Deacon walked slowly out to his truck. Every fiber of his being wanted to turn around and storm back in that house and grab Rayna up in his arms and…and what? Comfort her? Hug her? Kiss her? He wanted to do all of those things, but he forced himself to keep walking. She was shutting him out, again, but this time he didn't have anything to offer her. He was with Megan, she was with Luke. And she'd pushed him away. He didn't like this, but he didn't know what else to do.
When he got into his truck, he sat there for a moment, in her driveway. He wanted to be there as she dealt with this. It was his issue to deal with too, not just hers. Maddie was his daughter too. Their daughter. But he decided he would honor her wishes and he would focus on Maddie. He pulled out his phone and texted her. I'm picking you up. Will explain when I see you.
Maddie was waiting outside the school. She'd been surprised by the text from Deacon. This was her week to be with her dad, or at least this half of the week, so finding out that Deacon was picking her up alarmed her. She'd tried calling her mom, but she didn't answer. She felt nervous, wondering if something had happened to her dad. When she saw Deacon's truck pull up, she jumped up and ran to get in.
"What's going on?" she asked.
Deacon looked a little frazzled, she thought. He chewed on his lip for a moment as he pointed the car back out on the road and headed towards town. "Something's come up," he said. "I'm taking you to the cabin."
Maddie frowned. "Why? Is Mom okay? Is it Dad?" She had a bad feeling.
"Let's get on the highway first," Deacon said. They rode in silence, although Deacon could tell Maddie was about to burst to get answers. This was his first real test as a parent. Rayna had entrusted him with Maddie's care and to explain to her what was going on. He felt unprepared and unsure of what he was going to tell her, how he would explain, when he wasn't completely sure he understood it all himself.
Maddie wanted to ask questions, but Deacon looked so stressed that she reluctantly kept quiet. She was sure that whatever it was, he'd explain soon enough. But she was still very concerned, because it was all so secretive, and because her mom was nowhere to be found. That worried her the most, even more than how mixed up things felt since Deacon had texted.
When they were on highway 65 on the way out of Nashville, Deacon finally cleared his throat, and Maddie turned to face him. "So, apparently someone took a picture of you and me at Mas Tacos," he started. "And then someone wrote an article that's going to get published tomorrow, I think, that questions who you belong to."
"Oh my gosh," Maddie said softly. This wasn't at all what she expected.
"Your mama thinks things may get a little crazy, so that's why we're going to go to the cabin. Nobody knows about that place, so you'll be safe there for right now."
Maddie was still in shock. "But I don't understand. Why did she have you pick me up?"
Deacon shrugged. "I didn't ask her. But I think she was worried that people might try to get to you and I could take you somewhere you wouldn't be bothered." He glanced over at her. "Plus you're my daughter. It's my job to protect you."
Maddie thought about that for a moment and it made her smile a little bit. But then she thought about her mom. "What about Mom? Where is she?"
"I left her at the house, but I think she was going to stay with Tandy maybe. I don't really know." He realized he hadn't asked Rayna what she was going to do and he felt bad about that. He assumed Luke would be there for her and that made him unexpectedly angry.
Maddie sat back against the seat. "Is Mom mad at me?" she asked, her voice small.
Deacon turned to her and frowned. "Why would she be mad at you?" he asked.
She looked down at her hands. "I pushed her about the fact that I wanted people to know you're my dad. I, I wanted to be Maddie Claybourne instead of Maddie Conrad. I really didn't think it would be a big deal."
Deacon's heart hurt. On the one hand, it made him proud to know she wanted to shout out to the world that she was his daughter and that she was proud of it, but on the other hand, he didn't want her to take the blame for any of this. "Maddie, none of this is your fault," he said, reaching for her hand and squeezing it gently.
"But it is. All of this is my fault. None of this would be happening if I hadn't gone snooping."
Deacon took a deep breath. "Well, it probably wasn't right to go snooping in your mama's things, but I can't be upset about knowing you're my daughter. You're the best part of my life, Maddie, I hope you know that."
Maddie looked up and gave him a small smile. "Thanks. But everything's such a mess. The accident, you and Mom aren't together anymore.…" Her voice trailed off.
"Maddie, the accident wasn't your fault. It was my fault for getting drunk." He breathed in. "As far as your mama and me, well, even if that hadn't happened, there's no way to know how things would have ended up for us. So you can't take that on yourself."
Maddie was quiet for a bit. "I wish I hadn't…"
"Stop," Deacon said firmly. "All you did was bring something to light that needed to be brought out. It should never have come to that in the first place. It's really better that we know the truth. And if knowing that now meant that your mama and I couldn't be together again, then that's just part of the price. But that's not on you."
