I wrote this in response to episode 5x16 Tested because Kurt and Blaine's conversation scene at the end just didn't seem finished. There was still more for Kurt to do to reassure Blaine. So this story begins toward the end of the aired conversation and continues onward after their hug. You should know the context of the episode and this scene in 5x16 before reading this.
Because Glee tends to show Blaine's point of view more than Kurt's and I don't believe it shows us enough of Kurt's affection or affirmation toward Blaine, I wrote this from Kurt's point of view. Starts out in Kurt's head and his myriad of thoughts, but then moves into their conversation with moments of angst, but mostly fluff.
This is my first published story, so please review...but be kind :)
Kurt stood there confused as he heard all Blaine had to say. Blaine's words were surprising and Kurt had no idea where all this was coming from. Blaine spoke of an upset balance between them, but what he was describing wasn't a balance at all. He seemed to want them to be as they were when they met - when Blaine had a sort of alpha-role above Kurt, a role of protectorate and mentor. Kurt had to admit he loved that phase of their relationship, that first year or so. He needed Blaine and felt so honored that Blaine had chosen him. Kurt recalled how he once was - a mix of floundering nerd and steady defiance against society all at once. He needed someone to understand him and honor him and bring out his true inner strength. His soul had been begging for that. The day he met Blaine, he knew he had found that person. And Blaine did for Kurt exactly what he needed. He pulled him out of his funk and stood him firmly on steady ground with his texts of "courage" and his words of support and his beautiful smile. He truly was his prince charming in those early months and he will always be eternally grateful to Blaine for that.
But now Blaine seemed to be thrown off by the fact that those days are long over. Kurt had gradually become a new boy over these last 3 years, and now he felt like a strong and confident man who was sturdy and capable and didn't really need anyone anymore. Or, at least, not in the way Blaine wanted him to need him. He didn't need Blaine's protection - hasn't needed it in a long time actually. He thought Blaine had been proud of his progress and development and loved him for that. Or, at least, that's what he had told Kurt in the past. They seemed to be equals now. Blaine was no longer the "alpha gay" that Kurt had once called him. They had eventually come to equal ground sometime around the end of Kurt's senior year in high school. But then they had been long distance and later broke up. They had really only been dating again, while living in the same city, for a few months now. So their renewed relationship still seemed a bit fragile at times, even though they were engaged. Kurt knew they were still so young and had a lot more to understand about each other. Kurt also knew Blaine was complex and had some insecurities, especially since coming to New York. They had discussed this.
But Blaine's words tonight surprised Kurt. What was he saying? That he wanted Kurt to return to the uncertain boy he once was? As they talked and Kurt tried to understand, he began to get the picture of what Blaine was really trying to say. Blaine seemed to feel that Kurt's growing strength would make him judge Blaine - that he doesn't measure up to Kurt anymore because he's now losing some sort of unspoken race between them.
These were new words for Kurt to hear and none of it quite made sense to him, but he knew he had to take this seriously. He had a role to play to turn this around. Yes, Blaine's insecurities are his own and no one can completely fix that for him. But Kurt also knew that he needed to reassure Blaine now more than he ever has. He had to make it absolutely clear how very much he loves him. He knew he didn't wear his feelings on his shirt sleeve like Blaine did. And he also knew that he sometimes became self-absorbed in his own life and didn't notice Blaine standing on the sidelines waiting for Kurt to throw him a smile or some sort of indication of how he felt about their relationship. Kurt knew he could do better in that regard. And at this moment, during this conversation that made the air around them feel thick and muggy, and the tension and insecurity and fragility of their relationship could be felt very tangibly, Kurt knew what he had to do.
Blaine had just told him, "I'm just so scared that you're going to keep changing and you're going to keep getting stronger and one day you're going to wake up and realize that 'I don't love him anymore'".
Kurt could see the sadness and torment Blaine was feeling at this thought. And it broke Kurt's heart to think that Blaine was feeling so torn up about their relationship. He wondered what he had done to contribute to this moment.
So Kurt responded, "Never. I'm always going to love you. And I don't want you to feel insecure or ashamed around me. Next time you're going through something like this, you have to be honest with me."
With tears lodged in his throat, Blaine softly said, "Okay". Kurt knew Blaine had so much inside him to share with Kurt and Kurt vowed to himself to make the space in his life to allow for that. Blaine meant everything to him. Even now, amid Blaine's tearfulness and vulnerability (maybe because of his vulnerability), Kurt looked at him and knew he loved this man more than he ever thought he could love anyone.
Kurt stepped forward and hugged Blaine tightly. Blaine responded with a grip that conveyed he never wanted to let go. Kurt could tell Blaine was still tearful. He wondered how Blaine had developed such fear about their future. Kurt stroked Blaine's back and held him in his arms for a long moment.
But now was the time to shift the tide of this conversation and make sure Blaine really understood how much he meant to Kurt.
"Come here," Kurt said as he let go of their embrace and took Blaine's hand, leading him to the couch. He sat him down and stroked his hand. "Blaine, I love you so much. Please don't ever forget that."
Blaine inhaled deeply, then spoke as he exhaled, "I know."
Kurt pulled Blaine toward him and nudged him to turn around so he could lean his back into Kurt. Kurt put his arms around Blaine from the back and held his hands. "Yes, I've changed and that's good. People should change. Over the years, we'll both change and I hope we'll support each other as we do. But I'm still the same person who fell in love with the most amazing, beautiful and talented guy on the planet..." He looked over toward the man leaning into him and saw him smile. It made Kurt smile as well and he could feel the tension in Blaine's body start to fade. "...the one who still takes my breath away whenever he smiles or says my name or holds my hand. And even though I don't need you to protect me anymore, I still need you. I need you to keep me warm at night, to watch sappy movies with me, to make me breakfast on Sunday mornings." Kurt had to pause as his back was starting to feel the strain of his uncomfortable position against the hard edge of the couch's arm. He shifted himself and momentarily reached back to press on a particularly tense knot he had been feeling in his back all day due to the tension that had arisen between them in combat class, as he said, "And to massage that bad knot I get in the middle of my back that only you know how to get out".
To this, Blaine laughed and sat up, turning around to face Kurt. He reached around Kurt and began to press on the spot he knew Kurt was referring to - he had massaged this very spot many times. Kurt continued, "I'm never going to wander away from you. Even if you gain 50 pounds, fall to the bottom of the hierarchy of NYADA and totally fail at your career, I will still love you. 'Cause I'm completely in this for good." Kurt reached up to stroke Blaine's cheek. "I'm sorry I let you doubt that."
Blaine's expression then looked slightly surprised and he pulled Kurt into a hug. "No no, don't be sorry."
"I just don't want you to ever doubt my love for you." Kurt then broke away from their hug to look directly into Blaine's eyes. He wanted to emphasize this point. "Because I do... unconditionally."
"Thank you." Blaine sighed deeply as he looked away from Kurt toward the coffee table nearby. Kurt could tell there was a new moment of revelation Blaine was now reflecting on. "I think I doubt myself and people's love because I never really felt it in my family. I never knew what unconditional love was until I met you. I guess it still feels like a new concept for me."
Kurt smiled. He loved how vulnerable Blaine was allowing himself to be - something he didn't always let Kurt see. He reached for Blaine's cheek and turned his head to look at him. "Well, get used to it 'cause you're going to have it from me for a long time."
Blaine's smile in response completely melted Kurt.