Julian shifted uncomfortable in his chair. He had been piloting the runabout for almost four hours now. His neck was stiffening up and popped as he rolled his shoulders to loosen it. In a half hour or so he knew he would have to get some sleep, but only after he checked in on his patient.

Her physical condition had steadily improved even as her mental state seemed to deteriorate. Now he was reasonable certain that she would pull through. Of course he would have to be vigilant and prevent any re-feeding syndrome, which could prove fatal, but as long as he kept her electrolytes balanced, he did not see why that she would not make a full recovery in time.

Of course, it was probable that he would not be there to see her final recovery, he could be spending his time in a minimum security penal colony, or at best cashiered out of Starfleet, living out the rest of his life drinking in dusty bars reliving memories of his glory days.

He diverted his thoughts from that particularly depressing line and rose to check on Jadzia.

She was awake again, having slept off the effects of the sedative he had given her. She still was withdrawn; she did not acknowledge him as he walked in. This was never a good sign, a quiet withdrawn patient was a patient that more at risk of relapse. And, in extreme cases it was also one of the last signs of a body giving up and preparing to die. The person would become detached as they let go from the world they knew, death was usually only hours away, a few days at most.

But that would not be the case; He would not let it be.

He needed to engage her, to get her to interact with her surroundings some way.

"Ah, good to see you awake Jadzia! How are you feeling now?"

He gave her his most cheerful 'bedside manner' smile. There was no response. She continued to stare blankly at the top of her bunk.

"Hey, Jadzia, talk to me, don't be afraid. Nothing can hurt you. It's me, Julian. Jadzia?"

He spoke with a growing desperation to reach her.

"I am fine. Go away, please." Her voice was flat and low.

Two tears rolled down her cheeks and dropped to the sheet below staining it with a spreading darkness.

"No, you are not fine, Jadzia, I can see that, and I want to help you. It is safe Jadzia, we got away from the Crina and I have you all fixed up. We are going home."

He sat beside her attentively, leaning forward to catch any sign of a response.

Other than the silent tears there was none.

Frustrated he rubbed his hands over his face, tension showing in the lined wrinkles creasing his face. This was the worst part of being a doctor, seeing something wrong but NOT being able to fix it. He felt as if he would explode if he did not have some outlet for his worry.

He quickly snatched up a PADD and sat back in his chair a little more forcefully than was necessary.

It was his fault, if he had protected her better, had somehow looked harder, if he had done SOMETHING differently, he could have helped her sooner. The weight of responsibility for her condition sat heavily on his shoulders. Guilt rose from the shadows and clung to him like a twining mist.

That made it all the more important that he prepare everything he could for her to have the best care possible on the station. In the absence of helping Jadzia emotionally he could make certain to document every single thing to help her physician on the station.

He started typing up a comprehensive assessment of Jadzia for Dr. Girani once she got back.

His typing was a blur, Marasmus…. adaptive thermogenesis, multiple defibrillations.

It was important that he complete this as soon as possible since he would be removed from his post as soon as his report was filed and read. Once they realized he was a traitor to the ideals of the Federation.

That would give him a day at best for him to make sure she was getting the proper care. Then….

It was still was hard to believe, the adjective 'traitor' was not one he ever conceived of carrying. It was so foreign to him; it almost did not seem as if it could be true. But the logic was irrefutable; he had betrayed the Federation and his vows. It was true, it was real, and the consequences were coming ever closer as he approached the station. If possible he typed faster as if racing against time.

When he was done with his report he compressed his lips. Jadzia was still silently crying in her bunk. Compassion almost to the point of pain filled him.

"Jadzia…" his voice was helpless, longing.

Somehow the desolation in his voice reached her when other attempts had not.

"Julian?" Her eyes flitted to his.

"What can I do?" his voice was ragged.

"Please, hold me. I feel so alone." Her voice quivered as if she were a child newly awoken from a nightmare.

