Cut back to 2032
TED:…and that is how I met Robin Sparkles.
PENNY: That's it?
LUKE: I don't buy it.
PENNY: Me neither.
Robin is silent, but her angry face is gone, but she now has a befuddled face.
TED: Really. Not this again.
LUKE: Let's look at the facts here. You say you were barred from entering Canada, but you had taken several trips to Canada within the last five years. Remember that family trip the four of us took to Quebec in 2027? (The fourth person is Robin, since Tracy is dead)
PENNY: Also, remember in 2030 when you flew to Vancouver to comfort Robin when her father was on his deathbed?
ROBIN: I don't have to look far! We had our wedding in Vancouver!
LUKE: This is a story about how you had a lousy trip to Toronto, and in your fantasy you wish you had met a cute Canadian girl during your trip and dated her.
PENNY: And your biggest wish was that you had met Robin as Robin Sparkles during that trip.
TED: I did not make it up. I really did meet your stepmom as Robin Sparkles!
PENNY: Grandpa Alfred told me how you saw posters of Robin Sparkles around Toronto and how you got mesmerized. Then he told me how you begged him for a ticket to see her in concert, but he refused.
LUKE: Then he said that you cried like a big pu**y all the way home because he didn't grant your wish.
TED: Watch your language! You're grounded. Grandpa Alfred lied.
PENNY: Really? Grandpa Alfred remembers the story like it was yesterday.
TED: You're grounded too!
Penny and Luke laugh.
PENNY: Can you really prove that you were banned from Canada at some point.
TED: Sure! [goes to file cabinet drawer, pulls out a letter yellow with age, hand letter to Luke] Here, read this.
LUKE: [reading letter] Office of Prime Minister, Langevin Block, 80 Wellington Street, Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0A3. Theodore E. Mosby, Wesleyan University, Hewitt Hall, Room 583, Middletown, Connecticut 06459. 14 January, 1997. Dear Mr. Mosby, A grave blunder has been made on our side that has affected your life and your privileges as an American visitor to Canada. We understand that on July 22, 1993 you were arrested on suspicion of being a crazed stalker who stole a backstage pass during a Robin Sparkles concert, and had a copy of Catcher in the Rye in the back pocket. Although charges were not filed, we banned you from the country because we did not want a Mark David Chapman or John Robert Bardo on our hands. After all, Robin Sparkles is a treasured icon. Miss Sparkles (real last name Scherbatsky) wrote a letter to us begging for amnesty 4 years ago, but we did not go forward with the amnesty because she was and still is a minor as of 1997. However on 8 December, 1996 a crazed fan named Kenneth Ellison Waltrip was at a Robin Daggers (aka Sparkles, aka Scherbatsky) was seen firing shots at Robin. Fortunately, Robin only had a minor flesh wound on her left shoulder. Mr. Waltrip was arrested and indicted. Mr. Waltrip confessed to attempting to murder Miss Scherbatsky, claiming that voices told him to do so. Amidst the investigation Mr. Waltrip admitted to framing you for the incident dating to 22 July, 1993. He was convicted and sentenced to life in prison on 14 December, 1996. On 31 December, 1996, Mr Waltrip was found to have hanged himself in his cell. Amidst the tragaedy we realized we needed to right a wrong. Your ban from Canada has been lifted, and you are free to enter of leave the country as you wish with proper identification. We apologize for the inconvenience we may have caused you and your loved ones and I hope it does not affect your view of our great nation. Sincerely, Jean Chretien, Prime Minister of Canada
PENNY: Wow, you weren't just telling a tall tale, Dad.
TED: Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily can attest to it too. Unless we were eating sandwiches at the time.
LUKE: Do you still have a scar from that shot, Robin?
ROBIN: Actually I do. [lifts up sleeve to show scar]
PENNY: Wow. That must have been scary.
LUKE: Is this the real reason you never liked telling people about your experience as a pop star?
ROBIN: I needed to protect my identity. When I moved to this country, I thought I could keep it a secret, since my music did not sell internationally. That's also why when Marshall sang "Let's Go to the Mall" at the Hoser Hut, I covered my face with that hockey mask. I did not want one of the fellow Canadians at the bar to recognize me in fear that he might be a crazed psycho fan.
TED: That's why I never told you all you those years ago that I went to your concert and still had the CD. I did not want you to suddenly assume that I was a psycho. You had enough problems with me when I showed up the first time with the smurf penis.
ROBIN: You're 100 times more normal than that stalker who tried to shoot me, Ted. [takes the CD case and opens it] Oh, Ted. That was the message I wrote to you. That was my handwriting in the 1990s! I'm touched that you kept it after so many years.
TED: I listened to it every day when I was grounded. It kept me happy through many a lonely and boring day. And the message you wrote on the CD always kept me hopeful.
ROBIN: Oh, Ted! [They hug and kiss, Robin sheds a few tears] I love you.
PENNY: [looks at CD inscription, reading out loud] To Ted, May all your dreams as an architect and a romantic sparkle. May our paths cross again in New York. Love Always, Robin Sparkles xoxo. And there's a heart on the 'i' in Robin.
LUKE: This is staying with us for generations to come. [places CD on shelf, adjacent to Tracy's bus]
THE END