Sunni
Chapter Six
The punks had it coming. They were way too old to be breaking into cars, messing around with petty stuff like that. Raphael had swept the first one off his feet and he came down hard, his chin cracking against the hood of the car. The other guy he grabbed by the shoulders, spun around and slammed him up against the wall of a storefront.
"You mess with the car, I mess with your face," Raphael snarled, his beak half an inch from the petrified man's nose.
Of course, since it was petty stuff, Raphael couldn't justify doing much more than scaring the bejeezus out of them. He only hurt them a little and then left them cowering against a corner gibbering nonsense. It had been an entertaining diversion, but not really satisfying.
Raphael had cooled off some by then anyway. Mangling an abandoned van under the freeway overpass by the water had helped. The steering wheel and spun out across the expanse of the parking area like a troll's oversized Frisbee and smashed into the chain link fence. The effect was pleasing in a chaotic and senseless way, echoing how he felt. But afterwards he was left with only a dull ache.
From a rooftop he watched a patrol car pull over a battered Ford Galaxy that was weaving erratically through a residential neighborhood. The back –up unit arrived and the arrests were made without any need for him to intervene. The drunks had no interest in shooting it out with the cops.
"Damn…"
He knew he could find trouble if he kept looking, but he felt strangely heavy now as the eastern sky began to lighten. In the end there was nowhere to go but back home.
The lair was quiet. Leo was asleep on the couch, and he could hear the rest of his family sleeping in the back room. He saw Leonardo's eyes flicker open when he shoved aside the canvass doorway. He slipped past him wordlessly and headed back into the sleeping room. Raphael peeled off his belt, dropping it along with his sai on the floor. He sank onto his futon and lay back on his carapace, one arm thrown over his eyes, for a long time before he fell asleep.
For a week he stuck close to home. He took on the project of installing the shower stall in a small alcove off the kitchen. He helped Don with the pulley and lever system he was creating for the front door. He goofed around with Michaelangelo letting Mike wrestle him to the ground, and reciprocate on about three years of noogies. He didn't say anything about getting food, and Leo and Donatello went out to scavenge.
Probably the best development for Raphael's sanity was that with most of the household basics either installed or progressing that way, they were able to get back into their regular training routine.
They used the living room to practice in, shoving the couch and table against the walls. Splinter was no less hard on them than had they been working out regularly for the last month.
After the third day, which had ended with a series of seven fast-paced katas performed twenty times each, Raphael sat on the floor in the living room, catching his breath and taking sips of water from a blue tin cup. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall at his back.
"Raphael?"
He opened his eyes and faced Splinter.
"Yeah?"
Splinter regarded him for several long moments, both hands on his walking stick, his dark eyes thoughtful. "Your mood has been different these past days, Raphael," he spoke quietly. "Your spirit feels diminished. I can feel this; a sadness, like a mist, is all around you. I would like to know if there is something you wish to tell me."
"No, Splinter, I -"
"May I sit with you?"
Raphael blinked and Splinter sat gracefully down directly before him, cross-legged. His gray robe fell in folds around his legs. "You have not recently spoken with the young woman you were helping, is this correct?"
Raphael's mouth went slack. Over Splinter's shoulder, he caught sight of Leo, sitting next to Don on the opposite wall. Leonardo met his eyes for a moment and then he looked down.
"What did- how did you-?" Raphael's heart rate, which had just started to come down to normal, skipped back up again. He was trapped.
Splinter smiled. "Leonardo told me how you have been spending your time. I am proud of you, Raphael."
"You- you are?"
"Yes. I understand that there was a benefit to all of us in what you were doing, but even so, that selfless compassion which you show for those people tells me you have grown much, my son."
Raphael blinked, uncomprehending.
"But now I see a sadness, and I am concerned."
"Uhm…Splinter, I'm sorry. What exactly did Leo tell you?"
Splinter tilted his head curiously at his son. "That you, in your efforts to find food, had befriended a young woman, and had been helping her to take food to the needy. Is that not correct?"
Raphael exhaled. "Yeah, yeah, that is. That's right. But…you're not mad at me for...letting myself be seen?"
Splinter was silent for a moment. "Sometimes, Raphael, often, Raphael, you are hasty. Sometimes, you do not make the best decisions. But I will ask you this; is this a person whom you feel you can trust?"
