'Holy fucking shit."

"Sammy—"

"Holy fucking shit."

"Sams, it isn't—"

"Casey Warren fucking Acosta, if you tell me it isn't that big of a deal, I will impale you on dozens of medical tools."

I grinned widely and leaned over to kiss her nose, prompting her to playfully push me back onto my side of the couch. "I still think what Hannibal did to Beverly Katz was worse than this," I quipped.

"The guy put his goddamned social worker inside of the horse. Burrowed him behind the intestines. Sewed the horse back up. And he was still alive when he did it."

I shrugged. "Kay."

She threw a handful of popcorn at me, which I unsuccessfully tried to catch in my mouth. "You're an ass," she stated happily.

Heather walked back in carrying three bottles of Mountain Dew and a bucket full of chicken wings. "And don't we know it," she chirped happily.

Sammy groaned at the sight of chicken wings and buried her face in my shoulder. "I can't even look at that. I don't know who you killed to make that."

"What if I said it was Rihanna?"

Sammy peeked up and asked, "Did you bring the ketchup bottle?"

Heather tossed the ketchup into her lap before plopping down on my other side, nudging me with her foot. "Move over, loser."

I whined childishly, "Why do I have to be the one to move?"

Sammy laughed and flicked my forehead. "Stupid, there's a cast on my leg. I am most certainly not moving. And I am most certainly glad Hannibal will not have any more new episodes until Friday, fuck this shit."

Okay, yeah, Sammy and Heather and I are spending time together in my house (because obviously there was a loud disagreement over hanging out at Sammy's place) and we are all genuinely enjoying each other's company. I did not actually expect to be having fun with Heather around. Hell, I didn't expect Sammy to insist upon her joining us.

And while Heather is a huge cockblock, which I suspect Sammy is glad for, she is being surprisingly civil.

"So," Heather began, "You never really paid for what your heinous crimes against your friend and sister."

Well, shit.

Sammy's eyes brightened and she sat up straighter. "Did you actually get it?"

Aww shit.

"Damn straight I got it."

"What did the cashier say?"

"I told him it was for my brother. Revenge and all. We had a nice little laugh at his expense."

"Please kill me," I pleaded, not wanting to know.

Sammy reached over to pat my leg sympathetically. Yeah, okay, that did not help. "Aww, as if we would give you the satisfaction."

"What have you done?" I asked cautiously.

"Weeeeell, you know Spencer's?"

I sighed. "I don't know any fucking Spencers."

Heather rolled her eyes and shoved me. "Spencer's, dipwad. The store."

The store. Spencer's. Dammit.

"Why would you torture me like that?" I asked.

Spencer's is basically some store that sells pretty innocent novelty crap…in the front of the store anyway. The back of the store is a whole other story.

Heather gave me a pointed look and subtly gestured toward Sammy's leg.

"Gah!" I exclaimed. "I'm not putting anything in my ass."

"Ew!" they squealed.

"Ew ew ew ew ewwww, no!" Heather gave me a disgusted look and pulled a lollipop out from her pocket. "We just want to humiliate you, not sodomize you!"

"Oooh," I mocked. "Making me suck a lollipop? So mature."

Heather threw me a malicious grin. "Take a closer look at it."

And so I did.

And it scarred me for life.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I shouted, throwing the disgraceful candy back at Heather.

"It suits the crime," she retorted.

"Making me suck a lollipop shaped in resemblance to the male anatomy suits my being an idiot?"

"Duh," Sammy said.

"Sammmyyyy," I whined. "I thought you forgave me—"

"I sort of did. But then I remembered that you kissed my sister. And I am stuck in a cast. Do you know what I am able to do all day? Watch tv. And movies. I watched all of the Hannibal episodes in one sitting the other day. I took up crocheting, Casey."

"What's crocheting?" I asked warily.

"IT'S LIKE KNITTING EXCEPT A HOOK IS USED INSTEAD OF TWO NEEDLES, GET WITH THE PROGRAM, CASEY. I MADE A MOTHERFLIPPING BEANIE THAT LOOKS LIKE CAPTAIN AMERICA'S HAT. HAIL HYDRA."

"I see someone is a bit cranky they can't walk," I teased.

"YOU KISSED MY SISTER, SHUT UP."

