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Chapter rated T+ for language and sexual content.

Why when we do our darkest deeds do we tell?
They burn in our brains, become a living hell.
'Cause everybody tells,
Everybody tells.
Got a secret, can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save.
Better lock it in your pocket,
Taking this one to the grave.

-The Pierces

Chapter 13: Can You Keep It?

I couldn't stop smiling.

It was actually starting to get rather annoying. It had been two full days since The Morning After Hadley, and I hadn't stopped smiling since.

I would be sitting in the library, trying to concentrate and study Transfiguration or Charms or fucking Potions, and suddenly I would remember. I would remember the way he had kissed me so tentatively at first, and then things I had changed. I would remember how he had slowly slid his hands under my shirt and I had shivered so violently from the feeling of his hands on my bare skin. I would remember how we'd fallen onto the bed and he had put an elbow on my splayed out hair and he had grinned when I said "ouch, my hair!" and just moved my hair before capturing my mouth again. I would remember how he'd kissed my neck and I'd giggled at first because his stubble had tickled me, and he'd pulled back and looked at me.

"Something funny, Ms. Weasley?"

I bit the corner of my bottom lip and smiled. "No."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Are you ticklish?"

There was a mischievous look in his eye. I knew that look.

"No," I said firmly, forcing down a smile.

He smirked. "Liar," he whispered.

He brought a hand up, but I grabbed his wrist before his fingers reached my stomach.

He arched an eyebrow. "Nervous, Weasley?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Of course not, Malfoy."

And before I could stop him, he brought his free hand down to my stomach and began to tickle me and I was crying with laughter until I was finally able to push him off me and I was straddling him. And the power was mine.

We'd kissed more after that, and I was smiling like a fool, remembering how he'd buried his hands in my hair and with a swift movement, he'd ended up back on top of me, and our kisses had gotten more needy—more… intense. And I remembered feeling him—him—and I remembered my body felt like it was on fire and every inch of my skin was so sensitive that every time he so much as brushed against me, I whimpered or moaned or sighed his name. I remembered wanting him and not being afraid that I wanted him.

And in that moment I would have done it. I would have given him what I'd refused to give to Hadley—what had ended us. I would have given it to Malfoy and not have regretted it. I would have given it to him without thinking twice. I wanted it so fucking desperately. I just wanted to know what it would be like to have him buried inside me—to have us connected beyond anything I'd ever experienced. I wanted it. I wanted him.

But he'd stopped. Of course.

He'd leaned up on his elbows and stared down at my face and I'd looked up at him, and in that moment, I hadn't been scared of what might happen, but I'd been afraid. I was terrified because my feelings for him were strong. And they were overwhelming. And I remembered my heart was pounding so hard and so fast as his gray eyes bore into my blue ones as if he could read my thoughts. They were looking at me so intensely that I had—had—to look away. It was too much.

Then he'd smiled and rolled off of me and stood up to put on the shirt that I had torn off him a little bit earlier. He'd yanked it over his head and turned to face me.

"Don't you have Quidditch practice?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Stalker much?" I was still out of breath, but he didn't really seem to notice.

He chuckled. "I'm the Slytherin head, Rose. I help regulate the sign ups for the pitch."

"Sure you do," I said, shifting so I could sit on the edge of his bed and look at him. Silence fell for a moment as we looked at each other. "I can skip it."

This time it was his turn to arch an eyebrow. "And do what, exactly?"

I smiled and shrugged.

He looked at me for another moment as if he was considering something and then he shook his head. "No, you gotta go."

"Why?" I smiled seductively at him. "Think you won't be able to control yourself if I stay?"

He raised both eyebrows. He paused and looked at me with a serious heat in his eyes. "No," he said, his voice slightly hoarse. "I know I won't be able to."

I almost gasped but I just rubbed my thumb across the tips of my fingers and looked down, suddenly bashful for some reason I couldn't really pinpoint.

After a moment, I looked up at him and he was grinning at me.

"You know what they say," he said, walking forward and grabbing my hand to yank me up so he could wrap his arms around me. "If you can't take the heat…"

Before I could say anything, he kissed me.