A wave of emotion caught Raphael entirely by surprise. He shut his eyes, trying to keep it locked in. When he opened his eyes Splinters gaze bored right through him. "Yes," he said. At least, she had been someone he trusted at one time. For Splinter's concerns, he decided, the answer was still yes.
"This is the secret you would not tell me some time ago, is it not?"
Raphael nodded slowly.
Splinter said nothing more, but continued to regard him with an impenetrable expression. Raphael knew he was waiting for him to say something more, and sat very still, aware that every breath he took, every muscle twitch in his face, betrayed his feelings to his sensei. The more he tried to shut down, the more transparent he was to Splinter. He could do nothing but sit and wait for the verdict.
Eventually Splinter rose to his feet. He laid a slender hand on Raphael's head. "I hope that someday, you will tell me the rest of the story."
Raphael watched his sensei cross the room to speak with Don and Leo, and wondered if Splinter hadn't actually already figured it all out.
They had found a refrigerator. Donatello reported that the motor looked clean, the wiring was all in good order, and all they needed to do was find a way to move it down to the lair that night before someone else got it. While sitting at the low table, eating what was left of the food, they made plans to leave after dark.
"Any later than eight o'clock and we run the risk of someone else snagging it," said Leo.
"What's gonna prevent someone from taking it in broad daylight?" asked Don.
"Our good luck," mumbled Mike, his mouth full of canned asparagus.
Raphael was quiet, his mind elsewhere, and this did not go unnoticed. He and Leonardo exchanged glances only hastily, neither willing to convey any meaning by their expressions.
Splinter sat nibbling asparagus and small chunks of cheese with chopsticks, glancing around the table with interest.
It was not the most comfortable of meals they had shared. Mike finally set his fork down. "What the heck is everyone not saying?" he demanded.
"Nothing, Mikey," said Raphael.
Don rolled his eyes and gathered his plate and fork, heading for the kitchen.
Mike looked around. "Well?" he asked.
Splinter patted his hand. "You are not the only one who feels something has been left unsaid, Michaelangelo." He stood up, one hand reaching for his walking stick. "I will be in my new chambers, meditating. I want to give the room, ah…a test drive." He smiled under his whiskers. "Please let me know when you leave, my sons."
Michaelangelo raised his arms in a gesture of resignation and left the table, following Don into the kitchen.
The two remaining brothers faced each other alone at the table.
Raphael looked down and thrummed his fingers on the tabletop. He looked up at Leo, a grimly ironic smile on his face. "So you told him."
Leonardo gazed back blandly.
"But you didn't tell him." Raphael lowered his voice, leaning forward. "You made me come off like some kinda hero."
Leonardo shrugged.
Raphael shook his head. "I don't get you, Leo."
"You challenged my honor," said Leonardo, leaning forward also. "So when Splinter point-blank asked me, I told him what I knew without dishonoring you."
"So you left out…"
"I knew it wasn't my place to talk about that. He was worried and wanted to know where you were going. I could set his mind at ease about that anyway. You can tell him the personal part or not. Do whatever you think is right."
Raphael propped an elbow on the table and rested his chin on fist. "Doesn't matter anymore. It's over anyway."
"It's over?"
"Yeah. She told me to get lost."
Leonardo looked into Raphael's face until Raph had to look away. "I'm sorry, Raph. I mean..."
Raphael shrugged. "Hey, forget about it."
"I suppose it's for the better, though."
"Yeah. Probably."
Leonardo stood and gathered the remaining dishes from the table. He gripped Raphael's shoulder as he went past him in what Raph assumed to be a rough gesture of sympathy. "We'll leave here at eight," he said.
"Yeah. Ok."
Raphael had gone to sit alone at a place in the sewer where the tunnel dropped off suddenly, creating a waterfall from the upper level storm drains to the deeper waterways that ran eventually into the East River. He could sit at the edge of what was, for all intents and purposes, a stone and brick cliff, hang his feet over the edge, and watch the surging black waters as they plunged over the side and dropped twenty feet down into a foaming pool below. A fine spray rose up, and being mostly water, it carried an almost clean smell, faintly moldy, but not like the raw sewage smell that filled much of the underground network of tunnels that was their home. Brick archways rose behind him on the next higher level, barely visible in the dim light, marking other passageways and places even he and his brothers had yet to fully explore.
He was lost in thought, his ears filled with the sounds of the roaring water, so Mike's arrival almost went unnoticed.
"Heya," said Michaelangelo.
"Hey."