Ever so gently he lifter her shoulders, maneuvering her till she leaned against him as he slid onto the edge of the bunk.

Her skin hung in loose folds, drooping down like an oversized garment; beneath the blanket he could feel the sharp ridges of her ribs against his hand. He held her as close as he dared, his cheek resting on her sparse and dull hair. He wanted so badly to fix what was wrong, to undo everything she had experienced. But all he could do now was comfort her, hold her close to his heart and let her know she was safe.

Soon her tears stopped, she leaned into his chest listening to his constant heart beat, it was soothing, and the heat radiating from him seemed to be warmer that the clinical heat of the thermal blankets. His closeness helped her somewhat; ever so slowly the consuming darkness that had been encroaching ebbed away. His embrace was infinity comforting.

She relaxed, though she knew she could not confide in Julian, she knew that he only wanted the best for her and that he was beside himself with worry for her. That was Julian, earnest and caring to a fault, he seemed to make it his personal mission to single handedly battle the pain and suffering in the world, quadrant of the galaxy to be accurate. He was tireless in his compassion; sometimes she wondered how he could care so much without losing himself in the process.

She did not think she would be capable of it.

It was amazing really, when one thought about it, that a heart as selfless as his could never get burnt out; weary, from the ceaseless caring. But if it ever happened, he never showed it.

It was ironic, he had pursued her for so long, and she had let him, had felt flattered by the attention. Flirted and hinted but never committed, she was a Trill, after all, she was supposed to be above the need to pair-bond, but now, she was seeing it differently.

He was a kind and good man, and she had been, unfair to him. Unfair to lead him on when he was almost as naive as a child, and then later, she had been unfair to push him away, drawing very clear parameters on their interactions with each other when she had felt a stirring for him. Because there had been a growing attraction on her part, she began to see that his excessive enthusiasm was cloaking his dedication and earnestness. And though he had come on so strong at first, she did have to admit that whenever she had a crisis, he was the first to be there to help. Even if it meant being pummeled by her kidnappers or standing up and defying a Klingon as he fought to save her.

And now, now it was too late. She had always thought that later she would get around to asking him to coffee, of letting her guard down and let him see that there was more than just the aloof Trill or self-assured prankster to her. But now, there was no later. This was an end. She had waited too long and the chance had passed her by without her ever knowing it.

This was the end because she was about to lose everything she had worked her whole life for. And in the end, what did she, Jadzia have to offer Dax? Nothing, her life had been too short, her experiences too limited to have really made and have an impact on the lives of new hosts.

It was saddening to think of. She had made no imprint on the world, when she was gone, there would be no trace of Jadzia. A few insignificant wisps of memories in a new host. The tears started again hot and bitter. Why had she not taken more time to form meaningful relationships? To do something of note? It was because she assumed she had time.

Julian's arms tightened around her as the tears started again. She heard his sigh, deep in his chest as he moved his hand to stroke her hair.

She made an effort to stop her tears. That was something she could do for him, a small thing, but it cost all of her effort to hold them back. She had to do it for him.

While being slightly relieved that her tears stopped, Julian still noticed the unnatural stillness of her body, the ridged way she held herself against him. She was overwhelmed and scared, that was plain from her body language.

Without knowing it he started a slow rocking motion, he sat that way, till his arms and shoulders were numb, even then he did not release his hold on her till she had fallen into a uneasy sleep.

He got up and went through the motions of changing IV and running scans when there was a fizzing sound. Puzzled he held up his scanner and inspected it gingerly; it was most certainly NOT supposed to be making that noise. It happened again, it was not the scanner, he was sure of it now. Then a dawning hope came to him, he slowly turned as if his deliberateness could insure what he was desperately hoping for.

"O'Brian to Rio Grande."

"Rio Grande, do you read me?"

Bashir gave a choking laugh as he raced to the com panel. His scanner rolled to the corner of the cabin, forgotten.

