This is the last chapter, plus there will be an epilogue to tie everything up.
In the end, he'd only stayed at the cabin for a couple more days. He'd known Maddie would be trying to reach him – and he did have several voice messages and texts from her – and he needed to see Megan. His intentions were to spend some quiet, reflecting time deciding what to do next, but his mind had really been made up by the time he got there. Having the extra couple days to settle into it though had helped with his clarity.
That had been over a week ago and he was driving again, although not nearly as far this time. He'd been at The Listening Room, doing a sound check with Avery, Gunnar and Zoey. He had a gig there the next night and they had eagerly agreed to back him up. He smiled thinking about them.
Avery had been the one to bring his niece Scarlett to Nashville, after they'd left Southern Miss. Avery had struck him then as a hothead, a brown noser, someone who was only in it for himself. And for a while he'd been that guy. Deacon had felt bad about how things had gone for him with Marilyn. He knew what a snake she was and he'd actually felt sorry for Avery when it was all said and done. He saw a lot of himself in Avery and he was pleased to see how he'd turned his life around and become a true voice of reason.
Gunnar was another of Scarlett's ex-boyfriends, one that Deacon had initially thought was riding Scarlett's coattails. Gunnar always seemed like he tried too hard, but it turned out he had crazy good songwriting skills, even on his own. He'd even had a number one hit already with "Ball and Chain". His girlfriend Zoey had been a friend of Scarlett's back in Natchez and he knew they'd had a falling out over her relationship with Gunnar. But Zoey had the voice of an angel and she had added something special when she'd backed him up.
They were good kids and they all had bright futures, he was sure of it. He'd been glad they were available to play with him and they'd had a good practice before Maddie called. Now he was on his way to meet Rayna. Except that she had no idea he was coming. He hadn't seen her since he'd brought Maddie back from the cabin. He'd talked to her a couple times, about Maddie. She'd wanted time with her girls and he and Teddy both had done that for her. But he missed Maddie and he hoped this would get them all back on track.
It was almost surprising how quickly things had blown over once all the messages of support had started pouring in. Rayna had confessed to him that she'd been a little embarrassed about her reaction and she had apologized for her behavior at Tandy's, which had given him pause for a moment. But he was pretty sure that was because he had not encouraged her and she had assumed he wasn't interested. He was hoping they'd be able to work through all of that now and figure out where they stood.
As people continued to rally around her, she emerged stronger than ever. Things turned around quickly and radio stations were amping up her play time, pushing "This Time" to number one. Even Juliette and Scarlett were seeing a bounce on their tour.
He and Maddie talked daily. But it was her call today that had thrown everything into high gear.
When he had gotten back to Nashville, Megan had been happy to see him. She'd known, of course, that he was taking Maddie to the cabin and she'd waited patiently for him to finally come home. But there was a distance that hadn't been there before ever since he got home. He felt like he was going through the motions. She'd been such a steadying influence for him these last few months and he'd appreciated that so much as he'd navigated back to solid ground after the accident. But everything had changed since the news broke about Maddie, especially where he stood. He was pretty sure she sensed it, but she put on a very good front. She almost went overboard trying to please him, until he nearly felt suffocated. He knew what he wanted to do, what he needed to do, and he couldn't put it off any longer.
He had come home from his regular gig at The Bluebird and she was in the kitchen. "Hey, baby," she said with a smile.
Deacon felt a little sick. Hadn't he had this same kind of conversation with Stacey not so many months ago? When Megan leaned in to hug him he pulled away quickly. She gave him a questioning look. "Megan, we need to talk," he said.
"Okay," she said slowly.
Deacon had never felt comfortable breaking up. Maybe because he had only done it once. Rayna had broken up with him several times, always because of his drinking or drug use, when he'd end up in jail or a hospital. She was certainly better at it. "You know that I went to see Rayna when I brought Maddie back from the cabin. She was in a really bad place when we got there."
Megan felt a flicker of anxiety. "I know things were tough for her. But it sounds like she's gotten a lot of support over the past few days and the storm seems to have blown over."
He nodded. "Yeah. And that really helped, but the thing is…" God, this was hard. "The thing is, I think that's where I need to be."
Megan frowned. "I don't understand."
"She needs me. And I, well, I need to be with her."
Megan was silent. She started to say something, then stopped, running her tongue over her bottom lip. She took in a deep breath. "Like you need to be in a relationship with her?" she asked, her eyes turned steely.
"Yeah."
Megan let out a bitter laugh and looked away, then back. "Deacon, she lied to you about your daughter. She's fought against you and your relationship with Maddie. And now you want to throw yourself at her and hope she'll take you back?"
Deacon shook his head and scowled. "You don't understand. We have a history…"
Megan looked incredulous. "A history of pain and suffering. Not just for her, but for you too. You're willing to forget it all just to see if you can get her back?"
