Chapter 5 – Plans, A Cannibal, And A Fat Man, or The Best Laid Plans of Mice And Man
A/N I own nothing beyond my OC, and my changes to the characters (except Seras, new Seras belongs to Jubalii, also text in italics is said into headsets, or phones.
7pm 6th January
It is freezing in Hyde Park, so unsurprisingly there is not a soul to be seen, beyond those who were there for a purpose, as per the plan. Dani is invisible hovering over the park, Haddock is walking around outside on the east side, Bond is wearing a gardeners uniform, (an anorak, dirty jeans, and wellington boots, (gumboots to Americans)), and pretends he is gardening; he is by the south entrances. Seras is hidden in the trees to the north, and Elsa is wandering around in the Kensington gardens, to the west.
At exactly 9pm Zakary Zentane walks in through the Queen Elizabeth Gate, he is flanked by two body guards, who wait by the entrance, he walks over to the Little Well Statue, he is talking to Mina over the phone in hushed tones, "Mrs Harker, I hope your plan works, we are putting my life on the line".
"Do not worry, we have all sides covered".
"Very well, I hope you know what you are doing", he hangs up, and stands looking at the statue, as if on cue, a man who looks like the description entered through the Aldford Street South Gate, and walks over to Zakary, Dani follows him invisibly, he is wearing a trench coat, over a dining suit.
"He's hear, he just came in the east side of the park, from Aldford street, Haddock, be ready for him to come out that way".
"Greetings, cold tonight isn't it", the man says upon reaching, he speaks with an Eastern European accent, Dani flies closer, "what are you doing here on a day like this, at a time like this"?
"Waiting to meet someone", Zakary replies gruffly.
"You are Zakary Zentane, are you not"?
"Indeed I am".
"Very well, I am Hannibal Lector, I am going to be the last man you ever see", Hannibal pulls a butchers cleaver, and a fork from inside his coat, and lunges at Zakary.
He is stopped by Dani grabbing hold of his coat, she hauls him away, "ah the ghost girl, I wondered if you would be here". He drops the fork, reaches inside the coat again, and pulls out a belt, which he puts on, turns a dial, Dani screams, and drops him, Zakary has vanished.
"A Spector deflector, really, how did you get that"?
"An associate of mine in the Americas brought it over", he runs back out the way he came
"Haddock, he is coming your way, be ready", reports Dani over the headset
"Should I capture him"? Asks a slightly confused Haddock.
"No, put the tracker on his car, we need to find out where he is operating from", Mina replies.
"Ok, then Mrs Harker", Haddock hid by the gate as Hannibal runs out, and into a Mercedes car, which Haddock sticks with the tracker, the car speeds off, "I got him, he's in a Merc".
"Good job everyone, back to base".
Half an hour later, everyone is back at league headquarters, gathered around the end of the bar, Haddock is back in uniform, and drinking a glass of water, everyone else is drinkless.
"Why was he so late"? Asked Bond, "I actually started gardening out of sheer boredom".
"He got stuck in traffic, which is not important; Haddock got a tracker on his car before he fled, by the way. Dani, how did he get away"? Mina asked the ghost girl.
"He had a Spector Deflector".
"What is a Spector Deflector"?
"An invention from Fenton Works, it can cause problems for ghosts, it ranges from not allowing ghosts to touch you without pain, to not being able to overshadow you without pain".
"That is worrying if he has that, doctor has he stopped yet"?
"Yes, just now he stopped in outside a property outside London, the property is owned by MMM corporation, an international business, which dabbles in a lot of markets, including arms manufacturing, security as in armed security for convoys, investment banking, energy generation, energy distribution, and aeronautics". Cockroach says tapping away on the tablet computer he is carrying, "they use the house to host corporate meetings".
"Hmm, that is a problem, well we will have to coordinate a raid on the property, and we have permission to carry out the raid to get this lunatic at any time. Doctor, get a floor plan for this property please".
