"You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind that I called you in the middle of the night but I needed to see you first thing."

"No, it's perfectly fine. The kids were able to fall back asleep after an hour or two."

"Marcy and I saw this new episode with the Mexican border hippie lawyer and I have some issues that I hope you can clear up."

"Shoot."

"You gave the blond guy a brand new quirky form of transportation and you got rid of the three-piece suits and that pesky Red John, right?"

"That's right. Just like the network requested."

"And last night, he made a lot of cute faces and spoke bad Spanish and napped and got up to hi-jinks and wanted to eat a lot, right?"

"Right. All the things the fans love."

So, tell me, why didn't I like the show so much?"

"Uhhhh….We were following your lead."

"My lead? Don't pawn this turkey off on me."

"With all due respect, you were the one who suggested he take a road trip with the new actress."

"The one with the tits? Yes, and we at the network appreciate her tits every time we see them. But last night, they laid there like a lox. Why?"

"Why didn't the tits and the antics and the flowered shirts and the Airstream—"

"Yeah, you hit every point that the female 18-49 is looking for. Sexy guy, nice hair, pretty women, vehicle with bed. What's missing? Why wasn't I feeling it?"

"We tried to bring human interest to Big Tits…I mean Fischer, and her boss, Abbott by having Jane work his magic and give them each a wondrous and evocative toy, the wand and the robot. You know, so viewers could appreciate the child in them."

"C'mon who gives a shit if those two like wands or robots?"

"With all due respect, that's exactly my concern about some of the changes. With no conflict or jeopardy or consequences or ticking clock, it's hard to make people give a shit about the characters."

"But we all cared when the short, flat-chested chick got a pony."

"That's because she was a well-drawn character in a life and death situation with a ticking clock running. Would she and the man she loved find the killer of his family before she lost the man she loved to that killer?"

"Wow. Is that what you were going for? I had no….Anyway, how about the blond guy's character?"

"With all due respect, he's a man on a tragic quest minus the tragic quest."

"Ouch. You got a one-track mind, you crazy son of a bitch. Look, maybe I shouldn't have made you kill off the scariest villain on TV, Ok?"

"I appreciate that."

"But now there's a new scary thing that'll be just as good, right? Red John wasn't a flash in the pan for Blondie, was he? There'll be criminals he's just as upset with, right?"

"Well—"

"Maybe he has cousins who could get killed. Twin blonde nineteen year old female cousins, maybe. And then his extended family comes out of the woodwork to help him. And they're all blonde and gorgeous and ripped and stacked. The female 18-49 will love it. Whattya think?"

"We're hoping this new killer who's targeting ex-CBI people will give us some dramatic traction."

"Dramatic traction. I love how you talk. I have to remember that when I speak to the network brass. Also, they're gonna ask, who's gonna get killed next?"

"Our current plan is to kill whoever was an infrequent guest on the show who's not currently a regular on another show and is available to shoot over the next few weeks."

"Brilliant. Run with it."