Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files Chapter 4: No Gusto, No Glory, a yu-gi-oh! 5d's fanfic

(THOUGHT YOU WERE RID OF ME, EH? WELL, THINK AGAIN! I'll keep writing these chapters as long as I want, and as long as there are ideas knocking around my noggin, SO SIT BACK AND ENJOY!

I'd also like to mention that during this chapter, a combo was played that worked a little differently in the show. AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THE SHOW DID IT WRONG. A CARD IN THAT COMBO SHOULD NOT HAVE ACTIVATED AT THE TIME IT DID. In this chapter, it will work as it should have.

And finally, the disclaimers: "Shadowchasers" is owned by Cyber Commander and used with his full permission (heck, his URGING!), and "Yu-Gi-Oh!" is owned by Kazuki Takahashi, and if he's really going to sue me over this if I don't put up a disclaimer, there are only two explanations: I'm more popular than I thought, OR HE NEEDS A LIFE.)

Shadowchasers: Miscellaneous Files

No Gusto, No Glory

What drives your life? Is it love? Maybe hatred? Money? Revenge? Power? Perhaps it's justice, or sex? Everyone has something that gives their life direction, and those who have nothing don't last long.

Me? I'm unusual. What primarily drove me was always the desire to spread joy, and I was blessed with that power, be it by entertaining or by dueling. But now I'm facing someone with an equally unusual driving force in his life—a quest for something that he'll do anything to get, which explains what he's doing dueling me. Wish me luck!

Munich, Germany. Capital city of Bavaria, third-largest city in the country, and home to prominent museums, parks, beer halls…and a team of Shadowchasers with some of the most unique decks in the organization.

It was just after sunset when one of them, Bruno von Klein, exited the city's children's hospital. He may have given up professional clowning when he became a Shadowchaser, but he refused to give up clowning entirely, which is why every Sunday he came to this institute and did a few hours of charity work. It was immensely rewarding to see the smiles on those kids' faces, bringing a little joy into their troubled lives, and hearing them beg for more whenever he left.

Bruno had changed out of his costume by now, his dark brown hair no longer hidden under a rainbow wig, his tanned complexion devoid of makeup, and his tiny, upturned nose freed from its red rubber container.

Still, no matter what he wore, his grin was his favorite accessory. It almost never faded. It changed, to be sure, from happy to excited to sympathetic, and occasionally even to sarcastic or sinister, but it very rarely just left, and everyone around him was glad for that.

He had only walked a block or two, weighed down by his bag of supplies, both clown and…otherwise, glad for the lack of weekend traffic on both the roads and the sidewalk when a voice called out to him.

"Oi, you!"

The voice was masculine, sharp and accusing, and laced with a foreign accent. Liverpool, perhaps. Bruno looked up to find the source, and saw a figure perched on the horizontal bar of the nearest lamppost. He was humanoid, not exactly tall nor short, not exactly fat nor thin, and dressed in a fancy black cloak of surprisingly high quality with the hood drawn up over his head, and holding a bulging bag of who-knows-what between his legs.

"You're Bruno von Klein, right?" he asked. He had an air of undisguised contempt in his voice.

"Yeah," Bruno said, rolling his big brown eyes, his smile shrinking a little. "And if you're working for Fanciullo, I'll tell you what I've told every one of his goons. Rebecca has no interest in—"

"Fanciullo?" the man on the lamppost interrupted, sounding surprised. Cattivo Fanciullo was a major player in the Italian underworld, with a level of influence all over Europe. It was well-known that he desired a deck that embodied childhood, and had made all sorts of attempts to get Bruno's fellow Shadowchaser (and girlfriend), Rebecca Schafer, to part with it. Since he'd joined the Shadowchasers, he hadn't had a month go by where they hadn't gotten a letter or email from or met with a representative of Fanciullo. "Oh, no, I'd never get mixed up with him! I'm here for you!"

Bruno sighed in relief, and his smile returned to its full size. "Okay, then," he said. "What can I do for you? Do you need help?"

"Hardly," the lofty being scoffed. "I'm here to confess to a crime."

The figure stood up, took the bag from between his legs, and, with an inhuman level of grace and agility, leapt off the lamppost and onto the sidewalk on the other side of the street.

When he hit the ground, the shadows around him seemed to thicken slightly.

"Really?" Bruno replied, his eyebrow raised. "And what exactly is the nature of this crime?"

The cloaked figure chuckled and opened his bag, displaying a large amount of jewelry. "I helped myself to these from that big shop on Fifth last night," he explained. "And I thought you should know about it."

Bruno's eyes widened, as did his smile. "Well, that doesn't happen very often! So, if you'll just come with me, we can return that jewelry and get you a severely reduced sent—"

"Whoa, whoa!" the figure interjected, dropping the sack and holding his hands out in front of him. "I said I wanted to confess! I never said anything about turning myself in! I have no plans to give up these gems or go to prison!"

Bruno's smile nearly disappeared. That was even more unusual than a criminal turning himself in.

"Then…why do you want to confess?" the Shadowchaser asked. "You could've left with your loot, but instead you're coming right to me. What's up?"

The figure chuckled again, for a little longer this time. "I want my duel, of course. I was expecting it when I robbed the place. I slowed myself down, took my time, waited for a Shadowchaser to arrive and duel me, but nobody ever showed up! By the time the police arrived, I was forced to leave and find a Shadowchaser myself!

"Not very considerate of you, you know. I mean, I know it was the middle of the night, but I didn't realize you Shadowchasers had curfews!"

"You're not making any sense!" Bruno shouted. "You cleaned out a jewelry store and got away with it, something lots of thieves would give their left arms for, and you're upset?"

"That's right!" the thief shot back. "I worked hard picking out the right target and preparing to strike, and you stood me up! I'm downright insulted, I am!"

"Okay, okay," Bruno sighed, his head still spinning. "I'm sorry, I guess. But you're still not making any sense. Why are you risking serious jail time just to duel me?"

The cloaked figure let out another laugh. "Why?" he repeated. "Let me give you a hint."

The figure seized the hem of its cloak and ripped the whole thing off in one swift motion, then threw it aside and let Bruno get a good look. The Shadow underneath could pass for human, if humans had ashy grey skin, white-grey hair as thick as worms, and eyes that were completely black, except that he looked…freakish. The entire left half of his face was covered in an elaborate tattoo of the night sky, the right half had at least twenty piercings everywhere from his dark grey eyebrow to his black lips, and there was an X-shaped scar on his chin. He was dressed in a fancy black jacket whose left sleeve ended at the wrist while the right only reached the elbow, exposing the tattoo of a sword on his forearm, and black jeans covered in pockets and held by a silver belt with a black buckle. He wore clearly expensive black sneakers, and there was a sleek black Duel Disk slung over his back.

"Oh, a shadar-kai," Bruno said with a nod, his smile now a broad smirk. "That'd explain it, all right."

Shadar-kai were a nocturnal race of fey with a very pessimistic outlook on life, believing that once it was over, that was that, and nothing awaited them afterward. Because of this, they craved glory above all else, as the only thing they believed lived on of a person after death was their legacy. And since shadar-kai were classified as a Lawful Neutral race, they were always seeking to accomplish great feats of both good and evil just for the notoriety.

"Bingo, kid," the shadar-kai said with a wink. "I don't care near as much about stealing these jewels as I do about beating a Shadowchaser at his own game!

"So, Bruno, what do you say? Win and you can arrest me. Lose, and I'll take my ill-gotten gains and be on my way. Of course, I understand if you're scared…"

"I'm not scared!" Bruno objected, his smile now big and confident. "I'm flattered! You got away with your crime, and now you're coming back just to duel me! How can I say 'no'?"

"You can't," the shadar-kai replied with a smirk. "It's your job. So get out your Duel Disk and deck."

Bruno nodded and put his bag on the sidewalk, then bent over to unzip it, taking out the one thing he kept inside not at all related to clowning: his Duel Disk. He slipped it onto his wrist, then took his deck out of his pocket and inserted it into the Disk.

The shadar-kai, meanwhile, took his time putting on his Duel Disk, and afterward went through his bulging jeans pockets one by one. "No, that's not it…" he murmured. "No…no…ah, here we are!" What he took out, however, was no deck. It was a round disc made of glass, about the size and shape of a bike reflector, with four spindly, spider-like legs extending out of it.

Then, without warning, he hurled the object with all his might at the streetlamp that had once been his perch. It struck the pole about two-thirds of the way up, and the legs contracted, holding it in place.

"What was that?" Bruno demanded, pointing to the device.

"Relax, mate," the shadar-kai told him, taking a deck from his jacket pocket and putting it into his Duel Disk. "It's just a wireless webcam that'll send live footage of the duel to a friend of mine who'll record it and put it online. I need documented proof if I'm going to brag about defeating a Shadowchaser, after all." He reached into the pocket from which he'd taken the camera and pulled out a small remote. He hit a button and the camera's rim lit up, emitting a soft green glow. "Hello, my beloved fans!" he suddenly said, taking a dramatic pose. "This is Teodahr, now known as Teodahr the Ascending Star, bringing you another exciting duel!

"As you can see," the shadar-kai (now to be referred to as "Teodahr") continued, holding up his bag of loot. "I've lifted a small fortune in gold and gems, and am now opposing Shadowchaser Bruno von Klein, who is determined to stop me! Enjoy!"