Maddie looked over at him, her face serious. "You were mad that she didn't tell you, weren't you?"
Deacon inhaled. "It's complicated, Maddie."
Maddie frowned. "No, it's not. I was mad. Why can't you just say you were mad?"
He thought about that. He knew she thought she was grown up, but she wasn't really. There were some things that were beyond a teenager's understanding, even he knew that. And he knew he'd avoided telling her how he felt because he was protecting Rayna. But he thought maybe now he needed to tell Maddie how hurt he'd been and how he would have liked to have known she was his. "You're right. I was mad. But more than that, I was hurt. It's hard to find out something like that and then it's hard to know what to do with it. Now I understand more why your mama made the decisions she did then, but at first I was really mad."
Maddie looked out the window, then she turned back. "I'm tired of being mad," she said.
"Then don't be. It's okay to say you forgive her."
"Did you do that?"
Deacon nodded. "For a lot of it, yeah. I mean, there's still some stuff I don't fully understand and there's a lot I wish was different, but yeah, I forgave her. The most important person in all this is you. And even though I wish I'd known you were my daughter a long time ago, we just have to go on from here. Do the best we can."
Maddie nodded and leaned back against the seat. She closed her eyes and dozed the remainder of the ride to the cabin.
As they got closer to the cabin, Deacon thought about what Rayna had told him about their last time there together. He didn't remember any of it. That was during his lowest point. It was two years after Vince had died and he knew he'd been completely out of control. There were too many times he'd come to in a hospital bed to find Rayna sitting there, looking ravaged and sleep deprived, tears streaking her face. Too many times she'd dragged him out of a bar, angry, hurling furious words at him. Too many times she'd be waiting for him outside a jail, not speaking a word to him on the drive home. Too many times she'd walked out the door, telling him she couldn't live like this anymore. She had always come back, she'd always pulled him back into bed with her, she'd always eventually forgiven him. Until finally she didn't and she told him she was done. But for all that he did remember, there was so much more that he didn't.
He had understood from what she'd told him the night he'd confronted her at the CMA's that Maddie had been conceived some time that he couldn't remember. But to find out the circumstances, to find out that he'd lost the memory of asking her to marry him, had cut him like a knife. No wonder she'd made the decisions she'd made. "God, Ray," he whispered aloud, tears rolling down his face.
He glanced over at Maddie, her eyes closed, her breathing steady. He swallowed hard. He'd always loved her, because she was Rayna's. He'd always felt a bond with her that he'd never quite understood. And now he did. It still gnawed at him when he thought about all the years he'd missed being her father, but he was grateful to have the privilege now. He wanted to be the best father he could be. Everything was so clear to him now. Maddie was the very best part of him and he knew that he would never do anything to hurt her. Having her in his life was the reason he would never go back to what he had been before.
When Deacon pulled on to the gravel road, the motion of the truck woke Maddie up. "We're almost there," Deacon said quietly. He pulled into the drive and parked the truck. They both got out and Deacon opened the back door, pulling out the overnight bag Rayna had given him, along with his own. "Your mama packed some things for you," he said.
"That's good. I didn't even think about that," she said.
They walked up the steps and down the porch to the French doors. Deacon inserted a key and opened it up, letting Maddie walk in ahead of him. She stood and looked around, a little disoriented. Deacon signaled towards the stairs with his head. "Let me show you your room," he said, starting for the stairs. Maddie followed him to a room at the end of the upstairs hallway.
The room was large, with a wrought iron bed covered by a white bedspread, along with a white chest of drawers, vanity, and bedside table. There were windows on two sides and a door that led into a bathroom. Maddie looked around. She could see the lake from the windows across from the bed and she walked over to look out. The sun was out and the lake was calm. It was a beautiful scene. She turned and smiled. "This is really nice."
Deacon put her overnight bag next to the bed. He smiled back at her. "This is the only bedroom with furniture in it," he said with a chuckle. "It was supposed to be a guest room, but your mama and I never had guests." Maddie smiled at that. "So, my room is downstairs in case you need me. You know, during the night or anything."
Maddie laughed. "I'm not a baby anymore, Dad," she said. "I think I'll be okay."
Deacon walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. "Well, you never know. You might wake up and just need…me."
Maddie hugged him back and then looked up at him. Her face was serious. "How long do you think we'll be here?"
He shrugged. "A couple of days, I think. Just until things blow over a bit." He stepped back and started for the door, then turned. "I meant to tell you that your mama is going to send out a press release. Tonight, I think."
