Sighing, Castiel shook his head and stared at his hands guiltily. The anxiety in him was radiating. Dean looked down at him and his eyes flickered. "Sam, can I have a minute with Cas?" He asked suddenly. It was time for some truth.

Sam looked up in surprise and just nodded, shooting them both a smile before stepping into the hall. He shut the door easily behind him and walked off, passed the misted glass windows.

Dean turned to Castiel, who wouldn't look at him. He just massaged Dean's hand gently with his thumbs and stared at his lap with a furrow to his brow. Just seeing him melted Dean's heart - he hadn't left his side in three damn days. The gravel in his voice, the touch of his hands, so soothing when he had been frozen stiff… He swallowed. "What damage report did they give me?" Dean asked quietly.

"Broken ribs, fractured wrist, some internal bleeding," Castiel rattled off. "Nothing too serious. Most of it they patched with surgery and bandages. But the frostbite almost got both of your feet. We got you out just in time. You'll recover after a few weeks."

"I'm just lucky like that." Dean chuckled. He sighed and looked at Cas, who glanced up at him briefly. "They told me a few things, Cas. Things I didn't know about." He glanced at their hands. "You were in their fraternity?" Looking him in the eye, Dean caught his blue gaze and held it.

"Yes," Cas whispered. "When… I was in a dark place, Dean. For a long time. We did so much damage, I… I can't explain it. It was so natural. That's all I can remember. The things they did and then getting out and…" He held his breath.

Fine hazel eyes were unshakable. "They said I was the reason you left."

Castiel let his breath out shakily. "I felt… pulled to you." He looked at Dean guiltily. "The closer you got to town, I think the worse it got. I kept messing up on my initiation. Feeling my heart being tugged away from them, I…" He pushed his hand through his hair and rested it on the back of his neck. "I don't know. I was following orders one minute, and the next I applied for a transfer. I left it all behind and followed my heart. And I found you." He shook his head. "I was going to be Michael's replacement. He trusted me, needed me. He graduates soon. To go and butt heads with his brother, working for his dad's company. I guess he took my discharge from the brothers really hard." He sighed. "I shouldn't have pledged."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Eyeing him, Dean still didn't get it. Why hadn't he said anything before now? All the trouble it put them through, shouldn't he have spoken up?

"I… You… I didn't want to make this any… Harder." Castiel groaned. "Look, I… I just wanted it to be natural. I wanted you to like me on your own. To fall in love with me your way, but not because of what I needed. I didn't want you to be obligated just because I was going through this whole celestial magnetic thing to you. I never wanted to take away your choice. So you never had to choose, but…"

"In a way I did choose," Dean finished. "I chose you."

Castiel nodded gently. "I'm sorry, Dean, I should have told you. I was just afraid to. I fell for you while I knew you, not before," he explained feverishly. "I was called to you. But I went looking for you, I fell in love with you - I wasn't forced. It was hard to ignore, but it really was just us."

Nodding slowly, Dean glanced him over. "Wow. That's amazing. I mean, I've never heard of that before – this is new territory for me. But," he paused, confused, "what was it that brought you here, to our college?"

Shrugging, Castiel just shook his head. "I… It was the only other college close to town. I was North, this was South. I just knew I was being pulled South. I applied for this college, and they put me smack right here, with you." He looked at Dean. "You're not mad that I brought a horde of frat brothers on us?"

"A bit." Smiling, Dean shook his head. "No, way. I can't explain what was up with you, but I'm damn glad it happened. Having you around just drew everything together. Put everything into perspective. Everything else was just… collateral damage? I don't even know."

Heaving a sigh of relief, Cas bent hid head and touched his forehead to their hands. "Thank goodness. I was afraid you'd be furious."

"Me? Never. I'm a little miffed they tried to kill us but hey. Not the first time I've almost died – this year, last year..."

"What?" Cas looked up at him in alarm. "You mean, besides the car wreck?" Shit. Hunter life, he forgot entirely. Was he ready? I mean, he'd already seen a ghoul, I guess it was about time. Jesus, was he screwed now. Dean looked at Cas and swallowed nervously, making his lover more agitated. "Dean, why are you looking at me like that?" Cas asked shakily.

Glancing away, Dean gathered his thoughts, clearing his throat. "Uh, right. Confession time. I guess we've both been keeping secrets." He looked at Cas with guarded eyes. "My dad wasn't in pest control, Cas. Are you wondering how Sam and me knew what to look for, when we had to find out Samandriel was a ghoul?"

Cas nodded tentatively. "A little. But I thought it was just a freak thing," he whispered.

With a shake of his head Dean smirked bitterly. "I wish it was." He tightened his fingers around Castiel's and looked at his innocent face and sighed. "Cas, these things are all over the place. All over the country. My dad, and Sam and me, we used to travel. My whole life we drove across the states killing monsters. Ghosts. Demons. 'Saving people, hunting things.' Ever since our mom was killed in a fire when I was six – by a demon my dad saw that night – he raised us to be ready, and to kill these things before they killed us, and others."