Mike sat down next to him, and for a few moments watched the dark waterfall with him. "So," he said eventually. "What's up?"
"Nothin'."
"Right." Mike cleared his throat.
Raphael took a deep breath and rubbed his face. "I, uh…" He scratched the back of his neck. "Y'know that girl I told ya about?"
"Yeah?"
" Well, we got into it. Got in a fight. And uh...I haven't seen her since then."
"You got in a fight with a girl?"
"Not that kind of fight, you doofus. We were yellin', y'know?"
"Oh." Mike sighed, watching the roaring water pour over the break to the pool below them. "What were you fighting about?"
"Stupid shit. I said some stuff. I dunno..."
Mike thought for a moment and the suddenly widened his eyes in a dawning realization. "This girl and you, were you like…?"
"Good friends. We were. Not now."
"Oh. Hm." Mike looked dubiously at him. "What did you say to her?"
"Doesn't matter."
"You ok with it?"
"No."
"Mm." Legs dangling over the edge, they were quiet for a few moments.
"So…why don't you just go apologize to her?" asked Mike.
Raphael looked over at his brother and blinked.
"Well?"
"I hadn't thought of that."
"Tsh." Mike shook his head. "So who's the doofus?"
Raphael gazed into the water, perplexed.
Mike slugged him in the arm. "Doofus."
Raphael didn't want to try and talk to her at home. He didn't want to run into any men leaving her apartment, though another part of him would've liked nothing better. So he found himself in the dark basement of Etienne's, rapping on the pipes. He looked up, not able to actually see the ceiling, but listening with every fiber in his body. Unless her hours had changed, she should have been there. He waited what seemed like a long time, and then rapped again.
Above him upstairs, he could hear a door open, and he saw a thin stream of light filtering down. Muted voices and the distant rattle of pots and pans could be heard. Then the door upstairs slammed hollowly and he heard the lock snap into place. A bit of loosened dirt fell from the ceiling onto his face.
Raphael swallowed and stood quiet in the dark. He threw down the broken pipe and stalked out the narrow door and off through the tunnel, his fists in tight balls.
He told himself he wouldn't do it, but he did. One a.m., when she got off work, slipping out the back door into the dark side street, with a small bundle under her arm, Sunni headed for the bus stop. From behind a loudly buzzing yellow neon light he watched her cross the busy street. Brilliantly lit billboards, neon advertisements, pulsating theatre marquees dazzled the dark streets, turning night into garish day. From where he hid, she looked so small, darting between cars to cross the street, a narrow canyon between the towering buildings that pressed in all around. He lost her in the traffic, and then he saw her across the street boarding the bus.
He knew he could have followed. He knew where the bus would take her. And in that moment he was not certain anymore what he hoped to accomplish by confronting her. The futility of it all sapped his energy at the same time it was infuriating As the bus pulled away and disappeared into the nighttime traffic, he crouched down onto the lower ridge of his carapace, and held his knees, sitting in a tight ball, wondering how he could have messed this whole thing up so bad.
For three nights after he watched her leave, and get on the bus. Two times he followed it for a few blocks, then slowed down, let it go, and walked slowly back.
Raphael couldn't have explained why he kept coming back that week. It only made him feel worse. The feeling that there was nothing at all he could do to change the situation was driving him to distraction. On the fifth night as he watched, she got on a different bus. This time he followed, his heart pounding with some dark and primal emotion.
He hadn't been able to keep pace with the bus, even with the numerous stops in made along the way, but he knew by its sign where it was going. By the time he reached the park she had already gotten off, but he found the bus stop by the entranceway marked by a stone arch. Following a sixth sense more than any conscious plan, he heard her running shoes on the asphalt in the distance and then caught a glimpse of her following the trail through the dark trees. It didn't take him long to catch up. He trailed her, less than twenty feet behind her, silently slipping through the shadows, staying low, using the shapes of rose bushes, shrubs, and rock walls, as the tree- lined pathway meandered through the darkened park. The light- colored raincoat, unbuttoned and fluttering like moth wings around her, made her easily visible. Her hair was down and bounced lightly on the night breeze.
Raphael's heart thudded with a familiar predatory rhythm. He was not ready to follow his thoughts through to the obvious outcome of his emotional state, but his body sang in anticipation. The place in his heart that dreaded seeing whomever she was meeting in the park at this hour was drowned out by the visceral need to spill blood. Raphael followed, silent feet on the chill, damp, grass, breathing the cool fragrance of foliage.
