I am sick with wanting,
And it's evil how it's got me,
And everyday is worse than the one before.
The more I have the more I think:
I'm almost where I need to be,
If only I could get a little more.

A need for something,
Now let me break it down again.
A need for something,
But not more medicine.

Something has me
Acting like someone I don't wanna be,
Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed.

-The Avett Brothers

Chapter 32: Halloween

"First round, girls!"

I looked over my shoulder and saw Ainsley walking in the room cradling five bottles of firewhiskey in her arms. She grinned at us and handed out bottles to Meg, Lucy, and Harriet before coming over to me and handing me a bottle.

"Wait, wait, before you drink!" she screeched as I put the bottle to my lips. She raised her bottle. "A toast," she said, grinning. "To seventh year—and to this being the best Halloween party we've ever had!" Meg, Harry, and Ainsley cheered while Lucy smiled absently and I just laughed before clanking my bottle against theirs and taking a large swig. It burned going down, but I loved that feeling.

"How did you nick these?" I asked Ainsley before turning back to the mirror.

"You look hot—you don't have to keep primping," Ainsley said first. "Hadley and the other boys have a huge case of this in their dorm."

I rolled my eyes at her reprimand for me looking in the mirror. But I had to admit that I had spent an obsessive amount of time in front of the mirror tonight. My hair was pulled up into a high ponytail and my makeup was extravagant with heavy eyeliner and colors all over my face. As for my outfit, I was wearing a muggle cheerleader's uniform with a skirt that was so short it could hardly be called a skirt, and a top that was at least two sizes too small for me, exposing my cleavage to an obscene extent. I grinned. I also had fake blood splashed across my costume and a fake red gash across my neck.

Albus and I had had couples costumes since our first Halloween party at Hogwarts first year. This year we were going as a dead cheerleader and the football player who killed her. We had had the most amazing time thinking about our back-story for these costumes when we'd first decided to do this. We'd decided that the cheerleader was a slag who'd slept with half the team while she was dating the quarterback, who ended up killing her in a jealous rage. When we'd told Hugo, he'd just rolled his eyes and told us how disturbed we were. We'd roared with laughter.

I was excited about the Halloween party because of our costumes, because it was our last one, and because I knew that Scorpius was going to be chaperoning. I knew I would drive him crazy in this skirt.

I tipped my firewhiskey back and chugged half the bottle.

"Jeez, easy," Ainsley said with a laugh as I looked over at her with a grin and wiped my mouth.

"I plan on getting thoroughly drunk at this thing," I said. "The guys are planning on spiking the punch right?"

"Duh," Ainsley said.

"It's like a seventh year requirement," Meg said, laughing. "Seventh year duties: N.E.W.T.s and spiking the Halloween punch."

The rest of us girls laughed.

Ainsley walked up to where I was standing at the mirror. "You should see Hadley," she whispered. "He looks so hot."

I rolled my eyes. Ainsley was still convinced that Hadley and I were either seeing each other in secret or still secretly in love with each other. She had no idea how wrong she was.

"What's he going as?"

"Werewolf after transformation."

I rolled my eyes again. "So basically he's just wearing a ripped up shirt?"

"And ripped up jeans that are too tight and show off his fine ass."

I arched an eyebrow at her. "Please tell me you don't have a thing for him."

"No way," she said quickly. "After what he did to you and Meg, not a chance, not ever. No offense."

I laughed. "None taken."

"But that doesn't mean I can't admire a fine male specimen when I see one."

I shook my head.

"Anyway I'm into Otto."

Every single person in the room squealed and exclaimed.

"AINSLEY!"

"Daltondale?"

"Oh. My. God."

"Holy shit, Ainsley!"

Ainsley shrugged and smirked.

"But…" Lucy started. "He's such a…"

"Nerd," I finished for her. "He's a nerd."

Ainsley smiled and shrugged again. "I think he's cute."

Otto Daltondale was the headboy of the school. He was pretty cute in a gangly, nerdy way, but he was cute. And I had to give it to her, he was incredibly smart and ridiculously nice. But I don't think I'd ever seen him with a girl romantically. I couldn't imagine him wooing Ainsley at all. I just had this image in my head of Ainsley walking up to Otto and telling him he was now her boyfriend. I laughed to myself thinking about how he wouldn't know what to do about it all, and he'd probably end up marrying Ainsley as a result.