My cheeks were hurting so much from smiling at the memories.

But it had been almost two days since I had seen him. All of that had happened on Saturday morning and it was now Sunday night and I was walking through the castle patrolling for my prefect duty.

Otto Daltondale, the head boy—a Hufflepuff—always let me do patrols on my own while everyone else had to go in pairs. I mostly bullied him into letting me go by myself, but he knew I could handle it alone so he let me. But mostly he was just too afraid to say no to me and no one was pressuring him to make me do it in pairs because they were afraid to be around me.

I was walking down a corridor on the fifth floor, smiling and itching with excitement. This morning when I'd woken up, I'd decided to tell Albus everything. He needed to know what Hadley had done to me, and he needed to know why I'd even gotten with him in the first place. He would be mad about both things, but I was tired of keeping this from him. I wanted to commiserate, I wanted to be comforted, but most of all, I was absolutely bursting to tell someone about Malfoy. Albus was the best secret keeper I knew.

I just had to finish this patrol and then I would run down to the dungeons and tell him. I couldn't wait.

A bit later, I was almost finished, still smiling about Malfoy, when I decided I would go to the Room of Requirement and conjure the room we always practiced in so I could play a few songs before I went to find Albus. It felt like I hadn't played in ages, and I just needed my uke so I could strum out a few songs before bed. I didn't have my ukulele with me, but that was what the room was for.

When I got to the seventh floor, I paced in front of the door three times, asking for the room where Founders Four practiced. I was giddy with excitement.

When I walked in, it took me a moment to register what I was seeing.

Albus was sitting at the drum set that Lysander usually sat at, which confused me right off. I opened my mouth to say something but then I saw that Albus's eyes were closed, his head was slightly tilted back, his mouth was hanging open, and he was whimpering softly. It took me another moment to register that there was a blonde head by Albus's crotch, bobbing slowly.

I screamed.

"Albus—WHAT THE HELL!"

Albus's eyes flew open and he jerked violently.

"Rose! Shit—" He pushed Lysander off him and stood up quickly, yanking his pants up as he went. Lysander toppled a bit but was able to regain his balance and stand up. He at least had the courtesy to look at the ground and look sheepish.

Albus took several swift steps forward to get to me. "Rosie—"

I pushed his arm away that he tried to reach out toward me. "Don't FUCKING touch me!" I yelled. I turned around and shoved my way back out of the RoR and into the seventh floor corridor. I roared in frustration before stomping angrily down the corridor.

It wasn't just that Lysander was blowing my best friend in the room where we practiced music together. It wasn't just that they had broken up and gotten back together roughly ten times over the past two years, making the band's fate hang in the balance each time. It wasn't just that Albus had lied to me and betrayed me and done the one thing I had practically fucking begged him not to do. It wasn't just that.

It was that Albus was ready to throw in the towel on our friendship—drop me like a fucking hat—after he found out I was with Hadley. He was livid with me and didn't speak to me for almost two weeks. He'd finally "apologized" by sitting next to me at breakfast and making ten-second small talk. He was ready to not be my friend anymore over a relationship he didn't approve of. And here he fucking was—getting blown in the Room of Requirement by his ex.

Pot, meet Kettle.

"Rose, please, wait," Albus said, easily keeping up with me with his long legs and long strides.

"Fuck you," I said, ignoring him and walking on.

"It just happened—"

"Oh, it just happened," I growled through gritted teeth as I stomped angrily.

"We aren't—"

I wheeled around to face him.

"You aren't what, Albus? You aren't fucking him? You aren't back together? You aren't the worst fucking friend on the PLANET?"

"Shh…" He grabbed my elbow and guided me down the corridor until he found an empty classroom and pushed me inside. I don't know why I let him guide me. I think I was just too blinded by my rage and confusion to do anything other than let him steer.

"I'm sorry," he said as soon as he shut the door behind him.

"Fuck you," I said again.

