I woke up from a deep slumber to a beeping noise in my ear. My eyes opened lazily as they conveyed the room. Nobody else inhabited the room from what I could see.

My arm tingled from the rough fabric of the white hospital blanket rubbing against my bare skin. My hand moved to scratch it, only to find that the pain running through my bones rejected any and all movement.

My head was pounding from the fluorescent lights in the room. They lit up all the medical instruments in the room, giving it an eerie feel.

I surveyed the cards and balloons next to me, most reading 'Get Well Soon!' or 'Feel Better!'. Some depicted band aids, while others had thermometers with faces on them. In the corner of the room were several other balloons, looking as if they weren't good enough to be next to me. I couldn't read the words on them, for the lights in the room didn't reach the corners.

I squinted my eyes in attempt to read the small words, with no luck. Curiosity crept into my mind. Before I knew it, I was pushing the pain into the back of my mind and sliding my feet from the bed. The cold tile sent shivers up my spine, causing immediate goose bumps. The thin hospital gown did nothing to keep in heat.

My head tilted, reading the first balloon. It said what all the others said: 'Feel Better.' Next to the balloons were cards.

I picked one up and read the front. "I'm sorry for your loss," I whispered to myself. My loss? The card dropped from my hands as quickly as I'd picked it up. I stood silent, not breathing or blinking. My loss. Jared.

My eyes stung, trying to hold back tears. Only now had I remembered why there were these cards and balloons. Jared. It was something I wanted so badly to forget; mourning couldn't be ignored, though.

I hobbled back to the bed, basically collapsing when I was close enough. My whole body ached from emotional and physical distress.

Memories flooded my weak mind, causing me to lose myself every time his face appeared. I hung onto his last words, trying to remember exactly what he sounded like. All I wanted to do was run my fingers through his hair.

My mind battered me with the memory of holding his lifeless body. It sickened me to think of that I was covered in his blood; I watched the life drain out of him.

I sat up in bed and bashed my hands against my head. "Stop crying. Just stop. Stop," I spoke out loud.

My nails were scratching at my face, pleading my mind to stop torturing me.

Strong hands grasped my wrists and brought them away from my face. Arnold. He brought them around his shoulders and held me.

"I'm sorry, Caressa," he hushed me. "I'm so sorry."

"Thank you," I whispered. I pulled away so I could look him in the eyes. "I have to tell you something." I had to tell him about the baby. I had to tell him everything.

"I know," he said, pulling me back into his arms. "I know."

Confusion filled me; what did he know? Did he know about the baby?

I pushed away again, about to confront him, when his hand reached for my stomach. He lightly rubbed it. Tears flooded my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I cried out.

He shook his head. "No, honey. Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about."

"But, I do. I'm sorry for keeping everything a secret, and just-"

"Caressa, listen to me," he said, bringing both hands to my shoulders. "You are an amazing person. You have nothing to be sorry about."

I smiled weakly. "Thank you." After a few moments of silence, I asked a question that was eating away at me. "Is the baby okay?" I said, so quiet I'm surprised he heard me.

"Yes," he assured me. "The baby is completely healthy and unharmed." A sense of hope overcame me. "I want you to know that whatever choice you make, we support it. I want you to realize that we are behind you 100%. No matter how harsh we may seem sometimes."

He brushed my head. "Does mom know?" I asked surprised that that was my first worry.

"Yes, but she's not angry. She's a little tense right now, though," he added.

I looked up at him. He had such a caring and soft face. "I'm sorry for causing this. It's all-"

"No. It's not your fault." He started smiling. "You know, I don't know if you want to hear this right now, but you're exactly like your mother." I made a face at him, causing him to laugh. "You and your mother are the strongest people I know, and no matter the circumstances, you two always blame yourselves for everything that happens. You have to stop blaming yourself, Caressa. Nothing that happened was a result of anything you did."

Without realizing, a stream of tears rolled down my pale cheek. He brushed it away. "I hate seeing you like this," he spoke quietly. "I hate seeing you in pain. It's one of the hardest things for me to watch."

"I love you, dad," I said quietly.

"I love you too, Caressa." He kissed my head before standing up. "Well, I'm going to give you time to rest."

I nodded my head. "Wait," I said before he could reach the door. "Could I talk to mom?"

"Of course."

I took the pillow at the foot of the bed and buried my face into it. Without thinking about it, I removed my head from the pillow and looked at the balloons in the corner.

So many things were going through my mind. I was never going to see Jared again. Ever. I was never going to be able to laugh at his corny jokes, or be able feel his lips on mine. All of that was taken away from me within seconds.

I felt guilty. "Why do you always make yourself the victim?" I asked out loud softly. I didn't know the answer. I probably didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve people feeling sorry for me in any way. I caused most of this, and I knew it.

"Caressa." I looked up to the noise source that startled me back into reality. Mom. "Oh, honey," she said as she walked over to the bed.