Bruno sighed, but decided to play along, activating his Duel Disk, which expanded and launched its holo-imagers, and Teodahr did the same.

"LET'S DUEL!" they shouted, ready to give the crowd a good show.

(Bruno: 8,000) - - - - - - - - - - (Teodahr: 8,000)

"Since I'm a gentleman, I'll let you have the first move," Teodahr announced as they both drew their opening hands. "Use it well."

Bruno nodded and drew a sixth card, then stared at his hand. Not a bad start, he thought to himself. Finally, he chose a card and set it on the tray of his Duel Disk.

"I summon Tweedledum!" he declared.

In a flash of light, a form burst out of the ground and solidified in front of Bruno. It was a person—a short, fat little man in orange and purple schoolboy attire and a beanie on his head. (1,800 ATK)

"And, since I Summoned Tweedledum, I can pay eight-hundred Life Points to Special Summon his brother Tweedledee!"

Bruno's Life Points dropped slightly, and another Monster appeared next to Tweedledum. He looked like a mirror image of his brother. (1,600 ATK)

"Then, I'll set a facedown card."

Bruno slipped a card into his Disk and a holographic card back appeared behind Tweedledum.

"And I'll end my turn there."

(B: 7,200) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 8,000)

"Nice start," Teodahr commented, drawing a card. "But I bet I can do better."

He studied his hand, then frowned.

"Hmm…I guess I can't," he confessed. "But that's easily remedied. I activate Card Trader!"

The shadar-kai slipped a card into his Disk and the giant holographic image of a Spell Card materialized next to him. It bore the image of a sinister-looking man in dark clothing shuffling a deck of cards.

"Now, during each of my Standby Phases, I can select a card in my hand and shuffle it into my deck, then draw a new card to replace it! Great, isn't it?

"Anyway, I'll end my turn by playing a facedown card and a Monster in Defense."

Two facedown cards, one horizontal, the other vertical and behind it, appeared on the field.

"And now I'll turn it over to you. Now, show me the duelist I sought out."

Bruno's eyes went wide again. "'Sought out'?" he repeated, his smile almost disappearing from confusion. "I thought you just wanted to defeat a Shadowchaser?"

Teodahr tossed back his head and laughed. "Hardly," he replied when he was finished. "I want strong and interesting opponents. Your deck interested me because it was so rare and unusual, and reflected a love of chaos, something my kind love to see destroyed!

"And I'll let you in on another secret, mate: You're not my first Shadowchaser! I've been traveling around the world, committing crimes and getting away with them by defeating Shadowchasers!

"I've beaten twelve so far, on five different continents! All of them provided a decent challenge, so I expect the same from you!"

He chuckled again, then put on a serious face. "You know," he pondered. "Maybe after I beat ninety-nine of 'em, I'll return to jolly ol' England and go for the brass ring. You know, take on your boss?

"Ah, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. It's your move."

Bruno nodded and drew a card. "You want a challenge?" he asked. "You got one! I summon the Mad Hatter!"

He played the card and a new Monster appeared. This one was a famous figure, a little man with a big nose and polka-dotted bow tie and an even bigger green top hat with a piece of paper tucked in the brim that read, in big bold letters, "IN THIS STYLE: 10/6". He let out a giggle and tipped his hat at his opponent, exposing a porcelain teacup on a saucer hidden underneath, and then replaced the top hat and stood up straight.

"Now, I'll attack your Set Monster with Tweedledum! Battle rattle!"

Tweedledum cackled and reached into his trousers, withdrawing a comically large, blue baby rattle. He shook it for a second, just to hear the noise, then leapt at the facedown Monster and swatted it, using his rattle as a club.

The facedown Monster was exposed as a pitiful humanoid figure sculpted from clay with everything below its waist buried in the street, but it countered Tweedledum's assault with surprising strength, knocking the hand with the rattle aside and elbowing the Warrior in his fat belly, sending him flying back to crash to the ground on his rump. (2,000 DEF)

Tweedledum pulled himself up with a snarl and pocketed his rattle.

(B: 7,000) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 8,000)

"Earthbound Spirit?" Bruno inquired, staring at the newly-revealed Monster. "Somebody still uses that outdated card?"

"Yes," Teodahr answered. "And clearly it still has its uses, since none of your Monsters can crack its defense. Now, will there be anything else?"

"Yes," Bruno said. "I'll play another card facedown and end it there."

He slipped another card into his Duel Disk and another facedown card appeared behind Tweedledee.

"Your move, 'Teodahr the Ascending Star'."

Teodahr nodded and drew a card, then gave his hand a long, hard look.

"I activate the effect of my Card Trader!" he announced, the Spell Card's hologram glowing with energy.

He chose a card from his hand and placed it into his deck. The Duel Disk's auto-shuffle function activated, randomizing his cards, and when it was done, Teodahr drew a card.

"Ah, that's better," he said with a smile. "But not quite good enough. I'll add to the combo by playing Schrodinger's Cat!"

He played the card, and another Continuous Spell appeared next to Card Trader, this one bearing a very odd illustration: a white cat wearing an even whiter tuxedo, holding a cane and balancing a hat on its tail.

"Now whenever I draw outside of my Draw Phase, I can shuffle the drawn cards back into my deck and try again! A perfect combo with my Card Trader!"

He's taking all the luck out of drawing!, Bruno realized. Whatever he's planning, it must be a tough combo to pull off!

"Now I'll bolster my defenses…" the shadar-kai continued.

A facedown Monster materialized next to Earthbound Spirit.

"And turn things over to you."

Bruno sighed and drew a card, then pointed at his Mad Hatter, who was sipping from his teacup.

"You know," he said. "You're not the only one with an eventful Standby Phase. You see, my Mad Hatter just hates regularity and scheduling, so each turn, he picks a different hat at random, with each one giving him a different effect.

"Let's see what he chooses, shall we?"

The Mad Hatter removed his hat and replaced the teacup, then reached inside the oversized top hat and pulled it inside-out. With a loud "POP", the hat suddenly changed, turning into an oversized bicorn hat (the kind Napoleon Bonaparte always wore in portraits), with a big number 2 on it, but with one major peculiarity—it was made of solid stone!

Nervously, the Mad Hatter placed it on his head, struggling under its weight, and further mimicked Napoleon by putting his hand inside his jacket. (1,800 ATK) - ) (1,000 ATK)

Bruno's smile shrank considerably as Teodahr cackled incessantly.

"Nice effect!" the shadar-kai laughed. "What's next? An attack on his own ally?"

"Hardly," Bruno scoffed. "But giving him an ally is certainly a good idea. I'll summon the March Hare to keep him company!"

He played the card, and a Monster materialized next to the Mad Hatter, this one an anthropomorphic hare in a dinner jacket and trousers. (1,200 ATK)

"And now, since Tweedledum attacked last time, I'll let Tweedledee handle your new Monster. Rattle battle!"

Tweedledee smiled and withdrew a rattle identical to Tweedledum's from his pocket, and Tweedledum immediately patted himself down and cast a dirty look toward his brother. Tweedledee ignored it and leapt at the set Monster, exposing a sinister-looking treasure chest, which exploded after one swat from the Warrior's toy.

"Excellent," Teodahr commented. "You just destroyed my Dark Mimic LV1, which means I get to draw a card."

He snatched a card from the top of his deck, looked it over, and frowned.

"And now, I'll use my Schrodinger's Cat to send it back and try again."

He shuffled it back into his deck and drew another card.

"Well, if you're done," Bruno said. "I end my turn."

Teodahr nodded and, without a word, drew a card. Then he chose another card in his hand, shuffled it back into his deck via Card Trader, and drew a new card. Then, thanks to Schrodinger's Cat, he reshuffled that card and drew yet another new one.

"Tricky deck you've got there," Bruno commented with a sly grin. "You sure it's worth the trouble?"

"Of course it is!" Teodahr snapped. "What kind of glory's to be gained by doing things the easy way? Lots of famous duelists knew that: Siegfried von Schroeder, Motegi Mokeo, Rishid Ishtar, Ryo Bakura, and Manjoume Jun, just to name a few! Everybody knows that sticking to the easy road never got anyone any notoriety!

"You see this tattoo?" he suddenly asked, pointing to his face.

"Sorta hard to miss it…" Bruno answered, his smile almost disappearing again.

"It depicts the constellation Heracles, the greatest hero of Ancient Greece. He slew monsters, all right, but few people know a part much closer to the beginning of the myth: that when he was just a youth, he was approached by two nymphs who offered him the choice to have a pleasant and easy life, or a severe but potentially glorious one. Obviously, he chose the latter. He knew even then that life was temporary, and through acts of bravery and strength, he achieved immortality by being placed in the stars.

"Obviously, that story is complete bunk, but it sure is inspirational, isn't it?"

"I suppose," Bruno replied, shaking his head. "But if you expect to become an equal of Heracles, you're sure to be disappointed. That's the thing about fiction—its heroes are always greater than those of history."

"Perhaps," Teodahr admitted. "But most legends have a basis in fact, don't they? Who knows? Maybe a couple thousand years from now, I'll be a legendary duelist, more famous than Yugi or Kaiba!

"For now, though, I'll continue my turn by activating the Spell Card, Signal Check."