"O'Brian! Am I ever glad to hear you!"

"Well, same here, we have been scouring space for you for three days. Is everyone alright, Doctor?"

" We have to get back to the station as soon as possible, Lieutenant Dax needs immediate medical attention; I am fine, just fine."

"Understood. Stand by, Rio Grande."

"Standing by."

Suddenly Kira's voice filled the shuttle.

"Rio Grande, there are multiple sub space anomalies in this area; we will need to adjust your shield variants to compensate. O'Brian will beam over to make necessary adjustments and pilot you back to Deep Space Nine. It is good to hear your voice Doctor; we have been worried about you."

"It is so good to hear yours!" Bashir's voice caught. "so good indeed."

He leaned on the panel with both hands, his head hanging down in relief, the ordeal was almost over.

A shimmering sound began behind him and he turned to see his friend materialize on the transport pad.

Bashir fought off the urge to run up and hug O'Brian. Instead he straightened up and composed himself. These were some of his hours as a Starfleet officer and he was damn well going to act like one till the end.

"Miles, good to see you!"

"You too!"

O'Brian looked him up and down but other than exhaustion the doctor looked fine.

"I have this in hand, give me twelve minutes and I will have us at warp four point two, and we will be back from the station in no time. Why don't you go to the back and get some rest? You look like you could use it"

"Oh, that is so good to hear, I cannot tell you how glad I am to see you! I do need to go back and keep an eye on Jadzia, give me a call if you need a hand. I did happen to…."

"…Take engineering supplemental courses at Starfleet," Miles finished with a good humored eye roll.

"Yeah, yeah. You have told me before!"

There was a awkward pause in the shuttle.

"I cannot say how good it is too see you." Julian looked almost overwhelmed at seeing his friend.

"What the hell happened to shake him up this much?" O'Brian wondered.

O'Brian looked a little awkward as he always did when confronted with Julian's ebullience. Whatever it was that happened when they were missing had scared the hell out of Julian, that much was plain to see.

He cleared his throat.

"Well, best get to work, sooner this is fixed the sooner we can get Dax back to the infirmary."

"Right, I will be in the back with her."

He went to the back hoping Jadzia was awake to receive the good news, but she was still sleeping.

He leaned back in the chair and sighed. It was alright; they had been found and would be at the station in hours. It was over.

In what seemed like no time at all he felt the smooth shift of the runabout into warp. He smiled.

"Holy Hell!"

He jumped slightly at the exclamation, turning to look at O'Brian.

Miles had entered and was gazing at Jadzia in undisguised horror.

"Julian! I know you said she was ill, but this… How could this happen in just ten days?"

"My God! She looks like a famine victim."

O'Brian's face began to grow ruddy as his rage mounted.

"Who did this?"

Julian sighed.

"It's a long story, Chief; But Trill physiology accelerated the starvation process in her body."

"She was STARVED? Will she live?" He looked at Julian apprehensively, as if fearing the reply.

"Yes, her condition is guarded but stable. She will get better much faster once I am on the station and have her in sickbay."

"Good, that, that is horrible."

He glanced away from the still figure on the bed; it was too upsetting to look at for long. He turned his gaze to Julian.

"I know, Chief, I know." Julian leaned forward and adjusted the blanket around Jadzia unnecessarily.

"Well, I will be up in the front, I just wanted to check in on her and see how she is doing. We should be arriving in the station in about three hours."

"Right on."

Miles turned and left to the front of the runabout and Julian went back to his patient.

Something was different, the smell, the lighting it was all different.

Jadzia opened her eyes wider, things slowly came into focus. She knew this place. This was the infirmary on the station. Somehow they had made it back. She was home, but something was wrong, she could not remember exactly what it was… The last thing she remembered was the feeling of Julian's arms around her on the runabout. She had been afraid, very afraid of something. Something bad. Dread overwhelmed her, a bitter taste filled her mouth.