"What does it say?"
"Um, just that you're my daughter. And that the decision was made when you were born for your mama to raise you with…Teddy."
Maddie nodded and then let out a deep breath. "I, uh, think I'd like to walk down to the dock for a little bit. Is that okay?"
"Absolutely. Make yourself at home." He smiled at her. "This is your home too."
After Luke left the house, Rayna sat for a long time on the couch in the den. If she were honest, Luke's response wasn't completely unexpected, although she was a little surprised at the bitterness in his tone and words. She was also surprised at how little it mattered. She certainly wasn't heartbroken the way she was every single time she'd broken up with Deacon. She wasn't even sad the way she was when things fell apart with Teddy. She just felt tired.
She forced herself to get up and go to her room to pack. Once she had a small suitcase packed, she picked up her purse and left the house, walking out to the car. She considered that, right now, there was no sign of press or cameras. Everything was peaceful and quiet. One of the things she appreciated about Nashville and its relationship with the famous people who lived here was its willingness to give them space. She could go to Kroger or the mall or to Sweet CeCe's with her girls and, if people recognized her, they didn't bother her. People looked, of course, but it seemed to be an unspoken rule that you were to leave others like her alone. But a scandal or other bad news didn't always work the same way. There had, obviously, been a lot of press interest in the accident and her recovery. Juliette's troubles had generated a lot of press, much of it negative and vicious. She had a lot of friends in the business, but she didn't know what would happen when the news got out that she had hidden Deacon's daughter from him. Would other people see her as manipulative, the way Luke apparently did?
She sighed and pointed her car towards Tandy's townhouse in Green Hills.
Deacon woke up early the next morning. In reality, he had barely slept, worried about Rayna and worried about Maddie. He made coffee and, once it was done, poured a cup and walked out on the porch. He sat in one of the chairs and looked out over the lake, not really focusing on what was in front of him. He thought about being up here with Maddie again. It was a good place to bring her and he was glad that Rayna had agreed to it. It was kind of ironic that she had come up here herself not even two weeks ago. This was a good place to reflect and recharge and he was glad he'd held on to it. There were many times when he'd considered selling it. He'd bought it for Rayna, because it was her dream house, but he had fallen in love with it too, over the years. It was a sanctuary, first for them, and then for him. When his relationship with Rayna had blown up, this was where he'd retreated. But as time went on, it was his place to head to when things got rough. And eventually it went full circle and became that sanctuary again. The place to come and think or just get away from the overwhelming hurt he felt watching Rayna with her family. He always thought about her when he came here, because she was part of the fabric of this place. He smiled a little, thinking that a lot of that was due to the fact that he'd never changed the décor here. Even the bedroom Maddie was in was exactly the way she had decorated it all those years ago.
He thought about Maddie. She'd tried being grown up about all of this, but she hadn't really understood why Rayna had sent her away. She hadn't really wanted to talk much either, so he'd given her some space. When he came back from the nearby grocery store with food for the next couple days, she was sitting on the dock, facing out over the lake, her legs crossed under her, her arms wrapped around herself. She hadn't turned when he pulled up, so he let her be. He watched her from the window of the kitchen as he put away the groceries, then he went out and sat on the edge of the porch, just watching her. When she finally got up and walked back to the house, she sat next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder, not speaking. He'd put his arm around her and pulled her in close. They had sat there quietly together until it started to get dark and then they finally went back inside.
He'd made tacos for dinner and they ate, mostly without talking. Maddie actually only picked at her food and then, saying she was tired, had gone upstairs to her room. This was where he felt at such a loss. He'd only been a dad for a few months and he was figuring it out as he went along. He'd had poor role models with his own parents and so he'd had little experience to draw on. He found himself wishing Rayna were here to tell him what to do. She was such a good mama and she always knew exactly what to do and what to say.
His heart felt heavy as he thought of her again. He wanted to be with her, to take care of her the way he'd done in the past. He thought about their complicated relationship. The highs had always been so joyous, the lows excruciatingly hard. She'd walked away from him more times than he could count, and most of the time he'd deserved it. But she'd always some back. And he'd always been there. Even all those years she spent with Teddy, they had been there for each other. They'd fought like they always had, they'd shared their hopes and fears like they always had. He'd missed the intimacy all those years, though, and he thought she did too. When she had finally come back to him, he had thought it was for good. But once again he had failed her, disappointed her. If he was honest, though, she'd failed him too.
That night she told him she thought they needed to save themselves, he felt like he'd hit rock bottom in a way he'd never felt when he was drunk. He closed his eyes as he thought back to standing there, watching her leave. It seemed like step by baby step, they were finding their place again, but he wanted more. He swallowed hard. God, he wanted more.
