"So I guess it is about time I give my side of the story." I said out loud, running my fingers through my hair. It was flat against my head with the hood having been pulled so tightly around it all day.

I shifted in my seat, waiting for the right words to come to mind. Fortunately the only companion I had for the evening was a broken mirror. I sighed and rose to my feet, looking out the partially taped shut window looking over the junk pile that was our back yard.

I had been a total asshole, and he still liked me. If I had just followed through on my original plan-

I always knew Kyle was special to me. When I realized it was more than just because he was a great friend, it was too late. His interest in Stan and Stan's interest in him was more apparent than Cartman's inevitable development of diabetes. But the developments of the past few weeks gave way too much sway to the reality I had already accepted.

Kyle was available, and he was interested in me.

I shook my head and leaned it lightly against the cool window, making sure I wouldn't push it the rest of the way through. The only problem was that there was no safe way for Kyle to be a part of my life. Ever since I was a kid, I attracted trouble and danger. Not only for me, but everyone around me. I did everything I could to isolate myself from others, even going as far as to wear a parka to cover my mouth and face so that no one would try to indulge in conversation.

By the time high school rolled around, my reputation spread for me. Rumors that I was a drug dealer, slut, gang member and god only knows what else spread like wild fire and the need to avoid people was gone. They wanted nothing to do with me. Well- not all of them. Stan, Kyle and Cartman still stuck around every now and then.

Stan quickly faded into high school drama land with dating and sports. Cartman...well he continued being an asshole and fat ass, but beneath it all he did care about all of us. And then there was Kyle. Oblivious, naïve, dumb ass Kyle. And he never left my side, no matter how far I pushed him.

I tried being violent with Kyle, showing him he needed to remember who he was dealing with. Trying to show him that I was not the right person to be with or anywhere near for the matter. And before he could even get home, I already beat him back ready to apologize.

I punched the wall, furious at my own weakness. He might have never come back to me if I hadn't apologized. I could have protected him. But the idea of losing him was more painful than any death I ever had experienced or could ever imagine. The only difference between the two of us was that death didn't stop anything for me. If Kyle died, that would be it. There would be no waking up and seeing him, forgetting anything that happened. The heart ache would live on forever.

You see, the rumors about me are not without reason. I am not actually some straight edge ass kissing goody fucking two shoes. I've done shit I am not proud of. These things are not things I had a choice in the matter of acting out though. My sorry excuse for parents get our family into trouble more often than I inhale. Kevin isn't much better. I would never want anything to happen to Karen, so as much as I would just love to let them burn in their own pit of fuckery- I can't.

My life is tightly intertwined with things people are killed over. I wouldn't even make it to jail by the time anyone could cuff me if I got caught. That's fine, as much as it hurts every single time, I wake back up every morning with a clean slate. Since I was in fourth grade and found out for the first time the curse bestowed upon me, I knew it would be my duty to protect those who needed protecting.

But as any super hero movie that doesn't star Adam West will tell you, super heroes cannot have lovers. They get kidnapped, fucked up and or killed. Not that I am a super hero, far from it. But the same concept applies.

So why in fuck's name am I sitting on the couch waiting for Kyle to show up? Why am I inviting him into this monstrosity of a life I live? Why can't I just push him away like every other hot piece of ass who wants a piece of this fuck up called Kenny? Why does he have to be so- special?