She tried to move but a Bajoran nurse came over and urged her to stay still, she could see why in a moment, she was encased in a bio bed, she could feel the LEDS attached to her skin, she was drowsy with the unmistakable tiredness of a neural inhibitor. She tried to ask for Bashir, but fell asleep before the words could be uttered.

It was strange to be surrounded by the bustle of everyday life, Bashir mused as he walked the promenade. This was his first time to venture to more than sickbay. It was lunch and he was trying to decide between Quark's and the replimat. He decided on the replimat not wanting to battle the throngs in the bar. A ship of Klingons had recently docked from the sound of roars and angry exchanges. He was most defiantly not in the mood for mayhem.

A few people waved and smiled at him as Julian walked to the replicator and ordered a chicken salad sandwich and tea.

The tables were filling up quickly as the morning personnel began their day.

Suddenly he was hailed,

"Doctor, over here!"

He turned to see Kira waving him over to her table.

"Ah, Thank you, Major." This was unexpected, she usually never sought him out singly, their interactions were either professional or in a larger group setting.

He sat his tray down and took a chair. The crowds chattering rose to an uncomfortable level. It was astonishing how even the slightest of things grated on his nerves now he was back.

Kira looked at the tray and raised her brow, amused.

"A chicken salad sandwich for breakfast? That is an unusual choice! Don't humans have bacon and eggs or oatmeal for breakfast?"

Bashir looked at his sandwich as if he had never seen one before.

"I still have my time out of sync with the station. Warp lag."

He took a bite of his sandwich, and then set it down. Unknowingly His eyes strayed to the far side of the promenade and gazed there, unfocused and empty. It was plain to Kira he had forgotten his companion and lunch/breakfast and was far, far away.

Kira frowned slightly as she recognized that look; as a Resistance fighter she had seen it too many times in fellow soldiers after a battle.

It almost frightened her, what could have happened to the perennially ebullient Bashir to make him look like this? More worrisome than that, what had been done to Jadzia? It had to have been worse.

She looked down embarrassed; it somehow seemed too private to intrude on him. She had only wanted to ask how Jadzia was doing, willing to tolerate his usual gregariousness to get information, but instead she was confronted with a very different Bashir, one who had the long empty gaze of painful memories, and things too great and terrible for a being to come to grips with. 'Battle Shock' her compatriots had called it.

She noticed the forgotten sandwich and cooling tea and making a sudden decision stood up offering her hand.

His gaze switched back to her confused, he focused on her hand. What did she want from him?

"I, Uh…."

He took her hand as that was what she seemed to want him to do, and she pulled him to his feet.

"Come on."

"I, Major, what is going on?"

"Come on, I am walking you to your quarters, Doctor."

"Oh, no, I can't. I have to go back to sickbay."

"No." Kira's voice was surprisingly sympathetic.

"You need to rest. It helps, I promise."

"Helps? Helps with what?" He asked in a bewildered voice.

They arrived at his quarters; she stood beside the door till he keyed in his code in the panel and walked in.

"And, take a shower as well, you smell like an Alverian dung slug."

The door hissed closed on a confused and indignant Julian.

Kira walked away towards Ops. As soon as she was done with her shift she was going to sit beside Jadzia, even if she was still sedated.

Julian thought of returning to sickbay immediately, but after a hesitant sniff of his uniform decided that a shower and change of clothing was probably a wise idea. He had not changed in days, he lost count of how many, and once on the station he had been busy for hours with getting Jadzia set up in her new medical surroundings. His first foray out of sickbay had been when he went out to get a bite and Kira called him over.

He peeled of his uniform, noting how it seemed to be adhered to him from sweat, dust and Jadzia's blood. He was not even going to try and get this one cleaned. He tossed it in the matter reclamation unit to dispose of it.

He stepped in the sonic shower and relaxed in the feeling of the dirt and grime being washed away, he almost felt like a new man when he was done.