She was a catch for him, though. She was a tall, hot blonde who didn't give any guys our age the time of day. She'd dated my cousin James for a few months back when we were fifth years, and she made out with plenty of guys at parties and stuff, but other than that, tons of guys pursued her and she always just brushed them off.

"Finally, someone Ainsley likes," Harriet Bones said.

Ainsley laughed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I arched an eyebrow at her. "She means that you have only ever given one guy the time of day and it lasted two months before you broke his poor heart."

"I did not break James Potter's heart. He had more girlfriends in his time at Hogwarts than spells exist in the world."

"She's only saying that because she was in love with him," Meg said, digging through her trunk.

Ainsley shrieked. "That is not true!"

I laughed. "Yes it is."

"Why'd you break up with him?" Lucy asked.

"Be—I don't know—because he had too many girls fawning over him, and he didn't pay enough attention to the one girl who—" she cut herself off and her cheeks went adorably red.

"The one girl who… loved him?" I asked with an innocent tilt of my head.

"I have to finish getting ready!" Ainsley said quickly before rushing into the bathroom and slamming the door.

I laughed. "I'm gonna go meet Albus," I said before tipping the rest of my firewhiskey into my mouth, and reaching into my trunk to grab something and shove it in my top so it was concealed. "See you guys at the party?"

We said our goodbyes, and I rushed out of the room. I was giddy as I skipped down to the dungeons. I had to pass Scorpius's quarters in order to get to Slytherin House, so I'd decided before I left Gryffindor that I'd just stop in for a minute.

When I got there, I pressed my palm to the door and it slid open. As soon as I stepped in, I heard Scorpius's shower going, and I smiled. I had hoped he would already be gone or getting ready.

On his bed, there was a black robe with a high collar laying out. He was going as Dracula, like a nerd. I rolled my eyes and reached into my top to pull out what I had retrieved from my trunk before I left. I threw it onto his bed and walked over to his end table to grab out a piece of parchment so I could scribble a note for him before I left.

Find me later.

-R

I threw the note on top of what I'd left him—the pair of red lace panties that he had handed me in potions on a Friday weeks ago after I'd left them in his quarters after a long night with him. And with that, I practically ran from the room.

"Whoa," Albus said when he greeted me outside Slytherin.

"What?"

He looked me up and down. "You can't wear that."

I frowned. "Why?"

"I can basically see your tits!" Albus snapped. "And that skirt. My god, you might as well just go in your underwear."

I grinned at him. "Aw, look at you, playing the protective older brother role."

He clenched his jaw. "Rose."

"Oh, shut up, Albus, it's fine. Everyone will be dressed like this."

"Yeah, but they don't have your fucking legs and your curves. Jesus, what would Hermione say?"

"She'd kill me," I said, laughing.

He brightened a bit. "Maybe McGonagall won't let you in."

"Al!"

"What's Malfoy gonna do when he sees you like that. You said he gets jealous."

I rolled my eyes. "He'll get over it."

Albus sighed heavily. "Fine," he said. "Let's just go."

Albus and I walked down to the Great Hall together while he glanced at me occasionally and shot glares at whoever even looked in my general direction.

One of Albus's dormmates passed us on the way and he looked back and said, "Damn, Rose." I'd had to grab Albus's arm to stop him from hexing his friend.

The Great Hall looked amazing. There were floating jack-o-lanterns, and as they did every Halloween, most of the ghosts had decided to play along and pretend to be scary, even though no one in their right mind would be scared of Nearly Headless Nick. Cobwebs hung from the walls, and the lights were dim and letting off a purplish glow along with the golden light of the lanterns. As soon as we got there, we walked over to the punch bowl and I watched as Albus poured something from under his sleeve into the bowl.

I looked up at him with a smirk.

"What?" he said. "It's my duty as a seventh year."

I laughed, and we walked over to Fergie, Lucy, and Nate, who were standing off to the side, sipping the unspiked punch.

