1.) Happy New Years!

2.) There may not be that much comedy in this chapter, just saying. The brief Haqua and Kanon skit might bring a smile upon your face, but everything else is serious stuff.

3.) Another question I have to ask: Should I try to bring some of the Baka to Test elements into the spotlight, or should I keep them out to put emphasis on the Conquests?

Disclaimer in earlier chapters

Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty Two: Me, Miharu, and Traps

「All the world needs is me.」

「I've got my values, so you can keep yours, alright?」

Keima was at Mai High, walking across the halls. It was his first year of high school, and he had a ton of games to play. Then the school rush came, with all the near-tardy students rushing to their classrooms at once. They flooded the halls, pushing Keima around every which way.

「Out of the way, you're blocking my game!」

Keima felt so discontent, seeing all the background characters taking up the view. He wanted to wipe the Real out, and have the world only He knew replace it.

Keima blinked, and when he opened his eyes, all the Noise was gone. "W-What the-"

"Isn't this how you'd like the world, Keima," said a sultry voice. Keima whipped around, revealing a woman cloaked in black. "This is a world of perfection."

"...More like a world of emptiness."

"But this is the kind of world you desire, isn't that right?" said the cloaked figure. "No more annoying characters, no more lack of save states, no more having to tire. No Reality. An escape."

"...No. I'd rather be in a world with imperfections, than a world without heroines. And without background characters, how will the heroines stand out!? And Besides, I don't seek an escape. I create my own world, making the Noise obey me. The world ends with me, and I intend to make the ending mine!"

"Sniff, that speech brought tears to my eyes," said the woman, sarcasm dripping from her mouth. She snapped her fingers. The world melted, till it was only him and her in a white room. "You passed the test. Ask me anything you want. I'll give you three questions." Keima decided that he should choose his words carefully.

"What were those... visions? It all felt so real," said Keima.

"Just your negative memories and emotions magnified. That's what we mediums do," said the robed lady. Keima could have sworn that she chuckled. "It was to show you how damnable the world is, and to bring down your morale. Remember that all I've shown you came from your memories. The events really happened, and you really felt that way."

Keima would've asked, "Why do you want to bring down my morale?", but he already had an idea on why. Keima asked, "Why am I needed for Archaic?

"Ooh, how perceptive of you!" said the girl, fake clapping. Were all members of Archaic this annoying!? "You're simply the key to all of this."

"I suppose that you answer won't get any more specific than that," said Keima. "Last question: Who are you?"

"Phoebe, a Fallen Goddess, and a Medium of Hatred," said Phoebe. Keima instantly attributed her to Apollo, who is also a medium. Then, out of nowhere, a ringtone sounded off.

"Looks like you're out of time, out of questions... and out of luck." She drew her knife, the same one she used to pierce Keima. He could see it clearly now - an iridescent and jagged dagger that looked thin, brittle, and blunt. The dagger looked like it could stab through someone, but it would never be a fatal hit. Keima wondered about its purpose, till he saw the symbol and the miasma the symbol emitted.

It looked exactly like Vintage's.

"See you later, Keima Katsuragi." Then he felt the knife stab into his heart.

While Keima's stuck in his little dream world, Kanon and Haqua are roaming the halls of the Fumizuki Academy. They felt so... directionless without their bespectacled leader, though Haqua would never admit it. In fact, they would've stayed at his bedside, but it would be a little too suspicious for all of them to be absent on the same day. Their melancholy was only broken my Haqua's Sensor alarm.

"Another Escaped Spirit!?" exclaimed Haqua, looking around the halls. The only one there who could possibly be a Target is... Miharu Shimizu, who was clinging onto Minami like a leech.

"Get off of me, Miharu!" cried Minami, twisting about to try to get the lesbian off of her back. Once Miharu was detached from her host, Minami ran like an Ayumi, leaving the poor homosexual behind.

"M-My lady!" exclaimed, comical tears spewing forth from her eyes. Kanon looked at the heartbroken girl with weird eyes, as Haqua checked Miharu's parameters on her Robe.

"Miharu Shimizu, Class 2-D's... ambassador!? Just like Akihisa..." muttered Haqua. "Likes technology and Minami Shimada, hates heterosexuality and Akihisa."

"Is she Keima's next target?" asked the pink haired idol. Haqua looked like she was about to answer, but she stopped herself, a glint of mischief on her eyes.

"Nope," said Haqua, "she ours!" This elicited a gasp of shock from Kanon.