He played the card, and its hologram erupted into being, showing an illustration of Neo-Spacian Glow Moss, one of Yuki Judai's famous Neo-Spacian Monsters, holding up its arms around four differently-colored balls of light—one blue, one red, one green, and one brown.

"This isn't exactly a common card, so let me explain how it works. First, you pick up cards from your deck until you get a Monster. Go on now, but don't show it to me."

Bruno took the top card from his deck. It was a Spell Card. The next was also a Spell, followed by a Trap. Finally, he picked up a Monster and gestured for his opponent to continue.

"Now, I try and guess which Attribute it belongs to, and if I'm wrong, you get to keep every card you just picked up. But if I'm right, you have to shuffle them back into your deck, and I get to draw three cards.

"Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Isn't this an awfully chaotic card for a being who values order?' Well, you're partially right, but it's hardly chaotic when you know what you're up against. And since I have it on high authority that every Monster in your deck is of the Dark Attribute, I'll name that!"

Grudgingly (but still not losing his smile), Bruno turned the card around. It was Alice, the Warden of Wonderland, his signature Monster, and she was indeed Dark.

"My, how ever did I know?" Teodahr chuckled, drawing three as Bruno shuffled the four cards back into his deck. "Hmm…I don't think I'll use Schrodinger's Cat this time.

"It's time for me to go on the offensive. I summon Opticlops!"

He played a card, and a gruesome one-eyed ogre with an ugly, curved horn appeared on the field. (1,800 ATK)

"Now, your Hatter may be the weakest Monster on your field, but I don't like the look of that Hare, so I'm taking him out now. Horn ram!"

Opticlops ran forward, but before he was halfway across the street, Bruno interrupted him.

"I activate a Trap Card!" he declared. "Go, Lobster Quadrille!"

One of Bruno's facedown cards lifted up, showing a Trap Card with a very unusual picture. Instead of a photocopy of a painted image, as most cards had, it was a copy of a hand-drawn illustration, and a rather famous one at that. It was one of John Tenniel's illustrations from Lewis Carroll's immortal tale, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, specifically the one depicting the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle dancing around Alice.

"This allows me to move March Hare into facedown Defense Mode, where he's strong enough to survive your attack!"

As the one-eyed Fiend continued to charge, the March Hare leapt into the air, and when he came down he morphed into a brown card back. Opticlops struck it with his horn and the March Hare appeared in a kneeling position, sipping a cup of tea, and then slapped Opticlops right across the face! (1,800 DEF)

The Fiend looked affronted, but then just sulked back to its master.

"Well, that's annoying," Teodahr grumbled. "But at least my Monster and my Life Points are untouched. I'll just set a facedown card and end."

A facedown card appeared.

"Then it's my move!" Bruno announced. He snatched a card and immediately turned to the Mad Hatter. "And now, it's time to decide this turn's effect!"

The Mad Hatter nodded and lifted his heavy stone hat, then reached inside of it and turned it inside-out again, transforming it into a very poorly-wrapped turban whose cloth was wrapped not only around the top of his head, but his throat as well. There was a big ruby in the center with a number 4 inside of it. (1,000 ATK) - ) (1,800 ATK)

"Hmm…" Bruno pondered. "No, I don't like that result."

"That's chaos for you!" Teodahr snickered. "You keep using effects based on luck, and sooner or later they'll disappoint you!"

"That's very true," Bruno agreed. "But I'm not the only one who doesn't like it. Take a look at my March Hare."

He was right. The March Hare was shaking his head and casting a highly disapproving glance at the Mad Hatter. The Hatter hung his head, then removed the turban and reached inside it, pulling it inside-out again. The turban transformed into an old-fashioned German war helmet, the kind with a spike on top. There was also a big 3 printed on the front.

"That's much better," Bruno commented. "You see, Teodahr, my deck isn't as chaotic as you think. The Mad Hatter may be chaotic, but that's why he has the March Hare. With him, I get the chance to alter the result of a game of chance each and every turn.

"And now, it's about time I went on the offensive, so I'll switch my March Hare back to Attack Mode, and summon Spade Guard to further bolster my army!"

The well-dressed rodent set down its tea and stood up, and a new Monster appeared next to it. It was one of the Queen of Hearts' card soldiers (the four of spades, to be specific), holding a spear topped with a playing card spade. (1,000 ATK)

"Mad Hatter, it's time to clear the field! Attack his Earthbound Spirit!"

The Mad Hatter nodded and charged forward, the spike on the helmet right out in front.

"What good will that do?" Teodahr demanded. "His Attack Points are no higher than Tweedledum's!"

"That's true," Bruno admitted. "But his new effect states that any Monster he attacks during my Battle Phase is destroyed automatically!"

Sure enough, the Mad Hatter speared Earthbound Spirit with his helmet's spike, causing the defensive Fiend to shatter into pixels.

"Tweedledum, attack Opticlops!"

Tweedledum bounced forward, rattle out, ready to suicide itself to take out Opticlops.

"Oh, no you don't!" Teodahr cried. "Activate Bark of Dark Ruler!"

One of his facedown cards lifted and Tweedledum was surrounded by a dark aura.

"Technically, I could give up any amount of Life Points to allow my Opticlops to survive, but since I like nice, round numbers, I'll give up an even thousand to lower Tweedledum's Attack Points by the same amount!"

The Trap Card let loose a horrible roar, and Tweedledum's ATK fell to 800. Opticlops jumped at the opportunity, grabbing the Warrior in a bear hug and crushing him to death.

(B: 6,000) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 7,000)

Bruno struggled to maintain his smile, and finally managed to say, "I end my turn."

"And I'll begin mine," Teodahr said.

He drew a card, frowned, then immediately shuffled it back into his deck and drew another one. Then he shuffled that card back and drew yet another, and smiled.

"Much better. Next, I'll trade in my Opticlops for something stronger…"

Opticlops vanished, and a new Monster appeared in his place, this one instantly recognizable with its huge frame, batlike wings, downward curving horns, and bony carapace. It was Yugi Motou's signature Fiend—

"The Summoned Skull!" Teodahr declared. (2,500 ATK)

"Normally I'm not a fan of demons," he added. "They're too obsessed with the forces of chaos. But I'll take good Monsters where I can get them. So now, I'll use him to wipe out your biggest threat! Summoned Skull, destroy the Mad Hatter with demon lightning!"

The Summoned Skull raised its clawed hands to the sky, and some dark clouds formed just over them, then sent a bolt of lightning right into his claws. The demon held his ground, though, and seemed fully unharmed. Furthermore, he managed to redirect the lightning right at the Mad Hatter! The poor Warrior was electrocuted and shattered into pixels on the spot.

"Then I'll play a facedown and turn it over to you."

A facedown card appeared in front of Teodahr.

(B: 5,300) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 7,000)

Bruno drew a card, and his smile grew considerably.

Finally!, he thought, A high-level Monster!

"Okay, 'Teodahr the Ascending Star'," he proclaimed. "It's time I knocked you back down to earth! I tribute my March Hare and Spade Guard to bring out a Monster stronger than the two of them combined!"

The two aforementioned Monsters slowly vanished into darkness, making way for a much larger shape…

"Prepare yourself, and…beware the Jabberwock!"

The dark shape came into being, but the result looked both terrifying and unreal. It was a large winged Dragon with a pear-shaped torso (for some reason wearing a vest), long limbs with ferocious claws, and a serpentine neck ending in a round, horned head with two long whiskers and giant buck teeth. It let out a brutal roar! (2,600 ATK)

"Getting a little nervous?" Bruno asked, grinning sarcastically.

"Not really," Teodahr said with a sigh. "I've faced down worse. Besides, I'm still ahead in this duel."

"Not for long!" the Shadowchaser retorted. "Jabberwock, send his Summoned Skull back to the boneyard! Merciless flame attack!"

Smoke poured from the Jabberwock's nostrils. It opened its mouth and sent forth a stream of fire that burned the skull demon to a crisp.

"Tweedledee, attack directly!"

The pudgy Warrior leapt forward and smacked Teodahr with his rattle, knocking the shadar-kai to the ground and sending his Life Points tumbling down.

(B: 5,300) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 5,300)

"What were you saying about being ahead?" Bruno chuckled, as Teodahr pulled himself to his feet. "There's only so far your dime-store Fiends can take you! Anyway, that's all for now, but there's more to come real soon!"

Teodahr glared at his opponent, then drew a card, far more forcefully than necessary. He stared at it, then shuffled it back with the effect of his Card Trader and drew a new one. Then he used his Schrodinger's Cat to do it once more. But when he looked at the last one, he burst out laughing. Hard. So hard that he nearly fell over.

"Good draw?" Bruno asked politely.

"Only the final piece I need to bring you down!" Teodahr cackled. He continued laughing for a few more seconds, then finally regained his composure and posed a very odd question.

"Tell me, Bruno von Klein: You wield these creatures of chaos and lawlessness, but you must know a thing or two about order, too. Do you know the three laws that define an orderly universe?"

Bruno looked Teodahr really hard in his completely black eyes, his smile shrinking into a tiny smirk. "I'm afraid I don't," he answered. "Metaphysics was never really an interest of mine."

"Then allow me to educate you.

