Title: Gestational Vignettes
Author: Schwarmerei1
Fandom: The Good Wife
Pairing: Alicia / Kalinda
Rating: Pretty PG, but you know, girls
Warning: Pregnancy, birth and strap-ons
Word Count: 880
Genre: FPreg
Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect, CBS and the Kings own them
Summary: Fluffy fluff + baby
When Alicia hands Kalinda a factsheet entitled "Safe Eating During Pregnancy" she says "It's not just booze you know." Kalinda rolls her eyes "Yeah, I actually did know that," but wonders if she can survive just drinking milk for eight months.
Later Kalinda gives Alicia a downloaded protocol for "Inducing Lactation in Non-Birth Mothers" and tells her "I thought we were in this together." Turnabout is fair play.
When Alicia comments that the Boob Fairy has been to visit, Kalinda points out that it's not like she needed help in that department. She really doesn't and yes, she had noticed that her nipples were darker.
When Alicia congratulates her on skipping the drag that is morning sickness, Kalinda has a moment of weakness. She almost confesses that she hasn't.
When Alicia suggests that Kalinda might want to reconsider the high-heeled boots, Kalinda takes that as a challenge, she only gives in at 38 weeks when Alicia warns her that amniotic fluid destroys everything it touches. Via Spigas are expensive!
When Kalinda develops a craving it turns out to be for Orbit Citrusmint gum (now discontinued,) Alicia tries not to think of the damage being done by all those artificial sweeteners, colours and flavours. And searches shops all over Chicago, eventually has to go online.
When Kalinda pops and it becomes impossible for her to lie on her stomach, she's grateful that despite numerous self-deprecating 'grandma' jokes, Alicia's knees are in fantastic shape. And also the bed has a headboard.
When Alicia is patently thrilled that the 20 week ultrasound shows no dangly bits (it couldn't right?) and uses the words "a little Kalinda", Kalinda knows for sure that love is blind. When Kalinda tells Alicia that it's her job to come up with a name, Alicia actually cries.
When Kalinda begins to feel the flutters of quickening, sitting back in the cradle of Alicia's legs and arms becomes their thing. Watching Alicia's pale fingers run over the darkening line running from her navel is mesmerising.
When Kalinda has to undergo a Glucose Tolerance Test, she decides that ante-natal care is actually a misogynist conspiracy. When she survives it without vomiting, it feels like a bigger victory than the time Will gave her that country club membership.
When Cary plucks up his nerve to say something, Kalinda is 28 weeks and the skirts, fitted jackets and elastic belts have long been replaced by Empire line everything. When he asks if he can touch her bump she offers to give him a prostrate exam.
Later when Grace asks her the same thing Kalinda tells her where and how hard to press.
When Eli comments that Kalinda is glowing, Alicia questions "Is there something you want to ask?" Eli shakes his head, he needs to be able to maintain plausible deniability.
When Diane congratulates her on debunking the myth of baby brain, Kalinda thanks her. She doesn't mention that she's going through orange notebooks at triple her normal rate.
When Will asks, "So K, are you going to tell me... how?" Kalinda just shrugs. Based on dates it was probably the night Alicia used that strap-on.
When Zach decides that foot rubs are his 'job', Kalinda is too grateful to question him about ulterior motives. He's actually very good.
When Alicia insists that Kalinda sleep on her left side once she's reached her third trimester and enforces it with spooning, Kalinda points out "That's not going to work, you're left-handed." Alicia does her best to prove that she's ambidextrous.
When the obstetrician tells them that unless the baby turns head down, Kalinda is looking at a scheduled c-section, Alicia reassures Kalinda "You won't be any less of a woman." Kalinda doesn't say anything, but wonders if she was wrong to dismiss religion because there obviously is a god.
When Alicia coos over piles of minute onesies in the baby store all covered in bunnies, chicks and kittens, Kalinda seeks an offer and compromise and accept puppies. But only puppies.
When the anaesthesiologist misses the spinal block for the fourth time and electric pain sears down her left leg AGAIN, Kalinda tries visualisation. The image she chooses is her Desert Eagle semi-automatic pistol, loaded and racked with the safety off.
When the infant still waxy with vernix is plopped on Kalinda's chest and Alicia's hands come around to hold both of them, the thought that enters Kalinda's mind is not love but family. Kalinda knows it's not just hormones that are making her cry.
When the baby latches on to Kalinda successfully while they are still in the recovery suite Alicia says "See, it's genetic!" Kalinda isn't sure from which side.
When Owen comes to visit in hospital he manages not to double-take when Alicia is the one holding the black-haired, olive-skinned baby to her breast, Kalinda asks "Did you bring the sushi?" She's too doped-up to be hungry, but it's the principle of the thing.
What she should have asked for was tequila.
Author's note: this fic is implausible, but inducing lactation for women who haven't given birth is not. Look into it co-mothers, foster mothers, adoptive mothers and anyone else I haven't thought of that is interested. It's pretty amazing.