Disclaimer: I own none of the intellectual properties represented in this document.

AN: Albus raises Harry and all of those "boy-who-lived" storybooks have a bit of truth in them. Naturally, Snape hates his guts because of this. Like all elderly masters of an art, Albus is a bit of a crotchety old bastard, not to mention sadistically amusing in his training methods.

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Master and Apprentice

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Hungary – Age Seven

Harry panted as he dodged yet another baby Hungarian Horntail, racing as fast as his little legs would carry him. This was the latest test his Master, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore had devised.

"Go into the nest he says." Harry panted. "Grab the jewel and come back out he says." Harry jumped over a small outcropping and sent another jet of light from his wand, impacting a juvenile dragon's mouth as it opened to breath what was bound to be uncomfortably hot air at him. "It's perfectly safe he says." Harry tackled a baby dragon and used the rope around his waist to expertly hog tie it.

Getting back up, he puffed his way to the boundary of the lair, where his master was waiting with his current teacher. "Alright!" he yelled, pumping his fists in the air as he crossed the line drawn in the dirt. Looking back over his shoulder at the veritable army of pouting dragonlings, he stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry and yelled in a fake Chinese accent. "Too fast for you, try again next time bye bye!"

This earned him a cuff around the ears from a sun-tanning Albus Dumbledore. "Be respectful to other people's culture, Apprentice!"

This earned Albus a nasty charlie horse to the thigh which made him crumple up in pain. "Stop throwing your apprentice into dangerous situations, Master!"

Turning away from the moaning old man, Harry held out the necklace for the inspection of his other teacher. "Is this the right one?" He dearly hoped so; it was the fourth piece of jewelry he'd had to go retrieve.

The massive Hungarian Horntail brood mother leaned in to inspect it, her eye almost half the size of Harry's body. After a moment, she huffed in agreement which sent the seven year old boy into a jig of delight, dancing toward the showers set up in a nearby shack. "Hahaha! I'm the best wizard in the world!"

"Very well done, young man!"

Harry threw a thumbs up over his shoulder as he entered the shack. "Thanks Mr. Lovegood!"

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Algeria, Age Eight

"No."

"It is part of your training."

"I'm not doing it."

"It will teach you perseverance and the will to not give up in the face of monumental odds."

Harry looked up at Albus with an absolutely deadpan face so well done his master couldn't help but mentally compliment him on it.

"It's a lion den."

"Magical lions."

"Barbary lions."

"Magical Barbary lions."

"Like that makes a difference, they're still lions!"

"I'm sorry, Harry, I can't hear you over the sound of how big of a pussy you're being."

"Fuck you, old man!"

Albus' gaze sharpened to laser intensity and he slowly drew his wand, normally this wouldn't worry Harry, but his master wasn't looking at him, but directly behind him. Turning sharply and whipping out his own wand in the process, he was momentarily stunned that there was nothing behind him, and then ashamed that he'd fallen for that old chestnut.

"Son of a bi~tch!"

"Grab the cup and meet me back here!" Albus yelled jovially, as if he hadn't just pushed his apprentice downhill into a den of magical lions.

Listening to the colorful invectives that his apprentice was hurling back up at him, Albus couldn't help but frown. "Maybe I should find different school year accommodations for him other than the Hog's Head, his vocabulary is startlingly colorful for one his age…"

"It adds humor to what would otherwise be a horrifying situation, however." Xenophilius Lovegood said.

"Oh, he's not in any danger, he just doesn't know it."

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Africa, Age Nine

"This is worse than the lion den, Master."

"But that turned out so well!"

Harry gamely ignored the juvenile Barbary lion that was licking at his face, wanting attention and the young Hungarian Horntail flying overhead. "They're badgers, Master."

"Magi-"

"Don't say it!" Harry cut him off. "Let me guess, Magical Honey Badgers?"

Albus just pouted.

"I'm sensing a pattern developing, Master."

"Are you, now?" Albus asked with a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his lips.

"I refuse to partake in this."

Albus sighed and seemed to droop, gaining a hundred years in an instant, and looking like a pathetic old man.

"That bastard…"

"I guess we'll just have to settle for Rex and Sasha as your only pets."

"I'm not falling for it."

"It isn't like magical honey badgers are useful, or anything. They can just take basilisk venom and live…"

"I won't do it."

