lay. With a mighty heave, I shoved the rock into place and grabbed him by the legs, twisting him until his leg was elevated on the stone.
"There," I grunted, panting slightly, "when night comes I'll douse the bandages in water – the cold night air will cool it and by tomorrow evening you should be able to sit up."
He flung his arm over his eyes, groaning, "It fucking hurts."
I bit my lip at that, crawling over to kneel beside him, "I'm sorry."
He didn't move his arm, "Don't you dare."
"Don't I dare what?" I questioned, hands fiddling with the edges of his jacket.
"Apologise," he bit out, "it's not your fault. Schreiber shouldn't have left you there, I don't fucking care how much it would have cost. You're priceless."
"Stop," I murmured, hands fisting in the beige of his jacket, "it had to be done – there was no stopping it." My eyes narrowed as I glared down at him, "You, on the other hand, didn't have to be such a sentimental bastard! You've lost humanity one of its strongest soldiers, you brainless fuck!"
His arm slid from his eyes and he stared up at me in silence for a moment.
"Would you have left me if our positions were reversed?"
His question had me at a loss. Of course I'd head back for him, I'd do anything for him.
"Exactly," he muttered, shaking his head, "you're a hypocrite."
"Hey!" I defended, "I just – It's now my fault that we're both going to die out here. If I wasn't such a failure-"
"Don't!" he shot up until his face was centimetres from mine, hand clutching my wrist in a vice like grip, "Don't say – say-" his face contorted in pain and he dropped back to the stone floor, groaning as his consciousness wavered from the sudden burst of pain and rush of blood to the head.
"Shh, no, no, no," I whispered, slapping his face lightly, "stay with me, Levi – Levi!"
Not really thinking about what I was doing, I scurried on top of him and grasped his face in my hands, "You can't fall unconscious just yet," I cooed, "the shock will kill you, darling – kill you. Come on, keep your eyes open – come on now!"
I leant down and kissed his mouth, but his eyelids continued to flutter frantically. I was suddenly aware of the rather immediate contact my hips had with his as I straddled him. Crossing my fingers in hopes it would work (and desperately trying to recall what Max had told me about), I rolled my hips over his experimentally.
The fluttering lessened.
With a breathy sigh, I grinded myself over him again, face flushing grotesquely at the sudden heat between my legs (at that point I couldn't tell if it was radiating from him or me). His eyes came into focus, but he still seemed to be teetering on the edge of consciousness.
"Stay awake, Levi," I murmured, my voice strangely husky as I slowly pushed myself back before dragging forward, over the now unmistakable bulge in his pants.
My face felt hot (and so did some other places… heheh…), but his eyes finally cleared, his brows pulling into a frown, "What-"
I rolled my hips once more, and a groan tore from the depths of his chest, "Oh fuck-"
His moan was cut off as I halted in my movements, struggling not to pant, "Awake now?"
The widening of his eyes as they found me was comical, but it wasn't the moment to laugh.
"Shit, Heidi – what are you-"
"Shh," I hushed, finger pressing against his velvety lips as my mind frantically searched for more of Max's tips (I came up blank). Being very slow about it, I lowered my mouth to his, grinding onto him as I went.
A strange, almost guttural sound escaped his throat, and I struggled not to moan myself (though I did gasp quite… erotically).
His hands traced along my legs up to my hips as we continued to kiss, and he thrust his hips up gently to rub against me harder. I did moan at that point, and his breaths became ragged as he turned his face from mine, allowing me to feel the sensations our (ridiculously) close bodies were generating.
Max's words about the neck being a 'tender place' filled my mind, and so I littered a few kisses along it, revelling in his breathy groans, the way his hands tightened on my hips and pulled me down to him more firmly.
"Mmm, Heid- what the fuck?" his (extremely sexual) husky tone shouted the exclamation at the same moment I felt his hardness disappear.
"What…?" I mumbled confusedly, lifting my face from his neck.
"Why the fuck are there two dead people in here?" his voice was strained, I could tell he was questioning my sanity for taking advantage of him in such a place like this.
"Uh, there's three," I admitted, mouth still at his ear, "Mr Skeleton, Mrs Skeleton, baby Skeleton, meet my darling Levi. Levi, meet the Skeleton family."
His hands tightened on my waist for a moment before he burst into a fit of chuckles, "You never fail to surprise me, you know?"
I leaned down until my lips were at his neck again, smiling into the soft, smooth skin, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
Slowly, his hand trailed up my side (yes, my breath hitched when it passed over the side of my breast), coming to a stop at my cheek. Gently, he nudged my face up to his, capturing my lips in a soft embrace before looking in to my eyes.
"I want to make love to you," he whispered hoarsely, and the look in his eyes made me shudder (yes, I admit, I was ready to drop my pants for him there and there), "but not here."
I couldn't stop the disappointment that clouded my face, and I averted my eyes.
"Look at me," his voice had me trailing back to his lovely, light eyes, "I will make love to you once we reach Headquarters. Just not out here, not when I can't properly make you feel like a woman."
I flushed, but nodded nevertheless, "And what if… what if we don't make it back to the wall?" I cursed the way my voice sounded so small.
His stare turned sharp, determined, "We'll make it back to Wall Maria. I won't let us die before we get the chance to tell everyone we finally realised it. I won't die until I've made you happy."
He was lulled into sleep at the sudden patter of rain, and I took the time to check his supplies. He was practically out of gas, and he didn't carry any food or water with him. I set my attention on this leather bound book, and here I am, writing away when I should be devising a plan to escape – the only thought in my mind is that the plains are going to be muddy as hell out there tomorrow.
The cave is providing us shelter and a small portion of warmth, but I don't know if that will be enough when our food runs out.