Refreshed from his shower he sat on the bed and pulled on his uniform. He grimaced at the one he pulled out, while they all looked the same, there were distinct differences, and this was his least favorite, the collar seemed to need adjusting every few minutes and the shoulders itched. Too fatigued to bother getting a new one he resigned himself to a day of semi-discomfort.

His bed looked so soft he lay back on it. Just for a few seconds….

When he woke up his mouth was dry and sticky, his body ached from lying still for so long.

"Computer, time."

"The time is twenty one hundred hours."

He jolted awake. This was impossible; he had slept an entire day away! He stumbled to his feet and out of his room, making his way towards the infirmary with hurried, unsteady steps.

Why had they let him sleep so long? They should have called him!

He walked in to see Dr. Girani talking to Sisko.

"Ah, Doctor, good to see you, you had a good rest I hope?" Sisko's eyes rested on Bashir's hair, which was standing out at odd angles from being slept on.

"Yes. I did. Sorry for not having the reports ready yet, I should have them on your desk in the morning."

"There is no hurry, Doctor, I am sure Starfleet can wait till you have caught up with things here."

"No problem, Sir, I have most of it written up already."

Sisko raised his eyebrows,

"Very well then, I shall look forward to reading your report." He turned to leave sickbay. Then he called over his shoulder.

"Oh, Doctor, see what you can do about your hair." He eased the reprimand with a smile and left.

Bashir was silent as he turned to Jadzia's bed. She was still sedated, and her isoboromine levels were inhibited still. But her vital signs were strong. The symbiont was nearly as healthy as when they had left the station.

This was it then. This was the end of Jadzia's nightmare. She was safe. She would live.

He stroked the side of her face with a sad smile, then left to complete his reports.

They were finished quickly; he had completed most of his report on the runabout as he sat with Jadzia. It was late now; too late to deliver the reports, he had the whole night to himself. Maybe his last night of freedom.

He got up and walked to Ops, noticing the sights and smells that made Deep Space Nine so unique. Things that he had taken for granted before, now, as he was about to lose them he wanted to imprint them on his brain.

Sisko was not in his office of course so he left the reports with the head of night shift to put in his office.

He felt a flash of shame as the man gave him a small smile; he did not know what Julian had done yet. All too soon though, it would become common knowledge. "Traitor." That's what they would call him once it was discovered.

He looked around one final time and left to visit Jadzia once more, before he left.

On entering the infirmary he found Jadzia asleep. He considered pulling up a chair to her side but decided against it. It was better if he did not prolong the inevitable. Quickly he bent down and kissed her, then turned and walked out of the room.

"Hey! Julian!"

He turned to see O'Brian jogging after him.

"Hey, what are you doing over here?"

"Why I came to see if my friend who had just been rescued, wanted a pint and a few games of darts at Quark's."

"So, what do you say? I know it is late, but we have time for a few games before I have to turn in."

Julian hesitated, but then relented. It was a fitting last night.

"I could not think of a better thing to be doing tonight." He smiled.

O'Brian clapped him on the back and walked in step with him to the bar.

They spent the remainder of the evening drinking and talking and only occasionally throwing darts.

"…So you say they used the women ONLY as slave labor?"

"That is not very efficient if you ask me."

Julian inclined his head in agreement.

"Men were dominant; it was much like Feringinar, except these women were held in less regard. They were livestock, useful as long as they worked, discarded when unable to. And, with their transport stations disabling any ships in range it provided them with an unending supply of workers. It also seemed that they had problems with fine dust breaking the machines on the asteroid."

"But didn't other people start noticing?"

"They probably did, Chief, but the word never got as far as the station."

"That was a helluva experience, Julian. I am glad you made it out. I just cannot conceive of anyone treating people like they did Lieutenant Dax."

"You say she will be fine though?"

Julian sighed.

"Yes. She will make a full recovery."

