I really did puke my guts out.

Casey thought I was as bad as Heather.

Casey thought I was as bad as Heather.

Marissa rubbed my back soothingly while dry heaves racked my body. "Sammy? Sammy, I'm sorry about Casey being sucked in by her. But you know I'll always be here for ya. You were always there for me and I'll always be here for you. And do you know why?" She didn't let me answer and continued, "Because we're best friends. And I'll always have your back."

I pulled my head out from above the toilet and smiled up at her faintly. "You and Billy are supposed to be on your date tonight. I'll be damned if you miss it because of me."

"But—"

"Shut up, Marissa," I told her playfully. "I'm fine. You have a date with Billy and I know it takes you forever to look all sexy for him. So go."

It took me ten minutes to convince her to go out with Billy.

Ten minutes so that I could be alone.

Lady Lana was at a soap shooting or whatever. She wasn't supposed to be home all night.

Rihanna was out with Casey at the movies so I'd have about two hours at most.

I went into my mom's liquor cabinet and grabbed a half full bottle of vodka. Then I went to my room and locked that motherfucker. If Rihanna wanted to get in later, too fucking bad. She has Casey to knock it down for the little bitch.

I took a long swig of the vodka. It burned like fuck going down, but it's not like anyone would care. Not Lady Lana, or whoever the fuck my dad is, and definitely not Casey. Marissa and Dot and Holly and I hope Billy would care, I think. I just wanted to not feel anything. Because if I did feel, I would probably go down the same path that Sasha did.

A stupid, synthetic, pop tune started blaring from Rihanna's side of the room and I stumbled towards the noise which happened to be her phone ringing with some stupid song. You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe…

Ugh.

I picked up the iPhone and threw it against the wall with all I had.

I smiled stupidly for some reason. Haahaa, it's sooo dead.

I picked up my own iPhone and found Pandora before putting it on my iHome so I could dance around shit-faced drunk.

Daylight by Matt & Kim started playing and I stumbled around, mumbling the lyrics.

"AND IN THE DAYLIGHT WE CAN HITCHIKE TO MAINE, I HOPE THAT SOMEDAY I'LL SEE WITHOUT THESE FRAMES, AND IN THE DAYLIGHT I DON'T PICK UP MY PHONE CUZ IN THE DAYLIGHT ANYWHERE FEELS LIKE HOMEEE.

I fell back onto my bed, giggling. "Holy chicken shit! Chicken shit! Chiiiicken shiiiiiit. Haa, I'm so clever. Chicken shit. Maybe Rihanna will eat chicken shit tonight ohhh my goshhh, that would be soooo epic! Oh wait, who am I talking to? Daaamn, I must be really lonely. Psshhhhaw, whateverrr."

Alone Together by JJ Demon started playing and I wrinkled my nose at the lyrics.

It's like love, but it's real.

It's like blood, it's like steel.

It's like falling asleep at the wheel,

to lose everything in the world is to feel.

So come on, let's feel alone, together.

We can feel alone, together.

You and I can feel alone, together.

Together, we can feel alone.

"But JJ," I whined. "I don't wanna feel alone together. I wanna feel alone with Caaasey. But he's with that icky Rihanna. He doesn't like me like he likes her. JJ? JJ, talk to meeee…"

Alas, Lana Del Rey talked to me instead and she wasn't helping at all.

Will you still love me

When I'm no longer young and beautiful?

"Whatever, Lana. I need advice about Casey."

Will you still love me

When I got nothing but my aching soul?

"Oh my fucking God, Lana, OKAY I'LL FUCKING LOVE YOU. CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WITH CASEY?"

She was no fucking help.

I rolled my eyes. "Hmmmmmmmm. Let's stop and think. Like Dora. She seems to have done good with her life. Except for the fact that she tooootally friendzoned Boots. Oooh! Wait! Maybe I can make Casey jealous! Yeahhh, I'll just go hang out with his sister and see how he likes it! Ha! Bloody brilliant! I can't believe I'm having trouble with the philosophy class at the community college."

I have no idea how I got there, but I found myself at the front steps of Casey's house. I knew that he was staying with his mom this month and that Heather was like totes forever alone this weekend annnnd Candi was off with her boy toy this weeeeeek like whaddup, party at Acosta'ssss.

I knocked like ten times before Heather answered it in a Fall Out Boy tee and basketball shorts. She shrieked when she saw it was me. "What are you doing here, Keyes?"

I thinkkk she was more upset that someone saw her without her popular people clothes. I pouted. "Aren't you happy to see me? I don't think anyone is anymore. Your brother toootally ditched me for my sister. Do you have any idea how much that sucks?"

She didn't answer for a few seconds. "Are you drunk?"

I giggled hysterically and said, "Maybe. It was only a half a bottle of vodka. I probably just can't handle alcohol. Club can't even handle mee right nowww."

