A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I really, really appreciate them – they motivate me to keep on writing.
WARNING: RATED T FOR CRUDE LANGUAGE AND IMAGERY
O-O-O
"I heard she manages the boys in more than one way-"
"What could a girl be doing on that team with so many boys-"
"Do you think she spits or swallows?"
"I reckon she enjoys being surrounded by that many dicks all that once-"
"Whore-"
"Attention seeker-"
"Bitch-"
"Slut-"
The rumours and the name calling had always managed to strike a nerve with Gou.
Did people really think that low of her? It was something she constantly found herself pondering over.
She didn't understand why it was such a big deal for her to be the only girl on the swim team. Despite the rumours, she always tried her hardest to motivate the boys and get their times up.
It was on the day of one of their joint practices with Samezuka Academy when Gou heard someone whispering loudly in the corridor on her way to her locker.
"Do you think she 'got on her knees' to get into the national orchestra, too?"
Though she hated to look weak, her eyes began to prickle painfully. Why would someone say such a thing?
"Gou-chan! Gou-chan, are you ready – are you alright, Gou?" Nagisa's worried voice pierced her troubled thoughts.
"I'm fine," she snapped, hurrying to open her locker.
"Are you sure? Ma, anyway, have you spoken to Captain Mikoshiba to make sure we're still welcome?" the blond boy dropped the subject, bouncing beside Gou as she scrolled in her locker combination.
"Uh, yes! He told me everything was ready-" she froze as a mountain of little foil squares fell out of her locker, in to the corridor. "Eh?" she frowned, picking one up to inspect it closer. Beneath the square was the outline of a rubber circle of sorts.
"Oh." Dropping the packet as though it was poisonous, all the while desperately trying to stem her embarrassment, Gou slammed the locker shut, spun on her heel and began sprinting out of the hall as people began sniggering.
"Wait! Gou, wait!"
But she ignored Nagisa's cries, her feet propelling her to the only place in the school where she didn't feel ridiculed.
Her chest ached and her feet throbbed, but she kept on running, cheeks and eyes burning in turn with tears of embarrassment. Why would anyone do such a thing?
Words were one thing – but to stack condoms in a girl's locker and set them to tumble out for everyone to see?
All Gou wanted to do was help her brother – was it that hard to see?
She came to a staggering stop at the gate beside the pool, doubled over, hands grasping at the cool metal as her shoulders shook. She didn't want to cry. Not when she was to meet the boys soon. Not when she had to face her brother at Samezuka. Not when she had to be there for them, for her mother, for herself.
"Kou-san?" the voice of Rei reached her, but she couldn't quite gather enough composure to stand straight just yet.
"Kou-san, are you well?" he was drawing closer, his footsteps echoing on the concrete behind her.
Bringing one hand off the cool bars to clutch briefly at her ribs, the teen swiped furiously at her cheeks and tried to catch her breath.
"Ah, good afternoon Rei-kun, Gou-chan," Makoto's voice appeared suddenly.
Cursing to herself, Gou wondered why she thought coming to the pool was a good idea. The sight of the water wavering just beyond the gates made the flood behind her eyes swell painfully.
A few droplets escaped, splattering softly on the concrete beneath her feet. She bit her lip to stifle a sob.
"…a whore… beds the Captain of Samezuka, too!... awesome foursome, get it?!... spit or swallow…"
She just wanted to help her brother.
"…on her knees' to get into the national orchestra?... psh, she's not even pretty…loves being surrounded by half naked men…"
She just wanted to help the team.
"…it's in her name. So masculine – it can't be helped. She's craving the masculinity…see her pregnant, soon…you think, her and her brother? Really?... nasty stuff…"
Why could no one see that?
"G-Gou-san…" Rei stuttered, looking stricken.
"Eh?" Makoto followed his gaze, smile dropping off his face as he realised she was crying. "Gou-chan, what happened? Gou?"
"Nothing!" she shot up, standing with her back to them, "N-Nothing, I'm fine!"
"Kou," Haru spoke, eyes grim, "w-"
"I'll m-meet you at Samezuka!" and she sprinted into the club change rooms, headed for the bathrooms.
Slamming the door shut behind her, the teenage girl hurled herself to the ground and finally let loose, sobbing hysterically. An image of Rin, young, smiling and so, so happy burst into her mind – a reminder for her efforts. Her father's face, smiling at her for what neither of them knew was the last time, placing a kiss on her little forehead. Her mother's weathered face, sadly pulled into a mask of mock serenity.