"The first rule is that, in an orderly universe, three is the perfect number. Great things come in threes—there's the earth, sea, and sky; there's morning, afternoon, and night; multiple religions have three top deities; and, before a group of people who clearly had absolutely nothing to do came along, the solar system had nine planets, which is three threes! If you see two of something, look for a third.

"And I'll illustrate this point by removing not one, not two, but three Fiends from my Graveyard to Special Summon Dark Necrofear!"

Teodahr took his Earthbound Spirit, Dark Mimic LV1, and Summoned Skull out of his Disk's Graveyard slot and set a new Monster on the tray. There was an instant flood of darkness, and a creature slowly formed from it, one that emitted an aura of fear. It was female, bald, with blue skin and pointed ears, wearing a silver and orange breastplate, and boots and a glove on her left arm both made of some sort of dark purple metal. There was no flesh between her chest and waist, exposing some of her ribcage and vertebrae. But by far the creepiest thing about her was the porcelain doll she carried in her arms. It wasn't even complete—its right arm was missing, as was everything below its waist, and its head had been broken open, leaving a large hole, making the pitiful stare from the doll's big eyes even creepier. Both Fiend and doll were surrounded by an aura of dark flames. (2,200 ATK)

"How's that for a dime-store Fiend?"

Bruno gulped, but stood his ground and maintained his smile. "More impressive, but not at all surprising," he replied. "I had a feeling it was lurking in your deck somewhere. Let me guess: Now you're going to suicide it against my Jabberwock to get yourself a stronger Monster? That won't help you—there are several cards in my deck that could destroy your Dark Necrofear in its Equip Spell form and let me take my Jabberwock right back."

Teodahr started laughing again, then gestured toward one of his facedown cards. "I don't plan on doing anything of the sort! Now, back to our lesson on the three rules of an orderly universe. You remember the first, right?"

"Of course," Bruno answered. "Three is the perfect number, so great things come in threes."

"Right," Teodahr told him. "And to help you remember, I activate my Trap Card, Rule of Three!"

One of Teodahr's facedown cards lifted, exposing a Continuous Trap with an illustration of a gorgeous woman with feathery angel wings and outstretched arms. She held a golden orb in each hand, and a third floated over her head.

"What's it do?" Bruno inquired.

"Nothing just yet," the shadar-kai answered. "Now, on to the next rule. The second rule is that, in an orderly universe, all motion is, in the long run, circular. A circle is the perfect path, and a sphere the ideal shape. The moon is a sphere that revolves around the earth, the earth a sphere that revolves around the sun, and the sun is yet another sphere!

"Here's another card to help you remember. Activate Unity of Rings!"

His other facedown card lifted, revealing another Continuous Trap Card with the image of a man and a woman holding hands inside of a design made up of three interlocking rings.

"And to illustrate my point, I activate Dimensionhole!"

He played the Spell Card, and a circular hole in time and space appeared above his Dark Necrofear. With the force of a vacuum, she was sucked into it, and both Fiend and hole disappeared.

"This removes my Dark Necrofear from play, but on my next turn, she'll come full circle and return. She's not worried about where she is or where she's going, though, because of the third rule."

"Which is?"

"Simple. You know the universe is infinite, don't you? Of course you do. But what you may not realize is that since it is infinite, no matter where you go or how far you travel, you'll always be at its exact center. Anywhere and everywhere is the center of all.

"And now, to complete my lesson, I activate the Spell Card, Center of All!"

He placed the card on his Duel Disk, and its hologram appeared between those of Rule of Three and Unity of Rings, this one displaying Leonardo da Vinci's famous Vitruvian Man overlaid on a cosmic background.

Suddenly, there was a bolt of lightning and a crash of thunder, even though there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

"These three cards, these metaphysical pillars, bring about a deadly combo the likes of which you've never seen!"

The holograms of the three cards turned to stone and shattered, and in their place, three columns of light shot up into the sky. Massive, dark clouds appeared over the street, and the thunder and lightning continued, becoming stronger and more frequent.

"I'll now bring forth a creature of pure Order, one entrusted with control over the very flow of time!"

Bruno's smile disappeared entirely, his mouth now being used to gape at the maniacal expression on his opponent's face as an oddly mechanical roar emanated from within the clouds.

"Come forth, great master of the temporal flow!" Teodahr cried. "Appear before me…Chronopsis the Chronomancer!"

The thing within the clouds gave another roar in reply, louder than last time, and slowly, bit by bit, emerged onto the field. It was a magnificent creature of pure gold, even bigger than Bruno's Jabberwock, and coated in shining golden armor. It was definitely a Dragon, but oddly mechanical as well, with hinges and gears on the joints of its limbs and wings. Most amazing of all, though, was what could be seen through the spaces of its armor: The inside of this wondrous Monster was neither flesh and bone nor gears and cogs—it was an entire galaxy of stars, planets, and moons! (3,000 ATK)

"Whoa…" was all that Bruno could say as he put on a (completely fake) smile of confidence.

"That's the usual response," Teodahr sighed. "It hardly emphasizes the enormity of this Monster. You see, in addition to his considerable scores in both Attack and Defense, he has two powerful abilities. First of all, destroys a Monster on the field each and every round. I think I'll do that to your Jabberwock right now."

The Chronomancer's eyes glowed, and the Jabberwock's body began stretching in all directions, making it look even more deformed before it burst into pixels.

"And secondly, he's completely immune to the effects of any card you play, whether or not they target—which means that I have nothing to fear from your facedown card!

"Chronopsis, attack that doughball with temporal blast!"

Chronopsis opened its mouth and let loose a surge of energy that engulfed Tweedledee, surrounding him with shadows, and when they disappeared, the pudgy Warrior had been turned to stone. Bruno gasped, and what was left of Tweedledee crumbled into dust.

(B: 3,900) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 5,300)

"That's all I can do on this round," the shadar-kai said. "Go ahead and erect some feeble defense for my Chronopsis to tear down in an instant."

That Chronopsis is one of the deadliest cards I've ever seen!, Bruno mentally panicked as he drew his obligatory card. And the only way to kill it is in battle? That's no easy task…

He stared at the card he had just drawn.

But not impossible!

"You say I can't destroy Chronopsis with an effect? That's fine by me! I'll just take it down the old-fashioned way, and I'll start by summoning Alice, the Warden of Wonderland!"

A new Monster appeared on the field. It was clearly the Alice seen on the Tenniel illustrations on some of the other cards Bruno had played, but…different. She had done some growing up, and was now a teenager rather than a child. She still had the same blue dress, though, and the same blue bow tied in her long, blonde hair, but her expression was serious, maybe even angry. She also carried a knife in her right hand. (1,300 ATK)

"And I'll increase her strength by equipping her with Vorpal Blade!"

He played the card, and Alice's knife changed, morphing into a long, double-edged sword that gleamed in the glow emanating from Chronopsis. (1,300 ATK) - ) (2,100 ATK)

"She's still not strong enough," Teodahr said, shaking his head.

"Yeah? Well, I don't care! Alice, attack Chronopsis! Vorpal blade attack!"

Alice grabbed her new sword with both hands, then jumped up and flew right at the great Dragon's face.

"But she's too weak!" Teodahr insisted. "She'll die in an instant!"

"Maybe, maybe not," Bruno told him. "It all depends on how good a guesser I am! Go, Enchanted Mushroom!"

He played another card, and its hologram shimmered into being. It bore another Tenniel illustration, this one of Alice confronting the Caterpillar atop his mushroom.

"Now I choose a Monster, such as Alice, and then I choose a card in your hand, and guess whether it's a Spell, Trap, or Monster. If I'm right, Alice will grow to giant size, doubling her Attack Points, which, by the way, include the ones she got from Vorpal Blade. If I'm wrong, she'll shrink and lose half of her Attack Points, and I'll take even more damage than I would now."

"But why attack first and activate it second?" the shadar-kai objected. "You could've activated it during your Main Phase and decided whether or not to attack based on the result!"

"What can I say?" Bruno replied. "I like to live dangerously."

"Okay, then," Teodahr said with a smirk, holding up the last card in his hand. "Go right ahead and guess."

Bruno stared at the card for a few seconds (Alice and Chronopsis had frozen in place when he'd activated his Quickplay), but finally spoke up.

"Well, let's see…if it were a Trap Card, you probably would have set it, and if it were a Monster, you probably would have summoned it so you could do more damage, so…I'm betting it's a Spell Card!"

Teodahr's smile grew even bigger as he turned the card around. It wasn't a Spell, but a Monster, and not one that Bruno recognized. It was a Dragon-Type, clearly, and it had the orange border of an Effect Monster, and it was high-level, which must've been why Teodahr hadn't summoned it, but the strangest part was that, though Bruno couldn't read the text and make sure, it seemed to have nothing to do with his Chronopsis strategy!

"You were wrong," Teodahr laughed, turning his card back around. "And that means Alice is a goner."

Sure enough, the battle resumed, and Alice shrunk down to the size of a baby, the sword now far too large and heavy for her. (2,100 ATK) - ) (1,050 ATK)

Chronopsis roared, and vaporized Alice on the spot.

(B: 1,950) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 5,300)

Well, that was a bust, Bruno thought to himself. But I still have a hunch…

"I'll play a card facedown," he said, slipping his last card into the Disk. "And end my turn."