"What?" Castiel's eyes were round as dinner plates. "Are… Are you crazy?" He sputtered. "You expect me to believe-"

"Cas, you saw that ghoul," Dean interrupted. "There are thousands of them out there, in hiding, all over the world. And the moment they put a toe out of line, we put them down. It's what we do. If it's evil, we kill it. And there's plenty more where Samandriel came from." Cas's stunned silence made him realize that was out of line. "I'm sorry, that was harsh." He kneaded Cas's hand and pressed his lips into a thin line as he watched his love digest uneasily what he'd just heard. "Cas, I'm a hunter. No matter what I do, no matter who I meet, or fall in love with, it will always come back to haunt me. Right now Samandriel is out there waiting for me to step outside this hospital and tear me to shreds. And I need to take him out." They locked eyes. "I can't… I can't stay here, Cas." Dean said softly.

The devastation in Castiel's eyes was like watching a dam break in slow-motion. "You're leaving?" He whispered.

Dean nodded gingerly. "I have to. I can't let that thing just wander around – it might kill again, before it gets to me and I take care of it. He needs to be put down."

"You're leaving… me?" Castiel managed, and the tears in his eyes twisted Dean's heart into painful, icy pretzel knots.

"Jesus, Cas," Dean whispered, reaching out his sore arm and pushing the tears off Cas's cheeks with his thumb, "Don't do that. Please, please don't do that. I can't. I…" His Adams apple bobbed. I don't want to. I want to be with you 'til I die of old age, and watch you paint and draw, and hold you close, and see your face every day for the rest of my life. He choked on those words; the ones that would push him over the edge, too. He already felt tears brimming in his eyes. "I'd be putting you in danger. I already have – he could've killed you while I was tied up, Cas, do you know what that would've done?" He snapped. "To me, to your parents? I can't let that be my fault."

"No. No, Dean, please," Cas pushed, on the verge of breaking down, "Please don't say that. You can't look at me and..." His voice was getting louder. "I thought you were going to stick through this with me - I thought we were doing this together!"

"I can't live without you!" Dean yelled, his heart monitor beating rapidly in the silence that followed. They didn't look at one another. Cas was trembling, and Dean felt his pain medication kicking in. "If it comes back, it could kill you, Cas." He whispered. "If I leave, at least it'll follow me away from you. You'll be…"

"Safe?" Cas shot back. "Surrounded by ghosts and demons, that are apparently real, by the way, and I've just missed them - I'll be safe?"

"…Then come with me."

"Wh…" Blue orbs glistening with tears, Castiel looked at him, taken aback. "I…?"

Nodding, Dean sighed. "I don't know how long it will take. I don't know if coming back here is an option. Nothing is for sure until we kill Samandriel," he said honestly, and cradled Cas's face in his hand. "But I want you to be safe, and the safest place is with me." Castiel's shock was stunting his ability to reply. He stammered a bit, and sniffed and massaged Dean's arm gently, trying to get a full sentence out. His last few tears squeezed out and he pushed them off his face with his arm.

"Ok." Cas said roughly, and cleared his throat. "Yes, ok." His decisive tone was surprising.

"Are you sure?" Dean replied. "This is a dangerous life. I'm damn good at what I do, but it means no more school, until further notice. No contact. Tell your parents we're taking a year off of school to get married or something." That broke the tension. They giggled a bit together, and Dean drew Cas in and kissed his forehead. "It's guns and death and motel rooms. Do you think you can handle it?"

Castiel nodded, over and over, and reached out and kissed Dean's lips, like drugs to an addict. "Yes. I want to. I'll do whatever you tell me - I can do anything you ask." He looked him full in the face. "I can't let you go alone knowing you're in danger, and I can't stay here without you."

Dean's face broke into a smile, finally letting his relief show, and nodded in return. "Ok. All right, I'll talk to Sam, tell him we're heading out as soon as I get out of here. How long do I have?"

"Two weeks," Cas replied.

"Then you have two weeks to get ready," Dean said to him somberly. "The possibility that this might be a forever thing is real, Cas. I don't want to scare you. But you should be scared. We may not make it back." Cas nodded carefully, meeting his eyes.

"I understand." He replied grimly. His eyes had drawn back into calculation mode. The wheels in his head were clearly whirling, setting up dates and marking meetings and organizing his packing already. So serious. So sure. It made Dean realize just how in love Cas was with him – much more than he let be shown, that's for sure. But that was the same for both of them. Without him, Dean had no idea what he would have done. He would have killed himself every day they were apart. He needed Cas and Cas needed him. Dean pulled him in for another kiss, pushing his fingers into Cas's dark hair like he wanted, sating a deep desire to touch and grab him. Cas kissed him back feverishly, touching his collar, his neck. "Someone has to warm your motel bed," he whispered teasingly.

A chuckle rumbled in Dean's hurt chest. "Get some sleep, pack up, say your good-byes," he said against Cas's lips, "and we'll ride off into the sunset together like real cowboys, and we won't ever look back."