"And it isn't like it would be useful in irritating Severus in any way…" Albus fought a grin at that. If there was anything that was genetic other than the Potter hair, it was James' ability to annoy and be annoyed by one Severus Snape.

Harry gave him a disgruntled look before turning to his lion "Rex" he said, gaining its attention "if I don't come back in fifteen minutes, come and get me."

This earned him a yowl of agreement and a slobbering lick that covered his entire face.

Squaring his shoulders, Harry spared a glance at Albus, turned towards the area the badger den was located, and started to march.

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Amazon Jungle, Age Ten

"Let me guess." Harry started, looking on at the absolutely massive snake that was drinking from the river, after it finished killing and eating a caiman with contemptuous ease. "Magical anacondas?"

Albus beamed at his protégé. "My oh my, Harry, you're certainly getting a knack for this, aren't you?"

Harry sighed and pinched his nose, biting back a grin. Earlier in his life he'd been a little bitter towards Master Albus for putting him in such dangerous situations, but lately he'd come to realize something. He was already a fully trained wizard at the age of ten; he just didn't have a formal, Magical School education. That and the old bastard would never let anything actually happen to him.

And he had to admit, most of the stuff Albus put him through had been vastly amusing in hindsight.

Oh, who was he kidding? He knew he was a budding adrenalin junkie, just like his Master.

"Alright, let's do this shit."

"You're not staying at the Hog's Head anymore; Aberforth is a terrible influence on your vocabulary."

"Whatever, I'm going to go catch me an anaconda."

"Look for a baby, less chance that I'll have to cut you out of its stomach that way."

"Noted."

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Diagon Alley, Age Eleven

Harry stared in open suspicion at the white raven that his master was holding in a cage.

"What's the catch?"

Albus gave him a guileless look of incomprehension. "Whatever do you mean, dear boy?"

"All of my other familiars came with some sort of terror inducing mortal peril, I can't believe that this is going to be as simple as you just handing me the cage."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Harry, and I am singularly offended by your lack of trust."

Harry eyed him suspiciously before inching forward and tentatively reaching for the cage with the absolutely gorgeous white raven inside. Taking it from his master, he breathed a slight sigh of relief when nothing happened. Shooting the man a glare that made it loud and clear that he didn't trust him, Harry grinned at his latest pet. At this rate, he'd have more pets than Hagrid by the time he graduated.

"Now, Harry, we must head to the marshes and agrahdnkle!"

Harry wasn't listening, he'd cut him off with a vicious kick to the shin and bolted in the other direction.

Hopping up and down on one leg Albus couldn't help but chuckle. "Little bastard's finally learning. I'm so proud of him."

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September First, Hogwarts Express, Age Eleven

Harry had been meandering from carriage to carriage with his badger, Elaine, clinging to his back and looking over his shoulder for about an hour now. He'd found Neville, and helped the poor boy recover his toad with the help of a rather chatty and slightly rude muggle born girl. Now he was looking for Susan Bones, Amelia's niece.

In a high, slightly mocking voice Harry imitated the girl. "Badgers are not on the approved pets list, you will get in trouble before classes even start and you will never make Head Boy with your behavior!"

Reaching up to scratch between Elaine's ears, he muttered petulantly. "You're better than any old cat or owl, aren't you girl?" Earning a lick to his ear.

Opening yet another compartment he was delighted and rewarded with the sight of a young girl with ruby colored pigtails. "Susan!"

All the other girls, Susan included turned and the redhead smiled brightly at her friend and squealed "Elaine!" before rushing over to him and nabbing the badger off of his back.

Slumping his shoulders in a pout, Harry slouched over and sat next to his friend, moping the whole while until Susan broke away from the badger, who was now purring in contentment from the attention lavished upon her, to hug her friend tightly causing him to brighten up.

"How was your summer, Harry?"

Smiling brightly, Harry started to regale her and her companions with a story about how he was locked in a pyramid by Albus and escaped with the help of some pocket lint, a paperclip (which he then had to explain what that was), and a water bottle.

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September First, Hogwarts Great Hall, Age Eleven

"…well Mr. Potter, if there's one thing I can say about you it's that you don't have an ounce of quit in you. Better be HUFFLEPUFF!"

Harry gently placed the Sorting Hat back in McGonagall's hands and then tore off to the Hufflepuff table, sitting next to Susan amidst the cheers of his new housemates, earning himself a squealing hug from his friend.

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AN: And that's all I really got out of this. Might be more in the future.