Now he was mad. "You don't know anything about Rayna and me. Besides, I've forgiven her." He looked at her stubbornly. "She's reaching out. She wants to fix things. I have to try."
Megan rolled her eyes. "I hope you don't regret this, Deacon. You were willing to take the blame for the accident. You've groveled at her feet trying to have a relationship with the daughter she hid from you. She put that all on you. I just hope you're doing the right thing." She turned and walked into the bedroom, gathering what she could into an overnight bag.
When she walked out, Deacon was still standing there, his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry," he said.
She shook her head. "Forget it. I should have known better. I'll come back for the rest of my things. Or you could have Scarlett pack them up and send them to me." Then she walked over, picked up her purse, and walked out.
Deacon knew he probably hadn't handled that very well. He wished the words came as easily in situations like that as they did when he sat down with a guitar and wrote a song. He knew he'd hurt her, and he hadn't meant to. He'd really thought they had a chance, but that was when Rayna was pushing him away. Now that she seemed to be opening the door, he didn't want to miss the opportunity.
When Maddie had called him that afternoon, he'd been glad to hear from her. "Hey, Maddie," he answered, with a smile on his face.
"Hey, Dad."
"How's your mama?"
"She's okay. But she just left the house and I think you should go find her."
Deacon frowned. "Is something wrong? Did something happen? Maybe she just went to a meeting or something."
"No, she didn't have makeup on. And she's wearing a beat up pair of jeans. She's not going to a meeting."
"Are you worried about her? Is that why you want me to go find her?"
"She said she was going off to think. And I think she's going to be thinking about you."
Deacon was surprised at that. "Maddie…"
"Dad, please," Maddie pleaded.
Deacon started to pace, his free hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Maddie, I don't even know where she is."
"You've known her forever. I think you know where she is."
He did. She'd gone where they'd always gone to talk. "Well, maybe."
"Please, Dad." Maddie's voice was soft.
Deacon sighed. "Okay, I'll try."
He was on his way to their meeting place along the river. He couldn't count the number of times they'd gone there. Especially when she'd been married to Teddy, it was a place they could go and let their guard down a little. He always knew when she called him and said "let's talk", this was where she meant for them to meet, and vice versa. It was quiet and peaceful and full of history for the two of them. When he approached the bridge, he knew he'd guessed right. Her SUV was parked at the edge of the road. When he got out of his truck, he stood for just a moment looking down at her sitting there on the stone picnic table. He could see her red-gold hair shining in the sun as she looked out towards the river. He felt a warmth in his heart that he hadn't felt in quite a while. He shut the door and headed for her.
Rayna heard the car door slam. She took a breath, then turned her head. Deacon. Of course. She watched him as he jumped over the ledge and made his way down the slope to where she sat. She felt a quiver of both apprehension and hope at seeing him here. He hopped up on the table, then looked off towards the horizon and she did the same. They sat for long minutes, saying nothing, just feeling the nearness of the other.
Finally she broke the silence. "How did you know I was here?"
"Maddie."
"I didn't…."
"She called and told me you'd left the house. That you wanted to get away to think. And that you were dressed like a homeless person. So I knew you'd be here."
A ghost of a smile crossed Rayna's face. "That girl is too smart for her own good," she said.
Deacon turned and looked at her. "It seems like she sees things more clearly than either of us do."
Rayna looked at him and took his hand, holding it tightly. She looked away, tears pricking her eyes. He always seemed to know when she needed him the most. As though he could read her mind, he let go of her hand and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. She rested her head against his shoulder and put her arms around his waist. "Thank you for coming," she murmured against his chest.
He sighed. "Where else would I be, Ray? Where else could I be?"
"Luke is gone," she said quietly.
Deacon took a deep breath. "I know."
Rayna lifted her head and looked at him. "How did you know?"
"Tandy told me. The day she called me at the cabin." Rayna looked surprised at that. He worked his lip for a moment, weighing what to say next. He cleared his throat. "How do you feel about that?"
Rayna pulled away from him, dipped her head for a moment, then looked back at him. "Kind of indifferent, really. He was someone I felt like I needed to be with. It felt like the 'right' relationship, where I was supposed to want to be. Kind of like Teddy, you know?" Deacon nodded and she thought she detected a glimmer of…what? Hope? Relief? She wasn't really sure. She looked away. "I don't think I've ever actually told you that I'm sorry about all this. It would be easy for me to say that Teddy made me do it or Tandy or Daddy, but the truth is that I could have said no. We're where we are now because I was afraid."
"Ray…."