Sunni followed a paved footpath for a while; slipping in and out of light each time she passed through the halo of a streetlight, and then paused. She looked around, as though trying to get her bearings, and then left the path and followed an embankment uphill, walking on the cushiony turf. On the other side of the knoll the pathway reappeared, and near a streetlamp was a park bench, covered with a jumbled mess of newspapers. Sunni hurried downhill and Raphael slipped through the trees, keeping her in sight. Lingering uphill from her, he moved through a small stand of young maple trees, so he could watch from above. The bench and Sunni were well illuminated in the light and he could hear her voice. He strained his eyes to see whom she was talking to, and he held his breath to catch her words.
"Hey, hon," he could hear Sunni say as she sat on the park bench, gently lifting back some of the newspapers. Raphael's hands closed around the leather- wrapped hilts of his sai. He watched as she bent over a dark bundle of clothing that appeared to be a human being.
"Hey, Elise, honey, you here alone?" Sunni asked.
"Hmph…."
"Where's Bear?"
"Mm…dunno…" was the groggy reply, so soft Raphael wasn't sure anyone l had spoken at all.
"Hey, can you wake up? Elise?" Sunni gently shook the person on the bench. Whoever was lying there didn't move. "Oh, no, honey, what d'you do?" Sunni pulled her upright, and Raphael could see it was it was a girl, probably not any older than fifteen. Her dirty blond hair fell loose from under her knit hat as she slumped in Sunni's arms. "Elise, what d'you put in your arm?"
"I din't…some…one…some...that guy, y'know?"
"Someone do you up?"
"Mm."
"Where's Bear?"
"S'gone…"
"Shit."
Raphael sank down low in the cool, wet grass, as the outrage and fury drained from his limbs.
Sunni was looking around. "Well, we can't leave you here like this. Not without Bear."
Stay there, thought Raphael. Just stay put. He knew she wouldn't. He watched as Sunni slung the girl's arm over her shoulder and shakily pulled her up. The girl was dead weight in her arms.
"Come on, honey, you gotta try an' walk." Sunni took a couple of steps but it was plain the young girl had no interest in trying to stand. Sunni gave up and laid her gently back on the bench. She covered her again with layers of newspaper for warmth, and then stood back, her hands on her hips. Glancing around the area, darkened trees overhead, minimum light from the pathway's streetlights, Sunni was clearly not happy with hanging around in the park. It was also evident she was not about to leave the girl alone there. Eventually she sat down on the bench, near the girl's feet, folding her arms in front of her in a fiercely defensive posture that made Raphael think of a lioness, guarding over her cub.
As long as Sunni was determined to stand vigil over the drugged out girl on the park bench, Raphael would stand vigil over both.
From time to time, Sunni would check on the girl, listening to her breathing and checking her pulse. She seemed satisfied that despite Elise's comatose state, her life was not in danger. Raphael stood and stretched his legs, moving around in the shadows. The cool breeze rustled the branches with their newly budding leaves and the scent of cherry blossoms and wisteria floated on the air. Insulated by the foliage, the sounds of the city had faded to a distant, ambient murmur. One could almost be convinced there was safety here, so removed was it from the surrounding harshness.
Raphael heard them long before Sunni did; voices talking and laughing with the kind of high- pitched hysteria of alcohol. There were four of them, meandering through the park, looking for nothing and anything. They were a good distance away when they caught sight of what appeared to be a young woman sitting alone under a streetlamp, on a bench in Central Park, at two a.m.
"Yo dawg! Check it!"
"Damn, man, what is that?"
"Hey sugar, you datin'? 'Cause here I am!"
Sunni's head snapped up when she heard the shouted catcalls. She stood and readied herself in a defensive fighting stance, peering into the dark, clutching her bag by the shoulder strap. She looked as though she were ready to start swinging whether she could see them or not.
The next sounds she heard from somewhere in the dark were no doubt puzzling to her.
Raphael had come to his feet and took a running leap at the first guy, hitting him with a flying sidekick to the head that threw him back against the others. A high spin kick smashed into the jaw of another. The third tried to grab the fast-moving assailant and Raphael landed an elbow in his stomach. As he doubled over, Raphael clubbed him with the handle of his sai on the back of the head. Raph spun the weapon and jumped the fourth guy who was blindly swinging at him with his fists. This one found himself lying on his back with the tip of a cold steel weapon at his throat. Raphael raised a fist and then paused as the boy's face dissolved into pitiful horror. He whimpered and cried and Raphael caught the distinctive odor of urine as the boy wet himself, while begging pathetically for his life.