"I can't believe this. I have the perfect opportunity to ruin you right now. But I'm not going to. Ugh. I'm going soft. This is all your fault." She sighed. "Come inside and I'll drive you home later." She paused again. "Holy fuck, when did I get so soft?"

"Ideekaaaay. Ideekay, Ideekay, Ideekay, Ideekaaaaay, haha."

She led me to the couch, making sure I didn't trip over my own feet. Heather gave me a hard look. "Why did you come to me?"

I shrugged. "Ideekay. I'm drunk, haha."

"Casey must've really fucked up."

"HE DITCHED ME FOR MY SISTER. HE BLAMES ME FOR HER BEING A BITCH NUGGET."

"…bitch nugget?"

"You know she's a bitch nugget. She shoved a wiener dog down your shirt."

Her jaw noticeably clenched. "My brother is hanging out with her?"

"He hates me now," I whispered. "He thinks I'm worse than you."

She glared at me. "Excuse you, but no one can be worse than me. That is a title that I pride myself upon."

"La dee fucking da. Too bad, now I'm the evil bitch."

"…Wanna go fuck up Casey's room?"

"Fuck yeah. But I don't want him to hate me more."

She rolled her eyes. "Who fucking cares? I'll take the heat. I just wanna fuck him up right now."

I gave her a wicked grin. "I'm not sober enough to say no to that offer."

And you know what?

We fucked up his room.

Heather basically trashed all his shit and I tossed his homework out the window where it was conveniently raining. She brought out spray paint and admitted she was thinking of trying to frame me for vandalism again, but felt it wasn't worth it anymore.

But it was totally worth vandalizing Casey's walls.

She took the blue spray paint and I took the green.

Favorite color? Not for long.

She spray painted, You're obviously not a zombie cuz if you wanted brains you wouldn't be hanging with Rihanna.

I wrote random shit like, Traitor, Lawwlzz you mad bro?, Duuudeee your shit got fuckkkked upppp, and You believed her over Sammy?

Yeah, I'll probably get caught. But at this point, I was waaay too drunk to give a fuck. And this was fun.

And I'll admit it, when Heather didn't want to ruin me, she was actually kinda fun.

Don't tell anyone.

I started laughing maniacally. "Duuude, he is going to be sooo mad…take pictures okay?"

Heather started laughing along with me. "You have made my Saturday worth staying in."

I slung an arm over her shoulder. "You're actually making me feel better. Are you sure you're Heather?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's only because you're drunk."

"Noooo, you're pretty cool. I guess you Acosta's switch around when you're being asses? Next week, we party at my place and we fuck up Rihanna's shit."

"Done."

She made Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs because she "can't fucking stand pasta without sauce, who the fuck decided noodles with no tomato sauce or beef was fuckin cool, tell me fucking who?"

And over our totally legitimate Italian food, we discussed how much of a headcase Rihanna was.

"She threw a fucking textbook at my stomach and I had just gotten my navel pierced," was Heather's first horror story.

"Well what kind of textbook was it?"

"American fucking Lit."

"…she could've killed you."

"I know! Your turn."

"She pushed me down the stairs. Down the stairs, okay? Fourteen of them to be exact."

Her eyes widened. "That's why you were absent for a week?"

"D'awhhh. You noticed? I'm flattered," I joked. "But yeah, I had a concussion and I was about ready to pour bleach down her throat. Did you know she was one of Amanda Todd's bullies?"

"Amanda Todd? That poor girl that killed herself last year?"

I nodded, slurping up a noodle. "Of course, I doubt Casey knows that. And I doubt he would believe me if I told him that so fuck justice."

"Ugh. Why am I not surprised? You know she slept with the Trig teacher? I can't believe she slept with a sixty year old to pass a fucking class. I mean, even I'm not that bad!"

I facepalmed. "She slept with Mr. Angle? Please tell me you're kidding me."

She shook her head, "I wish. But NO. They reeked of sex when they walked into the class. He stared at her chest all throughout class and her next test was one hundred percent even though all the answers were wrong."

"Fucking hell! Meanwhile, I'm failing Trig over here like a dumbass."

She growled. "I can understand him liking you cause I see now that you're actually not a fucking narc, but what the fuck gave him the idea to hang out with that bitch? Seriously? He likes her, but he hates me? I'm not that bad!"

I waved that off. "Your brother does not hate you. I mean yeah, sometimes he's embarrassed to be related to you. But you're embarrassed to be related to him sometimes. Like when he played Juliet by choice in the last school play. But at the end of the day, he's your brother and you're his sister and you guys love each other. He has said that before. You guys are family ad you'll always be there for each other, no matter what stupid shit you guys do. And I know he's gonna be mad as hell about his room, but that doesn't mean that he's gonna hate you."

She didn't respond to that and ate a meatball.

She drove me home after a while, (to my actual home and not into gang territory like the old Heather would have done) and I just fell into bed. Well, the couch.