Miles looked at him questioningly. Something in Julian's tone was unsettling.

"Is something the matter Julian?"

"Oh, No. No, I am fine, just a little tired I guess. I must be if I let you win that many games."

"Naw, face it, I am just the better player, Julian."

He was rewarded with a wan smile.

"Well, that is it then, I will turn in for the night. Good night, Chief"

"Night, Julian."

Julian went back to his quarters, but not to sleep. As tired as he was sleep would not come, so he sat down and waited for the morning in darkness, only shadows to keep him company. It was a long night, time seemed to creep by at an ever slowing pace as he waited for morning to come.

But come at last it did, like all dreaded things must. Bashir stood and deliberately attended his morning routine, noticing every movement in ways he had never appreciated before. This is what a prisoner awaiting execution must feel like, he mused. At last he could put it off no longer and he stepped out of his quarters and into the hall.

Sisko would be in by now and have had time to read his report.

Bashir walked into ops and instinctively straightened as he stood by the commander's door. Quickly he pushed the door chime, bouncing on the balls of his feet until he heard,

"Come in!"

"Ah, Doctor, what can I do for you today?"

"I was wondering if you had time to review my reports yet, sir."

"I have."

Julian looked searchingly at Sisko, but there was nothing to read in the face of his commander, it was blank, a little too blank.

Julian's face was stern as he handed a PADD to Sisko.

"I think you will find this explanatory, it contains both my full confession and my resigna-"

"Doctor." Sisko cut in "I have already reviewed you reports on the Crina home world.

"Yes, sir, but-"

"And I have already informed the Federation that you had found significant interference in a developing civilization by the Breen."

Sisko continued, ignoring the doctor's interjection.

"Very significant impact that has been in place for over ten years, doing irreparable damage to the culture. "

"And, that they assisted you in your escape with the understanding that you would alert the Federation of their plight, though, of course, unless they petition to join the Federation there is really nothing we can do. Am I CORRECT, Doctor?"

Sisko barked the last part of the sentence out causing Bashir to take an involuntary step backwards.

He blinked.

"I, . Yes SIR!"

Sisko tossed the PADD on his desk towards Bashir.

"So."

He looked at Bashir levelly.

"Are you sure that this report you are giving me sheds more light on the situation than is already there? Something worth wasting Starfleet's and my time with?"

"Well, Sir. If you read it…"

"I don't want to read it. I have read enough on this already; I have Cardassian's breathing down my neck on the Quark incident, And Kai Winn coming to give me advice, not to mention a cascading virus that is interfering with all the sonic showers on the station. I am a very busy man today."

Julian looked dazed as he slowly grasped the subtext of Sisko's words. He hardly felt like he could hope it meant what he thought it did.

"I, I see. Well then. I am sorry I disturbed at such a bad time, I will go now."

He turned to leave, but slowly, giving Sisko time to reconsider.

"Doctor… aren't you forgetting something?"

"No, I don't think… Oh, yes, certainly."

He turned back and picked up the PADD.

Half way out the door he paused and turned.

"Thank you."

"I am sure I don't know what you mean, now, if you don't mind, I will get back to my day."

"Good day, Doctor."

Still dazed by the unexpected turn of events Julian stumbled out to the turbo lift and hit the button to go down. Once he arrived on the promenade level he stood in the turbo lift, just stood there letting what had just transpired wash over him.

His combadge chirped.

"Sickbay to Bashir."

He slowly raised his hand to his badge.

"Bashir here."

"Lieutenant Dax has woken up and is asking for you."

"On my way."

He let go of the rail he had been gripping so hard his knuckles were white.

Jadzia needed him.

He was probably NOT going to be discharged out of Starfleet.

Jadzia was awake.

Sisko was choosing not send his confession and resignation to Starfleet.

It was almost too much to take in.

He gave his head a quick shake. He had to clear his head, focus. He had to go to sickbay and see Jadzia.