Chapter 5

A/N: hi guys! Im sorry its been a few days since my last post, but this has been a hard chapter to write. The good news is that I've been making crazy headway on the exciting stuff that occurs later on. Woo! Thanks again for bothering with this, and please do me the ultimate favor of leaving me some words on what you thought. I love you all!

Disclaimer: I borrowed a line from one of the episodes, because I think that some of the canon is necessary to have to enrich the storyline and make it seem like it could be a legit part of it. It's the line from Schue about a boy loving Rachel for exactly who she is. I'm using it strictly for entertainment purposes, not making any money off of it. Please RMurph and co, don't sue me. Im already broke from Fall semester classes. Kthanksbye.

xxx

"Listen man I'm sorry about that," Finn said, looking sheepish "Rachel and me...we don't...she isn't...I think I hurt her pretty bad, and that fight wasn't really about glee and it wasn't supposed to end up with me acting like a jackass to you. I'm going to make things up with her I swear, and I'm sorry you got pulled into it..."

Jesse kept replaying that statement in his head over and over again. He was conflicted about Finn. On the one hand, he was an alright kind of guy. Seemed genuine about his caring for New Directions. But on the other, he was an ass who had somehow managed to completely alter Rachel's demeanor. And that enraged Jesse.

But why? He wasn't dating her. He barely knew her. It wasn't like she was beating down his door with her heart on her sleeve. On the contrary, she was a challenge to get to know. While she now spoke to him with consistency, she was so private. Guarded. Jesse was loathe to admit that he couldn't ever move the conversation past the point of her talking about her dads and her favorite Broadway shows. Their schedules weren't helpful either. Jesse saw her for glee and that was it. His senior classes were on a different circuit than her sophomore ones so their contact outside the club was negligible.

It's as if some supernatural force was trying to clue Jesse in on it's intentions to not let this happen. But he was Jesse St. James. He made fate dammit.

So in a feat worthy of the attention Taylor Swift received for being interrupted by an inebriated Kanye West, Jesse bulldozed his way through the external hinderances that kept him from getting to know Rachel.

The day after he dropped her off, he made plans with her to begin rehearsing "Hello 12, Hello 13", which would be happening today after the glee meeting, which hopefully would lead to another opportunity for him to drive her home. Consistent presence meant consistent opportunities to find out more about her. He had it all figured out.

It wasn't like she was all he thought about now or anything. Really.

Despite the fact that he was a senior and she a sophomore, she was older for her age. She acted like she was already preparing for college (which she probably was, now that he thought about it) and had a determination that he saw in very few of his same aged peers. In the entire glee club, she was the one who seemed as invested as Mr. Schuester was, she was the one who sparked the rest of them into action with any means necessary. He admired that about her, that was for sure.

He couldn't help but notice how gorgeous she was though. Between the sweater vests and argyle knee socks, she had a style that was completely her own, and Jesse was impressed that a sophomore would have enough guts to wear exactly what they wanted to as opposed to what everyone else did.

This is what he was thinking about when Mr. Schuester began raising his voice to get the young mans attention during glee that day, and Jesse quickly had to shake all thoughts of Rachel's wardrobe from his mind.

"I'm sorry Mr. Schuester, what?"

"We were asking if you would be willing to try a solo with Rachel to have more options for regionals" Schuester said, obviously annoyed at having to repeat himself. Jesse mentally yelled yes yes yes yes yes! but outwardly shrugged his shoulder noncommittally and said "sure", as if he hadn't just been granted an early Christmas gift. He glanced sideways at Rachel as Schuester continued rambling about how important it was to have diversity in their repertoire, in case something went wrong so they wouldn't be stranded like last time. She was gazing at Mr. Schuester aptly, as any co-captain should, but her eyes weren't alive with attention. She apparently was as lost in thought as Jesse had just been. And he had a sinking feeling that it had to do with the person sitting a row behind him.

xxx

Try as she might, Rachel was in a funk.

Seeing Finn everyday was now even harder than it was the day he had decided to annihilate her heart. The new presence of Jesse St. James was a welcome distraction for the other glee clubbers from her less than enthusiastic participation in rehearsals, save from being even more critical of Finn than usual and finding the occasionally not-as-emotional-as-they-could-be parts of her solos and ripping them a vocal new one.

