OK, as you will see, I made Kate a little OC at the end, but she's supposed to be growing as a character. I hope nobody is let down by the present. It seemed like the sort of think Javi would think of and Castle would definitely get the deep meaning behind it.

One more chapter to go after this and I think my one shot will have said everything it can.

Thanks for all the feedback. I'm glad people like what I'm writing, i'm certainly enjoying writing it.

Kate jerked awake from the dream. She was having trouble breathing and her throat felt closed. Even as she realized she was waking from a dream warm hands began to rub her back and a soft voice began whispering reassuring words into her ears. Even as the panic of the dream remained in the forefront of her mind another part warmed with realization that this was infinitely better than the suffering she had the longs months after her shooting. Why had she denied herself this man? Why had she denied him the chance to do what he wanted to do most and what she needed most – love and affection? She laid there for several minutes relaxing into his ministrations and listening to his voice. The dream was quickly fading away.

"Do you need more time?" Castle asked kissing the back of her neck.

"Probably. But the sooner I go back the sooner part of my life can get back to something close to normal. One day off for job perspective will have to do."

"Part of your life?"

"Babe, one day off from the job will let me get it together for work." Castle went to protest "I know, I know. The bad dreams will fade. This is nothing compared to what happened after the shooting." She felt Castle stiffen. She rubbed the arm that was holding her around her stomach "Relax babe. Relax. It will be alright. I've got you and I'll go back to Dr. Burk if things get worse." She rolled over to look at this eyes. "It's going to take much longer to get us back together. I have to work on my communicating. I have to work on being in a relationship without being ready to bolt. I don't want to bolt, I don't want to have one foot out the door. I want to be in this, all the way. I have got to get past my bad habits. That might take Dr. Burk as well. I thought I was more than I was. I thought I had become more. My mistake with the D.C. job and now this means I haven't made it as far as I wanted. As you far as you need me to go."

Castle didn't know where to go with that, so he just spoke from the heart. "Kate, I don't want you doing penance. I don't want you to think you have a hole to dig out of. This relationship is supposed to be the joy of your life. It's not supposed to be a job you have to complete. This isn't something I'm going to hold over you and bring up to hurt you later on. I just want you to be fully in the relationship. It wasn't an ultimatum…" Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "Ok, it was an ultimatum, but not the way you are thinking. I was scared and worried and heart sick that you were undercover, lost, hurt or worse. I was angry that you didn't tell me. Had I been at the precinct or you called and told me about it, I would have flipped out. That's what I do when you put yourself in danger without me there. Now, would you have done it anyway? Probably. Could you have talked me off the ledge and gotten me to agree, albeit reluctantly? Absolutely. This is just like the DC job. It's not the decision that made it bad, it's the lack of input to the decision that made it bad."

"Still doesn't mean I don't feel bad." She said nuzzling her neck.

"Like I said, do you need more time? It's only been one day."

"No. Getting back will make things better. I've signed everything and even have my new badge, but it's not official until everyone knows." She went to say something, thought better of it, and then started again. "Are you going to come in? I know the last time at the precinct wasn't exactly the best for you, but I would really like you there."

"Of course I'm coming. Why wouldn't I?"

"I know you haven't talked to the boys yet. I know things may never be the way they were."

"You don't worry about that. I'm going to be there to celebrate with you and support you. As long as the new Captain lets me stay that is. I might have to call the mayor and use undue influence."

"I don't think that will be a problem." The alarm on Kate's phone went off. "Six am. Time to face the day."

"What time is the Chief of Detectives going to be there?"

"Around 9. Gives us a little over an hour to act like we have no idea what is happening. Think you can manage?"

They arrived at the precinct around seven thirty. They were surprised by the large number of people already there. As they made their way into the bullpen, Castle headed for the break room to make coffee and Beckett headed for her desk. She hadn't even seated herself when a very nervous Esposito and Ryan seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"One day off Beckett. That's a little hardcore, don't you think?" Esposito said not really meeting her eyes.

"Well the sooner I'm back into a rhythm the better. What's with the crowd?" She said looking around.

Ryan spoke up. "You didn't know? Part of the fallout from your undercover op got Gates moved over to narcotics to clean up the mess there. All sorts of people have been fired or reassigned. There is even rumors of indictments coming."

"Reassigned?" Beckett had to force herself not to smile with the next question she asked. "Well who's in charge here now?"

"Don't know yet. Supposed to find out later today." Esposito finally met her eyes. "You didn't know?"

She made a glance toward the break room. "I've had my own problems to correct. Haven't paid much attention to the job."

Esposito looked at the floor at that comment, Ryan looked everywhere else, but managed to ask the question. "So how is he?"

"Mad. Hurt. Untrusting. He told me what happened. I would help you guys if I could but this time you are on your own. I have my own apologizes and scars to make better with him." She let out a long breath. "I really screwed it up this time. I don't have any good will to use to help smooth things over for you."

"We don't expect you to." Esposito said firmly.

Castle walked up to the desk and handed Beckett her coffee giving Esposito and Ryan a curt nod. "What's with the crowd?" He asked everyone, but was looking only at Beckett.

She decided to answer. "Apparently things have been busy. Gates got reassigned to Narcotics and there will be a new Captain announced today."

"Ah crap. Should I call the mayor now or wait to see who gets appointed and see how things go."

"With your track record Castle," she said with a smirk "I would call the mayor now."

"Please Castle" Ryan ventured "After the way the COD acted towards you. I wouldn't be surprised if part of the criteria for the job is being a Richard Castle fan."

Kate lowered her head a little bit so her hair would hide the blush she couldn't stop from rising to her cheeks. She could only imagine what that had done for Rick's ego.

"No kidding." Esposito continued. "It was obvious that he considers Castle a member of the department. Speaking of which…" Esposito walked back over to his desk and pulled out a wrapped gift. "This is from Ryan and me. Castle, we screwed up bad. The worse screw up since I joined the military. I've never treated a friend so bad in my life. I'm very sorry"

"Yeah" Ryan looked like someone had killed his puppy. "Very sorry. I should have known better. Especially with what happened between Jenny and me when I went under. We don't expect you to forgive us, at least not now. But one day, maybe."

"We got you this" Esposito said handing the box to Castle.

Kate watched as Castle took the box and set it on her desk. He ripped the paper open and removed the lid. She saw his eyes widen when he saw what it was. She leaned over to get a better look. Inside the box was a bullet proof vest. However, where the standard issue ones had 'POLICE' written and Castle's had 'WRITER' this one was different. It said 'PARTNER'. Kate took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was not a crier, especially in the middle of bull pen. She hadn't cried when Castle walked out that summer or when Royce had destroyed her or when Lanie had dropped the evidence of her mother's case on her. She was not about to cry over a bullet proof vest. She might however cry over the look in Castle's eyes as he pulled the vest out of the box.

"We know this doesn't make things right. We know that. But we will make them right Castle." Esposito held out his hand. "We will make them right."

"Yes, we will." Ryan pledged.

Castle cleared his throat. "I'm not sure what to say. Thank you very much and I'm deeply touched, but I'm still angry." He looked both men in the eyes as he took their hands and shook them. "But, if we all try, we can get past this."

Kate look at the three men. She knew there was a long road ahead, but there was also a long road behind them. They would get past this. She knew each man, their best and their worst. They would get past this thing as surely as she and Castle would. And that thought made her excuse herself to the ladies room where she did let a tear or two fall.