Gou just wanted a family again.
A knock sounded, but the girl ignored it, instead continuing to cry to herself alone. She heard a squeak as the unlocked door was pushed open. Soon, a pair of shoes were in her blurry sights.
"Kou."
It was Haru.
She looked up, her eyes red and pained and puffy, fat tears still rolling down her cheeks.
"Here," he handed her an unscrewed bottle of water.
She shook her head, burying her face in her hands once again.
"Kou," his voice was firm now, "drink. It'll help."
Sniffling, trying fruitlessly to get her breathing into check, she took the water from him and forced down a few sips. It was surprising how much better she felt.
"Come, we won't let you walk to Samezuka alone," Haru's eyes were clouded with something she couldn't place.
"No," her voice was too husky, she thought, too masculine, "I'll just… I'll be there a bit later."
He watched her for a moment, crouched on the floor.
"No," he said after a moment, still monotonous as he stood, "Iwatobi can't go without their manager. We need you, Kou."
She didn't think it possible, but her eyes watered further at that, and she nodded, swiping hurriedly at her cheeks.
"Yes. Right. I'm sorry," looking up, she almost couldn't believe he was offering his hand to her.
"Don't… Don't apologise. It's not your fault."
Biting her lip, she took his hand and let him pull her off the floor. Wordlessly, she headed over to the sink and splashed her face with water, hoping to rid her face of the redness with the cool substance.
Haru offered a towel to dry herself, and she took it gratefully, grimacing as she glanced in the mirror. It was blatantly obvious that she'd been crying. Her eyes were red rimmed and glossy, and her face was awfully flushed.
She still felt as though she could burst into tears at any moment, but she knew they'd be late if they didn't leave soon.
"Let's go," she muttered, walking with Haru to meet the others, who were waiting where Gou left them, beside the pool gate.
Not a word was spoken as they walked to Samezuka, the air incredibly tense. The only girl amongst them knew Nagisa had told the others of the incident, and her cheeks flamed with embarrassment.
The only sound on the train was her sniffing, trying to keep her composure.
Haru would pass her his water bottle, Makoto would place comforting hands on her shoulders, Nagisa would shoot smiles her way and Rei would glance over at her worriedly every now and then, but none of them spoke to her.
Nagisa was the only one who attempted any semblance of normalcy, bugging Rei until the bespectacled teen was forced to retaliate.
The Samezuka pool was awfully loud.
The chlorine stung Gou's eyes even more, and the smell was giving her a headache. Nagisa, Rei and Haru raced to get into the water, but Makoto faced the much shorter club manager.
"Come get us if you need anything, hn?" the concern lacing his voice was touching.
The red head nodded, tugging her notebook out of her bag as the Captain of the Iwatobi team walked towards the locker rooms. Making her way over to the metal benches lining the walls, Gou flipped open the book to the latest page as she sat.
Try as she may, she couldn't quite focus on the words written before her. Not even the abundance of muscles could distract her from her self-pity.
"…slut…bitch…attention seeker…whore…"
She wondered if her brother was ashamed to have her as a sister. Was that why he ignored her and pushed her away?
Gou hoped with all her heart that her father wasn't disappointed, wherever he was.
"Gou-kun!" a familiar booming voice interrupted her thoughts.
She didn't look up as the tall Captain sat beside her, still dripping wet and smelling of chlorine.
"What're you doing?" he asked, ruffling his hair dry with a towel.
"Writing," she replied without missing a beat, her voice a little croaky.
"Writing, hn?" she could practically feel him smirking, "Without a pen?"
Ah. Yes. She'd forgotten her pen.
Gou only shrugged at his bark of laughter, fingering the words inked onto the pages thoughtlessly.
"Hey," he murmured after a moment, tone different, "are you okay?"
She shrugged again, struggling to keep any leakage from her eyes – unsuccessfully.
"Gou – Gou, are you crying? Hey, hey, hey, don't cry! Come on, tell me what's bothering you," his words only made her eyes hotter, her cheeks redder.
Shaking her head, she stood, "I-I've got to go home. Tell my team for me, will you?" she choked out, hurrying towards the door.
"Gou! Wait – Gou!" Seijuuro shouted, hopping to his feet.
At his shout, Rin looked up from the water, eyes zoning in on his sister. She'll call me later, he thought to himself, she'll tell me what's wrong. She always does.
