The next few days passed in a blur. Castiel and Dean were lost in a lull of teenager-like lust, rolling around in Dean's bed every moment they weren't doing something they had to do. Like homework or class or meals. They even showered together now. If there was anything else going on, they missed it. Hands and panting and soft moans filled their hours. Grasping touches and hickies and swapping clothes. Even when Cas would wear the new clothes his mother bought him to work, he got dressed an hour before he had to leave - in nice button ups and new jeans and even crisp undershirts - because Dean always liked to peel them off and make him beg for his hand before he left. Dean told Cas about the noise complaints, so they tried to be quiet, but sometimes it took a tongue down his throat to stifle Cas's cries of orgasm.
Tonight Dean was trying his hand at a blowjob. It took him a lot of pacing to get the idea to stick, and when he felt he was ready he just grabbed his nicely dressed roomie as he was tying his shoes. He pushed Cas's fly down and pulled his hard on out of his boxer briefs and got on his knees, and went at it without thinking, which was the best way to break yourself in. Especially if it was your first time. Cas had no complaints, not having felt a tongue around him for ages. He writhed and groaned and bit his lip but even unexperienced, Dean was amazing. His hesitation made the suspense even better. But it also helped Cas remember that Dean was unsure of himself. When he began to tighten with pre-come shudders he worked his fingers through Dean's hair.
"Dean," he said shakily. "If you don't want to finish this, I will have zero complaints." A mouthful of white stuff was a pretty big leap for a former straight guy. They'd only been going at it for a few days now, after all - it could be too soon. "Either way, that was amazing."
The tense trembling of Dean's lips ceased as he drew back, breathless as he looked up at him. "You sure?" He said softly, hands on Cas's knees. The anxiety was in clear turmoil behind his eyes.
He'd been right, of course. Smiling with laughter in his eyes and nodding, Cas drew Dean up to his level and kissed him passionately. "Baby steps," he whispered against his lips. "It's ok to be nervous. I was." Guilty silent, Dean made out with Cas, helping him jack off before he cleaned up and zipped up. As Cas ran a comb through his dark hair he glanced at Dean in the mirror on the back of their door. "I'll be back normal time." He tossed aside his comb and went to Dean, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. He took his face in large, gentle hands and kissed him sweetly. "Don't look so guilty, Dean. You did fine. It's fine."
Dean just nodded, flashing him a smile, and Cas sighed affectionately at his lack of conviction. Then he took his things and left for work, hoping Dean wouldn't beat himself up too much over it.
Of course, though, he did. He beat himself up while he did slap-shod homework. He beat himself up while he watched a movie on their small box TV, and ate pretzels. He even beat himself up while he worked himself over, waiting for Cas to get back and take care of him. He should have just done it, gotten it over with. Now he was thinking about it. But what if it was nasty? What if he choked on it? What if he barfed? He didn't want it to be awkward, and nasty. Sex was awkward and nasty, but it wasn't like that. He didn't want to make Cas feel bad or do something humiliating. He should've just tried it. After all, what if he liked it? He rolled over in bed when the movie was over and continued to brood. When Castiel came back and did that thing where he unbuckled his belt and jeans and sat down to untie his shoes – a personal Dean favorite habit - and he shed his clothes except his briefs, and he climbed into bed with Dean that night, Dean was still beating himself up.
"Stop torturing yourself," Cas scolded as he wrapped his hand around Dean and teased him with a few gentle jerks.
"I'm not," Dean protested, kissing Cas's throat and collar feverishly. He didn't want Cas to worry about him; he had enough to think about, and besides, he was happy.
But he was very bad at hiding that he was troubled, and Cas sat up, shifting to put a hot hand on Dean's belly. He looked down at him with stern blue eyes. "Dean." He said sternly. "Look at me and tell me that you aren't torturing yourself over the blowjob thing."
The lack of sexual ice-breaking between them caused a nervous gap in Dean's thoughts. Without breaking his stare, Dean just swallowed, and Cas sighed.
"I know you were going nuts over it," Cas said quietly, "but you won't know if you like it until you're ready to try. Whenever you are ready, I'll be here. But if you're not ready yet, well, then it's all right. I understand. It's so early – please, you just started, we just started, don't think you're the first who has felt like this. When I first was made to try, I had panic attacks over it. Only difference is…" He leaned over and touched his cheek to Dean's forehead. "I will never force you to do anything. I don't want to ruin any of the pleasure you get out of this. If I have to wait to white-wash your tonsils, or… even if I never do. That's something I'm all right with."