"Rose—"

"No, seriously, Albus!" I was yelling. Fairly loudly. He tried to hold up a hand to silence me but I wouldn't hear it. "You fucking…" I sighed angrily. "How dare you," I started again. "How dare you fucking hate me for getting back with Hadley when you're doing… that!" I gestured toward the door.

"Rose…"

I gave him a disgusted look before I mocked him. "'Rose,'" I sneered. "Is that all you have to say?" I looked at him with raised eyebrows and when he didn't say anything after one second, I threw up my hands. "Of FUCKING course that's all you have to say. You were ready to—God, Albus! You were ready to toss me aside for Hadley. Do you remember what you said to me?"

"Rose—"

"Do you fucking remember?"

"I—"

"You said you were disgusted with me," I spat. "You said I changed and that he makes me WORSE and that HE was going to toss me aside—LIKE. YOU. DID—and you—when I asked—fucking begged you to just stand by me, you know what you said?"

"Rose, please—"

"You said 'I can't, Rose. I just fucking can't.'"

I stopped and watched him. He at least looked ashamed, which I was glad for.

"You hated the fact that I was with Hadley so much that you could hardly fucking look at me. You didn't even give me a chance to explain. You didn't even give the thing with Hadley a chance. You—"

"It's different!"

"HOW!" I yelled. "HOW IS IT FUCKING DIFFERENT."

"I told you, Rose! I… Fuck, I don't become the person you become when someone breaks my heart."

I clenched my jaw. "First of all, that's because you're fucking used to breaking up and making up with Lysander. I don't have all the goddamn experience that you have, so SORRY." The last word was a shout. "Second, you don't 'become the person I become'? Oh, really? Because I distinctly remember ten different goddamn times when you wouldn't eat or sleep, and you were a royal prick to everyone who came near you—"

"And how long did that last, Rose!"

"That doesn't—"

"IT DOES MATTER!" My eyes widened slightly when Albus raised his voice. I don't know if he'd ever actually yelled at me before. Not like this. "It matters because I did the normal thing. I—I was an arse for a week or two and then I GOT OVER IT. But you… With you, you don't just get over it. You didn't get over it. It—all the shit—it became a part of you."

"Oh, shut up," I said with an aggressive eye roll. "I'm tired of hearing it." I held up a hand. "I changed and I'm different. Who fucking cares! I stopped letting people treat me like shit—everyone should be happy I changed."

"It's not about sticking up for yourself. It's…" He sighed. "It's just about the person you become when Hadley is involved."

"This isn't about Hadley!"

"What—"

"This is about YOU. This is about you practically ending our friendship over something that isn't even real and then going behind my back and doing the same fucking thing that you hated me for!"

Albus looked at me for a few moments. I blinked slowly, trying to reel in my anger. Breathe. "What do you mean 'over something that isn't even real'?"

"What?" I said exasperatedly.

"You said I was going to end our friendship over something that isn't even real. What does that mean?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Oh, for god's sake, Albus, I was only 'dating'"—I held up air quotes—"Hadley so that I could break his heart and make Malfoy jealous."

Albus looked completely dumbfounded. "Wait—what?"

"I don't want to talk about that yet!" I said, annoyed. "I want to talk about you and Lysander!"

Albus sighed. "I'm sorry," he started quickly. "But… I mean, it didn't really mean anything. I'm just horny and Lysander is there and he's familiar and he knows what I want and what I like and… We aren't, like, a couple or anything…" He trailed off.

"You're still in love with him."

Albus just shrugged, looking defeated.

"Even after everything."

Again, he shrugged. "I can't help it."

And then it clicked. Sort of. "I can't help it." And who could, really? I couldn't help it that I was grinning like an idiot over Malfoy and all I could think about was what would have happened if I he hadn't had the Quiddtich practice excuse. I couldn't help it that I'd never felt sexy or sexual until I'd met him. I couldn't help it that he had me thinking about things that I had almost never thought about in all my seventeen years. And he couldn't help it either. He couldn't help it that he wanted a girl who was five years his junior and his student. There was nothing either of us could do, really, and wasn't that the rub of it all?