She wasn't impressing herself (she already KNEW she was that talented), but even Kurt's usually snarky remarks were tapering off. If heartbreak was what it took to shut them up then fine. She was accepting of that necessity. But she knew she wasn't okay. No matter how many mirror faceoffs she held, no matter how many WWCDs (What Would Celine Do) she doodled, she still hurt when he came into view, or when she brushed up against him in a song. She could play tough all she wanted, but the fact of the matter is that she loved someone who didn't love her back. And that is enough to make even Rachel Berry blue.

It was inadvertently affecting Jesse it seemed though, as the boy was making such an effort that she wasn't reciprocating as enthusiastically as she might have before the Finnache.

The bell rang, shaking her from her revere. "Rachel will you stay after a minute?" Schue asked, and she gathered her things and nodded. She dawdled until the rest of the club was gone and then approached Mr. Schuester.

"Are you alright Rachel?" he asked, his eyes worried as he took in the teenagers exhausted looking form.

She shrugged. "Socially Mr. Schuester, I have done better." He watched her carefully, his affection for her was strong, even though she did drive him nuts at times.

"Is this about Finn?" he prodded gently, trying to not open the floodgates for the tears he knew she could access in seconds. But she didn't cry, just nodded silently and stared at the ground hard. He wished he could help her understand that the pain she felt now would make her stronger, but there was no way. It is a completely solo experience, healing from the first time someone breaks your heart. And in the end it will help her become tougher, but right now she was as fragile as ever. And it killed him to see someone he cared for like an godfather hurting like this.

"I know it's not always easy for you Rachel," Mr. Schuester began, choosing his words carefully "and I know that there are some things about yourself that you think you'd like to change. But you should know that there's some boy out there that will like you for everything that you are. Including those parts of you that even you don't like, those are going to be the things that he likes the most."

She sat there for a moment, her eyes now on him, just watching him. Then, without saying anything, she got up and hugged Mr. Schuester tightly.

As much as he tried to destroy her career by offering life lessons at her impending fames success, she knew that he was a good man and a good teacher. And what he had just said was proof of that.

"Thank you Mr. Schue" Rachel mumbled as she let go of him and slowly walked out, tears welling in her eyes. She hated herself like this. She had loved Finn with all her heart, she had tried to be the best version of herself for him, she had considered giving herself to him in ways that nobody had had of her yet. And he threw her away because he had to 'find himself". It wasn't fair and there was nothing she could do about it.

She noticed someone waiting in the hall and tried to wipe away the cascading tears from her face before they saw. Unfortunately Jesse was perceptive and caught on to what she was doing.

"Hey Rachel" he said, sidling up to her and taking a soft tone. "You doing alright?"

The second time she had been asked that question in ten minutes and she still had the same answer. But there was a different feeling coursing through her now. She felt... regenerated. Refreshed. She was undoubtedly still reeling from everything, all the new emotions flaring up due to Finn, but they all had less of an edge to them. She felt like she could now stand to look directly at him, instead of avoiding his figure. She felt those first steps to recovery being taken inside her. She smiled at him, the first true Rachel Berry smile he'd received.

"I'm doing alright," she said, feeling stronger saying those words "I'm doing alright."

And she smiled at Jesse again, actually believing them.

xxx

Later that evening Jesse found himself sitting on a piano stool beside a very giddy Rachel, empty cans of Starbucks Expressos scattered about on top of the instrument in the den of her home. Previously reluctant to let Jesse into her house, Rachel was now acting like she had known him for years, inviting him in, introducing him to her fathers Hiram and Leroy, and now letting him play her beloved baby grand piano that had been her high school entrance gift from her dads. They were an obviously close knit family, pictures of them were all over the large and immaculately laid out home, and Rachel had verbalized this sentiment several times, more and more after downing more cans of the coffee.

They had begun practicing with a litany of typical piano duets, wanting to ensure they kept all their options open even after deciding on "Hello Twelve". But after they ran through it once, they knew that it was the perfect one for the next day. The next three hours had been spent with them figuring out harmonies, changing parts around, and Jesse attempting to relearn the song without letting Rachel on that he had ever forgotten it. He hadn't played a piano in at least six months, but luckily he knew it was like riding a bike. He never forgot. After they had run through it at least thirty times (they were both perfectionists, not like there was anything wrong with that), they were finally satisfied. By then they were both rather caffeinated and had been speaking at an increasingly loud volume at any and all things, Broadway favorites, the pros and cons of being a vegetarian versus being vegan, and who should have taken home the most recent Tony awards but didn't. In short Jesse thought they were becoming friends

"Oh my gosh," Rachel gasped, tears still sparkling in her eyes from laughing as Jesse recounted the abominable job the Wicked tour Fiyero understudy did when he went to see the play at the Pantages "what did your parents say? Are they as interested in critiquing understudies as you are?"