Teodahr drew a card, then shuffled the card he had shown Bruno back into his deck with Card Trader and drew a new one. Then he used Schrodinger's Cat to send that one back and draw yet again.

"And now that that's out of the way," Teodahr sighed. "Please join me in welcoming back Dark Necrofear!"

The hole in time and space from Teodahr's last turn suddenly reappeared on the field and Dark Necrofear was shot out of it. She landed gracefully, though, and didn't seem at all shaken from her trip.

"Now, my fans," he said, addressing the camera. "It's time for the surprise twist! I activate the effect of my Chronopsis once again!"

"But I don't have any Monsters!" Bruno objected. (Though he didn't seem completely surprised…)

"I know. I'm using it to destroy my own Dark Necrofear!"

Chronopsis turned around and his eyes lit up again. Dark Necrofear let out a horrible shriek just before she was obliterated.

"I've never liked looking at her, anyway, and I only need one attack to end this. Chronopsis, attack directly! Temporal blast!"

Chronopsis opened its mouth wide and let loose another surge of energy, but Bruno just hit a button on his Disk and one of his facedown cards lifted up, conjuring three robed priestesses that intercepted the attack, saving him from any and all damage.

"Waboku," Teodahr hissed when the attack was finished. "Damn. You really are persistent, aren't you?"

"Not just persistent," Bruno shot back. "I'm smart, too! I know why you really destroyed Dark Necrofear! It's not because you didn't like her, or even that you liked showing off your strongest Monster—it's that Chronopsis' effect isn't optional! He has to destroy a Monster each round, whether there's one on the opponent's field or not! He'd even have to destroy himself if there was no other option!

"I'm right, aren't I? I can see it all over your face, plain as day!"

Teodahr wrinkled his nose in disgust, but finally nodded. "Very astute," he commented. "Most of my opponents never realize that, especially since I'm a shadar-kai and they think I'm just showing off. But it doesn't matter. You'll lose very soon, especially since I've just drawn the very card that can cancel out my Chronomancer's weakness.

"Now, I'll set these facedown and end my turn."

Two facedown cards, a Monster and a Spell or Trap, appeared on Teodahr's field.

"Now show me how those ugly creatures of chaos can possibly oppose the master of the temporal flow."

Bruno gritted his teeth and drew a card.

"You know, Teodahr," he said. "I'm getting pretty tired of you insulting my deck. You think these cards represent pure Chaos? Nothing but lawlessness? Well, I've got news for you: Numerous people who have studied Alice's Adventures in Wonderland agree that he makes multiple references to the most orderly thing in existence!"

"Oh?" Teodahr said, raising an eyebrow that had been pierced in three different places. "And what's that?"

"Math, specifically calculus. For example, in chapter one, when Alice shrinks, she wonders if she will go out like a candle, reflecting a limit. In chapter five, a pigeon insists that little girls are a kind of serpent, because both little girls and serpents eat eggs, an obvious substitution of variables. And in chapter seven, the Mad Hatter, March Hare, and Dormouse give examples in which the semantic value of a sentence is not the same as its inverse, explaining an inverse relationship.

"And if you don't believe me, ask Keith Devlin. He asserted in the journal of the Mathematical Association of America that Carroll wrote the final draft of his novel as a satire of modern mathematics that were emerging in the mid-19th century."

Teodahr didn't speak. He just glared at Bruno.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, I activate Forced Reshuffle!"

Bruno played the card, exposing a Spell with another Tenniel illustration, this one of Alice being attacked by a swarm of playing cards as several animals scampered out from underneath her feet.

"Now, I get to draw a card, plus one for every playing card soldier I return from my Graveyard to my deck!"

Spade Guard slipped out of his Disk's Graveyard slot and he shuffled it into his deck, then drew two cards.

Well, he thought, what do you know? I got just what I needed!

"I know what you're planning, kid!" Teodahr shouted. "Once you replenish your hand, you're only going to play Spell and Trap Cards this turn, leaving Chronopsis with nothing to destroy but my own Monsters! Well, it won't work, because I'm activating my facedown card, Return Talisman!"

Teodahr's facedown card lifted, showing a Continuous Trap Card with the image of two gyroscopic rings etched with strange runes.

"Now if you ever fail to summon a Monster on your turn, this card will grant you a Return Token, meaning Chronopsis will always have something to destroy!"

"Then I'll just have to play along! I activate my other facedown! Worthless Witness!"

The last card on Bruno's field lifted up, exposing a Trap with yet another Tenniel illustration, namely the White Rabbit decked out in a robe covered in hearts, holding a scroll and blowing on a horn.

"Now, I just remove a Dark Monster from my Graveyard…"

Mad Hatter shot out of his Graveyard, and he placed the card in his pocket.

"And I get to summon a Witness Token!"

A new creature materialized in front of Bruno, and it earned a strange look from Teodahr. It looked like a chibi version of the Mad Hatter, with a hat far too large for him. He just sat quietly, eating a slice of buttered bread and sipping from a teacup. (1,000 DEF)

"And now, I'll sacrifice him to set a Monster in Defense Mode!"

The Token vanished and was replaced by a horizontal facedown card.

"And then I'll set another card."

Another facedown card, this one vertical, appeared behind the defensive Monster.

"Finally, I'll end my turn."

Teodahr drew, then activated Card Trader and Schrodinger's Cat again.

"Why are you still rearranging your hand?" Bruno asked. "You already brought out your ace and completed your combo, so what does it matter?"

Teodahr laughed his cruel laugh again. "Oh, that's cute. You think my deck has only a single strategy. Well, think again! If you're lucky, you may actually see another—though I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you.

"Anyway, you say Carroll liked math, eh? Well, here's a Monster for you! I summon Laplace, the Fiend Mathematician!"

He played the card, and a skeletal figure appeared, one dressed in a blue scholar's robe and a brown cape, with bony hands and feet, whose head was some sort of horned animal skull—a bison, perhaps. (1,000 ATK)

"And now, Chronopsis, destroy his facedown Monster!"

Chronopsis' eyes glowed again, and Bruno's facedown Monster lifted up, exposing another playing card soldier, this one the two of hearts with a red heart atop its spear. It let out a scream and shattered into triangles.

"I'm guessing you didn't study my deck as thoroughly as you're letting on," Bruno chuckled. "Because if you had, you would've known that the only reason I'd make a Tribute Summon under the circumstances is to bring out my Heart Guard—and you'd also know that when Heart Guard is destroyed, I can bring out Club Guard, Spade Guard, and Diamond Guard from my deck!"

Three more playing card soldiers appeared (Teodahr was momentarily able to see that they were the four of spades from before, as well as the three of clubs and the five of diamonds), but then crouched down on their stomachs, making them indistinguishable from each other except for the playing card symbols on their spears. (500 DEF x3)

"Big deal!" Teodahr snarled. "I can destroy all of them this turn! I flip my facedown Morphing Jar into Attack Mode!"

Teodahr's set card disappeared and was replaced by the hologram of a ceramic jar. In a flash, a long, black worm with one eye and a toothy grin emerged from it and let out an eerie laugh. (700 ATK)

"And when it's flipped—"

"I know, I know!" Bruno interrupted. "Both of us discard our entire hands—or we would if we had them—and draw five!"

Teodahr nodded, and both players drew five cards. Teodahr, however, frowned.

"I'll use my Schrodinger's Cat again!" he declared.

He took all five of his cards and placed them back into his deck, then reshuffled and drew five more.

"That's better, I guess," he sighed. "Now, my Monsters, destroy his pathetic soldiers!"

Chronipsis roared and vaporized Spade Guard. Laplace jumped forward and slashed through Diamond Guard. And Morphing Jar lunged out and blasted through Club Guard.

"That should do for this turn," Teodahr chuckled. "Let's see your next pitiful defense."

Bruno drew and smiled at Teodahr.

My gut's telling me not to Normal Summon this turn…, he thought.

"Oh, I have no plans to defend this turn, Teodahr," he laughed. "It's time I went on the offensive. You see, I wanted you to destroy my playing card soldiers so I could activate this! Go, Queen's Invitation!"

Bruno's facedown card lifted up, revealing a Spell Card with Tenniel's illustration of the Queen's Fish Footman presenting the Duchess' Frog Footman a letter. The card glowed and vanished, and four cards shot out of Bruno's Graveyard.

"I can only activate this when Heart Guard, Club Guard, Spade Guard, and Diamond Guard are all in my Graveyard. By removing them from play, I can bring out the most powerful Monster in my deck—the Queen of Hearts!"

A new Monster materialized in front of Bruno, and this one radiated power. It was a young woman with a gorgeous figure, and she was decked out in a beautiful gown covered in playing card symbols and holding a staff topped with a red heart. She looked nothing like her counterpart in John Tenniel's drawings. (3,400 ATK)

"Wait!" Teodahr objected. "This makes no sense! Why did you set a Normal Spell Card? You had no way of knowing that my facedown Monster was Morphing Jar!"

"Actually, I had a hunch, and my hunches are usually right, even if I was wrong about that card in your hand being a Spell, but that's irrelevant. You see, I had to set it, or I would've lost it before you'd even flipped your Morphing Jar. Any card drawn via Aggressive Reshuffle is discarded during the End Phase unless you can play it. I had to set it to keep it.

"And now that we're perfectly clear on everything…Queen of Hearts, vanquish his Chronopsis! Heart of Darkness!"