When we got up to them, I handed Fergie my drink as he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

"Your cousin is so weird," he whispered into my ear before he pulled away and took a large swig. He grimaced and handed it back to me. "Yeah, I'm gonna need more of that if I'm gonna deal with this," he said quietly, jerking his head slightly toward Lucy. I just laughed.

"You get used to her," I said.

He smiled and then looked down at me before raising his eyebrows. "Thank god I'm not straight," he said.

I laughed. "Yeah, Albus isn't too pleased," I said, glancing at my cousin who was talking to Lucy and Nate.

"He's just in a bad mood," Fergie whispered.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I won't sleep with him," he said with a shrug. He looked like it didn't bother him, but I saw the way he looked at Albus with longing in his eyes, and it was obvious to me that Fergie's resolution not to have sex with Albus was wearing on him just as much as it was wearing on Al. I watched as Fergie's gaze traveled across Albus's body, which was shown off by his tight jersey over his shoulder pads, and the tight spandex pants that showed off his ass and legs.

"Why?" I asked, snapping Fergie out of his Albus trance.

"Because I don't think he's over Scamander," he said. "And as much as I want him… I'm no one's second choice."

Albus snapped his head to look over his shoulder at us. I jumped at the unexpected movement. "I can hear you, you know," he growled.

Fergie just shrugged and reached for my drink again, and I gladly gave it to him. He needed it more than I did right now.

"Come on," I said to Fergie, grabbing his elbow and leading him over to the punch and snack table. I popped a mini-sausage into my mouth when we got over there, and Fergie smiled weakly at me.

"Thanks," he said. He downed the rest of my drink, and I took my glass from him and turned to fill up two glasses. When I turned back to him, he looked a little better.

"Talk," I said as I handed him his own glass of punch.

He sighed and shook his head. "Rose, you know how I feel about Albus."

I nodded. "You're in love with him."

His eyes widened. "Is it that obvious?"

I smiled. "Not to everyone. I just have a sense about these things."

He sighed again. "Yeah," he said. "I'm in love with him. And I have been for… forever, but… he's always been with Scamander. They play this back and forth game, and I've never been able to put myself in Albus's way until now. I just don't want to do anything to blow it. I can't just sleep with him and give him what he wants so he can go back to Scamander."

"I get that. I really do, but Fergie… I really think he's over Lysander. Or at least he's trying really hard to be. For you."

"I know," Fergie said. "I know that. But…"

"That's not enough."

"How can it be?" he said frantically. "Just trying to be over someone isn't enough when the person you're with is in love with you and has been since he was eleven."

"Fergie," I breathed, a smile spreading across my face. "Is that true?"

He sighed and nodded. "I knew I was gay because I knew I loved him."

"Oh, Fergie. Does he know that?"

"No," Fergie said quietly. "I… He's not serious enough about me for me to tell him something like that. He would just freak."

"I think you'd be surprised," I said. "Look. Sometimes you have to freak someone out in order for them to see what they want. If you think he sees you as some kind of temporary fix, let him know that you are anything but temporary."

He sighed and smiled. "How'd you get so smart?"

I shrugged with a grin. "Believe me, I don't take my own advice."

"Oh, great to know," Fergie said with a laugh.

"Look at you!" I said suddenly. "You are seriously one of the hottest guys in school. You're a sexy pirate. Go show him what he wants and needs."

Fergie just rolled his eyes with a smirk. "I'm definitely going to need more of that punch."

"Yeah," I said, laughing. "Same here." I downed my glass right when I felt someone come up behind me and wrap their arms around me from behind. I thought it was Scorpius and I jumped. What the hell? Not here!

"S—hey," I said when I looked over my shoulder and saw Hadley grinning like a fool.

"I'll see you guys later," Fergie said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes. When were people going to stop thinking that Hadley and I were together? "I have a boy to woo."

"See ya," Hadley said with a chuckle. "I still can't believe he's gay," Hadley said once Fergie was out of earshot. I turned around and pulled out of Hadley's arms.

"You're such an idiot," I said good-naturedly.

"I know, I know," he said. Then he changed the subject. "Did you have the punch?"

I raised my empty glass.

"No empty glasses!" Hadley said. I could tell he had already had a lot to drink. It made me laugh. He yanked my glass out of my hand and sloshed some punch into it before handing it back to me. "You look… incredible, by the way."

