What I needed most was to be alone. I needed to sit in my room with all of my connections to the outside world cut off, windows shut and blinds closed. As I turned the corner to my house, I couldn't wish for anything more. And then I seen Kenny.
"We need to talk." He repeated, rising to his feet. I sighed and shook my head.
"Seriously, dude. Not the time." I walked around him and grabbed for the door knob. I felt Kenny's hand close over mine and turned to face him.
"Seriously, dude." He mocked me quickly, "This is the time. Would you rather we discuss this infront of your family or go somewhere private?" I stared at him, not believing what I was hearing.
"Get out of here!" I shoved him away from me. He laughed and leaned against the railing. I pushed the door open but before I could get in all the way, my genius attempt of escape was destroyed.
"Good afternoon Mrs. Broflowski!" The most sickeningly sweet voice rang out behind me. My mom popped her head out from the kitchen and waved hello to Kenny.
"Oh hello, Kenny! Kyle didn't say you were coming over today. Come in!" I turned on my heel and pushed Kenny out the door.
"No, mom! We're going to the park. I'll be back later." I heard her saying something before I closed the door and was met with an all to pleased looking Kenny.
"Shall we?" He motioned to his small rickety looking car behind him. I sighed and stomped over to his car, sliding into the passenger seat. Kenny started the engine after a few attempts and we were on our way to no where.
"What do you want, Kenny?" I pressed my face against the glass, trying to act more calm than I felt. Kenny reached for the radio dial and flipped through a few stations.
"Oh you know, the weather, sports, trending restaurants. Did you know Taco Bell was shut down again for tainted meat?" I tried to cover up a laugh, wanting Kenny to know I wasn't letting him get away with his shit this afternoon.
"I'm serious!" Kenny sighed and turned onto a country road. I could hear the pebbles bouncing off his windshield. He turned to face me for the first time since getting in the car. I couldn't read his expression at all. He acted like he was dumb to everyone, but anyone who knew anything knew that was far from the case.
"Things are not going to change between us just because you are afraid." I blinked a few times and tried to wrap my mind around his words.
"What do you mean, afraid? I'm not afraid of you!" Kenny chuckled and shook his head.
"No, I'm sure you're not." He smirked over at me and I looked away quickly. "But that's not what I'm talking about." Kenny pulled over and leaned back in his seat. I squirmed in mine and shot quick glances over to him.
"Well, what then?" I felt my heart pounding, not feeling ready to hear what would come. Kenny looked over to me and sighed.
"We're still partners, Kyle." I barely understood what he said, his words mumbled into his coat. A habit he had long since quit minus on select moments of discomfort. "We have a project to finish." I looked over to him and nodded.
"Yeah, yeah we do, dude. You're right." We sat in the car quietly for a while before Kenny began driving again. I felt horrible. I knew exactly what he wanted to talk about it and he was exactly right. I was afraid. I was afraid to admit anything that was going on between us. If I didn't say or do something now, I might lose what we did have...whatever that was.
We pulled around the corner back towards my house and came to a stop. Kenny looked over to me and smiled. Any trace of him being upset was completely gone.
"So, I'll see you tomorrow then." He said nonchalantly and reached across me to push open the door. I looked between his face and hand a few times, trying to think of anything to say. I sighed and started towards the door, ready to get out. I don't know what came over me, but in turning to say goodbye I lunged forward and kissed Kenny quickly before running out the door and not stopping until I shut the door to my room behind me.
I closed my eyes and hid my head under the pillows. What was I thinking? Kenny probably had all the wrong ideas now! He probably thought I liked him. Did I? I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. I always admired him and thought it was normal to feel that way about a friend. Only recently did I start realizing I was not on key with that notion. The same sentiments had once been held with Stan until he turned into a selfish Wendy-loving asshole! But still-
I shook my head and sat up in bed, sighing deeply.
"Fuck you." I mumbled under my breath. It was too clear to deny. I liked him more than just as friends. He had stolen my attention and every thought in my head the second we started spending alone time together. He was more amazing than any person I ever met, Stan included. I put my hand to my face and shook my head. I was, without a doubt, totally falling for Kenny.
I turned my attention to homework and chores, trying to distract my mind. Everything was moving way too quickly and I needed time to calm down before I did anything stupid. I was about done straightening up the living room when my parents decided they were going on a date night together for dinner. I was happy to have the house pretty much to myself- minus Ike.
Walking up the steps to my room about a half hour later, I smelled a very odd scent. It smelled almost like a skunk had gotten in the house. I checked the windows to make sure they were shut, suspecting the smelly critter to have struck near the house. I passed Ike's room and was almost knocked out by the smell. The poor kid must have left his window open. I pushed the door open and was greeted by a very different scene.
"Oh shit, Kyle!" Ike said and stuffed a rolled up crumple of paper and weed into an ash tray. He looked nervous and uncomfortable.
"Ike! What the hell?!" I looked between him and the line of smoke leaking from the joint. Ike laughed and reached for it, shaking his head.
"Oh calm down. It's just marijuana. You're acting like you walked in on me killing someone!" He rolled his eyes and pulled the smoking paper wad to his lips. I never cared much about the whole legalizing marijuana thing. I never thought it was a huge deal- until I caught Ike.
"That isn't good for you!" I reached for it and flung it out the window. He laughed and shook his head again.
"Relax, it's way better than most other things!" I knew he was right, but it didn't make me feel any bit better.
"That doesn't make it a fucking vegetable! Mom would break your legs if she ever found out-" Ike threw himself backwards onto his bed.