The Queen of Hearts raised her staff and a swirl of darkness appeared around the topper. The darkness thickened, and finally she fired a blast of dark magic at the gigantic Dragon. Chronopsis roared in agony and died in a fantastic explosion, taking its storm clouds with it and letting the moonlight shine through once again.

(B: 1,950) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 4,900)

"You scum!" Teodahr screamed. "How dare you destroy a creature of such power, such beauty! You'll pay for this!"

"Send me the bill," Bruno shrugged. "For now, my turn continues. I activate Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy your Card Trader."

He played the card and a tornado erupted on the field, blasting Teodahr's Card Trader to smithereens.

"And I'll also play a facedown."

A facedown card appeared behind the Queen.

"And now, I'll end my turn.

"What are you going to do now, Teodahr? Your whole strategy has collapsed. Your greatest Monster, the one your entire deck focuses on bringing out, is gone, and to make matters worse, you can no longer manipulate your draws. How can you win now?"

Teodahr scowled as he drew his obligatory card, but then managed a sadistic grin.

"You really think my deck is only capable of one trick?" he chuckled. "Clearly, you haven't been paying attention."

"What do you mean?" Bruno shot back.

"The first rule, mate! You know, 'things come in threes'? My deck has three great powers, each one representing a different quality required to achieve fame and glory!

"Chronopsis, you see, represented patience, which you need in spades just to summon him. This next one represents intelligence and planning.

"And now, to set the stage, I activate the Field Spell, Relativity Field!"

The Field Spell slot in Teodahr's Duel Disk opened up, and the shadar-kai gleefully inserted a card. At once, darkness surrounded the two duelists, but this was very different from the darkness brought about by Chronopsis. This was the darkness of the deepest cosmos, the only light being the dim glow of countless stars.

"And now, back to the here and now, specifically the first rule. Dueling, like so much else, follows that rule. I'm sure you can tell me the three types of cards, can't you?"

"Of course," Bruno replied, his smile growing. "Monsters, Spells, and Traps. Everybody knows that."

"Very good!" Teodahr told him. "And now, I'll make use of all three. I activate Battle Constants!"

He played the card, and Laplace, Schrodinger's Cat, and Return Talisman vanished into motes of light.

"This card requires me to remove one Monster, one Continuous Spell, and one Continuous Trap from play, and in exchange, I can conjure a creature of pure logic! Emerge, Brain Dragon!"

A roar was heard in the distance, and another titanic Monster swooped down in front of Teodahr. Like Chronopsis, it was a Dragon, but not quite as grand. It was long and serpentine, and purple in color, with three sets of wings and small but still very sharp claws. (2,800 ATK)

"Big deal," Bruno said, waving his hand. "It's still not strong enough to topple my Queen."

"Not yet," Teodahr agreed. "But I haven't told you about Laplace's effect. When he goes, you lose three-hundred Life Points for every card on the field, and I see five!"

A red glow enveloped Bruno as his Life Points plummeted.

(B: 450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 4,900)

"And whenever a player loses Life Points, my Relativity Field activates, evening out the equation by deducting an equal number of points from the Attack Scores of all of the affected player's Monsters!"

The Queen of Hearts let out a scream as she was surrounded by an identical aura, and then…she changed. Her figure became far less flattering, downright stout and ugly, and she seemed to age at least twenty years. (3,400 ATK) - ) (1,900 ATK)

"And now she's easy pickings for my Brain Dragon!" Teodahr laughed. "Brain Dragon, atta—"

"Not so fast!" Bruno interjected. "I activate my Trap Card, Caucus-Race!"

Bruno's facedown card lifted, exposing (you guessed it!) another card with a Tenniel illustration, this one of the Dodo presenting Alice with a thimble as numerous other animals stared at the ceremony.

"You know," he chuckled. "I only set this as a bluff, but you made it work. This card forces all of your Monsters in face-up Attack Mode to attack during the Battle Phase—"

"So what?" Teodahr objected. "I was going to do that anyway!"

"—and I get to choose the order! So I say that your Morphing Jar attacks first!"

Without so much as a word from its master, the shadowy worm emerged from its jar and was blasted to smithereens by the Queen's scepter.

(B: 450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 3,700)

"And thanks to your own Relativity Field, your Brain Dragon loses 1,200 Attack Points!"

Brain Dragon roared as its ATK fell (2,800 ATK) - ) (1,600 ATK), and then lunged at the Queen, only to be blown apart, angering Teodahr further.

(B: 450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 3,400)

"I set two cards and turn it over to you…" the shadar-kai grumbled as two holographic card backs appeared in front of him.

Bruno smiled even bigger as he drew his obligatory card.

"Sorry, 'Teodahr the Ascending Star'," he chortled. "But it's time to finish this. I summon Humpty Dumpty!"

He played the card, and a very unusual Monster appeared in a flash of light. It was a gargantuan egg, about five feet from top to bottom, with spindly little arms and legs, a wide face, and, to make the whole sight even stranger, the clothes of a British nobleman. (2,300 ATK)

"Well, he's about to have a great fall!" Teodahr screamed. "I activate Trap Hole to destroy him!"

One of Teodahr's facedown cards lifted, and a deep pit appeared underneath Humpty Dumpty. The egg fell in, and a loud CRACK was heard from the bottom.

"Okay…" Bruno said. "Plan B. I activate the Spell Card, Morals from the Duchess!"

He played the card, and yet another Tenniel-illustrated card materialized in front of him, this one with an illustration of Alice (holding a flamingo, of all things) standing next to a very ugly woman.

"Now you show me the card on top of your deck, and depending on whether it's a Monster, Spell, or Trap Card, an effect will activate."

My gut may be telling me to do this, he thought. But if it's a Trap Card, I'm sunk!

Teodahr shrugged and plucked a card off the top of his deck and showed it to his opponent. It was Emergency Provisions, a Spell Card.

"Perfect!" Bruno said. "Now both of us shuffle our decks and gain 1,000 Life Points!"

Teodahr put Emergency Provisions back into his deck and both players let the auto-shufflers do their work as their Life Points increased.

(B: 1,450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 4,400)

"And since my Life Points increased, that means my Queen's Attack Points…stay the same?"

It was true. The Queen of Hearts hadn't gained so much as a single Attack Point.

"Yeah, sorry," Teodahr chuckled. "Relativity Field only activates when a player loses Life Points. Gaining them won't help your Monsters at all. Seems there was a flaw in your plan."

"A flaw in mine?" Bruno countered. "How about yours? You realize that if you had set those facedown cards before you activated Battle Constants, you would have won when Laplace left the field?"

That earned him a scowl from the shadar-kai.

"Of course I realized that!" Teodahr told him. "But that's hardly an exciting enough finish! It's far more pleasurable to end things with a battle between titans!"

"Whatever," Bruno shrugged. "Queen of Hearts, attack directly! Off with his head!"

The Queen smiled and lunged forward, swinging her scepter right at Teodahr's neck. The shadar-kai barely reacted, though, and simply allowed his Life Points to fall.

(B: 1,450) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 2,500)

"And now I'll set a card and end my turn."

A facedown card appeared behind the Queen.

"Your move."

Teodahr snarled and snatched a card off the top of his deck.

"I activate another Card Trader!" he declared.

He played the card, and the Continuous Spell appeared again.

"And next, I activate my facedown card, Return of the Forgotten!"

His facedown card lifted up, exposing a Continuous Trap Card with an image of Dark King of the Abyss sneering at Dark Ruler Ha Des.

"This works like Call of the Haunted, except that it brings back a Monster that I removed from play. I choose Laplace, the Fiend Mathematician."

Laplace appeared back on the field, looking good as new (which still wasn't that good).

"And now, fans," he said, shouting to the camera. "It's time for my Brain Dragon to make its triumphant return! I activate another Battle Constants!"

He played the card, and Laplace, Card Trader, and Return of the Forgotten vanished, bringing back Brain Dragon in all of its glory.

"You can Special Summon that from the Graveyard, too?" Bruno exclaimed.

"No," Teodahr admitted. "But he's so easy to Summon, I have two—not that it makes this one my deck's third great power. Anyway, you remember Laplace's effect, don't you?"

(B: 250) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 2,500)

Good thing I bolstered my Life Points last turn…, Bruno thought.

"And now Relativity Field kicks in…" Teodahr reminded him.

The Queen shrunk down even more, becoming even stouter and surlier. (1,900 ATK) - ) (700 ATK)

"Now, Brain Dragon," Teodahr cried, making a sweeping arm movement. "Finish this duel with one more attack! Big bang blast!"

Brain Dragon roared and conjured a large ball of glowing energy in its mouth.

"Not so fast!" Bruno objected, his smile spreading. "I activate my Trap Card!"

Bruno's facedown card lifted, exposing a Continuous Trap with Tenniel's illustration of a crowd of people (most notably the King and Queen of Hearts and their executioner) arguing under the large, grinning, disembodied head of the Cheshire Cat.

"'Behead the Bodiless?'?" the shadar-kai said, reading the card's name. "What in the world is that?"

"Only the rarest and most powerful Trap Card in my entire deck," Bruno bragged. "Now, you choose a Monster on your field. Any Monster at all."

"You know I only have Brain Dragon!" Teodahr snapped.

