First I'd like to say thank you so much to all my reviewers, especially the ones who encourage me to continue writing. It really does inspire me to do so, but it's always a matter of finding the time.

Second I'd like to say that I hope this makes up for the long wait. The chapter is quite long so that makes us even, right? :D

Third this wun's a juicey...this is liak ma-toor with uh captal EHYUM! If it's big you have to have a southern accent right? I tried. Anywho... In all seriousness this chapter is definitely M rated maybe M with a couple plusses. I've seen worse for Dragon Age and Mass effect fanfics... not so much on here. So you have been warned!

That being said I hope you enjoy!

My Aunt gives me the look as we pull into the school's dop off zone.

"As soon as you see him, Ms. Yates. You hear me?"

I sigh, "I know..." I shrink down further in the passenger seat and tighten my crossed arms, staring sourly at my legs.

"You have no right to give me attitude, young lady. I can't believe you! What were you-you know what never mind. Just go. You were being foolish, but be careful when you talk to him regardless. You may have lead him on, but he should have had the decency to say no!" She continues rambling to herself about how outrageous all this is as I climb out of the car mutely. She's been lecturing me since I calmed down enough to explain what happened last night.

She gives me one last warning look and drives off.

I stand uncomfortably where I was dropped off as the anxiety of what I was supposed to do sunk in.I can't talk to him. I don't even want to see him! What if he told all his friends he hooked up with a crazy chick? Perhaps that's why i've never had a boyfriend! IM CRAZY!

I can't be here.

I look around frantically trying to find a place to hide. I need to go. I need to be somewhere else. What was I thinking? What did I do?! I blew it. I blew it! there's nothing I can do. I can't face him yet.

Abruptly I start walking away from the school with no location in mind but not-here. I keep walking with my head down increasing my pace as I pass the courtyard, praying that no one notices me.

"Laolanna!"

I scrunch my eyes shut cursing my fortune and walk faster pretending I didn't hear my name. Pretending I'm not Loalanna. I think my will power alone is winning until I hear footsteps approaching me. I start to run.

"Loalanna, wait!" My pursuer calls again and I stupidly chance a glance back.

I stumble, but much to my dismay Lysander catches me. I wriggle myself out of his grasp and step away from him, but he grabs my hand before I can make to run away again.

"Loalanna, please...Just let me...Let me apologize..."

I turn to face him, stunned. The warmth of his soft hand is too much so I pull it away and he doesn't resist, but he takes a cautious step closer to me.

"Please, I'm so sorry." He looks into my eyes pleading, looking like he hasn't slept a wink. I notice belatedly that he looks like he got dressed in the dark and is wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

I hold off my plans to bolt and stare guiltily at his shoes, felling utterly mortified.

He moves to touch me, but retracts his hand and shoves it in his pocket. Silence settles around us. The sounds of cars passing every so often seem so distant. Neither of us move. We stand a couple feet apart staring at our shoes. Letting the breeze carry on the conversation in our stead.

My heart starts beating to hard as I prepare to speak. My nerves feel like they are strangling my as I take a big shaky breath in and out. I open my mouth, but decided on another deep breath instead. I tired again. I took another big breath in and literally feel my brain disconnect.

I step forward, clasping my hands together and look up at him. "I am so sorry! I was stupid, stupid, stupid! I swear I'll stay away from you and you'll never have to deal with me again!" I drop to my knees as tears start falling from my eyes and my cheeks grow impossibly warm. Grasping the bottom of his jacket and pleading up at him I continue, "Just please, please don't tell anyone what happened!" I start crying harder, "I'm s-so sor-ry!"

Lysander reaches down to help me to my feet and holds my hands nervously. I stop crying noticing his unease and look at him again, but he's avoiding my eyes.

I gasp stepping away from him again. " You've already told someone haven't you!?"

He gives me a guilty glance. No... I suddenly feel cold and clammy as I stare at him blankly. I can't shake the feeling of betrayal even though I have no right to feel that way. I don't know what to do...

"Will you listen to what I have to say?" He asks cautiously. All I can feel is dread so I offer a nearly imperceptible shrug. "Can we talk somewhere else?" He inclines his head at a passing couple of elderly women, feigning normalcy. I glance at them briefly and look back at Lysander with the tiniest nod.