I sighed and grabbed the lollipop abomination. "This s what I get for trying to get over you," I muttered and put the candy in my mouth.

Heather snickered and started singing softly, "Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli, lolli, lolli, lolllipop…"

Sammy smiled sweetly and picked up where she left off, "Call my baby lollipop, tell you why, his kiss is sweeter than an apple pie—"

"Fuck you both, this is why you're single," I mumbled teasingly with the thing still inside my mouth.

They burst out laughing hysterically and Sammy leaned into me to kiss my cheek.

Okay, it was worth it.

Heather piped up with, "That doesn't seem to have an effect on him. Maybe he's enjoying that lollipop a little too much."

Never mind then.

I flipped her off and rested my head on Sammy's head.

Heather coughed and muttered, "Whipped."

I was about to reply to that when she squealed happily and grabbed her phone. "Billy's calling!"

Yeah, about that. Marissa left Billy for Danny.

And Billy was kind of depressed and got a teeny bit drunk. He went to go find Sammy to talk to her about it, but she was with Heather in her room. They comforted him and Heather was actually nice to him. I was shocked too, let me finish the story.

When Billy was sober again, he asked Heather out on a date and like three weeks later, they're in that honeymoon phase of dating. We make it a joke that Heather is likable when everyone is drunk.

I'm still a bit weirded out.

"How's my little Feather Heather?"

Sammy grimaced and spoke up. "Try a different nickname, Billy."

"That's the seventh one today," Heather groaned.

I asked, my voice muffled from the lollipop, "Is that a fucking video call?"

"Maybe," Heather giggled. "Say hi," she said and turned the phone in my direction so that Billy could see me sucking a dick.

And of course he had to burst out laughing. "I thought you were in loooooove with Sammy?"

I looked him straight in the eye and took a vicious bite out of the lollipop.

"Rihanna is kind of a twat."

I sighed and reached up to tug on a strand of Sammy's hair. "I told you she was a mistake."

"Yeah, no shit."

"I said I was sorryyyy. What more must I do for you to forgive me? Must I grovel at your feet and beg for forgiveness?"

"Well, that would be nice."

I grinned and laid my head on her lap, careful not to jostle her leg. "You are beautiful."

"Being a kiss ass isn't going to help you."

"And I had such high hopes."

She smiled and ran her fingers through my hair. "You need a haircut," she commented absentmindedly. "Casey?"

"Mm?"

"Are you still friends with Rihanna?"

I hesitated, contemplating how to approach this. "Sams—"

Heather walked in and scowled, "Don't fucking 'Sams' her. Are you seriously still friends with that thing?"

"It's not like she did anything wrong—"

Heather stared at me before looking over at Sammy and asking, "Can I hit him?"

"You probably should," she scowled.

"Sammy, what is wrong with me being friends with her?"

She was silent for a few seconds, realizing I was right. "Are you dating her?"

"I don't think so."

She groaned and buried her face in a decorative pillow. I pulled her onto my lap and kissed the top of her head. "There is a difference between my friendship with her and my friendship with you."

"And what is that?" she asked quietly.

"You come first."

A/N: Wow hey look who finally dragged herself away from tumblr and crocheting and Hannibal to write this abomination. Hannibal is consuming my life and I am dreadfully sorry and Captain America is my husband stay away hail Hydra I'm losing my mind please send help

This chapter was…weird. I know. Please don't hate me for it. I think I am turning into a review whore because I have nothing else to do with my life, please help me back into Fanfiction. And if I have not mentioned it by now, I am probably going to summer school for Trig and/or Chemistry. If I don't, then I'll update once a week for the summer. This time, I am sure that summer school is inevitable.

Also MY SATS ARE NEXT WEEK IM GONNA GO CRY HOLY FUCK NO I JUST REALIZED IT but what I was gonna say was that the next story to get ten reviews will be updated next because this is killing me I am never going to write a million stories at once again because now I cannot decide which one I want to update next please send help why are my author's notes so long and uneventful?

Anyway, my spring break is almost over and I have to start my history packet and essay on the roaring twenties. I am tempted to use The Great Gatsby as my reference. One last thing, I really enjoyed including Heather and making her less of a bitch. It just seems right to me.