"Here we are", Cockroach puts the tablet down on the counter, it projects a hologram, "the house has three exits, front, back, and side, there is a helipad behind the backdoor, however there are currently no helicopters there. The house is three stories, with fifty bedrooms; this could mean that there are rather a lot of security personnel. I am not a brilliant strategist, but I would suggest as follows; Elsa, and Bond, with Elsa's snow creatures enter through the front, Seras enters though the back, whilst Dani, and Haddock, with several marines enter through the servant entrance, we surround them, and capture as many as possible alive".
"Anyone disagree with Cockroach"? Mina asked looking around the room at everyone, even the barkeeper shake their heads, "no? Good, head out now."
At 10:30pm they arrive at the sprawling manor house, it is marble-clad, Greek in style, and is back from the road, behind a screen of trees, Seras, Dani, and Haddock, along with the marines, have already gone to get into position. Bond watches Elsa summon up twelve warriors made of ice; they are seven feet tall, dressed in plate armour, made of ice, with long spears in one hand, and a kite shield in the other. Elsa is dressed in opaque ice armour, with a transparent face-guard, and carries a kite shield in one hand.
"Geez, this place looks like Mr Burns' mansion".
"Who"?
"Never mind".
"Anyway, ready Mr Bond"?
"Ready", Bond confirmed, "ladies first", Elsa rolls her eyes.
They walk up to the door, Elsa first then Bond, then a double line of ice warriors, Elsa rings the doorbell, and the warriors fan out around the door.
A young man answers the door, "can I help you"?
"Yes, we are looking for Hannibal Lector".
"Oh, him, yes, he is here".
"Can we see him? We want to arrest him".
"What for"?
"Twenty five counts of murder, one count of attempted murder, twenty-six counts of breaking, and entering, and theft, finally, twenty-five counts of non-consensual cannibalism, finally assault".
"You cannot arrest him" the man slams the door.
"Break it down", Elsa signals, two of the ice warriors charge at the door, after several attempts, the door groans, and collapses, "Mrs Harker, what do we do about any security personal"?
"If they attack, you are authorised to use lethal force", comes Mina's calm reply.
"Very well, you got that everyone, the door is about to break, get ready to attack, on my mark", Elsa signals, and another dozen soldiers arise, "we will need more soldiers".
The door groans again, and collapsed revealing about one hundred soldiers, "SURRENDER, AND LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS, OR MY SOLDIERS WILL ATTACK", Elsa says.
"Do not surrender", the young man who answered the door yells from the back of the room.
"This will not end well, for you, my soldiers are pure ice, and they do not fear, they do not die".
"She lies, if you shoot ice it shatters", responds the less confident response of the commanding officer.
"Not my ice, FORM UP"! The ice warriors form up into the turtle formation (google it) around Elsa, and Bond.
"ATTACK"! The soldiers start shooting, but their bullets do not even leave a scratch.
"I told you so, attack, but try not to kill them", the ice warriors march forward, stabbing, and trampling the soldiers, "attack", there is an explosion almost instantly from behind the house, and one only a moment later from the direction of the servant entrance.
The fight was short, but bloody the ice warriors never broke formation, by the end of it, several soldiers are probably dead, quite a few more are injured, over half the soldiers lay down their arms, and are locked up in one of the side rooms, with the injured, and guarded by four of the ice warriors. The room was painted cream, with burn marks (?), bullet holes, and bullet stains. There are also ornate, gilded carvings, in the corners, and on the three doors, that go further into the house.
The commander was captured, but injured; he had a burst lip, a broken arm, and several bangs to the head, "where is Hannibal Lector"?
"Err, upstairs, top floor, in the master bedroom".
"Excellent, I wonder if everyone else if having as easy time as we are".
"Oh, they are not, they are facing their worst enemies", the commander then breaks down into hysterical laughter.
"What do you mean"?
The commander moves his jaw, and collapses, still laughing, until the laughing breaks off into gurgling before cutting out; he had cracked a cyanide pill.