"W-What do you mean!?" shouted Kanon, slowly backing away from the devil... till the Celestial Robe shot out and latched itself onto Kanon's wrist.

"C'mon, we'll show Keima how it's done!" said Haqua, who was itching to beat Keima at his own game.

"...I don't think that's a good idea," said Kanon.

"It'll give that jerk some time to rest," enticed Haqua. Kanon sighed and changed her mind. "Heh, step aside, Otamegane! It's time for the World Only the Girls Know to shine!"

"Ugh, my chest hurts... where am I..." said Keima, getting up from the bed he was lying on. He scanned the room, verifying that it was indeed Akihisa's room. Next to him were Elsie and Shiori, and noticing the awakened Keima, shot out of their seats.

"Kami Nii-sama! / K-Keima!" yelled the girls at the same time, causing the boy to fall back.

"Could you quiet down!?" said Keima, cleaning out his ear with his pinky finger. Then he noticed something... trivial.

"Who changed my clothes?" asked the boy, looking down at his person. He could have sworn that he wore a polo and jeans on his date with Sumire, but what he had on at the moment was a t-shirt - shorts combo that really didn't suit his tall and thin build. instantly, Shiori blushed, and hid her face behind the book she was holding, and a flushed Elsie waved her hand around comically.

"~Auah! A-Ah... Kanon and I changed your clothes, because Haqua was complaining that you stunk. Please forgive me, Kami-sama!"

"I-It's fine," said Keima, looking away. "...Anyway-" A "doro doro" cut him off, as Elsie answered her Sensor.

On the other line was Haqua, who told the bug demon all about her scheme. "What ever you do, don't tell Keima about this!" Then the more mature demon hung up.

"...Who called, Elsie?" asked Keima, putting on the game face he used on Fiore. Elsie started sweating bullets.

"M-M-Minami, Kami-sama," said Elsie, her knees threatening to buckle under the glare of her buddy.

"On your Sensor?" said Keima, putting on a skeptical look. "Tell me the truth, now!"

"H-Haqua," replied Elsie, "she told me that... Kanon got asked out!"

"You wouldn't have to lie just because of that," objected Keima, pointing a finger at the young lady. "If you lie to me for the third time-"

"Okay, okay!" Elsie then elaborated, shocking Shiori, and agitating Keima. 'What are those two idiots thinking!? And wasn't Haqua the one who said not to mess around!?'

"Goddess damn it, they're going to mess up the Conquest!" exclaimed Keima, who tried to get up from the bed he was on. Emphasis on tried. Once he put just the slightest weight on his leg, pain shot up the limb. The pain felt like a piping hot metal rod was being shoved through the heel and into the kneecap. All Keima wanted to do was scream. "Gyah!"

"K-Keima, I think it's best not to m-move," said Shiori , pinning Keima down. "W-While the dagger wasn't meant to kill you, it made it so that you c-couldn't move. Since M-Minerva's powerless in this universe, I can't help you." Keima gasped, and thrashed around even more.

"Shiori, get off of me, or else those two might die!" cried Keima, shocking the two girls in the room.

"W-What do you mean, Kami Nii-sama!?"

"Don't you see!? It's a trap!" said Keima. "They must know that they're fighting against a group, and they want to eliminate us all. They must want to knock Haqua and Kanon out of the running!"

"B-But that doesn't make sense-"

"Archaic took me out by paralyzing me," clarified Keima. "They didn't kill me, or at least critically wound me. Why? All of you would be at my bedside, where they can't find you. They know we have to send at least one of our own out, so that no one would be asking questions. They're probably using Miharu's Escaped Spirit as bait to kill them!"

"Now out of the way!" cried Keima, forcing Shiori to release her grasp on him. While gritting (thanks to the pain), he raced outside. "I have a few heroines to save!"

4.) Clarifications: The italicized part right after the chapter title (Al the world needs is me...) is the vision Phoebe and Keima were talking about.

5.) Phoebe: Since Apollo is both Greek and Roman, I had to do a little more research. Turns out his whole name is Phoebus Apollo. When I saw that, I was all "Is that why Phoebe's called Phoebe?" (Only Percy Jackson fans will understand)

6.) Please review! I've been quite distracted by a lot of crap (damn you DS/3DS!), so a little reminder in the form of a review could help to get this fic running!

7.) My beta, if you have any questions, please ask me. Who knows, it could help out the story immensely, so ask away!

Goodbye!