He leads us toward a park, when fear suddenly grips me. I don't know him! What am I doing!? It's not safe to be with him when no one know where I am and no one will see us! I freeze, stopping just outside the park entrance, my heart hammering. I could run home...It's just around the corner... But he'd easily catch up to me. What was I thinking?! What if he-

"Laolanna?" Lysander stops walking, noticing that I am no longer following him. He walks back to me. "What is it?" He asks sounding concerned as he looks around.

My voice crack, "W-why are we here?" I managed to ask just above a whisper.

Taken aback he says, "So no one will eavesdrop on our conversation. I thought you'd prefer to talk privately, but I didn't think it was wise to go to my place and I'm not welcome at yours. Was I wrong?"

I let that sink in, trying to decide if he was being honest, but that's no easy task when you don't know the person you're speaking to.

Lysander fidgeted in front of me, "S-sorry. I should have let you pick the place. We can talk wherever you feel comfortable."

I sigh as exhaustion starts settling over me and I feel wobbly on my feet. I tiredly step closer to the park entrance and peer inside. There are a few people there playing with their dogs. I continue into the park without a word to Lysander, expecting him to follow. He pauses briefly before catching up to me.

I sit down under a tree and take a deep breath and shake my head trying to clear it and focus on the present.

"May I?" Lysander asks gesturing to the ground beside me. I glance at it before giving him a nod.

He crouches down and his unique scent wafts in my direction triggering the more pleasant memories from last night, but I quickly dash them away as he settles into the part of the tree trunk adjacent to me so we are at a ninety degree angle to each other. I prefer this.

He leans his head back with a sigh and silence settles around us again, with happy dogs barking in the distance. Under other circumstances this would be pleasant.

I hear another sigh and I can tell he wants to say something. " I-I know you have no reason to trust anything I say, But I hope you'll believe me when I say I have never and would normally never do anything like I did last night." Silence. I hear rustling and another sigh, but this time more frustrated. "I swear I'm not like that! I am appalled at myself for taking advantage of you. You have no idea how sick I am with myself."

He stops again and starts with a small sniff. "I really do usually keep to myself. You can ask anyone. I know it isn't much, but I have only told a handful of people about my singing, and my family, and my Victorian thing..." I can feel a slight wry smile in his words, though they mostly sound watery. "I-I've never even..." More silence.

The silence stretches on uncomfortably until I feel obligated to ask, "N-never what?" I say in a weak whisper.

I hear more rustling and a sigh, "This will sound bad, but...I've never kissed anyone sober."

"What?!" I say in shock.

"I'm not saying I get drunk all the time and hook up with people!" He rushes to correct himself.

I scoff, "Right."

He sighs again, "You don't have to believe me...but it's-"

"Thanks for the permission." I say sardonically.

My sarcastic comment is met with more silence and feel myself growing bored and careless.

"Laolanna?" He asks warily.

"Yah?" I say none too welcomingly.

"Can I speak freely?"

"I thought that's what we were doing..."

More silence. I begin to grow irritatingly impatient as I tear out the grass.

"This is the worst time for me to tell you this, but I am oddly drawn to you. When we...When I...I know the whole thing was going too far and I was highly disrespectful, and my initiating it and continuing it was shameful, but I hope I'm not the only one who felt something... Even before the kiss," my heart is racing and my cheeks flush hearing him actually say the word. "I had never felt anything like that. It's no excuse, but you've completely thrown me off balance..." My mind feels oddly blank and beyond my control and I am surprised to see that I had at some point moved so I am facing towards him rather than away. In that moment Lysander also moves to face my direction and we find ourselves almost shoulder to shoulder. We stare at each other with flushed cheeks.

"W-what about you?"

I look away, "I don't know..." I clear my throat, felling as though I should be honest. "I...have been...drawn to people before. But, nothing has ever come of it...before." I glance at him to check his reaction, but I can't tell what it is so I continue as I keep my eye on him. "I don't know what I was thinking. Well I guess the point is that I wasn't...My emotions...they were-I was not in my right mind yesterday. Too much had happened and I think I wanted an escape and I didn't mean to, but I think I used you because you were there and nonthreatening, kind, easy... and apparently willing. I know that probably sounds really cruel, and I'm sorry. I should've-I'm sorry." I watch disappointment and shame cross his face and few others I can't identify and for some reason it only increases my guilt so I look away. What an absurd scenario.