"Damn it, he killed himself, I hate those pills", says Bond looking down at his remains.
"I hope he was bluffing".
"Report", Elsa talks into her headset.
"We're pinned down at the servant entrance, Dani's off chasing some ghost, we cannot get a shot off, and we have injured soldiers", Haddock answers over the headset, "What about Seras"?
There is no reply from Seras' headset, "She probably lost her headset, I doubt there is much they could do to stop her", Elsa answers, "We're coming to help Haddock".
"Good, we need it".
Elsa, the twenty remaining soldiers, and Bond head for the servant entrance, along the way they encounter several soldiers, who end up either unconscious, and locked in a room, or badly injured, and locked up in a room.
"I'd hate to be working in A and E tonight, this lot will take forever", Elsa just rolls her eyes at Bond's attempt at humour, but cannot hide a smile at the thought.
"Keep your mind on the mission Mr Bond".
"Ok, ok I will stop making witty remarks, for now".
They round a corner, and see Dani chasing two ghost octopuses, and a blue warehouse worker, "BEWARE".
"Shut up box ghost", Dani opens up a thermos, and the three ghost get sucked in, but not before,
"BEWARE, I SHALL RETURN".
"Dani, is that all of them"? Elsa asks the ghost girl
"Yeah, I think so, but I want to know what they are doing here, and they must have a tiny budget if the best they can do is ectopuses, and the frickin' box ghost".
"Or limited imagination*".
"Whatever it is we should go help Haddock".
"Haddock, we got Dani, we are on our way".
"Yeah, just hurry, I think they are going to advance".
They ran off down the corridor, until they find the long, narrow, wooden panelled, stereotypical shoot-out corridor with Haddock, and his soldiers at one end, dozens of soldiers in the middle, and them at the other.
"Alright, surrender, or we will kill you", the soldiers turn, and start shooting at Elsa's armour, "I warned you".
Elsa signals to the ice warriors, two warriors walk down the corridor, stabbing the soldiers who do not lay down their guns, it is over quickly, and the soldiers are dealt with the same as in the entrance hall.
"Well Captain Haddock, shall we see where Seras is"? Elsa asks Haddock
"Yeah, we better, she better not have just stopped for a drink".
"Seras, report, Seras, still not responding".
"Well, allons-y", Elsa quirks as eyebrow at the Captain, "it is something from Tele, marines stay here, guard the entrance, and care for the injured", the remaining dozen marines, and four ice warriors remain at the servant entrance.
They arrive at the doors to a large rear ballroom, "everyone ready, great, now I sound like the stereotypical movie commander, who dies as he steps through the door", complained Haddock.
"Let's just go in Captain", Elsa says, she motions to a soldier, who proceeds to kick in the door.
"You know it was not even locked", Seras says, she is sitting on a chair with a small drinks table with her hat on it next to her, the chair, and table are on a band stand, and she is holding a glass containing a red liquid in her right hand, her left arm is missing, in its place is a swirling mass of black, and red shadows, which glow with an eerie inner light.
The room is huge, and disgusting, the floor is awash with blood, and some of the walls appear to have been painted with blood, in the blood soup on the floor are bits of people, legs, arms, heads, hands, feet, torsos, unidentifiable chunks of flesh, as well as broken tables, chairs, and gun. The pedestal where Seras is sitting is untouched, as is her suit. Dani, Haddock, and Elsa stumble out the room, Elsa removing her helmet whilst she leaves; there is the sound of three people being sick from around the corner, and Bond looks ill.
"Good to see you to Bond, where's your arm"?
"Oh, it was prosthetic, I lost my real arm years ago", she waves a proshetic arm at him.
"That is slightly weird, so what is that exactly"? Bond asks indicating her shadows.
"I don't really know, I call it my shadow though".
"Well, why didn't you answer your earpiece"?
"One of those idiots", Seras waves her hand at the remains on the floor, "shot it out my ear".
"How did they manage that? Also, that better not be what I think it is".
