BPOV
"Hey...Bella?"
My eyes wrench themselves open to the sound of an unfamiliar voice, taking in the sight of an unfamiliar face. For a moment I'm shocked, before I remember today's events. I was nearly raped, maybe even close to getting murdered. A kind stranger carried my burden for me and now here I am, napping on her sofa like I own the place.
I immediately sit up, embarrassed to have fallen asleep in Kelly's house. I'm about to apologise when she interrupts, waving my away.
"Don't worry about it, girl. You need the rest, considering what you went through earlier. I just wanted to wake you because our dinner's ready," she smiles compassionately, radiating the kind of warmth that only a mother can. The thought reminds me of Renee and I remember that I was supposed to call her this afternoon.
"Oh! I need to call my mom," I say, smiling ruefully as I stand, going for my bag by the door. I fish my new but comfortably crappy cell out of my luggage, selecting my mother's name out of my phonebook.
I look up to see that Kelly is already out of the room, obviously giving me privacy. I'm already starting to warm to her, which is risky. I don't need to put myself in a position to be dumped again.
"Bella?" Renee's voice cracks between the syllables of my name. Oh dear.
"Hey, mom, I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier. I...I came back late from an interview at a department store." I remember not to mention that fact that I was staying in a seedy motel, because Renee thinks I'm crashing with an all too fictional 'Emily' from Forks High.
"Oh, great. And how did it go, sweetheart?" She sounds edgy, like she's on a full-on worry spell. Suddenly I'm nervous, concerned about whatever mess my hair-brained mother has gotten herself into now.
"Um, it was fine, I think. Thanks for asking."
Renee is silent for a moment, probably so worried that she hasn't even been listening.
"Uh, mom? Is everything okay? You sound a little...anxious," I say, feeling a frown pinch between my eyebrows. What's wrong with her? Usually she launches into whatever plagues her.
"I'm in trouble," she whispered. I feel my heart pick up and instantly all I want to do is pack up and get the next train home. She sounds likes she needs me.
"What kind of trouble, mom?"
"You know...trouble," she whispers, elongating and emphasising the last word. I give the phone a confused look, as if Renee could magically see my confusion through the device.
"I'm not getting what you mean. What sort of trouble, Renee?" I fret, accidentally using her name in all my stress. "You don't owe anybody any money, do you?"
"No, Bella, but let's just say money's gonna get a little tight around here," she hisses in hushed tones. There's an odd deflection to the sound of her voice, like she's in an enclosed space. It sounds like she's in the bathroom.
"Mom, are you on the phone in the bathroom?"
"I'm in the en suite because I'm hiding." I can hear a hitch in her throat, a thickness to her voice. Is she crying?
"Why are you hiding?!" I suddenly picture hit men in a ludicrous scenario, searching for my mom in her little house in Jacksonville.
"I'm hiding from Phil, because I don't want him to hear this call," she whispers even quieter. I have to listen very closely to hear what she's saying.
"Mom, can you please tell me what's going on so we can discuss it?"
There is a long, silent pause. I can hear Kelly in the next room, cutlery scraping plates. I suddenly feel very rude for taking a call while she's served dinner.
"I'm...with child," Renee gulps.
I laugh. I cannot help it, I really can't. The sound bubbles up my throat and out of my mouth in a way that is almost unfamiliar. Laughter is something I seem so out of practice with now.
"Good one, mom! Seriously, though, what's up?" I sigh. I'm itching to get back to Kelly, so I can thank her properly for being so kind.
"Bella, I am pregnant, okay? I just didn't want to have to say the word, alright? Phil has no idea."
For several moments, maybe minutes, I don't say anything. I can't find my lips.
Renee is pregnant?!
"Mom...how...I mean...is this?" I stutter, completely lost for words. My heart is bursting, trying to crash out of my ribcage. My mother graces me with more silence until I hear her sniffling.
Then I realise what my purpose is here. I can't freak out, or have anything close to a negative reaction, because that's not what Renee seeks out in me. She needs me to be her crutch, to guide her back to a rational, grown up place. My job here is to be the adult, to be her shoulder.