She looked at him and frowned. "No. I have to say this. Finally. I wanted to tell you. I went to the cabin to tell you. You'd left rehab and I went to find you, but Tandy was with me. And you were drunk. And I was scared. She made me doubt myself, but she also said things that made sense at the time. But you were right when you said I didn't have faith in you. I thought I did. I told myself I did. But if I had, I'd have told you about Maddie. If not that day, then when you got back from rehab the last time. Or when you'd been sober a year. Instead of letting everyone else convince me I couldn't tell you. And I was afraid you'd hate me. God, I don't know why you don't hate me now. What I did was so wrong. And it's all on me. I'm so sorry, Deacon. I don't think I can ever make up to you for all you lost."
Deacon was silent as he took in what Rayna said. He took a deep breath and turned to look at her. "Listen to me, Ray. I was no good for you back then. Or for Maddie." He chewed his lip. "Sure, I wish things were different, but they weren't."
"I hate myself, Deacon. I didn't do right by you or Maddie. I was selfish. So selfish."
"Ray, don't…."
Rayna's eyes flashed with anger. "Stop being so nice! What I did was awful! How can you possibly look at me with anything other than resentment?"
Deacon looked at her, his eyes sad. "Rayna, you were right back then. I would have messed up. You were right to be afraid. I wasn't ready then. I'll tell you the truth, I wish I hadn't missed it all. There are still times when I'm with her and I think about that and it makes me crazy. And seeing her hurt over it hurts me too. Makes me mad for her. Maybe I should hate you, but I don't. You know, me being mad about it or you hating yourself for it just doesn't matter. We make the best of where we are now. I love Maddie. And I just want to be the best daddy I can be. For her."
Rayna gave him a small smile and reached for his hand. "You are a good dad. And I know you're going to be a good daddy for the rest of your life."
Deacon looked deep into her eyes and he thought he saw something there. Something he hadn't seen in far too long. He swallowed hard and decided to take a chance. "Can you forgive me? For everything?" he asked softly.
"Can you forgive me?" She could scarcely breathe. He leaned towards her. She moved her right hand to snake up around his neck, her fingers threading into his hair. She pulled him closer to her and he leaned down and kissed her, lightly at first, then more insistently, and she responded to him, kissing him back.
When he finally pulled away from her lips, he leaned his forehead against hers. "I think we're done trying to save ourselves by ourselves," he said. Rayna nodded. "We need to do this together."
Rayna sighed. "But what about…."
He knew what she was going to ask. "It's over. It was never going to be for the long haul. It took me a little while to realize that. But it's always been you, Ray. Never stopped."
Rayna tried to laugh but she also found herself crying. "When I saw how you were with Maddie, I knew I'd made a mistake pushing you away. But I thought it was too late."
Deacon shook his head. "We always come back to this." His breath hitched. "Coleman always told me you were my addiction. But you're just the love of my life. You've always been."
Rayna ran her hand along his cheek. "I want this, Deacon," she said softly. "More than anything, I want this."
He kissed her again. "Me too, baby. Me too."
"Can we make it work this time?"
He looked at her seriously. "I think we have to try." He worked his lip. "I need to tell you, though, that I don't think it will always be easy. There's probably still gonna be times when I think about things with Maddie and it's gonna make me angry. I don't know when that will go away forever. Or if it ever will. But I want us to work through it together."
Rayna nodded. "I understand. I think we'll both have things to work through, disappointments from the past. I think it's just part of who we are, Deacon. We're going to get angry with each other about a lot of things and we have to be committed to getting through them. Without falling back on old patterns." She looked at him knowingly.
Deacon took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I want to make this work, Ray. I want us to be in this together. Are we?"
She nodded, then smiled at him. "Why don't we go tell the girls?"
He nodded. She stepped off the table and started for her car and he started to follow. Suddenly he grabbed her hand and she stopped to look back at him questioningly. She could see tears form in his eyes and he took a deep breath. "Don't make me watch you leave me again, Ray. I don't think I could handle it at all," he said, his voice rough with emotion.
She turned back into him and pulled him close to her, covering his mouth with hers. He reached his hands around her back and ran them down to her ass, grabbing it and pulling her into him, as he kissed her back deeply and fully. When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathing hard. She looked up at him, her eyes full of need. "I think this has to be the last time we do this, Deacon. I don't think I could handle it again either," she said, her voice tremulous. "I truly think I might die from it if we walk away from each other one more time."
Deacon leaned back against the table and pulled her close. He clutched fists full of her hair and kissed her, not taking the time to be gentle, just crushing his mouth over hers and pushing his tongue inside, where she met him with the same intensity. Rayna wrapped her fingers around his neck and pressed her thumbs up towards his jawline, pressing herself against him as she drank in the feel of his mouth on hers.
