I walk into my bedroom and shut the door quietly. I have no clue why I just did what I did. I change into pajamas and slide into bed.
Fears run through my mind. I just cross my fingers I don't have my reoccurring nightmare. I wake myself up, screaming and shaking from watching Caressa being tortured and killed.
I take a small sleeping pill so I will make it through the night.
"Caressa!" I scream into the blackness. I'm tied down to a chair in the middle of the room, the metal holding my wrists down cutting into the fragile skin. "Let me see her!" I yell between sobs.
A man dressed in all black walks in, holding Caressa, who's fast asleep. "Give her to me! Don't you dare touch her! She's just a baby!"I shriek.
A table appears before me and the man dressed in black places her on the table and straps her down. He walks over and I can now see, what I assume is his face.
There's only skin- completely blank face, no facial features or lines where they used to be.
He slowly pulls the chair I'm sitting in closer to Caressa. If I wasn't tied down, I could grab her right then and there.
Caressa wakes up, sees me, and begins to cry. She tries so hard to move her legs and arms, but she can't She thrashes her head violently. "Caressa, honey, stop!" I say.
The man comes near her, a knife in hand. "No!" I scream as loud as I can. "Stop it, please! Stop!" He examines the knife before putting it close to her soft skin. "Please stop! Don't hurt her!" He brings the knife above her chest. "No!" I scream, my voice cracking. He brings the knife down.
I'm awoken by strong arms stroking my head. I'm shaking and my throat is dry and sore. I can't comprehend what's going on, still in a post-drug haze.
"Helga, calm down. It's okay." I hear Arnolds voice and open my eyes. He looks terrified. I must've woken him up from my screaming. He holds me in his arms. "It's okay, Helga. It was just a dream." He hushes my cries and soothes me.
"I'm sorry," I say between cries. I sob hysterically into his arm.
"It's okay," he says quietly, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. He stays with me until I stop crying. He begins to stand up.
I grab his arm and pull him back down. "Please," I say weakly. "Please stay."
He nods his head. "Okay," he says. He climbs under the blankets and holds me till sleep comes.
I wake up feeling groggy and grumpy. I can already tell my eyes are red and puffy from crying. I turn around and don't find Arnold. I do hear someone rustling in the living room and Caressa babbling.
I trudge out of bed and pull on some other clothes so I look half decent. I walk out slowly to see Arnold sitting on the couch, holding Caressa and making her laugh. I walk over, causing him to turn around. "Good morning," he says mid-laugh. "Caressa started crying and I thought you would want your sleep."
I smile and sit down next to him. "Thank you," I say, partially leaning on his shoulder.
"No problem." He bounces Caressa on his knee, pretending to be a horse. She laughs hysterically, her face turning red. I laugh along with her. I haven't seen her that happy in a long time. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, gently. I shake my head in response. I don't feel like discussing it. I feel like watching my daughter be happy. "Okay," he says.
Arnold spends the rest of the day in my apartment, playing with Caressa and taking care of her. He's so good with kids; he always has been. Well, if taking care of an egg counts.
I remember in 4th grade when we were paired to take care of an egg together. We constantly fought, Arnold lashing out, not wanting to be taken advantage of. We ended up being good parents, besides all the yelling, and of course losing the egg for a day.
In 11th grade we were partners to take care of a fake baby, not an egg. We definitely didn't want to be paired up, but the teacher insisted. We fought constantly over who had what responsibilities. It was a mess. Our messy past invaded our minds. I remember seeing Lila so jealous, which made it worthwhile.
X X X
Back in school, Arnold and I walk into class together. For two months we had been hanging out constantly. I told him everything. During this class, Arnold likes to sit with his other friends. I would join, but begin the only female in the group might make it a tad awkward.
Arnold leaves my side and approaches his other friends. I sit a few rows below him, still being able to hear their hushes conversations.
"Is that her?" I hear someone say.
"Yes!" Arnold hisses. "Could you say it louder, Gage? I don't think the professor in the other hall could hear you."
"Oh, calm down. Don't blame me for this. You're just pissy that your lady friend has friend-zoned you."
"Shut it, Gage," Arnold says sharply.
"All I'm saying, is you should just go for it. She's vulnerable right now. Swoop in and get her."