"Hey, Dad," came Maddie's voice from behind him, startling him out of his reverie.
He turned. She was wearing a robe over her pajamas. Her eyes looked sad behind the glasses she still wore when she first got up in the mornings. He thought about how she looked so young and vulnerable when she wore them. Not like when she wore her contacts and looked so grown-up and pretty. "Hey, Maddie," he said. "How'd you sleep?"
"Okay." She moved to sit down in the chair next to him. "It's so quiet here."
"Yeah, it is. It's one of the things I like about coming here."
"I want to call Mom. I'm worried about her." She frowned. "Why hasn't she called?"
Deacon ran his hand over his face. "I don't know, Maddie." It was a little surprising, but he knew she had really shut down, so he wasn't sure what her state of mind was.
Maddie pulled her cell phone out of the pocket of her robe. She tried to call her mom. "This doesn't work," she said, looking at Deacon.
"Yeah, there's no cell service out here." Maddie got a frantic look on her face. "I have a regular phone though. In the great room."
Maddie jumped up and went in the house. She found the phone and picked up the receiver. Deacon walked in and found her sitting there. She looked up and smirked. "I don't even know Aunt Tandy's number," she said, and put the receiver down. She pulled up the number on her cell phone and then picked up the receiver again and punched in the numbers.
Tandy heard Rayna's cell phone ringing. Rayna was still in the bedroom, getting ready for the Entertainment Tonight taping. She had told Tandy not to answer her phone or the door until they heard from Bucky. When she picked up Rayna's phone, she frowned. It said "Cabin". She wasn't sure what that meant, but it was obviously known to her sister, so she answered. "Hello?"
"Aunt Tandy!" Maddie cried.
"Maddie? Where are you, sweetheart?"
"With Deacon."
"I know. But where?"
"Up at his cabin."
Oh, right. Deacon's cabin. It had been a long time since she'd thought about that place. "Oh, okay. I forgot."
"I want to talk to Mom."
Tandy looked up as Rayna walked into the room. Even with makeup on, she looked like she had barely slept, bags under her eyes. She held the phone out. "It's Maddie."
Rayna grabbed the phone and walked out to Tandy's courtyard. "Hey, sweet girl," she said softly into the phone.
"Hey, Mom. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"I'm worried about you."
Rayna smiled wanly. "Don't be. I'll be okay."
Maddie held the phone close and sighed. "I want to come home."
Rayna felt tears prick at her eyes and blinked to stop them. "In a day or two, sweetie." She paused. "I thought you'd like being with…your dad."
"I do. But I'm worried about you." She rubbed her eyes behind her glasses. "I'm sorry, Mom."
Rayna wrinkled her nose. "Why are you sorry?"
"It's all my fault. For wanting people to know Deacon's my dad."
Rayna shook her head and frowned slightly. "No. No, it is absolutely not your fault. Don't think that." Maddie was quiet on her end. "Maddie, I need to go take care of something. I promise I'll see you in a couple days. Okay?"
"I guess."
"I'll see you soon, sweet girl," Rayna said softly.
"Bye." She hung up the phone and looked over at Deacon, who'd been standing over by the fireplace. Tears streamed down her face. Deacon crossed the room and sat next to her, gathering her in his arms. Inside, he battled with how much it meant to him to be able to provide her comfort and how sorry he was that it was for this reason.
Rayna put the phone down on the wrought iron table and sat down on the matching chair, leaning forward on her elbows with her face in her hands. It hurt to know that Maddie blamed herself. Why did I do this? All I've done is hurt two of the most important people in my life. She inhaled sharply. Deacon. She wasn't sure exactly how it had happened, because she really had intended to move on without him. But she couldn't cut him out of her life forever, she realized that now. And not just because of Maddie.
When she was sixteen years old, naïve, unformed, with big hopes and dreams, he had found his way into her life and her heart. He had completed her. He had been her biggest supporter, her anchor in every kind of storm, the perfect partner. Even in their darkest times, when she sobbed until she was sick, when she was nearly crazed with fear for him, when he challenged her resolve and her commitment, he was in her blood. Every time she'd walked away from him had torn at her heart. When she had walked off that porch, Tandy's hand at her elbow, with their child inside her, she had never felt more alone, more bereft, more hopeless. Everything she'd done from that point on had felt like it had happened in a fog. She had lived every day of her life since then as though she was just marking time.