"Get lost," Raphael snarled and stood, letting him up. The young man lay still in frozen terror. "Go on! Run! Rarhrhrrr!" Raphael roared raising his arms. The boy suddenly moved, scrabbling backwards frantically, falling over his own feet, trying to stand, turn, and run away all at once.
One of the others came unsteadily to his feet, growling epithets and lunged at the crouching turtle. He never saw what hit him and sent him sprawling. The second kid was staggering, clutching his broken jaw, trying to talk, or yell, or something. Raphael spun his sai and turned toward him and the boy fell backwards.
The three who were able to, took off, leaving their fallen companion to whatever fate the insane demon thing in the park had in mind for him.
Raphael nudged the still form with his toe.
"Hey, sleeping boy. Get up."
The young man groaned.
Raphael climbed the hillside again, and hunkered down near a tree, watching. From where he sat he could keep an eye on the passed out boy lying at the foot of the hill to his right, and still see Sunni on the other side. She was facing the direction in which the fight had taken place, scowling. Her stance was wide and she still held her handbag like a defensive weapon.
The kid that Raph had knocked out made another sound, and tried to sit up. He got onto his elbows and threw up, then fell face first into the mess.
The acrid smell of bad wine and bile hit Raph's nose and he gagged and looked away.
It was another hour before the newspapers on the park bench stirred. Sunni stood and bent over the girl as she slowly sat up, wiping her nose with her coat sleeve.
"You ok now?" asked Sunni.
Elise sat, keeping her face down, her hands holding the bench on either side to steady herself. "M'fine. S'cold."
"Ok, Elise, you're comin' with me now," said Sunni.
"No…" mumbled the girl. "Not the shelter…."
"No, not that one. I know you won't stay there. I'm gonna take you to this other place I know. It's in a church. C'mon now, you stand up."
Elise lifted her face and in a strange sort of slow motion, shoved her hair back. "They gonna send me home?"
"No."
"I'm not goin' to no foster care."
"Look, let's just get the hell out of this damn park, ok?" said Sunni firmly.
"M'k," said Elise, slowly pushing herself to her feet and holding Sunni's arm. "But I'm not goin' to no foster care."
"I know. You said that."
"Well, I'm not…" The two began slowly making there way down the path, their voices trailing behind them.
Raphael followed at a distance, alert to every sound, scent, and movement as they headed for the streets. He would follow them until Sunni hailed a cab and drove off into the early morning heading north.
By the next day he had made a decision. There was only one way to find out. For about ten seconds he considered whether or not talk to Michaelangelo. He wouldn't have phrased it this way, but he wanted to check out his motives and Mike was the only one he trusted to give him a straight answer. But he realized he hadn't even really told him what the exact nature of his friendship with Sunni was, so he left the lair at midnight without speaking to anyone.
From the rooftop across the street he could see her lights on in the apartment and that the sash of her window was up partway. He softly hurried down the fire escape, leaping to the lower sections to prevent the stairs from sliding down with their metallic, grinding clang.
There were two small groups of people on the street, both at the far end by the intersection, but with his trench coat and fedora he figured he could cross the street in the dim light without arousing too much notice. The bottom door was unlocked usual and he slowed his pace as he mounted the musky-smelling dark stairway inside.
He stood in front of her door for several minutes before knocking, thinking he should be rehearsing what he was supposed to say, but nothing came to him. It was quiet inside, then he heard her footsteps crossing the room on the other side of the door. He gave up trying to think and knocked on the door.
There was a pause before she spoke. Raphael wondered if she guessed it was him. "Who's there?" she asked at the door.
"Raphael."
There was another long pause. "What do you want?" Her tone was flat.
He exhaled, realizing he'd been holding his breath. "Can I talk to you?" After a moment, Raphael heard the bolts and locks sliding and the door opened a crack, one thick gold-colored chain still in place. Her face appeared in the two- inch gap, serious hazel eyes looking into his. "Um…is it ok if I come in?" he asked.
She started to say something and then looked away. Her face disappeared and the door shut, the last chain slid loose, and the door opened wider. Raphael waited a moment until Sunni opened it wide enough for him, and drew back. He stepped inside and was aware of the smell of cigarette smoke and a cool draft coming in from the open window where the ashtray sat. The door shut behind him.
