Act 7. Car Ride Home. July 23, 1993 1:37 pm.
Alfred is driving, Virginia is in the passenger seat, Heather and Ted are seated in the back.
OLDER TED: In the words of Will Smith, it was a long ride home. I don't know I survived it. They took turns, one would beat me while other was driving. (Okay they did not beat us.) But that was one of those rare times Grandpa talked to me about something other than baseball.
ALFRED: I hope you two are happy! I cannot take you two anywhere without you causing trouble.
VIRGINIA: Words alone cannot describe the way your dad and I are feeling right now.
ALFRED: You not only embarrassed us, but the entire United States of America! What will Canadians think of our country now?
VIRGINIA: I always wanted to see my kids famous on TV, but not on the morning news in the crime segments, and definitely not on CBC news!
ALFRED: Why couldn't I have normal kids like Alex, Mallory, Jennifer, or Andrew?
VIRGINIA: Heather, you are grounded for the rest of the summer, until school starts! Ted! You're grounded until Christmas Day!
ALFRED: The groundation is temporary, but that police punishment is permanent. You guys have been expelled from Canada! You cannot go back to that country ever again! The Canadians are fed up with you two! Fed up!
[Ted and Heather are seen smiling at each other. Ted is then looking at his new Robin Sparkles CD smiling and chuckling]
ALFRED: You think this is funny? I don't know where you got that CD. I don't remember you even buying it. You must have stolen it!
OLDER TED: I didn't. I'll get to that soon.
ALFRED: I hope getting arrested was worth it…
OLDER TED: And it was totally worth it; I ended up having my very first date in Canada…
End of Act 7.