Chapter 5.
"Why won't you just tell me who the father is?!"
"I said I will after you finish your trip!"
"Everyone's tiptoeting around me! Even you're refusing to leave my side in case someone "spills the beans"!"
"I would love to tell you who the father is, but I'm afraid...of what you would do!"
"So why tell me then and not now?!"
"Because things will be different then!"
"How?! How much Will things have changed?!"
"For one thing, the father will be ready to help me!"
"I don't care about that! Just tell me who he is!"
"No!"
"It's Paul, isn't it?! That's slimy bastard has been getting on my nerves since I got here! I'm surprised he hasn't boasted about how good you were!"
"Paul's not like that anymore!"
"So it is him!"
"No!"
"Then who the fuck is it?!" Jesse never swore. Especially not the 'f' word.
"I can't tell you!"
"Look, I don't care that you slept with someone else!"
"Jesse."
"I lied. It bothers me, but I forgive you for it!"
"Jesse."
"Even though I didn't sleep with anyone else!"
"Jesse."
"Yeah, there were plenty of women all over Europe, but I kept it in my pants! I leave you for two weeks and you've already spread your legs for some other guy!"
I started to cry, quietly. "Jesse." I've slept with no one but him.
"Was he better than me?! Was he bigger than me?! Did you lose your virginity to him and not me?! Did you-"
I had to cut him off at that point. I'd had enough of insanely jealous Jesse. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Yes! I lost my virginity to him!"
"Susannah." Jesse betrayed, as if even though he'd asked the question, he knew the answer and that wasn't it. "Susannah," he said again, unable to say another word.
"I lost my virginity to him and he was better than you are now!"
"Susannah-"
"No! Let me finish! I lost my virginity to him because you are him!"
"I am him?"
"Yes."
"As in the father of your child?"
"Yes."
"But I can't be. I was gone for two weeks by then."
"I lied. I'm actually over four months pregnant."
Jesse sat down on the kitchen worktop and smiled. "I've only ever slept with you," I said. Jesse took my hands and pulled me so that I was sitting on his lap. "I know," he said. He held me close and hugged me tight for a moment. He went in for a kiss, but I moved back. He tried again and I slid off his lap. "I still want you to go back to Europe though."
The backstory/explanation.
It was the last night of Jesse's visit. He'd been to Spain and Portugal for three months and had come back for three days to tell me that he'd found out more about his family. He brought me souvenirs that were beautiful: a Spanish fan with the promises of flamenco lessons and a t-shirt that said 'I (heart) La corazon de Espana'. Jesse had spent his three days hanging out with me, so he insisted on taking me to a restaurant on his last night to thank me.
Jesse was unusually flirtacious and he setting and the atmosphere was just right. We ended up sleeping together in his hotel room. We were both a bit tipsy and I guess in the heat of the moment, we forgot about contraception. I wasn't on the pill for fear that Mom would suspect my sexual activity. Jesse and I had had sex before, just before he left, which was when I lost my virginity.
Neither of us suspected that I was pregnant, so Jesse caught his plane and I waved him off. It wasn't until a month later when I was stressing about my period and Ceecee jokingly said, "with the amount of sex you have, Suze, you might just be pregnant!" that I thought I might be having a baby.
"I know, it's been a while. I haven't done it since Jesse left," I replied.
"That was only a month ago, Suze."
"Shit. I forgot."
"That's no language for a mother to be."
"We don't know that yet."
But sure enough, the pregnancy test turned out positive. I felt as though my life had ended. I couldn't abort the baby- I'm too pro-life and I know I could never bring myself .tk give it away once it's born. This meant I would have to keep it. I would have to stop going to college. I was only just starting my second year. What would my mom say? Actually, what would Jesse say? In my distressed and impregnated state, I went to go see Paul.
He opened the door, saw me standing there, wet from the rain with puffy eyes and hugged me. His warmth was reassuring and when I told him my story, he was sympathetic rather than judging. He offered to help me look after my child and I said, "What would I do without you?"
He didn't reply and we were sitting so close on his bed. I kissed him experimentally. Just a brief kiss and then looked into his eyes. Then he started kissing me, and it deepened into a fully-fledged French. After a moment, he pulled away. "We can't, Suze. I'll wait until you're back to yourself again. No matter what though, you still have to tell Jesse."
At the time, I felt like a fool. I'd thrown myself at Paul whilst I was pregnant with Jesse's baby. I got up and ran away, promising to call.
A/N: So now you know a little more than you did before. As does Jesse. But what will happen next chapter? Not even I know. Review, please. Much appreciated. I gave you two chapters today. At 3:00am I might add.
Love ya,
Iheartbooks