"Gou wait, please!" Mikoshiba called, grasping her by the arm just as she reached the door, "Did someone say something to you? Tell me, please… I… I can't stand to see you like this."
"I…I'll call you," she choked out, watery eyes seeking his for just a moment before she broke out of his grasp and hurried away.
Once out of the chlorine rich air, Gou broke into a run, heading for the train station.
Home, she thought, I just have to make it home.
The train ride passed in a blur, and soon she was close to home. It was only afternoon, her mother wouldn't be home until late. The house was quiet – and quiet was what she needed. Her shower was short, and she fell into bed after it, hair still drenched.
Though it was only 6pm, she cried until she was exhausted enough to sleep.
"Hm?" Harumi frowned when she came home that night, "She's asleep already?"
But she didn't wake her daughter.
Gou didn't go to school the next day.
OOO
"Hello, Mikoshiba speaking."
"Sei-kun? It's Kou…"
"Gou-kun! Are you alright? Are you hurt?"
"No, no, I'm fine."
"You didn't look fine yesterday."
"I… well – it… uh…"
"What happened, Kou?"
"It's… been happening for a while now."
"What? You like someone?"
"No, no! It's just… I'm the only girl on the swim team. People gossip and spread nasty rumours-"
"Oh! That's a silly thing to cry over, Gou-kun!"
"Sei-kun… you don't understand. They… they say things about how I got into the orchestra. They don't only insult me, they insult the boys too."
"I see… what happened yesterday to make you so upset?"
"…"
"Gou…"
"Someone played a nasty prank."
"What kind of prank?"
"A nasty one."
"What did they do, Gou?"
"…"
"If you don't tell me I'll find out some other way with my super spy abilities-"
"They stuffed my locker with condoms and when I opened it they spilled out everywhere with everyone watching."
"What? Are you fucking serious?"
"Sei-kun! Such language-"
"Who the fuck would do that to you?"
"Sei-kun, calm dow-"
"Gou, why didn't you tell me this yesterday? Why, I ought to-"
"No! Don't do anything, Sei-kun – please!"
"Eh? Does your brother know about this?"
"No."
"Ah. I see. Don't you listen to them for a minute, Gou-kun! You're better than they will ever be!"
"Eh… thank you. But… it just got to me, Sei. I'm only trying to help and people say horrible things about me. Do you… think I'm horrible?"
"WHAAAAT? Are you kidding me, Gou?! You're the most amazing girl I know – you're smart, and you play violin for the national orchestra and you manage a swim team and you're a complete dork like me and you don't make that much of a bad spy, either! You're perfect, Gou – don't let them make you think any different."
"…Sei…do you think I'm pretty?"
"YES! Who said otherwise? Gou, tell me who said otherwise, I need to go punch their fucking face to correct their eyesight!"
"Hahahaha! Oh, Sei-kun, you always know how to make me feel better. Thank you… for understanding that I couldn't talk yesterday."
"You're welcome, Gou-kun!"
"It's Kou! And could you please… don't say anything to Rin. He's focussed on swimming, and it should stay that way."
"Your wish is my command. Will I see you tomorrow afternoon for practice?"
"No, I have to go into town to rehearse tomorrow."
"Ah, I see! Now, for this Saijouin High School mission Friday afternoon, I'll come and get you from school, okay?"
"Oh… uh… if it's not too much trouble, Sei-kun!"
"Mm, don't forget the camouflage this time!"
"Hey, that was your fault!"
"Was not!
"Was too!"
OOO
"Ah, this is useless!" Gou cried, hurling the sheet music around her room.
It was Wednesday afternoon, a day after the embarrassing prank and her escape from Samezuka. Her mother, thinking she was ill, had permitted her to stay home from school. Gou was grateful for the break.
She practiced all day, pacing around her room, trying to learn half of the whole performance within the span of a few hours.
It wasn't working.
"I don't deserve that stupid spot," she grumbled, roaming the house as she played the tunes she was more familiar with, glad she had already committed a few of the first songs to heart.
She was pacing the lounge room, playing away her part at 'Counter attack mankind', when a figure suddenly appeared in the doorway.
"AH!" she screamed, spinning to hold her violin like a bat, ready to use as a weapon against the intruder.
"Gou," it was Rin.
"Onii-chan?" the girl gasped, hands still poised to attack, "What are you doing here? Mum's not here."
"You didn't text me yesterday," he frowned, still standing anxiously in the doorway.