"Well, they shot my ear to, but I heal quickly, and Mr Bond, it is certainly not wine. If the idea of that makes you ill, don't look up".
The ceiling has a chandelier; on each point of the chandelier is a body.
"That is disgusting; you are a sick, sick woman".
"I got bored".
The other three walk back in looking very ill.
"Don't look up", warns Seras.
"Why", Dani asks, and all three look up. Dani, and Haddock stumble out the room, and are sick again, Elsa just looks ill, again.
"No-one listens to me", mutters Seras, she drains her glass, puts on her hat, and gets up, "we still need to find Hannibal the cannibal".
"That is the stupidest nickname ever", mutters Bond, Seras picks up two guns, and several cartridges walks out the room smiling at Bond as she does, revealing her fangs.
"Let's go, I want to see what's on floor number two", (just like the entire audience, and the author who at this point is still deciding), Seras shoulders 'her' rifles, and leads them back down the corridor, and halfway up a flight of stairs, Seras stops them at a corner in the staircase. "I'm going to have a look", Seras whispers, she goes around the corner, and is immediately shot through the head.
"Seras, are you ok"? Dani asks
"Really she got shot through the head, and you are asking if she is ok", Bond whispers at Dani harshly.
"I'm ok", Seras says getting back up, "but they will not be in a few seconds".
Seras runs up the stairs in a blur (she does have vampire speed do not forget that), towards the five guards and bits the nearest guard's neck, blood sprays everywhere
"That is disgusting", mutters Dani.
Seras now lunges for the next guy, and tears his head off.
"Disgusting, and why were they not involved in trying to kill us", Bond mutters.
Seras has now dealt with the other three, two by tearing out their throats, and the last was impaled on a random stand lamp.
"I'll keep an eye on this floor, and deal with any guards left".
"Try not to break anything important, like computers, or important papers", says Elsa.
"I think I will stay with her", says Bond as he checks his gun, "make sure she remembers that".
"Right", Elsa turns, and walk upstairs, the others follow.
"Which one is the main bedroom"? Asked Dani
"My guess, is the one down the end of the corridor, with the double door", Elsa points down the ornate red, and gold corridor, lined with doors, at the end is a pair of giant double doors, ornately carved, gilded, and painted a cream, as with the rest of the house
"Dani, why don't you stick your head through the door, see what's in there"? Haddock suggests, Dani proceeds to do so.
"Just Lector, sitting on a chair", reports Dani.
"Ok then", Haddock kicks in the door.
"That door wasn't locked, just on the latch", Lector is sitting backwards on a carved wooden chair, the room is painted cream, with more gilded carvings, there is a four poster emperor-sized bed on a plinth, with several tables, and wardrobes, "I really hoped to get away, but I suppose you got me, fine then let's go".
"So you are not going to crack a tablet then"? Asked Elsa.
"God no, I actually want to stay alive, even if it is in prison", Lector got up, Elsa puts ice handcuffs on Lector.
"Come on, let's go", says Dani.
"Mina, we got Hannibal Lector, Seras, Bond, re-join us, let's go".
The team arrived back well after midnight, after handing Lector over to the cops they report to Mina.
"Well done, your first mission went off without a hitch, except for seven dead marines, and making life difficult to explain to doctors, also Seras you did not need to kill everyone, it really was not necessary. Everyone go to bed, I will see you in the morning for breakfast.
A/N I am awful at writing action scenes, I think just about every other author says this, but it is hard. I now tip my hat to the author Robert Jordan, for writing his action scenes so well. In addition, I know that Seras is OOC, but this makes it more dramatic, also, she is a vampire, who may have gained some of Alucard's bloodlust, also she is from Hellsing, where every other scene is a gore fest. Finally EVERYONE is OOC (I mean Elsa is assertive, somehow), but this is the same as in the original league, and every fan-fic (all like 4 complete crossover ones).
*Yes, I did just break the fourth wall, and will continue to do so REPEATEDLY.