I scoffed. "I look like a bimbo."

He laughed loudly. "Isn't that the point? Where's your quarterback?"

I shrugged. "Somewhere off being a dick to the guy who loves him."

"We only hurt the ones we love," he said. I looked up at him, and he was looking down at me with this strange look on his face. I punched him in the shoulder.

"You're drunk already," I said.

He laughed so loud that some people looked over. "Nah, I'm just bein' honest. Wanna dance?"

I was caught off guard by the change of subject. "Sure," I said, laughing.

Hadley grabbed my hand and guided me to the dance floor. There were already a few other people dancing, but most of them were younger than us. All of the people our age were off chugging punch.

As soon as we were on the floor, Hadley turned to face me and started shaking his hips like an idiot. I tried to stifle a giggle, but it didn't help. He just looked so ridiculous flailing his arms and wagging his hips like some sort of ghoul. I knew from experience that Hadley was actually a pretty decent dancer, so that just made it even funnier.

Hadley grabbed my hand and yanked me towards him so that he could dip me, and I laughed as he did it. When he let me up, I shoved at his chest with a grin, which made him grin even harder. We were like that for a while, just dancing like fools and enjoying our last Halloween dance. It was weird because it was such an enormous contrast from the last Halloween dance when our break up had still been so fresh. Albus had managed to drag me out and we'd gone as Van Gogh and his ear—a costume that took way longer to create than it should have—but I'd left early, unable to stand being in the Great Hall while Meg and Hadley made out on the dance floor.

It also strangely reminded me of Halloween fifth year, when Hadley and me had been a new couple, and he had thought I was so pretty and fun, and he always told me so. We'd had so much fun that night, and we'd had our first kiss afterwards. Now so much was incredibly different from both those years. It was actually crazy how much things had changed.

Eventually, other Gryffindors came to the floor and started dancing around Hadley and me. I saw my brother and Meg off in a corner, looking into each other's eyes and dancing together, oblivious to the rest of the world. It was adorable. I also saw Fergie and Albus who were near the back of the hall, deep in conversation. Albus looked stressed, and Fergie looked upset. I would probably have to comfort both of them at some point in the night, but for right now, I was just going to enjoy the people around me.

After a few songs, Lysander came up and pulled me away and started dancing with me. He was a great dancer, I already knew. I could tell he wanted to ask me about Fergie and Albus, but surprisingly, he didn't, and we just laughed and joked with each other and enjoyed each other's company.

I knew Scorpius was around—I could sense him—but I hadn't seen him yet. The teachers often patrolled the corridors during the dance to make sure there was no funny business (even though they couldn't stop it if they tried), so I was sure he kept coming in and out of the hall. I was also swept in with my friends. I was just so giddy and happy that everything was back to normal and that my life was so fucking perfect that I was caught up in all of it—the costumes, the music, the food and drink, the decorations—it was all making me distracted, which was probably a good thing because I was significantly buzzed and if I saw Scorpius, there was a good chance I wouldn't be able to control myself.

I danced with Ainsley for a while, and some other people from my house and around the school, but it wasn't too long before I ended up back with Hadley. By this point, I'd had several glasses of punch, but I knew he'd had far more than I had, and it was pretty obvious.

"You're drunk," I yelled at him over the music.

"Drunk on you," he said before wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close. I laughed at first, but then I looked up at his face and saw that he wasn't laughing and his eyes were serious.

"Hadley," I said, frowning and pushing away from him. He just sighed and let me go, but then the music changed to a slow song, and people started to couple up. He smiled at me.

"Dance with me."

"I don't think…"

"No funny business," he said with a grin, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "I swear."

I was still wary, but I felt like he understood that nothing was going to happen between us. Surely he knew that we were over and everything was much better when we were friends.

I thought he understood, so when he pulled me close and slowly slid his hands around my waist, I tried not to read too much into it. It was harmless—two friends (who happened to be exes) dancing—it was normal, fine. When I put my hands around his neck and saw him blink slowly as if he was savoring it, there was nothing to be worried about. It was natural for him to still have some feelings for me, but we were obviously just friends. Wasn't it obvious?

I stared at his chest, afraid that if I looked up he'd be looking at me with some sort of strange look on his face like the one he'd had earlier.