Silence lapsed for several moments. I didn't want to fight him. I didn't want us to hate each other over things like this. I just wanted to go back to normal. I took a deep breath.

"I want to have sex with Malfoy," I said after hopping onto a desk. Without questioning the sudden change of subject, Albus turned a chair around and straddled it so that he could rest his arms on the back.

"Don't we all."

"I'm serious," I said. "I think I almost had sex with him the other day."

His eyes widened so much that I laughed.

I told him everything. I told him about my plan to make Hadley fall in love with me and then to break up with him in the worst way possible—although I hadn't thought that all the way through on the exactly how. I told him about my kiss with Malfoy on the night of the concert.

"That's why he let you go?"

"I figure he felt bad about the whole thing especially after kissing me."

Albus chuckled.

I told him about going back later that night and I told him about the incidents in the classroom. I told him about the looks and the desire I felt—the likes of which I had never felt or known before.

"Gross," he said.

And then I got to that night—the night with Hadley. Here, I explained more about what I had been doing to make Hadley love me. I told him about how hard it had been. How sometimes it made me physically ill. How I couldn't sleep some nights because I hated what I was doing. He asked me why I did it, and I told him I needed one last thing to get him back. I needed one thing to make him understand how he'd made me feel because he still just didn't fucking get it. Albus said he understood. Then I told him about the classroom, and how I could tell Hadley wanted to go further but how all I could think about was Malfoy and how Hadley repulsed me and how it was so much like before that it was almost frightening. I was about to tell him about Malfoy coming in to rescue me when Albus cut me off.

"He forced himself on you?"

"Al—"

"That fucking bastard—did he…?"

"No!" I said frantically. "Malfoy came in. I thought he would hit Hadley."

"He's a teacher."

"I don't think he cared in that moment."

Albus grinned. "What a white fucking knight."

"That's exactly what I thought."

And then I told him about the next morning, but for some reason I left out the tooth-brushing. I didn't think he'd get it. I thought he would think it was weird and insignificant and I didn't want him to lessen it for me. That had been one of the best moments of my life, and I didn't want it to feel like anything other than that by risking the views of an outsider. He wouldn't see how erotic it was or how intimate or domestic it was. He wasn't there. He wouldn't know Scorpius's body language or the way he'd been looking at me. He just wouldn't understand.

So I skipped to the talking and the making out.

"And you almost had sex?"

"I don't know. I think so?" I told him what he said before I left.

"Holy shit…" he looked at the floor, thinking. "You almost had sex with Malfoy."

I laughed. "I know!"

"This is insane."

"I know."

"Shit like this only happens in movies. To people way cooler than us."

"I know."

He paused. "Are you…" he looked at me. "Are you going to have sex with him?"

I smiled. "I hope so."

Albus whooped. "This is crazy." I just laughed. Then he paused and studied me hard for several moments. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Ly."

"It's okay," I said, even though it wasn't.

"No, it's not," he said. Bastard could always read my mind. "But it wasn't like we were sneaking around."

"It was just that one time?"

Albus looked at the ground.

"Albus…" I warned.

"There was one other thing last week. Just some snogging," Albus added quickly.

I sighed. "It's your life," I said with a defeated shrug. "I can't stop you." I then looked up at him and narrowed my eyes. "But if this blows up in your face, I get to say 'I told you so.'"

Albus smiled. "Okay."

I sighed again. "But I won't leave you. I'm here no matter what."

Albus's smiled faded a bit. "You're a better friend than me."

"I know," I said with a smile. I didn't want to fight anymore and I didn't want to think about everything from before. Hadley was done. I was done with that stupid shit with him. I just wanted Malfoy and I wanted my best friend back. I didn't want him with Lysander, but I guessed I would just have to pick my battles.

"I really am sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have…"

"You shouldn't have," I said. "But I get it."

Albus stood up. "Come on, kid," he said. "We gotta get you ready to lose that v-card."

"Albus!"

He grinned.

Next chapter:

Albus and Hugo react to what Hadley did to Rose.