9. Tonight

Philip had insisted I no longer to talk to Rick. Not only that I could not talk to Lori either. I tried to explain the kiss with Rick was a mistake. It meant nothing, but Philip was insecure, and I could not blame him.

So I did as I was asked. What other choice did I have? Philip was doing everything to take care of Emily and I. The new baby too. So I felt like I owed him. Still I was not able to make love to him, and I knew he was getting impatient.

"Andrea, you have lived here for six weeks now. Can we please try to make love?"

"Not now. I need to get dress. I am going to Beth and Daryl's wedding today," I said getting out of bed.

"You didn't invite me?"

"I would love for you to go. It's just that some of my friends feel uncomfortable around you, and I figured it would be better if you skip this one," I said quietly.

"Well, I have to work anyways. I just got called in," Philip said harshly.

"I'll see when you get home?"

"Yes, of course. Lori and Rick aren't going to be there?"

"No. These are my friends here. Beth does not know Rick or Lori," I reassured him.

"You can go then. But I want to try tonight. I mean you agree it's time, right?"

"Yes, I just don't..," I said started to say before he cut me off.

"So after I get off work then we will try. Agree?"

"Okay," I said as he came up from behind me, and pressed his body against mine.

"How long has it been?"

"Huh?"

"Since you went to wedding. We will be having one soon. You think?"

"I can't remember the last wedding I went too," I said avoiding his another question.

"Well, I can't wait for tonight," Philip smiled at me wickedly.

I say nothing but nod in agreement. I was not ready to have sex with Philip. Maybe I shouldn't be here, I thought. But where did I have to go?

I did not want to go back to Florida. And I couldn't move to California. Not without Shane.

Honestly I did not want to do anything without Shane. I wanted to be dead. The idea of sex actually made me want to throw up. I could not imagine enjoying it with anyone who was not Shane.

Not that I enjoyed anything anymore. I was still numb to all feelings. I did not feel anything, and I was to the point it did not bother me.

If only I was not pregnant I could drink enough to get through sex with Philip tonight. But that was not even an option.