"Hey," he said. I was forced to look up. He was smiling down at me. "See," he said. "I can be a gentleman."

I laughed—a bit of a nervous laugh. "You wish."

He laughed back. "Oh, come on! I—"

"Can I cut in?"

I looked up and saw my cousin looking at both of us with a strange look of his own.

"Oh," Hadley said. "Oh, yeah. Totally, of course." Hadley was still nervous around Albus after the whole I-beat-the-shit-out-of-you-on-the-grounds-because- you-nearly-raped-my-best-friend fiasco.

Albus pulled me close when Hadley walked away, and he whispered in my ear. "There is a very jealous looking Scorpius Malfoy over your shoulder," he said. "Don't look."

My stomach churned. Shit. I knew he hated me being with Hadley, and I knew he hated that he couldn't be on this dance floor holding me the way Hadley had. He was probably standing over there fuming.

"Is he looking over here now?" I asked Albus. Albus was looking at me, but I could tell he could see Malfoy in his periphery.

"Yes."

"Does he look mad?"

"Furious."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. He's also had quite a bit of that punch."

Fuck. "What do I do?"

"Honestly, I think you should drag him into a broom closet for a few minutes and snog his brains out, and then come back to the party before anyone notices."

I grinned up at Albus. "It's always so simple with you, isn't it?"

He shook his head with a sigh. "If only it was that easy with Fergie."

"Goddammit, Albus," I said, slapping his chest as he reminded me of earlier in the night. "You are breaking his heart."

"He told me he was in love with me," Albus said quietly.

My eyes widened. "What did you say?"

Albus broke into a grin. "I told him I loved him back."

My eyes widened even further. "Really?" I breathed with a smile.

He nodded. "Well, it took me a bit to get there—we argued a bit—but I just… I am, Rose. God, I want to be with him so much. He's perfect."

"Al!" I squealed and hugged him tightly. "What the hell are you doing with me then?"

"Protecting you from Underwood's bullshit and Malfoy's anger," Al said with a short laugh.

"I should go to him," I said, pulling away from Albus slightly.

"I don't think it helps that you're dressed like that."

I smirked. "Good. I want him wound up for me."

"Just go," Albus said, shaking his head before he pushed me away.

I smiled, and then I glanced over my shoulder and gasped when I found Malfoy staring daggers at me. I jerked my head toward an area of the hall that was covered by the house hangings, and I walked toward it, hoping that he would know what to do and follow me.

I walked quickly, and glanced over my shoulder to make sure that no one was looking in my direction. I found that everyone was too occupied with themselves to bother paying attention to me. I darted behind the large hanging for Hufflepuff house, where there was about a two or three feet between it and the wall, and gasped audibly when Malfoy was right in front of me.

"Scor—"

I was cut off then his mouth smashed against mine. I sighed and gripped his hips, opening my mouth to the kiss and feeling his tongue glide smoothly against mine, as his hands dove into my hair and gripped me tightly, guiding my face where he wanted. I could smell and taste the firewhiskey, mixed with whatever the seventh years had poured into the punch. He was drunk.

Suddenly, Scorpius gripped my shoulders and growled as he turned me and slammed me against the wall. My mouth broke away from his and his mouth attached to my neck for just a brief second before it found my mouth again. Then I gasped again as I was lifted against the wall and I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

"Scorpius," I breathed when his mouth moved to my neck. I squeaked when his teeth sank into my neck.

The music being played in the hall was loud enough so that no one would hear us, but I bit my lip and tried to withhold the sounds I desperately wanted to release anyway.

Vaguely, I registered the song at the dance changing to a popular muggle song. I became a bit more aware of the music when Scorpius dropped me and turned me around so that my back was pressed to his front. I could feel him hard against the small of my back, and I tried to ignore it. If I focused on that, I would drag him out of the hall and abandon all my friends. But he made it hard to ignore it when his hands slid to my front and gripped my thighs, grinding against me in time with the music.

My head fell back onto his chest and my hands went up so I could brace myself against the wall. When his mouth found my neck, my head fell forward a bit and I tilted my head to the side to give him access as I released a breathy moan.