"Hi mom," I said. I didn't exactly know how to treat her.

"Hi sweetie." She looked uncomfortably at me, probably not knowing what to talk to me about.

"Mom, I'm-"

"No," she interrupted. "Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. You didn't deserve any of this. None of it. And don't you dare think otherwise." I stared at her, my eyes opened wide. "As long as I can talk to you one on one, I'm so sorry. I was one of the rudest people to not just you, but to-" she stopped, not wanting to say his name.

"Mom. It's okay." She wiped away the tear that was on my cheek. "Dad was right. We always blame ourselves."

The corners of her mouth turned up. "That's the curse you get for being my daughter."

I wiped my own tears away. "Hopefully that doesn't pass down generations." I regretted saying that, realizing that now we had to talk about the baby. "Mom, I know-"

"Yes. I do know." I looked down at her fingers, which were clutching the bed fabric. After a few seconds, her body relaxed from the tense form it was in. "Honey, I will be with you through all of it. Don't worry." She attempted to put on a smile, but the rigidness of her voice gave away that she wasn't genuinely happy.

"It's okay," I said between sniffles, "if you're not okay." She smiled at me. "Mom?"

"Yes honey?" she responded quickly.

"Mom, I'm not okay." She wrapped her arms around me.

X X X

I stayed in the hospital for a few days, just so they could keep an eye on me and the baby. Reuniting with my siblings was the highlight of the week. They ran into the room, all baring flowers and balloons. I tried as hard as I could to express the happiness I felt seeing them, but the negative memories and thoughts outweighed them.

I looked into the mirror on my bedroom door. The black dress fell just above my knees. I pulled my hair up and walked out my door.

"Caressa, are you ready, honey?" My mom shouted to me from downstairs.

"Mom, I'm going to drive there by myself, if that's okay."

She walked out of the living room. "Of course, honey." She kissed my head. "I'll see you there."

I nodded, gave her a weak smile, and headed out the front door.

Jared was flooding my mind, causing me to cry every few minutes. My nails dug into the steering wheel as another wave of painful thoughts swept through me.

As I walked through the church doors, I got many stares from those who knew about the relationship between Jared and I. As I walked to the front, I got condolences from those who knew my situation. I wanted to avoid Jared's parents, but avoiding them seemed disrespectful.

They turned around as I approached. "Hello, Caressa. Thank you for coming."

Before I could return my "hellos", Jared's mother, Heather, put her hand on my stomach. My eyes went to hers. She took her hand away quickly. "I'm sorry Caressa," her voice hoarse from crying.

I took her hand and put it back on my stomach. "It's okay." She smiled at me. "it's okay," I repeated.

Jared's father wrapped his arms around me. 'Thank you for making him so happy," he whispered.

When it came time for speeches, my heart was aching. I walked up to the podium in front of dozens of crying faces.

"Hello, my name is Caressa. I was Jared's girlfriend for a little over five months. It was the best five months of my life." I had to stop so I could steady my breathing. "Jared was one of those people who lit up the room anytime he walked in. When I first met him, I already knew just how amazing he was. There was no denying that I already loved him." I wiped away the stray tear on my cheek. "He was the most perfect human being. Not only could he inform you the exact dates of most historical events, he could destroy you in an arm wrestling contest." The audience smiled, and some laughed quietly.

"Jared-Jared-" I began, trying to continue the speech. "Jared-he didn't deserve to leave this early in his life."You can do this. Just keep going. "I held Jared in my arms when he took his last breath. Moments before, he could barely breathe, and was in so much pain. He built the strength, and his last words were 'I love you, Caressa.'", I looked down at my hands. "If that doesn't convince you that he was one the most loving and caring human beings, I don't know what will." My knuckles had gone red from nails digging into my hand.

"I-I thought really hard if I should include this next part. I realize now that he would want me to tell everyone close to him." I took in a deep breath, and held my hand to my child. "I am pregnant with his child." A few gasps came from the people watching wide-eyed. "And I am keeping the baby." I looked to my parents, who were sitting a couple rows from the front; they smiled. "Jared said that he didn't care whether or not I kept the baby, he just wanted me to be happy with my life. I knew that even though we were young, he wanted kids. And he was willing to do anything to support me."

I looked specifically at his parents, who were smiling at me, their cheeks stained from tears. "Your son was the best thing that ever happened to me. He kept me wanting to live." I looked back up at the rest of the audience. "Jared will be remembered as the best person in the world. I will think of his smiling face every day, and be so grateful I knew him. Thank you."

I stepped off the podium, when Jared's parents, alone in the front row, motioned me to sit with them. As I sat down next to heather, she whispered, "Thank you, Caressa. Thank you so much."

Hey everyone! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm planning on making the next chapter, the last chapter. I don't exactly know where I could go after the basics, so if any of you have suggestions, I would be more than happy to read them.

As usual, leave a review below!