Same thing.

Of course the squeal of, "I had suchhhh a lovely time, Case!"

Only I called him Case.

I got up and looked out the window.

Not like a stalker.

Like a "Piss me off, motherfucker. Do it." Kind of way.

I know he saw me through the window.

He glanced up at me.

I know he did.

I don't care how drunk I was.

He saw me in my disheveled and unattractive glory.

And then he kissed the top of Rihanna's head.

I closed the curtains and punched the wall.

I punched the wall.

Over a fucking guy.

Ever since Marissa went a bit mental because of Danny, I promised myself I wouldn't get so hung up on a guy that I'd do crazy shit.

And look at what I did.

I got drunk off my ass, destroyed a phone, vandalized Casey's room (which was totally just venting) and I punched a stupid wall.

I punched a fucking wall.

I hid myself under my Scooby Doo blanket and hoped that Rihanna would keep her trap shut and go the fuck to sleep.

But Rihanna being the goddamned drama queen she is had to make a fucking scene.

"WHY IS MY PHONE SHATTERED ON THE FLOOR? SAMANTHA, WAKE THE FUCK UP. UGH. USELESS LITTLE SHIT."

I tried ignoring her.

I really did.

But when she grabbed me by my hair and yanked on it, pulling my face up, I must admit that I swung at her face.

And it landed on her face with a satisfying crunch, just like it did all those years ago when I sucker punched Heather.

But I didn't want to do that to Heather.

I wanted to hurt Rihanna.

I wanted to hurt her so badly.

But I wouldn't.

I would settle for splattering her nose blood all over the walls.

She yelped pathetically and jumped back with fake tears in her eyes. "How could you? Sammy, I only wanted to say goodnight to you and you punch me? Why do you hate me so much? What have I ever done to you? I'm sorry! I just want you to accept me into your life. I want a friendship with you! But you get upset over me spending one night with the guy you have a crush on? You get to hang out with him all the time! I have no one!"

Erm…what?

I noticed what her stupid little show was about when Casey barged in yelling, "What the hell, Sammy? This is what I was talking about!"

She set me up.

I had to give her props.

Heather herself couldn't have pulled it off better.

Of course she timed it so that he hadn't heard her call me a useless shit or seen her grab my hair like a pathetic little bitch.

I didn't need to take this bullshit from anyone.

I'm always taking the heat for shit I didn't do or was totally justified in doing, but does anyone care?

Maybe a few people.

But there was no way that I was taking anyone's bullshit anymore.

I got up with my Scooby Doo blanket since he was the only one in the room who cared and I shoved past Casey and Rihanna, heading towards the kitchen to grab the car keys.

Lana got a ride from one of her little friends today so the car was out in the driveway, waiting to be driven far fucking away.

I was probably still a bit buzzed from the vodka, but I was sober enough to drive.

I think.

I at least wanted to make it to Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

Or to that place in that Spirited Away movie where the parents of that little girl started eating and turned into pigs aND SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE CONSTANTLY CRITIZCISED AND HARRASSED AND WHATNOT.

But as soon as I stepped on the gas pedal and started driving, I realized that the vodka definitely fucked with my better judgment. I mean what kind of sober person would go visit Heather?

I didn't regret that though.

I did regret driving.

I didn't seem to know how to stop.

In fact, I think I stepped on the gas pedal harder.

Last thing I remember was thinking, that's a lovely tree. Quite beautiful, really.

A/N: GUYS I AM SO SORRY I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THIS CAME FROM I SWEAR. I JUST— LIKE WHAT. I cursed way too much and I put way too much depressing suicidal death stuff in here. Do you guys think that Sammy is overreacting or something? Because I don't…but I'm very moody.

And violent.

I swear, I would totally vandalize shit and punch bitches and whatnot because I'm very mean.

I think I like drunk Sammy.

I know she would never get drunk or whatever, but I wanted to try this.

And I came up with this idea a few years ago so this has changed a lot from what I originally wanted. I wanted to draw things out more, but I wasn't sure how ._.

By the way, my sister threw a textbook at my stomach and pushed me down the stairs and gave me a concussion and made me wanna kick her ass and you have no idea how much I want to toss her how the window.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE NICE HEATHER CAME FROM?

I think I was thinking about what Optimistic4ever would say about how she loved Heather and I guess I wanted to make Heather and Sammy bond for her in this story and I think I wanna give Heather a bigger part in this story than I originally intended.

And like no one knew where I got the idea for my last oneshot from? I thought maybe someone would know because I'm pretty sure that everyone has watched that show at one point…maybe you guys didn't watch every single episode like I did because I have no life but yeah it was a 90's show…

You guys can still guess if you'd like and you can pick what I update next (because I'm too muddled to pick) but I'll give a hint.

Ermmm lets seeeeee…

90's sitcom.

It was a nick nite thing guys.

Ugh, my author notes are long and annoying, I'm sorry.