God, I could get used to this—being grinded into a wall by my sexy as hell boyfriend with the beat of the loud music that was reverberating through me. My body was on fire. But wasn't it always when I was with Scorpius?

I grinded against him, and I heard him hiss.

"Do you like dancing with me?" he growled into my ear.

"Yes," I breathed, grinding harder, trying to create any and all friction that I could. I could feel that sweet heat of desire between my legs. It was spurred on by the fact that both of us wanted each other so badly that we didn't care that there was a room full of people just a curtain away that had no idea what was going on between us.

"Do you like my hands on you?" he asked as one hand slid up my stomach and underneath the top of my costume and the other slid around to grip my inner thigh. I gasped and bucked a bit. If he moved his hand up just a bit more, he'd be touching me, and that was all I wanted. It was all I ever wanted. "Why didn't you tell me this was your costume?" he asked, without letting me answer his previous question. I could hardly speak anyway.

"To—I wanted to surprise you," I said, my voice breathy. "Scorpius…" How could I tell him that I wanted him to take me out of here and fuck me senseless?

"Quite a surprise," he growled. His hot breath on my ear was driving me absolutely insane. His hands slid to grip my breasts tightly and I arched, pressing them further into his hands.

"Scorpius, I—"

"That boy couldn't keep his eyes off you."

"What?"

"Seemed like you liked his attention."

I tried to turn my head. "Scorpius—what—?"

"Did you?" he grinded hard against me and then grabbed my hips to turn me around to face him. He looked livid, and my stomach suddenly churned with anxiety. "Did you like him looking at you?"

I was scared of the look in his eyes—I hadn't ever seen him like that. "Scorpius," I tried, squirming a bit under his gaze. "You're drunk." He had brought his hands up to lay flat against the wall behind me. He had me caged in and I knew he was pissed, but I couldn't resist touching him. My hands slid up his chest, and I reveled in the fact that he blinked slowly in response.

"Why were you dancing with him? You know I get jealous."

"I know," I admitted. "But we're just friends."

He clenched his jaw and I heard an audible growl come from his throat. "My arse," he said. "He wants you."

"I don't care. You know I don't."

"I do!" he said loudly, shoving a hard finger into his chest. "I fucking care."

"You shouldn't," I protested. "You know I feel about you."

"Do I?"

My eyes widened in shock. How could he possibly question how I felt about him? "You should. I don't—"

"You come here, dressed like that, and dance with your ex. What am I supposed to think?"

"You're supposed to think about the fact that your cock was inside me less than 24 hours ago," I snapped, reminding him of the night we'd spent together just the night previous.

I saw a muscle twitch in his jaw.

"Why are you acting like this, Scorpius?" I asked him, softening a bit and letting my fingers move against his chest, watching them before looking back up at him. His eyes were blazing.

"I'm not acting like anything. I—"

"I know you get jealous, but you have nothing to be jealous over. But I have to be able to have friends."

"Have all the friends you want. I'm asking you not to have just one. I don't fucking like you spending time with him, Rose!" he nearly shouted, pushing off from the wall and turning away from me, one hand on his hip and the other in his hair. I reached out to touch his shoulder, and when he jerked away from my touch, I yanked my hand back like I had been burned.

"Scorpius—"

"He wants you, Rose," he said, rounding on me. We were lucky the music was loud enough to stifle our conversation.

"And I want you!" I said loudly. "You know that—don't be stupid."

"That boy wants you, and who's to say he's not going to try and take what he wants. It wouldn't be the first time he's tried!"

"Goddammit, Scorpius, why are you doing this? You're picking a fight for no fucking reason."

"No reason?" he said, taking a step closer. I took a step back. "Look at you."

"Fuck you, Scorpius. It's just a costume. I thought you'd like it. I don't know why—"

"Of course I fucking like it. But so does every other fucking prick in this school. You knew I wouldn't be the only one looking at you."

I sighed and shook my head, exhausted by this conversation. "You're drunk," I said, turning away. He grabbed my elbow and yanked me back to face him.

"We aren't done here."

I wrenched my elbow from his grip. "Yes. We are. I'm not going to stand here and let you insult me and act like a drunk idiot. If I wanted that, I would have just dated one of my fucking classmates."