"Okay, mom, don't panic. Everything's going to be fine," I say softly, trying to soothe her. I hear her gasping through her tears.
"I'm just so shocked, sweetie. I've been keeping this to myself ever since you came home. It's been eating me up, keeping this lie inside," she whispers. I feel like such a piece of crap for fleeing from her, for leaving just as she needed me.
"But why have you been keeping it secret? It's not a disaster, mom, you're only thirty-eight for crying out loud. Are you just...unprepared to have a baby? Or do you know that you just don't want to have another?" It really begins to dawn on me now. Renee is pregnant. If she has another baby, then that means I have a sibling. I can't wrap my head around it.
Neither can Renee, it seems.
"No honey, that's the thing about it all. I think I want this baby. Is that crazy?"
I smile into the receiver. "No, of course it isn't. I'm happy for you," I assure her. Why is she so emotional if she wants to go through with the pregnancy? Is it financial?
As if reading my mind, Renee answers my question. "It's just that, Phil is so...I don't know. I can never tell with him, you know? He can be so cryptic sometimes. I just never know what he's really thinking."
Cryptic, I think to myself, reminded of someone I know I need to forget. He was always so mysterious, so allusive in everything he said.
Stop thinking about him, idiot!
I hang onto my chest, desperately in need of a complete submersion in my mother's problems. I need a distraction.
"Are you worried he won't be okay with having a baby?" I whisper, feeling the jagged edges of my chest begin to tear. I cannot lose it right now. I need to be here for Renee.
"Most of all, I'm worried that he'll tell me he's happy to do it, just to satisfy me. What if we had this baby and he gave me the impression he wanted a child, when really he totally regretted saying yes?"
"Oh mom, do you really think he wouldn't just say if he wasn't up for it?"
"I always go for quiet, mysterious guys," she laughs, almost bleakly. "It's so hard to figure them out. I've always liked that. The enigma."
So I guess I got that from you, then.
"Listen, I think you should just go to him, right now and tell him what's what. You're a grown woman who is married to the man she loves, getting pregnant is almost expected, at this point. You – and Phil especially – are young enough to be parents. Plus, you've got experience under your belt. Tell him you don't want him to say what he thinks you want him to say, you just want to get it all straight."
"You're so right, Bella. I'm a grown-ass woman. I'm doing exactly what I did when I was pregnant with you. I'm freaking out when I should not be freaking out. I need to keep my head straight and I need to tell Phil," she says with grave conviction.
"Exactly, mom, just calm down, remember that you're only dealing with your husband here and that you love him. Also, if he gives you and crap about it, remind him it takes two to tangle," I say, making my mother laugh. I relish the sound and smile.
"Okay sweetie! Thanks so much for being there for me. I will update you when I talk to the hubby," she sniffles.
"Good luck, mom. I love you."
"Love you too, Bella. Goodbye."
I all but sag under the weight of her confession when I hang up. What a day.
"Is everything okay?" Kelly calls through from the kitchen. I hear the faucet running and realise I'd taken so long that she has started doing dishes.
I walk through and feel a regretful blush spreading over my cheeks. This is surreal. It all feels like a dream, like Kelly is an invention of my lonesome mind.
At this stage, it wouldn't surprise me.
"Everything's fine," I assure her. "My mom just called, frantic."
"Oh, dear." Kelly looks concerned from her place at the sink, scrubbing cutlery and plates. She motions for me to take a seat, where my dinner sits untouched. I sit and smile when I realise the she fixed me a fish-stick sandwich with lettuce and mayo.
"Is your mom okay?" She sits her items on the stand to dry, drying her hands with a towel as she takes a seat in front of me. I wonder if she's a nurse. She's so compassionate.
"She is okay, I'm sure. She just has to talk some things out with her husband."
"Your parents are separated?" She surmises.
"Yeah, they've not been together since before I could remember. Yours?"