Dean nodded silently. Castiel gave him a look, and he sighed. "All right," he replied wearily. "Thanks. I'm sorry, I just… I owe you everything. You settled everything in my life, you tied it all together. I love you. I just want to be able to…" He cleared his throat. "Finish."
A kiss to his temple made Dean smirk. Cas chuckled. "You tie me together. This is enough. You are enough." He clung to him, pressing his body to Dean's. "Besides, you've got nice, strong hands."
Chuckling, Dean rolled over with him, and they did a sort of scramble to get the other off first. Cas could manipulate his hips out of reach willingly because he'd already gotten off, but Dean wanted it more; his body craved those firm fingers around him. Needless to say Cas won. Well, Dean won, but the contest ended with Cas as victorious. He beat off Dean's thick hard-on, and for once it was Dean's moans that got alarmingly loud. Maybe it was the rub of Cas's fingers. Maybe it was his relief. Maybe it was being able to dissolve his stress. Either way, Cas was surprised as well as severely turned on, and Dean groaned over it once it was over, head spinning with endorphins. "I was damn loud." He whispered, and Cas nodded, chuckling nervously.
"I liked it. It was… attractive." The breathless post-climax look on Dean's face mingled with nervous tension was so hot. Cas kissed him gently and they exchanged a 'we're in trouble' look and got up, quickly cleaning up. Once all traces of their actions were gone they rubbed germ ex on their hands to banish the smell. Not as soon as Cas had pulled on a shirt did a knock come at their door.
"It's Ricky," came the muffled voice from behind the knock.
Cas and Dean exchanged nervous looks. Then they parted. Cas sank into his desk chair, his hard-on fading, pushing down his sex hair, and Dean opened up the door. He stood back to see Ricky in gym shorts and a wrinkled t-shirt, as if he was about to go to bed when he'd gotten the call. He looked tense. As if he had figured out Dean was lying to him. Stepping inside, he shot Dean a look and glanced over to see Cas blinking at him nervously.
"Castiel Novak, right?" Ricky questioned, and Cas nodded.
"Yes. You're our RA, Ricky, right?" Castiel looked and sounded disheveled, as if he'd just woken up. Good acting.
Dean had almost forgotten they hadn't met yet. He stood back with his arms crossed and glanced between them. "What's going on, Ricky?" He pressed. "Who is so interested in our dorm life?"
Sighing, Ricky rubbed his face. Obviously seeing both of them fine and calm had made him feel like he was prank called. "Some kid thinks you two are killing each other. Or something." He waved his hand as if homosexual tendencies were implied, but he didn't believe it was a problem either way. "You both sound fine, but you look guilty. So. What are you doing that disturbs the peace, guys?" He smiled sheepishly. "I won't judge. Unless it damages your health, it's none of my business. Just tell me so I can write this guy off when he calls again."
Tell him they were having sex? Castiel looked at Dean with eyes round with surprise and Dean's terror matched his at that moment. He worked his jaw and nothing came out, so he cleared his throat and looked at Ricky, embarrassed beyond belief. "We would rather not talk about it." He managed. When Ricky frowned, he held up his hands. "We're not drinking, drugging, or killing prostitutes, or anything like that. It's just… it's personal."
Ricky sighed. He took a moment to think, rubbing the light-washed beard on his chin, and looked at both of them. It was clear he was debating between them being gay or them being serial killers. When they both looked guiltily at him, the light bulb flickered on. Both of the boys saw it. Ricky nodded, awkwardly, hands on his hips. "All right. Ok. I get it, guys." He took a deep breath. "Consider things resolved, all right? If anyone gives you any more trouble, bring them to me. I'll handle it," he said sincerely, to both of their shock. "We're not here to tell you how to live your lives, we're here to protect you. There's nothing against that sort of thing here. I trust the two of you to keep this however you want to. Just know the consequences of letting these guys know if you do. Some of them aren't as… open." He went to the door again and nodded back at them. "If anything gets bad you know I'll back you up. But I hope it doesn't. Take care of yourselves." Then he was gone.
Cas looked at Dean and Dean looked at Cas as the door shut behind him. They sat together on Dean's bed in silence for a long time, their shock morphing, and evolving into a warm sort of hope and admiration. That small kindness meant the world to them. And yet there was guilt – guilt that in that situation, if it had been them, they wouldn't have been nearly as kind, or understanding… or sympathetic. There was truly faith left in humanity after all.