Levi won't be able to walk for several days, and even then he'll have to lean on me or carry a walking stick. I'll probably have to wear his 3DMG to keep the extra weight off him.
Later
I think I've made a terrible mistake.
We're camped out in the plains, and the wall is a blur in the far distance. It's broad daylight, but no titans are in sight as of yet. Levi's napping, but I don't know if I have the strength to go on.
Let me explain.
It was the second or third day camped out in the cave, and the rain was still hammering down.
"Do you think the titans are weak?" I mused, more to myself than Levi, "seeing as they seem to be active when in the direct path of sunlight? This cloud cover must be leaving them slow at the least."
Levi shrugged, frowning, "I guess. I mean, in winter we can only send small squads out for miniscule trips, but they're never bothered by the titans throughout that weather."
"Maybe they can't stand the cold, and the constant absence of sun?" I hummed, tapping my foot on the ground, "In that case, we should use this storm to our advantage."
"Advantage, hn?" my Captain in command murmured, propping himself up on his elbow curiously.
"Yes – the plains stretching from here back to the wall must be – hold on… oh!"
"What?" Levi asked, grabbing my hand as my mind whirred into action.
"I have a plan… but you're not going to like it," I bit my lip and averted my gaze.
"Hm…tell me anyway – it's got to be better than the mad plan I came up with," his encouraging tone lifted my spirits, but I kept my eyes trained on the puddle in the corner as I relayed my idea to him.
"Well… titans can't sniff out humans as far as we know as of yet… so if we head out into this rain and cover ourselves in mud-"
"No," he shook his head furiously, "absolutely not!"
"Levi," I pleaded, pouting in hopes it'd have an effect on him, "hear me out! Please?" I bat my lashes, pouting to complete my pathetic plead.
His stare was hard, but he made no further objections and so I took it as my queue.
"We can't wait here for you to get better – the rain would pass and if our assumptions about sunlight are correct, they'll no longer be weak," I squeezed his hand gently, biting my lip, "we can leave by nightfall, our cloaks should keep us dry through the forest until we reach the plains. If we can do this, we'll be back at Shinganshina in two days!"
He pondered my plan for a moment, brows furrowing as he pinched the bridge of his nose agitatedly, "Adelheid, you do realise we're going through with this on an assumption we've made about the titans? What will we do if it stops raining?"
I bit my lip at this, thinking hard, "Even if it stops raining tonight, the plains will be saturated from this constant downpour – we can bury ourselves into the slosh," I tried to ignore his pained grimace, "if we sight a titan in the distance."
He ran a hand through his onyx hair, sighing as he fell back to his cloak, "I was wrong – your plan is worse than mine."
I continued watching him anxiously, waiting for his decision.
Finally, after what felt like eons, he nodded, "Ready the pack. This might just be fucking crazy enough to get us out."
I did as he said and he helped me strap on his 3DMG (more for safekeeping than anything else). When the pack was settled on my back and our cloaks were on our backs, Levi stood, wincing at the pain that undoubtedly shot through his leg.
"Are you alright? We can wait for tomorrow night if-"
"No, we'll go now and get this out of the way," he ground out, fists clenching at his sides. I nodded and he nodded, "You're going to have to lead the way. It's going to take all my concentration to walk through the forest in this blasted darkness without falling on my face."
And so we set out into the heavy downpour, hurrying through the forest as fast as Levi's leg allowed. We made it to the edge of the forest just as the sky began to lighten from a midnight blue to a wavering grey.
I couldn't see any titans roaming the distance, and so we began trudging into the muddy fields. When we reached a particularly flooded place, I scooped up a slop of mud into my hands and began lathering it over my dirty clothes until the rain allowed the dark brown colour to drain into the linen.
Behind me, I could hear Levi's groans of discomfort as he did the same. With that we were heading out again, sloshing through the ankle deep mud, but making good time. We went for hours and hours until night fell again and we were forced to take refuge beneath a tree. After a meal of freezing ration bars and cold water, there wasn't much to do.
We huddled together as the wind whipped cold needles of rain into our faces, clutching hands and entwining our legs in hopes to ward away the cold. The morning dawned with no sun, and a continuous slate of rain.
Levi and I were up and going before then, but our pace was drastically slowed. His leg was playing up, and I could tell his strength was waning.
"H-Heidi," he called from just behind me as the second day progressed, "I-I think we've got to stop."
The fact that he was complaining showed me just how much pain he was in.
I quickly doubled back to him and slung his left arm over my shoulder, "We don't have time, love," I panted, "come, lean on me or you'll fall in this mud and injure yourself further."
He didn't protest as we hobbled through the field.
It was a few hours before noon when the rain began to lighten to barely a sprinkle. To my horror, the weather started shifting, the clouds were clear and the sun was shining by noon. So here we sit, still soaking, the wall just in our sights (a few hours' walk away), on the lookout for any titans that may venture across our path.
The pack on my back feels like it holds bricks, and the Manoeuvre Gear is making my thighs ache terribly. With Levi's weight as well, I don't think I'll make it back to Wall Maria before I (or both of us) collapse in exhaustion.
Even without the threat of the titans, the outlook is grim.
I hope we don't die – not so soon after we've admitted our love to one another.
I'm worried for Levi. His consciousness wanes while we walk, and his limbs are heavy – a deadweight on me, unfortunately. If a titan comes along, I'll be the only thing standing between its mouth and Levi, and that scares me more than anything.
If I make it to Shinganshina alive, I'll be sure to write in this old raggedy thing.
If not…
My name is Adelheid Grünberg. I don't know where I am, only where I have been, and where I need to go.
The walls are in our sights.
Home is ahead.