There is yet another long pause.

"How are your emotions today?" He asks in a tone I can't identify.

Confused, "What do you mean?" I ask.

"Are you in your 'right mind', today?"

I take a moment to consider my mind, not really sure what to look for. I swallow. "I think so?" I say with uncertainty. "W-why...?"

He gives a small nervous chuckle and rubs the back of his neck. When he meets my eyes he blushes furiously. "Would you be willing to see if you feel anything...?"

"What? What do you you mean?" I look into his eyes for understanding, when it hits me and I feel my own face burning. "You want me to... Are you crazy?! Of course I felt something! Is it possible to kiss someone and not feel something?!"

His eyes widen ever so slightly, and his expression is once again replaced by guilt. "...You mean I was... your first kiss." He says it as a statement, but I treat it like a question.

Grumpily I cross my arms and sit back into the tree, "I said nothing had ever come of my being 'drawn' to people..." I grumble.

I don't look at him but I can feel the guilt radiating off him. "I cannot apologize enough. I should have realised what you meant earlier. I feel horrible for taking something so precious from you. I am sorry."

I glance moodily at him from the corner of my eye. "It takes two." I state. "I was just too stupid to realize I wasn't ready."

I find myself annoyingly conflicted between wanting to feel robbed and not regretting it. Not regretting it would be the most asinine thing I can do, but minus the abrupt loss of the present it was the most incredible thing I had ever felt. Even if I was emotionally confused and my feelings toward him were being exaggerated by things not related to the moment...I still felt what I did and it was addicting. But shame and humiliation of being possessed by my past and acting like mad woman muddies the whole thing. Plus if they were exaggerated and I just wanted escape, I can't forgive myself for using someone like that. And I can't forget that he also played a part...For some reason I am finding it impossible to blame him. I invited him in, I sat right next to him on the couch, I was playing with his hair. All he did was compliment me and play off what I started...

I sigh, "I'm sorry. I started all of it. The proper thing would have been for you to stop it at least after the first kiss, but I can't really blame you. I was all too willing and eager, I can't expect you-"

"But I initiated the kiss in the first place." He interrupts.

"And I chose to accept it!"

"But I knew you had been through alot that day..."

"Regardless, I was giving you all the signals to say I was interested! You were stupid to involve yourself with someone messed up like me, but that's more a punishment for you than it is me!" I grind out feeling irritated that he wont let me take the blame.

"Loalanna..." He says softly as a tear escapes my eye without permission. He wipes it away with his thumb making me jump, not expecting his touch. "You're not messed up. I may not know you well, but I only know parts of what you've been through and to even be at school and not to mention doing well, is incredible. You are incredibly strong," My lip starts trembling. "When I met you, you dealt with being late, bullied, bad memories, and sharing difficult personal information with someone you didn't even know and still went to work and completed a full shift with proper customer service. I don't know anyone who could or would do that." My tears keep falling faster and Lysander does everything he can to wipe them away. He takes my face in his hands and I can't find the strength to resit him as he forces me to meet his eyes. "To top it all off your kind, and make friends quickly, you're also loyal and caring. And despite what you've been through you find it in you to smile and laugh and lend a hand when people need one. We may not have spent much time together, but word gets around, and I see you around quite a lot. I hope this isn't too bold...But you're parents would be more than proud..."

I begin balling then, great heaving sobs, as I fall into his chest and weakly punch at it trying to convey that he was being too kind. His words hit a sensitive spot in my heart and I can't stop crying. He cautiously wraps his arms around me and I can't escape the feeling of comfort and find myself clinging to him, burying my face in his neck.

I manage to get out a watery, "Why?" to which he says, "Because it's true and you deserve to be happy. And because you don't give yourself enough credit."

I am no longer sobbing, but large tears continue to fall from my eyes. I try to blink them away as I sit up so I can look into his eyes to convey what I can't say. He meets my gaze openly, painful honesty shining from them. The intensity of it blurs my vision again. I scrunch my eyes shut trying to hold myself together when I give in, showing him how much everything thing he said means to me the only way that feels right. I sniffle taking his face in my hands and searching his eyes briefly before leaning in and pressing my salt lips to his. He doesn't move as I let my lips rest there trying to will my feelings, my gratitude, through my lips. I pull back just enough to grab some air, our lips still gracing each other. When I feel I have enough air to talk I place my forehead on his and breathe. He places his hand over one of mine and I look into his eyes.