She walked every day of her pregnancy, no matter the weather. There was a park not far from the condo where she and Teddy lived and she would go and sit on a bench by herself. Each day the baby grew inside her and each day she cried for what she had lost, for what she had done, for the life she had chosen. After Maddie was born, she drew Deacon back into her life, she told herself for their daughter, but she knew it was also for her. And he had never truly left her, no matter how many boundaries she erected, no matter how many times she pushed him away. He never really left her.
"Rayna?" Tandy's voice was hesitant.
Rayna took a deep breath and turned to face Tandy. "Hey," she said quietly.
"They'll be ready to do the taping in fifteen minutes. Are you ready?" Rayna nodded. She stood up and, picking up her phone, followed Tandy back into the house. Tandy turned back to her sister as they were walking. "We're set up in my den. Nancy O'Dell is doing the interview and they've agreed to the parameters." She looked apologetic. "We can't control any editorializing they do after they show the clip, unfortunately, but I think you'll be able to get your message out."
Rayna felt apprehensive as she walked into the den. Bucky was there, with his concerned and compassionate look on his face, which made her smile a little bit. Bucky had been her rock for so many years. He'd been her manager since before she'd hit it big and he'd been like an older brother to her. He was wise and he was always truthful with her, even as he fiercely supported her.
Bucky reached in to hug her as she walked over to the chair across from the video screen. "How you doing, Rayna?" he asked softly.
Rayna shrugged. "Okay, I guess."
As a production person was hooking her up with the mike and she sat down on the chair, Bucky gave her much the same rundown as Tandy had. Her hair and makeup people did some final touches. "You don't have to answer anything you don't want to," Bucky reminded her. "We did agree to what would be covered, but you know how these people are and she could throw you a curve ball."
Rayna looked at him and nodded. "I understand." She tried to smile. "I'm fine, Buck. Really."
When the video connection was made, Rayna watched the screen and saw first an empty chair and then Nancy O'Dell walk up and sit down. Nancy had a reputation as not being a hardball interviewer with celebrities, so she felt relatively safe, but she was ready just in case things took a wrong turn.
Nancy looked into the camera with a compassionate smile. "Hi, Ms. Jaymes, thanks for doing this with us."
Rayna smiled her performance smile. "Thank you, Nancy."
"I want to run through how we're going to do this." She waited as Rayna acknowledged with a nod. "I'm going to start by giving a little intro into the situation, then I'm going to ask you for your side of the story. I'd like to cover the basics – that your daughter is Deacon Claybourne's, that your ex-husband raised her as his own, and where we are today. I'd like to do a little of the human side of this and ask you how things are going between your daughter and Deacon as they develop this relationship. Is that okay?"
Rayna nodded. "Yeah, I think that's okay."
"I'm not going to attack you in the interview, I want you to know that."
Rayna smiled. "Thank you."
"Are you ready?"
Rayna nodded and listened then as Nancy started her introduction.
After it was over, Rayna would agree that Nancy had shown care and concern during the interview and had not hit her with any questions she didn't expect. She had not specifically touched on the fact that Rayna had not told Deacon about Maddie, but it was clear from her question about the current relationship between father and daughter that Deacon had only recently learned the truth. And that was what Rayna had felt most nervous about, the reaction to her decision to lie to Deacon. She felt exhausted with tension, worried about what was next. Which came swiftly. As the day wore on, it was clear that the mainstream press, both news and entertainment, was coming out hard against her. Much was being made over the fact that Deacon had evidently not known he had a daughter and scathing comments were made about Rayna and Teddy's deception. By the end of the day, Rayna had closed herself off, both literally and emotionally. She was in the bedroom, refusing to see people or talk to anyone. Bucky and Tandy were confused by the fact that the country music press had been curiously silent. They worried that meant a huge backlash was coming. Bucky had heard from various radio stations that they were pulling Rayna's songs – "for now", many said – and a few were pulling Juliette's as well, what little was in rotation, as the fallout started to bleed over into Highway 65.
Late that night, feeling brutalized by the press coverage and anxious about the lack of a country music establishment response, Tandy and Bucky finally slipped into bed and just held each other. It felt like they were on the edge of a cliff and they weren't sure what was going to happen next or when. And they both were worried about Rayna.
At the cabin, Deacon wondered what was happening back in Nashville. He hovered over Maddie, who was uncharacteristically quiet, even for her. He recognized in her what he knew he did himself. In times of great stress, he grew quiet and introspective, guarded and wary. Maddie spent a lot of time either sitting outside on the porch or on the dock, her iPod on and her earbuds in. Locking herself away to process what was happening to her and around her. He knew that because he knew he was doing it himself.