"Then it's a pretty easy choice. Anyway, the selected Monster now becomes a nonentity, unable to attack, change its battle position, or be targeted by the effect of any card other than this one. So your attack is called off."

Slowly, but very noticeably, the Brain Dragon's serpentine body vanished into nothingness, leaving only its snarling face.

Teodahr's face was a perfect match.

"Well," Bruno chortled. "Since you seem to be out of cards, I guess I'll take my turn."

He drew a card and looked over his hand.

Okay, he thought. I think this duel's just about over.

"I summon another Alice, the Warden of Wonderland!"

He played the card, and another teenaged Alice sprung up in front of him.

"Oh, and one other thing about Behead the Bodiless?," he said. "If the targeted Monster is the only one on your field, I can attack you directly. So I'll do just that with both of my Monsters!"

Alice leapt forward and slashed the shadar-kai with her knife, and the Queen blasted him with a (severely weakened) burst of dark magic.

(B: 250) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 500)

"And let's not forget your Relativity Field, which, as you know, doesn't target…"

Brain Dragon's head let out a pitiful roar as most of its power drained away. (2,800 ATK) - ) (800 ATK)

"Ugh!" Teodahr grunted. "Is that all you've got?"

"Not quite," Bruno told him, setting a facedown card. "But that's all for now. Make your last turn."

And let my Trap Card finish you off…

Teodahr made his draw, then frowned.

"Dead draw?" Bruno asked.

"Admittedly, yes," Teodahr replied. "Luckily, I have another chance."

"What do you mean?"

"My Brain Dragon may be a pitifully weak nonentity, but he's still technically Brain Dragon, which means his effect still works. Namely, during every one of my Draw Phases, I can draw two extra cards, then select one to keep, and put the other back on top of my deck in the order of my choosing."

He picked up two extra cards, sighed, and then placed two of the cards back on top of his deck.

"Still no good?" Bruno inquired.

"No, it's fine," Teodahr replied. "It's just that I was really hoping that you'd be the first to get me to bring out all three of my deck's great powers. Oh, well.

"Now, you remember the second rule of an orderly universe, don't you?"

"'Things travel in circles'?" Bruno quoted, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, this duel's about to come full circle. The first Monster I played was a Fiend, and now I'm going to end it with a Fiend."

"I sacrifice my Brain Dragon to summon Great Maju Garzett."

What little was left of the great Dragon vanished to make way for an atypical Fiend, bright crimson in color, with large, curved horns. (0 ATK)

"And as I'm sure you know, Great Maju Garzett gains double the Attack Points of the Monster sacrificed to summon him.

"And that's base Attack, by the way. He doesn't care about changes."

The unremarkable Fiend suddenly swelled up to leviathan proportions, becoming very remarkable indeed. (0 ATK) - ) (5,600 ATK)

No!, Bruno panicked. It's too strong! My facedown Rising Energy won't make any difference now!

"Great Maju Garzett," Teodahr commanded. "Wipe out his pathetic excuse for a queen with claws of the abyss!"

The enormous demon let out a wicked cackle, then reached down with one titanic claw and grabbed the Queen of Hearts. She let out a pitiful scream as his talons dug into her, and finally, she was silenced forever as Bruno was blown back by the immense shockwave of the attack.

(B: 0) - - - - - - - - - - (T: 500)

"Okay, fans," the shadar-kai shouted to the camera as the holograms faded. "That's win number thirteen! Keep an eye out for my next duel! Until then, this is Teodahr the Ascending Star signing off!"

With that, he pulled out his remote and turned off the webcam, then took off his Duel Disk, fastened it onto his back, donned his cloak, grabbed his bag of ill-gotten gains, and leapt over to grab the webcam off of the lamppost, all in about five seconds.

"Well," he chuckled, pocketing the webcam. "I guess you weren't quite the challenge I was hoping for, Bruno. Ah, well. Don't feel too bad. You are my thirteenth Shadowchaser, you know."

With that, he tossed the bag of jewelry over his shoulder and jumped up onto the roof of a nearby two-story house and prepared to make his escape.

"Wait!" Bruno cried out, getting to his feet.

"What?" Teodahr asked, stopping in his tracks.

"There's something I have to know. You said your deck had three great powers, but I only saw two. What's the third?"

Teodahr chuckled to himself, but answered anyway.

"I'm not going to tell you that, exactly," he replied. "After all, I'll likely be back to challenge one of your teammates. But I will tell you what it represents.

"Chronopsis the Chronomancer represents patience, the ability to wait for the opportunity to do something great.

"Brain Dragon represents intelligence, the ability to recognize an opportunity when it shows up, and to know how to act when it does.

"The third power represents effort, the ability to actually try to achieve greatness, as well as the strength to weather all the challenges that the world throws at you, and to gain strength not only from assistance, but from opposition as well."

He laughed, then leapt to the next rooftop.

"Good-bye, Bruno von Klein," he called out as he made his exit. "Keep an eye out for me on the web!"

Bruno just stared at the dot in the distance that was Teodahr the Ascending Star. He had beaten him, mocked him, and was about to humiliate him worldwide…but when he thought about what a great duel they'd had, he couldn't help but smile.

Everyone has something that drives their life, and some people have stronger drives than others. All I know is, if you are truly passionate about whatever motivates you, achieving your goals is just about guaranteed.

That's not always a good thing in the long run, though…

LAPLACE, THE FIEND MATHEMATICIAN (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Fiend/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 4

ATK: 1,000

DEF: 1,000

Card Description: When this card is removed from the field, your opponent takes direct damage equal to 300 times the number of cards on the field.

BRAIN DRAGON (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Dragon/Effect

Attribute: Light

Level: 8

ATK: 2,800

DEF: 2,300

Card Description: This card cannot be Normal Summoned or set. This card can only be Special Summoned via the effect of "Battle Constants". When this card is face-up on your side of the field, draw an additional two cards during your Draw Phase. Then, select two cards from your hand and return them to the top of your deck in any order.

SCHRODINGER'S CAT (Spell Card)

Continuous Spell

Image: A cat in a white tuxedo holding a cane, balancing a top hat on its tail.

Card Description: When you draw cards outside your Draw Phase, (except via the effect of "Schrodinger's Cat"), you may shuffle them back into your deck, and then draw cards equal to the number of cards you shuffled back into your deck.

BATTLE CONSTANTS (Trap Card)

Normal Spell

Image: Brain Dragon in a maelstrom of energy.

Card Description: Remove from play one Monster, one Continuous Spell Card, and one Continuous Trap Card on your side of the field. Special Summon one "Brain Dragon" from your hand or deck.

RELATIVITY FIELD (Spell Card)

Field Spell

Image: A black silhouette of a duelist casting a rainbow-colored shadow in the forefront.

Card Description: When a player takes battle damage or effect damage, each Monster he/she has face-up on the field loses Attack Points equal to the amount of Life Points he/she lost.

Note: The preceding five cards were first used by Dr. Zweinstein in the "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX" episode "It's All Relative". Creative credit goes to the creators of that episode.

RETURN TALISMAN (Trap Card)

Continuous Trap

Image: Two gyroscopic rings etched with runes.

Card Description: During the End Phase of your opponent's turn, if they didn't Normal Summon, set, or Special Summon a Monster, Special Summon a "Return Token" (Fairy-Type/DARK/2 Stars/ATK 1,000/DEF 1,000) to your opponent's field in Defense Mode.

Note: This card was first used by Mizuchi in the "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX" episode "Mirror, Mirror, Part 2". Creative credit goes to the creators of that episode.

SIGNAL CHECK (Spell Card)

Normal Spell

Image: Neo-Spacian Glow Moss holding up its hands while four orbs (red, blue, green, and brown) float between them.

Card Description: Your opponent picks up cards from his deck until he picks up a Monster Card, then guess its Attribute. If your guess is incorrect, your opponent adds all of the picked-up cards to his/her hand. If your guess is correct, your opponent shuffles all of the picked-up cards back into his/her deck and you draw 3 cards.

RULE OF THREE (Trap Card)

Continuous Trap

Image: A beautiful woman with angelic wings holding two golden orbs in her outstretched arms while a third one hovers over her head.

Card Description: You may activate this card if at least one of your Fiend or Fairy-Type Monsters that is Level Four or less has been removed from play. You must have one Fiend or Fairy-Type Monster that is Level Four or less removed from play for each time you activate a card with this name.

UNITY OF RINGS (Trap Card)

Continuous Trap

Image: A male and female figure holding hands inside a design made up of three interlocking golden rings.

Card Description: You may activate this card if at least one of your Fiend or Fairy-Type Monsters that is Level Five or Six has been removed from play. You must have one Fiend or Fairy-Type Monster that is Level Five or Six removed from play for each time you activate a card with this name.

CENTER OF ALL (Spell Card)

Normal Spell

Image: Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man in the midst of a cosmic scene.

Card Description: You may activate this card if at least one of your Fiend or Fairy-Type Monsters that is Level Seven or higher has been removed from play. Send one face-up "Rule of Three" and one face-up "Unity of Rings" on your side of the field to the Graveyard to Special Summon one "Chronopsis the Chronomancer" from your hand or deck. You must have one Fiend or Fairy-Type Monster that is Level Seven or higher removed from play for each time you activate a card with this name.