"You act like you're three, Kyle! So what if Mom throws a fit? It's not her life!" I frowned, having heard this argument a million times. I was in no mood to try to argue this with him all over again. He would learn logic eventually.
"I'm done bailing you out. Seriously, Ike. You're on your own. No more covering up for you- nothing. Then we'll see how you feel when Mom throws a fit." I mocked his last words and turned for the door not before catching a look of worry cross his face.
"You won't tell her, will you?" Suddenly the tough guy attitude was gone. I shrugged and looked over my should at him.
"You're on thin ice, Ike." I shut the door behind me and walked to my room. Maybe Kenny was right all along. Maybe just letting him get in trouble would snap him back to reality! I grabbed for my phone, dialing Kenny's number before giving myself the time to back out. I was on a roll god damnit!
"I was wondering when you'd call." I heard Kenny remark on the other line. Suddenly all of the wind was knocked out of my sails. All the confidence had drained away and I stood holding to phone to my ear not knowing what to say.
"Yeah, well. You have my number too." The line should have held a lot more punch to it and a lot less whine. I heard him laugh and drum his fingers against the phone.
"Is that what you called to tell me? That I have your phone number." I tried to exhale evenly to try to prove any sort of pride I still had. Unfortunately, the tremor in even my breath was audible.
"What you said earlier." I started, not knowing how to word this. The lack of idea in wording came mostly because I had no idea what I even wanted to say.
"What part? I said a lot earlier." I knew he was toying with me and had a good mind to hang up right then and there. But I knew I would only regret it and end up calling him back with an even more pathetic attempt at conversation.
"I'm not afraid." The words barely came out above a whimper, but the silence on the other line made it seem as if I shouted out some sort of stunning statement.
"So what are you saying?" There was no sarcasm or teasing in his voice. He actually sounded and shaken as I felt.
"I um. I like, huh um. Horror movies. I like watching um..horror movies." I heard Kenny laughing further away, like he pulled the receiver away from his mouth to laugh.
"Me too, Kyle. I have liked them for a long time." I felt my face burning red. I really hoped we were both referring to the same thing.
"Cool." I knew more words than almost anyone I ever met, but at this moment none of them would come to mind.
"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then? Same time same place?" I laughed and nodded, then realized he couldn't see me nodding.
"Yeah, sounds great." We exchanged goodbyes and hung up. I stared at the receiver blankly and held my head in my hands. "What the fuck just happened?"
I went to school the next morning and sat in my desk. I had decided to catch a ride with my dad in the morning. He left much earlier than I normally did, so I usually didn't like to go with him. But this morning I really didn't have the energy to see anyone and did not mind the quite time alone in the hallway, waiting for the teachers to unlock to classroom doors.
I heard my phone chime in my pocket and grabbed for it. The alert was a text message from Stan.
"Dude, where r u?" I frowned and closed the phone. I hated when he wrote like that. Would it kill him to spell out the entire word? I silenced my phone and put it in my backpack when I seen someone coming from around the corner. I rose to my feet, expecting it to be the teacher coming to go in the classroom.
"Kyle?" I looked up, surprised by the unsuspected voice.
"Kenny! Why are you here so early?" He shrugged and leaned against one of the lockers.
"I left one of my school books here the other day. I needed it to finish an assignment. Why are you here? You normally catch the bus." I wished I had as good an excuse as he did.
"I woke up earlier than usual so my dad drove me." Kenny laughed and shook his head, but said nothing. The silence expanded on for what seemed like forever until the teacher showed up to unlock the door.
"Good morning you two!" She chirped and walked into the classroom. Kenny laughed and looked over to me again.
"I never understand people like her." He said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I looked after her as she began setting up the board for that day of classes while humming some song I never heard before.
"Morning people." We both laughed while trying to keep our voices down.
"Says the one who showed up to school early for homework." I retorted. Kenny smirked and rocked on his heal.
"Coming from the one who woke up early for no reason to come to school." The awkwardness between us seemed to crumble away mostly. We agreed to go to the cafeteria to continue talking and see what was being served. I offered to treat us knowing damn well Kenny wouldn't have the money for the school lunches.
"You'd think they were serving us gormet food for the prices they are charging. Three dollars for a scoop of potatoes and a pancake?" Kenny shook his head in disdain as he stacked up his plate. I tried to hide my laugh. "What?" He said with a smile.
"Nothing, Kenny." He looked between our plates and frowned again. "Should I put some of this back? It's going to be a lot." I shook my head and glanced at the register.
"No, it's cool, dude. It isn't that much." It ended up being $9, more than I ever paid before for school lunch but no where near expensive. I felt a pang of shame being able to spend money so much more freely than Kenny. I had a job just like he did, but pretty much all my money was for me. I didn't have to worry about buying my own groceries or anything like he did.
We had been talking about NASCAR for a couple minutes when someone grabbed me roughly by the shoulder. I turned around to see Stan scowling down at me.
"What's your problem, dude?" I snapped and pulled away from him.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your date, I was just wondering what made it so hard to answer my messages." He huffed and crossed his arms.
"I got to school early because my dad drove me, relax man." I rolled my eyes, purposely ignoring his comment about the date. Kenny just leaned back in his seat watching the argument contently. "What is the big deal?"
"The big deal is that I was waiting outside your house all morning!" He retorted quickly. "I figured we would talk and stuff like you said you wanted to." Before I could say anything he rolled his eyes and disappeared in the crowd. I looked over to Kenny who shrugged, but had nothing to offer.
"Oh man! Lover's spat!" Cartman's voice rang out from across the room. With that, I took my que to vanish as well.