Kelly snorts. "I'll let you know when I meet my dad. Are you okay with fish-sticks in a sandwich? I know it's kiddie food but-"
"Are you joking? I love these! My mom used to make them just like this. This was a staple in our house when I was growing up," I smile, feeling nostalgic. Those were the times when my mom gave up on the kitchen after a dozen too many culinary disasters.
"Well I'm glad they get a good reception because I'm pretty sure that's all I'll be able to feed my son when he's growing up," she laughs. I look at her face closely and figure she doesn't find it that funny.
"Bad cook?" I smirk.
"No, actually, I'm damn good in the kitchen," she grins, cocky. "I'm pretty much swerving in and out of poverty right now, that's the only problem."
"Oh, Jesus," I say, dropping my sandwich like its red hot. It lands on the plastic Toy Story 3 plate with a dense thud. Guilt washed through me, bitter.
Kelly looks at me and rolls her eyes. "Don't be silly, Bella. Eat up. I served you the cheap food so don't worry," she chuckles.
"I honestly don't know how to thank you. I mean, I feel like I haven't expressed it properly but there just aren't any words. I feel so bad for coming back here and burdening you," I say bashfully, aware of the heat spreading over my cheeks.
"Don't worry about it, girl. It's nice to have some company all the way out here. Reilly's great but he's not really developed enough to discuss current affairs," she smirks, pouring some water in my cup. I drink it gratefully.
"You can sleep in my grandma's room, if that's cool with you. It's a little dated in there but I promise it's not haunted," she winks, collecting my plate when I confirm that I'm finished with a nod.
"Thank you so much. I think I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and go back to mom and Phil," I admit, feeling dumb. "That lasted long. What a waste of money. You try to become independent and what do you get? Molested and attacked until someone else saves you," I laugh bitterly.
"Hey," Kelly says, drying the dishes. "Don't beat yourself up, Belle. It ain't easy standing on your own two feet first time around. You'll succeed eventually, don't you worry."
"I hope so," I say, feeling the full effect of her reassurance. It's nice to be reassured, when you're the one who plays the emotional crutch.
"So, how old is your boy?" I ask, draining my cup. It's hot in here and I'm still getting used to the Floridian heat.
"Oh," Kelly grins, happy to discuss her child. "He's one year and seven months. Feels like I just had him a few days ago, to tell you the truth. I never expected to get pregnant so young but he's my world. I used to judge girls like me so hard but you don't know what it's like until you're in somebody else's shoes."
"Yeah, my mom had me young, too."
"Mine didn't. I actually came from the perfect, suburban family, believe it or not. I think that's why my mom wasn't really ready to hear me out when I refused to abort," Kelly sighs. She looks at me and her wise eyes betray her youthful appearance.
Another unhelpful reminder of my Forks life.
"Life, huh," I mutter, shifting in my seat, looking around Kelly's tiny kitchen. "It's a bitch."
"I hear that," she agrees with a little laugh.
o0o
Not long after my dinner, Kelly shows me to her late grandma's room. It's beautiful, furnished with fine wood and silk bedding. Everything is pristine and clean, with white walls and birch flooring.
Everything is too familiar.
"I hope this is okay for you. Reilly will probably cry during the night so I hope you're a heavy sleeper. The bathroom is just by your bedroom, to the right. If you need anything, don't be afraid to come get me," Kelly smiles warmly.
I thank her, surprising myself when I return her exuberance. Her brightness is infectious.
When I realise that I accidentally left all of my toiletries and pyjamas in the bathroom after the attack, Kelly brings me a new toothbrush, complete in its packaging, and a peach satin nightie with cream lace trim. It looks so classy.
It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this woman can barely afford to put food on the table for her little boy. Everything about her seems so well adjusted.
I guess it's true what they say about judging a book by its cover. Maybe Kelly did the same for me. If she had judged me, she would have seen a fragile person beyond help.
The thing is, she'd be right.
Oh, goodness. The angst! Please stay tuned, guys, because things are about to get pretty darn exciting in the next chapter! Bella is about to take a leap into her future. I hope you enjoyed. Please review!