"Thank you," I say with a smile, though my voice cracks.

I feel warmth and am starting to see a golden glow in the dark. My limbs feel heavy and my mind is groggy. I don't want to move, but my joints are starting to hurt. I squint my eyes against the bright light and gradually realize I can hear a heartbeat. I feel the rise and fall of a firm chest and understand that I am in Lysander's arms, in his lap even. The weight on top of my head tells me he has fallen asleep at some point too. I shift slightly trying to avoid the discomfort settling in, but it wakes him.

He blinks around blearily looking confused.

"Sorry," I say, making him look down at me, understanding dawning on his face.

"I don't mind. You needed rest." He smiles weakly.

I smile back shyly, "You too."

He blushes.

As we come more awake I register exactly how close we are. His left arm is wrapped low around my waist with the fingers of my right hand brushing against his. His right hand is resting on my knee. My right hand is embarrassingly wedged between my thighs. I rest between his legs with my side pressed to his torso. The heat of his body seems to increase making my fingers twitch and goose bumps to rise on my arms. We don't move and a tense silence is growing. I am suddenly hyper aware of my body and become both self conscious and sensitive to touch. My hip in particular feels warm and uncomfortable, like I'm pressed up against something ha-

My heart skips a beat and I feel Lysander's fingers flex slightly. Our breathing is shallow as though we're afraid of the sound. I shift slightly by accident, not thinking, and stop when Lysander's fingers lightly dig into my hip as he tips his head back trying to hold back a gasp, making my lower belly twitch. My hand between my legs feels increasingly awkward, but I can't bring myself to move it. My heart is pumping so hard it hurts and makes me slightly dizzy.

I really can't think any more. One of his fingers brushes slightly against my bare shin and it sends tingles up my leg. Lightly I let my my finger trace his. Lysander shifts slightly as he brings his face to my ear.

Exhaling he says my name in a rough low voice and I shiver causing him to hold me tighter. He lets out a shaky breath saying we should move, his lips brushing my ear making my head instinctively tilt away from him. He briefly brushes his lips against my neck, "Please" he says in a voice so quiet I turn my head to face him accidentally making us cheek to cheek. We both stop breathing, or it feels that way.

Our hands on my hip gradually move up as our lips inch closer. The tension is making me shaky as we catch each others eyes. Our faint breathing is moistening my lips and I stupidly give into the urge and let my bottom lip barely brush his, unable to resist. He responds by lightly sucking it into his mouth once and running the tip of his tongue along it making me turn suddenly to lean into it,catching myself on the crook of his upper thigh with my right right. He lets out a moan causing me to do the same, breathlessly. I feel a twitch next to my thumb and instinctively press it into his leg. I feel something bump my knee which somehow was between his legs now. I press an open mouthed kiss to his lips as he breathes erratically. We moan in unison as his hand slides to the hem of my shorts and tugs my leg over his so I'm straddling him. We stop, suspended over him with my hands on his chest and his on my hip and thigh breathing heavily. We search each other's eyes wordlessly.

I cave first and crush my lips to his hungrily. He tugs me forward and the last bit of space between us is seared away as an unknown heat melts between my legs. Craving more contact I press my hips down and forward, his movement below me is making me make sounds I didn't know I could make. His lips move to my neck and I feel myself drifting away. All that exists is touch and I want more. I am vaguely aware that I say so, but I'm more focus on the tickle moving up the inside of my leg making me spread them impossibly wider, my center reaching for this new sensation. I realise how disturbingly wet I am just as his fingers brush against my wet folds.

*TSSUUU*

The screeching of a whistle gives me a start as I jump back from Lysander in alarm. My insides drop as an amused looking officer looks down at us with his arms crossed. Lysander and I gape at each other before gaping at the officer. I feel mortified. I can't decide if I'm too hot or deadly cold. I-Oh my god...

"By the looks on your faces I don't think this will be happening again, am I right?" I nod dumbly. Wait. I shake my head my head furiously. The officer looks like he's trying not to laugh. "Go home." He says dismissively as he walks away.

Lysander and I barely glance at each other before heading in separate directions.

Ahhem...Well there you have it. Imma go take a cold shower now...

And as per usual I apologize for my typos.