She faced him, her arms crossed, her expression neutral.
"I…uh…Sunni…uh…." Raphael shoved his hands deeper into the trench coat pockets. He gazed around the softly lit pastel living room, and cleared his throat. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, or scare you, or whatever. And I…uh…hell, you know, I'm not really sure what I did, except lose my temper. An' I do that all the time." He looked up into her face and saw the wariness there. She was breathing faster. Sunni looked away for a moment, her movements jerky.
"Why don't you sit down?" Sunni gestured toward the couch.
He didn't want to, he felt better standing, but he did. Sunni sat in one of the stuffed blue chairs adjacent to the couch and leaned back, facing him, her arms still crossed.
"Ok," Raphael swallowed. "I thought about it an' I know it was none of my business who calls you, or who you see or whatever. I don't have any claim. I know that. It just pissed me off. Hearin' all that." He jerked his head toward the phone. "But I never wanted to hurt you, y'know?"
Sunni pursed her lips and looked up at the ceiling for a long moment. It seemed to Raphael that a number of responses were running through her mind and she simply couldn't decide what she should say. Finally she spoke. "You know what's funny?" she asked the ceiling.
Raphael shook his head slowly.
"Those guys on the machine, an' Robert, they were callin' because they hadn't seen me in a long time. Robert, he was up here buggin' me til I threw him out. Thing is, I haven't seen anyone, at all, since you an' I were first together. That's why they were callin'. See, you give 'em what they want, an' they go off, they're happy, they don't call. Why call? But stay away from 'em for a while, and oh yeah, they on the phone!"
She sounded angry, but he didn't think it was directed at him. Under her anger he recognized the shadows of something all too familiar to him. He realized he getting a glimpse of what Sunni's life was like when she wasn't out on the streets fighting for her causes.
"I'm sorry," he said again. "I didn't know that." He scratched his jaw. "Y'know that's more times than I've ever said 'I'm sorry' to anyone in my life."
"You only said it twice."
"Yeah," he said, looking at the floor. "That's a record."
"Raphael…" She sighed. "I accept your apology. But do you understand why I couldn't let you do that to me?"
"Do what? I mean which. Thing." His brow furrowed.
"You know, bully me like that. Get all intimidating and violent."
"I wasn't -I didn't get violent."
"Oh, what? Twisting my arm, almost breaking my wrist, and throwin' me the ground isn't violence?"
"No. I wasn't gonna break your wrist. I was just- "
"Just tryin' to bully me! And threaten me physically."
"You hit me first. At least you tried."
"You were physically trying to control me! Don't you get that?"
"No."
Sunni sat back and pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes. "Ok, look," she said. "When you try to control someone by overpowering them, like when you threw me down-"
"I didn't throw you down."
"You know what I mean. You put me on the ground and I couldn't do anything to stop you. You may not realize this but you are a whole lot stronger than me."
Raphael tried not to smile. "I know that."
"Well, see? That's intimidation! An' you just can't do that to people. At least not to people you like. It's disrespectful. Even if it didn't really hurt me, it's takin' away my right to control my own body. An' that's disrespectful."
"Oh…" Raphael scowled and rubbed his chin. "Ok. Yeah….I can see that, I guess. But I didn't mean to do that. It wasn't because -" He closed his eyes and released a husky sigh. "Look, I would never hurt you. But can't change who I am. I know I've got a temper. An' I do things without thinking. I've been told that my whole life."
Sunni leaned forward, resting her elbows onto her knees. "Well, you know what Raphael? I have, too."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. An' I am sorry I called you all those names. I didn't really mean it."
"It's ok. I kinda liked it."
"You liked it?"
"Yeah. You didn't back down." He grinned crookedly at her.
Sunni looked up at the ceiling again. When she looked at him again her eyes were misty. "You know, I've really missed you."
"I've been around."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing."
"You haven't been hangin' around here, around my building have you?"
"No. Not here. Downtown."
"Where I work."
"Yeah."
She looked upset. He wasn't sure if it made her uncomfortable to know that he might be watching her, or if something else bothered her.
"I just wanted to see you," he said, and then felt like maybe he had said too much.
Sunni blinked her eyes rapidly and looked away. "Raphael, " she said softly. "You are not like any other guy I know."
"No, I'm not."
"I mean, almost all of 'em, they only want one thing..."
"I don't think I wanted to know that."