"I have no choice but to get drunk when I see my fucking girlfriend out there—"

"OH MY GOD," I exclaimed, throwing up my hands. "Who cares who I dance with? Who cares how I'm dressed? You are the one I want, and if you can't fucking see that… I mean, what—why are you acting like this?" I was genuinely so confused. Of course he knew I didn't want Hadley. Of course he knew he was the only one I wanted. But here he was, standing there, yelling at me behind the house hangings as if I had made out with Hadley on the dance floor. Why was he drunk? Why was he so upset over nothing? I had danced with at least a foot between Hadley and I the entire time. It was a dance between friends. Surely he saw that. And didn't he understand that I needed to have friends? I had been alone for over a year, and now that I had him, I could be myself again. And I wanted that.

"You're acting like I have no reason to be pissed."

"You don't!"

"You can't possibly be that naïve! Honestly, you can't possibly think that Underwood doesn't want you—that every fucking guy in there wasn't looking at your tits and your ass—"

"But your eyes on me are the only ones I fucking care about. You can't be naïve enough not to see that! I don't understand why you're doing this. Explain it to me. Explain why you are standing here yelling in my face about my fucking Halloween costume instead of taking me back to your quarters and fucking me. Explain to me why you're worried about Hadley when you know there's no one else I want. Explain to me why you're fucking drunk while you're supposed to be chaperoning this dance. Explain that to me, Scorpius!"

"You want me to explain?" he growled, taking an angry step forward. This time I held my ground.

"Yeah, fucking explain, Scorpius. Because I don't fucking get it. I don't get why you're being like this. I know you're jealous, but you're just acting stupid. I feel like there's something I'm not getting because when a person is jealous, there's usually a fucking reason to be jealous. After everything you know about me and my relationship with Hadley, you know for a fact that I don't want him. There—I mean, god, you could be more jealous of Albus or Hugo—that's how absurd it is that you're jealous of Hadley." I was rambling, and I knew that, but I just couldn't stop it. I'd had a lot to drink, too, and everything was just spilling out. He was just clearly angry. Huffing and running his hands through his hair and occasionally pacing back and forth as I spoke. "You know, and it amazes me that you act like you don't—that you don't know. I'm assuming that's because you're drunk and your brain is fucking scrambled," I said, my arms flailing. "But you can't seriously believe what you're saying. So explain it—"

"Explain—"

"Yeah, fucking explain! Tell me why you're acting like such a prick! Tell me—"

"Because I'm fucking in love with you!"

A chill ran through me, and I froze.

"What?"

"Yeah, whatever, I'm fucking in love with you, and I lose my head with you because—"

"Are you serious?"

He ran his hands through his hair. He looked less angry and much more shaken than he had a moment ago. "Of course I'm serious."

"You can't be serious," I said, taking a step back. "You can't be seriously telling me you love me like… like this. Here. Now. This has to be a joke."

I was horrified. I had to have daydreamed about Scorpius confessing his love for me dozens of times over the past several weeks. I had imagined too many scenarios to count, each of them more intricate and outlandish than the last. I had imagined it going in millions of different ways—after we made love, during a date that he had planned for us, underneath the stars—anything I could think of. I had, however, never imagined that he would be telling me behind the house hangings at the Halloween dance after we'd just fought drunkenly.

"Rose—"

"Fuck you, Scorpius." He took a step forward, but I moved and shoved him hard. He stumbled a bit, which showed me how drunk he was. He was so solid he would have never even budged normally. "Fuck you for ruining this—ruining—" My voice caught. Everything was ruined. Now I would always remember the first time Scorpius told me he loved me wasn't with flowers and kisses, but with drunk slurs and angry shouts and music blaring in the background.

"You wanted me to explain—"

"I didn't think that would be your explanation!" I said, backing away from him as much as I could. "My god, you really are a prick."

"Rose—"

"Go to hell, Scorpius," I said angrily before I turned and stormed away.

As soon as I was out from behind the hangings where he wouldn't be able to come after me without risking exposure, I felt the tears come, and I rushed from the Great Hall without looking back.

Next chapter:

"Rose, he loves you, and if you're scared of what that means, that's okay. But if you're scared because you think he's going to hurt you like Hadley did, you are stupid and blind."