CHRONOPSIS THE CHRONOMANCER (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Dragon/Effect

Attribute: Light

Level: 10

ATK: 3,000

DEF: 3,000

Card Description: This card cannot be Normal Summoned or set. This card can only be Special Summoned via the effect of "Center of All". Once per round, during your Main Phase, destroy one Monster on the field (this effect is not optional). This card is not affected by Spell Cards, Trap Cards, and Monster effects except its own effect.

ALICE, THE WARDEN OF WONDERLAND (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Fairy/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 4

ATK: 1,300

DEF: 1,000

Card Description: When this face-up Monster is attacked by an opponent's Monster with 2,000 ATK or less, toss one coin and call it. If you call it right, negate the attack.

THE JABBERWOCK (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Dragon/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 7

ATK: 2,600

DEF: 2,000

Card Description: When this card is face-up on your side of the field, your opponent cannot select "Alice, the Warden of Wonderland" as an attack target.

ENCHANTED MUSHROOM (Spell Card)

Quick-Play Spell

Image: Tenniel's illustration of Alice confronting the Caterpillar on his mushroom, in black and white.

Card Description: Choose one Level 4 or lower Monster on your side of the field. Choose one of the cards in your opponent's hand at random and guess whether it is a Monster, Spell, or Trap Card. If you guess correctly, double the chosen Monster's ATK until the End Phase of the current turn. If you guess incorrectly, halve the chosen Monster's ATK until the End Phase of the current turn.

TWEEDLEDEE (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Warrior/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 4

ATK: 1,600

DEF: 1,800

Card Description: When this card is successfully Normal Summoned, you may pay 800 Life Points to Special Summon one "Tweedledum" from your hand or deck.

TWEEDLEDUM (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Warrior/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 4

ATK: 1,800

DEF: 1,600

Card Description: When this card is successfully Normal Summoned, you may pay 800 Life Points to Special Summon one "Tweedledee" from your hand or deck.

SPADE GUARD (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Warrior

Attribute: Dark

Level: 3

ATK: 1,000

DEF: 500

Card Description: They serve as manual laborers for the Queen of Hearts on most occasions, but can still wield a weapon of they have to.

CLUB GUARD (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Warrior

Attribute: Dark

Level: 3

ATK: 1,000

DEF: 500

Card Description: The rank-and-file of the Queen's army. They are little more than grunts.

DIAMOND GUARD (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Warrior

Attribute: Dark

Level: 3

ATK: 1,000

DEF: 500

Card Description: A skilled fighter in the service of the Queen of Hearts. He is dedicated to his liege.

HEART GUARD (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Warrior/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 5

ATK: 1,000

DEF: 1,000

Card Description: This card cannot be Special Summoned. When this card is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard, Special Summon one "Spade Guard", one "Club Guard", and one "Diamond Guard" from your hand or deck.

QUEEN'S INVITATION (Spell Card)

Normal Spell

Image: Tenniel's illustration of the Fish Footman presenting the Frog Footman with an envelope at the door of the Duchess' house, in black and white.

Card Description: This card can be activated if one "Spade Guard", one "Club Guard", one "Diamond Guard", and one "Heart Guard" are in your Graveyard. Remove the above Monsters in your Graveyard from play. Special Summon one "The Queen of Hearts" from your hand or deck.

THE QUEEN OF HEARTS (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Spellcaster/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 9

ATK: 3,400

DEF: 2,400

Card Description: This card cannot be Normal Summoned or set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except via the effect of "Queen's Invitation". If this card is destroyed as a result of battle, place one "Dark Heart Counter" on the Monster that destroyed it. A Monster with a Dark Heart Counter cannot attack, and the owner of the Monster loses 1,000 Life Points during each of his/her Standby Phases.

MAD HATTER (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Warrior/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 4

ATK: 1,800

DEF: 1,200

Card Description: During each of your Standby Phases, roll one die. Apply the corresponding effect depending on the roll.

*1: This card gains 800 ATK until your next Standby Phase.

*2: This card loses 800 ATK until your next Standby Phase.

*3: If this card attacks a Monster during this turn's Battle Phase, destroy the attack target without applying Damage Calculation.

*4: If this card is attacked during your opponent's next turn's Battle Phase, destroy this card without applying Damage Calculation.

*5: Destroy 1 Spell or Trap Card on your opponent's field.

*6: Destroy 1 Spell or Trap Card on your field.

MARCH HARE (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Beast/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 4

ATK: 1,200

DEF: 1,800

Card Description: Once per turn, during either player's turn, you may activate one of the following effects:

*Negate the result of a coin toss and redo the coin toss.

*Negate the result of a die roll and redo the die roll.

*Negate the result of a player guessing whether a card was a Monster, Spell, or Trap Card, select another card at random (if it is from the deck, shuffle the deck first) and allow the player to guess again.

Note: The preceding eighteen cards were created by Cyber Commander and used with his permission. Creative credit goes to him.

LOBSTER QUADRILLE (Trap Card)

Normal Trap

Image: Tenniel's illustration of the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle dancing around Alice, in black and white.

Card Description: Select one Monster on your field that is in either Attack Mode or facedown Defense Mode. If it is in Attack Mode, switch it into facedown Defense Mode. If it is in facedown Defense Mode, switch it into Attack Mode (its flip effect will be activated at this time).

CAUCUS-RACE (Trap Card)

Normal Trap

Image: Tenniel's illustration of the Dodo presenting Alice with a thimble for winning the caucus-race as a bunch of other animals watch, in black and white.

Card Description: Activate this card at the beginning of your opponent's Battle Phase. On this turn, all of your opponent's Monsters in Attack Mode must attack if able, and you decide the order in which they attack.

MORALS FROM THE DUCHESS (Spell Card)

Normal Spell

Image: Tenniel's illustration of Alice, still holding her flamingo from the croquet game, standing next to the Duchess, in black and white.

Card Description: Look at the card on top of your opponent's deck and activate the corresponding effect based on whether it is a Spell, Trap, or Monster Card.

*Monster: Both players shuffle their decks and draw one card.

*Spell: Both players shuffle their decks and gain 1,000 Life Points.

*Trap: Both players shuffle their decks and take 1,000 points of direct damage.

HUMPTY DUMPTY (Monster Card)

Card Specs

Type: Rock/Effect

Attribute: Dark

Level: 4

ATK: 2,300

DEF: 0

Card Description: After this card attacks, it is changed to Defense Position at the end of the Battle Phase. This card's battle position cannot be changed until the end of your next turn, except with a card effect.

BEHEAD THE BODILESS? (Trap Card)

Continuous Trap

Image: Tenniel's illustration of the Cheshire Cat's grinning face overlooking a crowd gathering as the King and Queen of Hearts and their executioner argue about the possibility of beheading it, in black and white.

Card Description: Your opponent selects one face-up Monster on his/her field. As long as this card is active, the selected Monster cannot be targeted by the effect of any card (excluding this one). The selected Monster also cannot attack or change its battle position. If the selected Monster is the only Monster on your opponent's field, you can attack him/her directly. If the selected Monster is removed from the field, destroy this card.

WORTHLESS WITNESS (Trap Card)

Normal Trap

Image: Tenniel's illustration of the White Rabbit in a heart-patterned robe, holding a scroll and blowing on a horn, in black and white.

Card Description: Remove one DARK Monster in your Graveyard from play and Special Summon one "Witness Token" (Beast-Type/DARK/Level 2/1,000 ATK/1,000 DEF) to your field.

AGGRESSIVE RESHUFFLE (Spell Card)

Quick-Play Spell

Image: Tenniel's illustration of Alice, now at her normal size, being assaulted by a wave of playing card soldiers as several animals scramble out from between her feet, in black and white.

Card Description: Return any number of "Spade Guard"s, "Club Guard"s, "Diamond Guard"s, and/or "Heart Guard"s in your Graveyard to your deck and shuffle your deck. Draw one card, plus one for each "Spade Guard", "Club Guard", "Diamond Guard", and/or "Heart Guard" returned to your deck. Any cards drawn via this card's effect still in your hand during this turn's End Phase must be discarded.

VORPAL BLADE (Spell Card)

Equip Spell

Image: Tenniel's illustration of the "beamish" hero confronting the jabberwock, in black and white.

Card Description: This card can only be equipped to "Alice, the Warden of Wonderland". A Monster equipped with this card gains 800 ATK. If a Monster on your field would be destroyed by the effect of a card that designates a target, you can destroy this card instead.

RETURN OF THE FORGOTTEN (Trap Card)

Continuous Trap

Image: Dark King of the Abyss sneering at Dark Ruler Ha Des.

Card Description: Select one of your Monsters that has been removed from play and Special Summon it in face-up Attack Position. When this card is removed from the field, remove the Monster from play. When the Monster is destroyed, destroy this card.

(WHEW! THAT WAS A LOT OF ORIGINAL CARDS! My fingers will be sore for hours!

Anyway, thanks for reading, leave long reviews, YADDA, YADDA, YADDA…oh, and brownie points to anyone who can tell me the identity of the final great power in Teodahr's deck. I'll give you three hints: 1. Unlike the others, it's not a Dragon. 2. It's Level 8. And 3. It only exists in the anime. Other than that, you'll just have to use what you know about Teodahr to figure it out. GOOD LUCK, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME!)