"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I shouldn't have said that. What I'm trying to say is that I want you around. And I need to know that you understand that I can't have you in my life, if you can't respect me."
"But I do…"
"Just understand. You can't be doin' that to me. Temper or no temper."
Raphael was aware of a change in the tone in her voice. She wasn't lecturing now. She sounded more like she was pleading with him. He had the uncomfortable impression she was asking for an assurance he knew he couldn't give her. He wasn't going to lie. "I know what you're sayin'. But I can't tell you..." He looked away and ran a hand over his mouth. "This is stupid. I don't know how to do any of this, Sunni. I've never…"
"Yes, you do."
He looked back at her. "You don't know me," he said flatly.
"I know I like what you've let me see."
Raphael looked down, his face grim. "Yeah, well…"
Sunni knew an impasse when she saw one. She also knew that she really didn't want to carry this conversation on any further. If she did, she would eventually have to set down the ultimatum she was afraid to ask for. If she tried to press him into reassuring her that he could control himself, she figured he would refuse. And then she would have no choice but to ask him to leave. Instead she stood up. "Come on. Let me get you something to eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"Drink?"
"Hm. You got any beer?"
"No. I didn't know you drank beer."
The faintest flicker of a smile slid over his face. "Now you do."
"How about Pepsi?"
"Yeah. M'k."
He followed her back to the tiny yellow kitchen and sat at Sunni's little wooden table that took up almost the entire floor space. She took a couple of sodas from the fridge and sat across from him. He nudged the pack of Camels sitting on the table.
"Yeah, I started again," she said, popping open the can.
"Mm."
"I been upset," she said defensively.
Raphael tapped the cigarette pack, scowling. He sighed again deeply. "Ok, look," he said. "I would never hurt you. I wasn't going to hurt you then. Maybe it seemed like I was. But I wouldn't do that. I can't say I'll never, you know, go off or somethin'. But if I do, I won't put a hand on you, ok? I'll just….I won't touch you. That work?"
"That a promise?"
"If I say I'm gonna do something, I do it."
Sunni sucked in her lower lip and gazed at him. "Ok," she said. "Thank you."
He dropped his head for an instant, a faint bow that, for Raphael, sealed his word. Then he leaned back and watched her from under his hat brim.
"You know, you could take your coat off."
With a small smile he shrugged it off, and then set his hat on the table.
Sunni clasped her hands in front of her. "Raphael, what am I gonna do with you?"
His smile widened into a rakish grin.
"Oh, my God," she muttered and looked away.
"What?"
"You."
"What about me?"
Sunni covered her eyes with her hands. "I can't stay mad at you. I kept tryin' to."
"That's a good thing, right?"
"Yes. No. I don't know." She smiled wryly. "Did you ever tell your family about me?"
He nodded. "Yeah. They know. Sort of."
"Sort of?"
"Leo knows. The rest just think I'm doing the food thing with you."
"Leo. He's the one who's on your case?"
"He's on everyone's case."
"So why'd you tell him?"
"I dunno. So we could fight about it, I guess."
Sunni chuckled. "Maybe we could bring him around."
"Doubt it." Raphael opened his can and took a few gulps.
"Does he look like you?"
Raphael paused before answering. He decided it didn't really matter if she knew that. "Yeah. Pretty much. Most people can't really tell us apart. 'Til we start talking."
"Hm"
"Why?"
An impish expression lit up Sunni's eyes. "Well, I don't know. What if… I have this girlfriend who's kinda adventurous…"
"Heh?" Raphael's eyes widened. "Oh, no. No. Leo'd shit bricks if another person got brought into this." He took swallow of soda.
"Look, he sounds pretty up tight. Maybe all he needs is to get laid."
Raphael choked, spluttering on his Pepsi. "No, no way," he coughed and grinned, shaking his head.
"Why not?"
"He thinks it's immoral, or some damn thing."
"Is he religious or something?"
No. Not like that."
"Well, then, what if he didn't know? What if he got here and it was just like there, in front of him?"
Raphael frowned. "He wouldn't. But why would you want to do that, though? What's the point?"
"Well, he can't very well hassle you if he's drunk from the same cup, y'know what I'm sayin'?"
"Hm" Raphael ran his fingers over his mouth thoughtfully. "He won't do it…"
"Maybe. But maybe not. It's worth a try."
"Maybe…"
Sunni leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with conspiratorial glee. "I got an idea. Listen…."