Deep in Dean's gaze was a sympathetic and acutely depressed look that they shared. Dean nodded slowly, and looked up into Cas's eyes. "I understand. I do. If you don't wanna do anything right now, that's totally ok with me. I get it. You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, or especially scared of. I'm not going anywhere – when you're ready, or even if you're never ready, I'll be right here, still trying to make you happy."
There it was. What he had been terrified he would never hear. Martius had always forced sex – and done it with thousands of bruises and hits. His love had hurt so much… So much that it was never love at all, but vicious need. Someone… someone finally… A sob broke through Cas's chest and rattled out between his lips. "Dean," he managed, before he buried himself in Dean's chest. "I… you don't understand…" Alarmed, Dean held him tightly, rubbing his back in worried comfort. "You don't understand how much I needed to hear that." Cas gasped raggedly, and Dean groaned in relief and yanked a blanket over to them pulling him down to lay on their sides in the bed. He tucked the blanket around Cas and pressed a hard, loving kiss against his hair, cradling him in strong arms as his shoulders shook.
"It's all right, Cas. It'll be ok. I'd do anything for you. Don't ever be afraid to tell me no if I do something either, all right?" Dean murmured. "Pain is not my style in bed, but if I ever do anything that hurts you, tell me, and I will make it right again. I swear I will."
"Dean," Cas whined lovingly into his chest, his voice deep with gravel and thick with emotion.
Dean smiled a heart-breaking smile as he rocked Cas gently, his own heart filling with affection. They could do no more. What had needed to be said had been said. What needed to be done was done. Every moment they touched knitted up Cas's broken heart, and they lay there a long time. It was the most amazing and deeply uncontrollable feeling he had ever experienced. He cried himself out and lay, exhausted, in Dean's comforting grasp. The bed grew warm around them. The safety of it all lulled Cas into a near-dreamlike state. Dean did not drift off, though, going through everything Cas had told him over again in his head. He wanted to find this Martius kid and rip his balls off.
As the time passed, Cas finally mustered up the energy to speak. "I want to." He swallowed the tears in his voice and drew back enough to look up at Dean, who blinked.
"You want to…?" He questioned. Cas's eyes, already dark in the dim light, were nearly black, pupils blown wide with lust. That was answer enough. Dean's face melted into a turned-on sort of surprise. He nodded in an understanding way. "I can't lie, I want to, too. But no rush on anything, all right? I'm really freaked out, and you've got a history that might make it really tough for you. I'll be fine if you are. I will never, ever wish you harm, Cas. But you better make sure you're all right before we even attempt anything - anything at all. Got me? No exceptions." He said sharply.
Cas nodded slowly in reply, without breaking eye contact, which made Dean hot under the collar. He leaned down and kissed him deeply in a very conscious way. Cas leaned into the kiss, pushing his hands against Dean's bare chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat. They spent the next hour making out under the blankets with teasing lips and fingertips. Dean preferred to clamp his hands on Cas's ass, while Cas couldn't figure out where he loved to clutch onto Dean's torso more. A need was quenched between them. The need for a truth to bind them together – the truth that they were both damaged and scared, and that was ok.
When it grew close to noon, the sound of their stomachs growling in unison was deafening. They agreed to go get lunch and rushed to get up and get dressed. It took a bit longer, sharing pecks and deep, passionate tonguing, but when they got out into the halls they were perfectly civil. Cas reached over and Dean swallowed nervously, hooking his finger around Castiel's as they strode down the corridor to the front doors. They exchanged a glance that was anxiety-ridden, but determined. And then they pushed through the doors and walked all the way to the cafeteria connected by just two fingers, Dean's free hands slung into his pocket and Cas's clenched into a tight fist. No one said anything. They got some glances, but nothing else. They got weirder looks when they cleaned out the buffet like they hadn't eaten in weeks.