6. Memories
The weekend was over. Philip was going back to work, and I was going to drop Emily of at the daycare. Then I could stop by the office. I needed to get back to work, I told myself.
But even being at the office brought back memories of my sweet Shane. I still could not wrap my mind around the fact that he was really gone.
"Hey, you sure that you want to go to work today?"
"I need to go back. Like you said I need to move forward," I said dryly.
Philip stares down at me with a concerned look, and I reach up touching his beautiful face.
"I don't want you over doing it. With your pregnancy and all this stress you have been under a few more days off might do you some good. I can take Emily to the daycare for you. And you can use my laptop. Work from home again today," he says forcefully.
"I am fine to go to work," I said softly.
"Please, do as I ask. I mean you just tried to kill yourself not to long ago. I just want to keep you save. You trust me, right?"
"Yes. I guess a few more days off of work won't hurt," I said looking into his light brown eyes.
"You get some more rest and make sure you eat today. Take care of that baby," Philip whispers in my ear.
"I love the way you take care of me," I said gently.
His eyes get big and his mouth opens. I hear him taking a deep breath. He looks vulnerable and almost scared.
"I do it because I still love you. I have loved you since the first time I saw you at the bar," he answers.
His confession of love is overwhelming to me. There was a point in my life where I wanted to be with him. I longed to touch and kiss his body. I had desired him. Not anymore. If I closed my eyes to think about the future I would not see Philip. I could not see anything. The only future I wanted was the one with Shane. Now after Shane's death I was completely numb.
Still, I could not say this Philip. He was not only the father of my child, but he also saved my life. This beautiful man was my hero, and he loved me. I could not cause him anymore pain.
"Philip, I.." I started to say.
"Look, Andrea I know you aren't in love with me. That you are still hurting. And you miss Shane. But someday you will move on. Someday you will love me. I don't mind waiting until then," Philip says calmly.
His light brown eyes stare into mine. There is a moment of silence between us. Our hands are locked together. We can hear each other breathing.
"I was thinking I would like to move into the house for good. That way Emily gets to be with you all the time, and I could sleep with you every night. If that is something you would want," I reply gently. This is the best I can offer.
"You want to stay here?"
"Yes if you want us too. The lease on my apartment is up and I am not moving to California now. So I am going to have to find somewhere to live," I admitted.
"You can stay here as long you like," Philip beams.
"I hope someday I can give you the type of relationship you want. But right I am just going to need time," I tell Philip kissing him quickly on the cheek.
"I understand, Andrea," Philip says. I watched as he gets Emily ready for daycare. I kiss her goodbye, and then I get ready to do work from the laptop.
Philip takes one more look at me before he walks out the door. I know that he worships me, cherishes me, and loves me. I wish I could feel the same way, but I can't. Shane was my soul mate. You only get one of those.