Arnold sighs. "She doesn't want or need a boyfriend right now. Helga needs a friend."
My eyes widen. Excuse me? He likes me?
My cheeks turn red. The conversation plays over and over again in my mind. I can't focus on the teacher. My mind is spinning.
The second the professor releases us, I rush out of the class. I run to my car and slam the door shut. Arnold catches up and knocks on the window. 'Are you okay?' he mouths. I unlock the door and he sits in the passenger seat.
"You sprinted out of there. Are you okay, Helga?" he asks, worried.
"I heard you," I say flatly.
He goes still. "What?" he whispers.
"I heard your conversation." He looks out the front of the car.
"Helga, you know…I didn't mean…" he stutters.
I don't know how to comprehend this. You like him, right? You know you do! But you can't be in a relationship right now! You have Caressa to look after, and college to keep up with.
"I need to think." He looks at me. "Could you please leave, Arnold?"
He nods his head and steps out of the car.
A few days later, during class, I build up my courage and sit next to him. He moves uncomfortably in his seat, causing the chair t squeak.
"Hi, Arnold," I say nervously.
"Hi, Helga," he says, not looking at me.
"Listen, can we talk? I just really need to discuss this. I can't hold this in anymore." He looks up at me.
"Fine. After class," he says, and then looks back up at the board.
After the longest class I have ever experienced, Arnold and I head out to a little courtyard on the campus, where it's quiet and secluded.
"Arnold," I begin, not knowing how to start.
"It's okay. It's oaky if you don't want to be with me. I understand you don't want a relationship right now." I tilt my head.
"That's what I want to talk about. I wanted to tell you-" I say, before he cuts me off.
"Listen, you don't need to pity me. I'm fine. We can just go back to being friends. Just friends." His eyes aren't as bright as they usually are. He looks tired.
"That'd be great, but I really want to talk to about-"
"Friends it is. I gotta go, Helga. Talk to you soon." He abruptly stands up and walks away.
"Fine," I say quietly to myself. "But, I want to be more than friends."
Out of the blue, while I'm cooking lunch, I receive a phone call.
"Hello?" I say.
"Helga."It's Arnold. I hadn't talked to Arnold for about a week now; a long, slow week. "I want to talk to you. I'm sorry I was so rude to you the other day. I don't know what got into me. I was impolite and I feel terrible."
"Yea, you kinda were. I couldn't even get out two words. But," I say, defeated by my own feelings and emotions, "I forgive you. Thank you."
He lets out a long breath. "I want to make it up to you. May I take you out to dinner tonight?"
I smile to myself. I think for a moment. "That would be really nice," I say.
"Great," he says, sounding happy. "I'll pick you up at six. Dress rather nicely."
I put the phone down and stand there for a second. I don't know my feelings towards him anymore. Do you love him? Or do you hate him?
I slip into a red dress that ties in below my chest, brining out my best features. I wear my hair down, which is slightly wavy.
It's Luna's day off, so I dress Caressa in a little pink dress, with a little pink bow.
The bow had been retired for quite some time. When Arnold left me for Lila, I stopped wearing it and my signature dress. It held so many memories.
When I finally hear Arnold's knock at exactly 6 o'clock, my heart flutters.
I open the door. "Helga…" he says. "You look beautiful."
I blush, hoping he doesn't notice. "Thank you," I say, bashful. I get lost in his eyes. Caressa running up behind me snaps me out of my daze.
It takes a few minutes once we're in the car to get the conversation going.
"Thank you by the way," I say. He looks at me. "Thank you for the apology. I really appreciate it."
"Least I could do." He points to Caressa, who's in her car seat in the back. "Caressa is wearing a pink bow; same one?"
I nod, laughing slightly. "Yea; same one."
"Wow. Definitely reminds me of you."
"Well," I say, "I did torture you for a good portion of our grade school years. It would be crazy if any pink bow didn't remind me of you."
"Actually," he says, looking back at the road. "I meant Caressa. She's gorgeous, like her mother."
My cheeks turn pink and I hide my face.
When we finally arrive, I can't help but smile. Arnold laughs.
We walk in and someone seats us. "Welcome to Chez Paris. What would you like to drink?"