Jesse smiled even though she had brought up the one subject he usually refused to speak with anyone about. "They actually weren't there for that one" he said, hoping against hope she would drop it "I saw that one solo"

"You went by yourself?" she asked, astounded. "You were, what, 12 years old when it opened in LA?"

"Yeah. I was about to turn 13 actually. That was my gift from them. I sat three rows back in the orchestra seats." Her face didn't indicate the response he was looking for.

"So your parents bought you one ticket for your birthday, but sent you alone into Hollywood to celebrate alone?"

"Yeah..." He was visibly uncomfortable now, playing random melodies on the piano as he spoke, apparently just to have something to do with his hands. She looked baffled at the idea that parents wouldn't be at something that their child cared so much for.

"Have they been to others with you?" she asked cautiously, unsure of how much she wanted to know

"Not really. Not once, actually." Jesse now looked right at her. He never talked about his parents. Never. Not with his old friends who knew better than to ask, not with his teachers, not with his other perpetually absent family, and sure as hell not with anyone in Ohio. But here he was, talking about them to Rachel Berry. Who would've thought

"My parents have taken the decidedly less-popular parenting road of throwing money to raise me" he began, keeping eye contact with her "My dad is an investment banker who made a lot of money when everyone in California was losing their homes in the early Nineties. His life consists of working, driving home, working, then going to bed. Never deviates from the routine either. My mother spends her days either cleaning or shopping. I rarely see her. Her and my dad are perfect for each other, they both equally don't want to be bothered by me so they buy me stuff and pose for the Christmas card picture every year with me, and in their minds they've filled the parenting quota for the year."

He stopped talking and glanced anywhere but at her. He could sense that he had dumped too much emotional baggage on her too soon, but he couldn't help himself. For the first time in his life, Jesse legitimately felt like someone wanted to hear about this part of his existence. Not just the trophy count or which schools he had been early accepted into. The dirty laundry of a sham family he hid behind the overconfident exterior. He felt like he could tell Rachel. He felt like she could help him.

"Sorry" he mumbled, finally looking at her again. She didn't respond, so in his embarrassment, he stood up and straightened out his clothes. Apparently realizing she missed her cue, she abruptly stood up and hugged him hard, surprising him for a moment but then instinctively hugging her back.

"I'm sorry that your parents don't realize what a gift they have" she said, pulling back to look at him but not letting go. "Believe me Jesse. Its going to be them that regret it. You shouldn't have to feel like you're the one not good enough. You're more than in my opinion."

Before Jesse could say anything, Rachel's dads poked their heads into the den and Jesse and Rachel broke apart as they bid their daughter and her companion goodnight. Jesse spoke Father fluently, and took that as their nonverbal way of telling him it was time to go. After thanking them for their hospitality, he grabbed his coat and walked to the door.

"Thanks for tonight" she said as she leaned against the door frame, clutching her arms across her chest, slightly chilly from the breeze blowing in "I know I've been kind of closed off -"

"No way, there's nothing to apologize for" he cut in, determined to keep any thoughts of Finn and his bullshit from her mind "Besides, you let me talk about my parents. If that isn't enough to scare you off then I have a feeling that you might actually stick around me" he ended with a smile, which she returned. There was silence for a moment. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It was nice. Peaceful. The kind of silence Jesse felt he could get used to.

"I gotta go," he said, breaking the comfortable silence "thank you for a night I truly enjoyed"

"I had fun too" she smiled up at him, and he couldn't help but feel like this was a first date. He viciously fought the instinct to kiss her. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, whispering into her ear "Thanks for letting me talk to you about my parents. It means more than you know."

"You're welcome" she breathed into his shirt, giving him goosebumps.

He pulled away, giving her a smile and a wink, and said "goodnight" before taking the stairs down from her porch in one step and jumping into his car. Waving a goodbye, he sped away from her house.

She walked inside and closed her front door and leaned against it. Closing her eyes, she sighed and thought back to how he smelled as he wrapped her up in his embrace. It was only three days after she had been tragically dumped by Finn, there was no way that she could have growing feelings for someone else already. Could she? She opened her eyes and sighed again, realizing the inevitable.

I have a crush on Jesse St. James

A/N: Review? :)