"Eh… you told me it was annoying…" she murmured letting her hands drop as she averted her gaze to her feet.
The surprise on his face was genuine, "…I did?"
She nodded.
His brows pulled into a frown again, "Well, I want you to text me when something's wrong from now on, alright?"
"Wrong?" Gou asked, voice rising a few octaves along with her nerves, "Nothing's wrong, why would I text you?"
"Gou," his lips were pulled into a thin line, "you were upset yesterday."
"No!" she quickly burst out, setting her violin carefully on the couch, "yesterday I was-"
"You were crying."
"No! No, I wasn't-"
But the second year wasn't letting the matter slip away, "I saw it with my own eyes! Was it Mikoshiba? Did he say something to you?"
"No! It's not that, onii-chan, I promise!" the words poured out of her mouth as she scrambled for an excuse, "I wasn't feeling well! I didn't go to school today."
Rin's eyes narrowed, and he stepped into the familiar room, "Why are you lying to me?"
"I-I'm not lying!" Gou squeaked, scurrying into the kitchen, "Ah, look I'll prepare something to eat-"
"Gou, tell me why you were crying," Rin wasn't falling for her distractions.
"Honest! I wasn't feeling-"
She was cut off as the doorbell rung, echoing through the house.
"Aha! I'll get that!" she sprinted past her brother and dodged through the hall, practically tearing the door open.
"Hel- Haruka-senpai? Makoto-senpai? Huh?"
"Good afternoon, Gou-chan," Makoto smiled down at her.
"Uh… hello…" her gaze travelled to Haru, acutely aware of her brother in the next room, "what are you two doing here?"
"We wanted to check up on you… you've never missed coming to practice and we were all worried," Makoto told her, still smiling kindly.
"Uh, okay," Gou nodded, opening the door wider, "would you like to come in?"
The boys nodded and followed Gou through the hallway.
"We spoke to the people at school, Gou-chan," Makoto began, "and made sure to tell them not to do it again- Rin-san?"
Haru and Makoto froze in the doorway, watching Rin's relaxed form on the couch as he plucked idly at the strings of Gou's violin, eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"Told who not to do what?" he questioned, baring his pointy teeth.
"Nothing!" the girl cried, shooting the swim club members a warning glance over her shoulder, "Ah, take a seat Haruka-senpai, Makoto-chan! Let me whip up something to eat!"
She darted into the kitchen and tore open the fridge, ears fine-tuned to the conversation beginning to take place in her absence.
"Why are you here?" Rin's sharp voice made her wince as she pulled out the ingredients for fried rice.
Noting Haru's presence, she pulled some mackerel out of the refrigerator as well.
"We came to visit Gou-chan," she heard Makoto reply, "she didn't come to school or practice today."
The sizzle of the vegetables hitting the fry pan hissed through the air, and a brief silence passed.
"Why didn't she go to school?" Rin asked, plucking the strings of the violin once more.
Another brief silence, and Gou added the rice, setting the mackerel on another pan to cook as a side dish.
"She… wasn't well yesterday," she heard Makoto's tentative reply.
Sighing audibly in relief, she flipped the mackerel and snatched the juice out of the fridge.
"Hn, I still don't believe it," she heard her brother scoff loudly.
She hurriedly set everything on a tray and raced out to the boys, setting the food on the low table where they sat.
"Sorry, this was all we had," she apologised, placing a bowl in front of each teen, a cup as well.
"That's alright, Gou-chan," Makoto smiled, "it looks lovely – oh, look Haru, she even fried some mackerel!"
"Thank you, Kou," Haru murmured, avoiding her eyes as he reached down to pick up his chopsticks.
Gou's eyes caught his bruised, slightly bloodied knuckles, and she gasped, "What – What happened?"
The swimmer froze, blue gaze locking with Makoto's green one.
"Yeah, Haru," Rin snorted, "it looks like you punched someone!"
Gou's expression morphed into horror as she scrutinised the slightly flushed boy before her, "Nooooo," she whined, slapping her hands up to her face, "this is so embarrassing already!"
"I'm sorry, Kou," Haru's apology was sincere, and so she nodded.
"I-I'm not hungry. I'm going to practice in my room – thank you for coming!" and she leapt up, swiped her violin off the couch and sprinted to her room.
"Hey! Get back here, I came all the way from school to talk to you-"
She slammed the door, and the three friends, now rivals, sat alone.
"Speak," the red head growled, glaring across the table at Makoto and Haru, "now."