As they kissed hungrily, Rayna felt herself let go of the box she'd put him in all these months since the accident. She felt the walls she'd constructed to keep her heart safe and her mind focused on moving past him fall away. She felt herself open up and pull him in, into her heart, her mind, her soul. This felt right. What she'd had with Luke felt like a place card, a way station while she healed all the internal scars. This felt real, this felt like home.
Deacon pulled her as close to him as he could. He had missed this so much, had needed it for so long. This was where he was meant to be. He'd known it all those years ago, when he was nineteen and she was sixteen. They'd finally, truly, come full circle and his heart was beyond full with the joy of it. He finally, reluctantly, pulled away from her sweet mouth, but his face was still close to hers. He could feel her breath as she gasped for air. He looked deeply into her eyes, mirroring his own need. "We could go to my house," he said softly, smiling slightly.
Rayna grinned and then leaned her head in to him, her forehead against his. "That sounds wonderful, babe," she started. "But the girls are waiting for me. And if I go with you now, I might never leave." She pulled back and looked at him. "Why don't you come home with me?"
"Are you sure?"
She nodded. "Maddie already approves. And Daphne loves you too."
He looked at her in surprise. "You mean permanently?"
She smiled. "Yeah." She leaned in and kissed him lightly. "Oh, I don't mean you have to move in. Right now, at least." She gave him a teasing smile. "But come over now. Stay for dinner. Stay tonight. I don't want to wait to start the rest of our lives."
He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her close. With a smile, he said, "I like the sound of that."
Rayna walked in the house and tossed her purse on the counter. "Mom! You're back!" Daphne cried and ran over to throw her arms around Rayna's waist.
Rayna smiled as she hugged Daphne back. "Yes, I am," she said. She looked up to see Maddie, standing in the den. Maddie raised her eyebrows and Rayna winked at her.
Just then Deacon walked through the back door. Maddie's face broke into a hug smile. "Dad!" she exclaimed happily.
Daphne looked over. "Deacon!" she yelled excitedly and ran from Rayna to him, hugging him with a huge smile on her face.
Deacon smiled, looking from Maddie to Rayna. "Hey, everybody," he said.
Maddie ran to him and he hugged her. "You found her!" she whispered into his ear. He kissed her on the forehead and she smiled happily, first at him, then at her mom.
Rayna smiled at the three of them. "So, I think Deacon's going to stay for dinner," she said.
"Yay!" both Daphne and Maddie cried. Maddie hugged Deacon again and he looked over her head at Rayna and smiled.
"So, girls," Rayna began. Maddie and Daphne turned to look at her expectantly. "I want to talk to you about why Deacon is here."
Daphne disengaged herself from Deacon and ran over to her. "Why, why, why?" she cried.
Rayna took a deep breath and looked a little flustered for a moment. "Well, we've decided to get back together. And we hope you will approve."
"Yes!" Daphne shouted, throwing her arms up in the air in the victory position and then twirling around the room. "Yes!"
Maddie looked momentarily stunned, then ran to her mom and threw her arms around her. Rayna pulled her in. "Oh, Mom, this is the best news ever," she said, tears filling her eyes. She turned back and looked at Deacon, with a big smile. "Just the best."
After a dinner filled with laughing and talking over each other, the four of them had settled into the den to watch a movie. Maddie won the right to choose the movie and chose one of her favorite scary movies. Rayna spent most of the time covering her eyes and squealing and Deacon took advantage of that by holding her in a comforting embrace. He couldn't stop smiling as he felt Rayna warm against his side, as he gazed proudly at his daughter, and laughed at the antics of Daphne, who felt like a daughter to him too.
When the girls went off to bed, Rayna wrapped her arms around Deacon's waist and smiled up at him shyly. "Will you stay?" she asked.
Deacon leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "I would love to, but I think it would be best if I didn't," he said.
Rayna frowned. "Is something wrong?"
Deacon wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in to his chest. "No, everything is right. But I think it would be better to wait until they're at Teddy's."
"Oh, I see," she said, with a wink and a playful look on her face. "I'm surprised you're worried about what people will think."
He smiled back at her. "Not people, your daughters. Our daughters. I want to set the right…tone."
"That's so nice and old-fashioned," Rayna said happily. She liked that he included Daphne.
He chuckled softly. "Yeah, I guess." Then he looked at her seriously. "So, I think we should do something else that's old-fashioned."
"What's that?"
He leaned in and kissed her, lingering on her lips. "I think we should get married," he whispered.
Rayna gasped and tears immediately pricked her eyes. "Seriously?" she asked.
Deacon nodded. "Seriously." He kissed her again, this time more deeply and she clung to him as she responded hungrily. He pulled slowly away from the kiss, although his mouth was just a breath away from hers. "Will you marry me?"
Rayna found herself thinking of that first proposal, fifteen years ago. So much had changed. She pushed away that memory and smiled up at Deacon. "Yes. Yes, I will marry you."