The date with Robin Sparkles.

July 23, 1993 12:04 am

Stretch Limo. Ted is seated in the back seat next to Robin, who is in casual teen attire. Heather is seated on a side seat.

OLDER TED: As I said, I had my first date in Canada. And despite the subsequent punishments employed upon me and Aunt Heather, it was worth it. From a teenage point of view, one could call it a dream date. After all, who doesn't want to date a celebrity, even in the context of another nation?

TED: I cannot believe I'm in a limo with Robin Sparkles!

ROBIN: For an American, you seem overly excited. I am not famous in the United States, except maybe near the border.

TED: I took an instant liking to Let's Go to the Mall. It reminded me of Debbie Gibson or Tiffany.

ROBIN: [sigh] I know.

TED: What's the matter?

ROBIN: It's great that the song is such a big hit, and I make good money from the hit. I love travelling too. I just get so tired of being in one mall after another singing this song. I miss being home in British Columbia today of all days.

TED: Why's that, Miss Sparkles?

ROBIN: It's okay. You can call me Robin. Today is my birthday. I just turned 13 about four minutes ago.

TED: Happy birthday, Robin.

HEATHER: Happy birthday.

ROBIN: I just don't like the idea of being away from my mom or my sister on my birthday. Nobody should celebrate his or her birthday alone. [tear runs down her cheek]

TED: Oh, don't cry. We'll have a little party for you in this limo. Do you know where we can get a cake at this time of night?

ROBIN: Maybe there is a 24 hour Sobey's. [picks up car phone] Hey, Rajiv, do you know a Sobey's that is open at this time of night?

[25 minutes later]

Robin, Ted, and Heather are seated in the limo. Robin is holding a small birthday cake with a "13" candle on the top. The cake decoration has a blue French horn.

TED, HEATHER: [in unison] Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Robin! Happy birthday to you!

Robin blows out candle

ROBIN: Nice cake. Like the blue French horn.

TED: Looks a little bit like a Smurf penis.

ROBIN: [laughing and elbowing Ted] Get out of here!

HEATHER: So what did you wish for, Robin?

TED: She cannot tell her wish out loud! It may not come true!

ROBIN: I'm not that superstitious, I'll tell you. My wish is one day to move to New York City and become a world famous journalist, like Peter Jennings or Morley Safer.

TED: I'm hoping that one day I'll move to New York too. I want to be an architect, like Frank Lloyd Wright or I.M. Pei. Hopefully I will be able to make my contribution to the New York skyline. Maybe while I'm at it, I'll meet the girl of my dreams.

ROBIN: We only have a 2 year age difference, so we could end up meeting each other when we move to New York.

TED: Maybe. I'd probably have a tough time recognizing you, so I'd have to check out every blonde in the city and check if they hail from this country.

ROBIN: Actually, I am not blonde. I'm a brunette. [takes off wig, lets down her brown hair]

TED: Even more beautiful. I like brunettes more than blondes. That's beautiful hair. I love your blue eyes. So change of plan: I'd have to check out every brunette with blue eyes when I move to New York.

ROBIN: [smiling] Hee hee. Hey, I think I should take you back to your hotel? Where are you two staying.

Pause.

TED: Wait a minute! I had never been to Toronto before! I'm proably gonna be ground for the rest of my life, or until I turn 18. And I could be banned from this country for a long time. I think I'm in love with you, and I'd like to have a date with you…tonight! Let's take the ultimate spin around this city! Looks like Heather is sleeping, so we don't have to worry about her being a third wheel.

ROBIN: It's a date!

2 hours later. The limo arrives at the hotel.

ROBIN: I had a wonderful time tonight. I am so impressed how much you know about the architecture of the CN tower.

TED: I'm impressed how much you know about the key journalists in the mass media. And you have a wonderful singing voice. I think destiny has it that our paths will cross one day, you as a journalist and me as an architect.

ROBIN: You are sweetest guy I ever met. I am so sorry that you got framed like that. I swear, I'm going to write to PM Campbell to request you get amnesty.

OLDER TED: Kids, Avril Phædra "Kim" Campbell was the Prime Minister of Canada from June to November that year, succeeding Brian Mulrooney, whom Robin referenced in her infamous mall song.

TED: Thank you, I appreciate it. Happy birthday.

ROBIN: This was a wonderful date. Thank you for making my 13th birthday legendary.

TED: Thank you for making my trip to Toronto memorable. Well, I gotta take Heather and call it a night. Goodnight Robin, until our paths cross again. May we meet in New York.

OLDER TED: And we would.

ROBIN: Oh Ted! Wait! Before you go! I want you to have this. [grabs a CD, opens the case, takes a black permanent marker, and writes a personal message on the CD]. Here. It's my album CD. Those days of groundation may but tough, but listening to my songs may give you a lot of comfort and joy, as well as make the days fly by faster.

TED: Thank you, Robin. [starts to exit limo]

ROBIN: Oh, and one more thing. [reaches over and kisses Ted on lips for about a minute]

OLDER TED:…and in the context of my pathetic teenage life, that was my best date ever.

End of Act 8