There was an unmistakable shift in the dynamic maintained in between the four yellow doors harbouring the two women in silence. Emma kept checking on Regina through the rear-view mirror, trying to say something but all thoughts would lose their way before they could reach the tip of her tongue. Regina had not spoken a word since they'd left, staring at each and every building like it was not the one she'd spent near thirty years walking by.
When they entered Mifflin Street, Regina told Emma to stop it a few meters before her gate.
"Regina…" Emma started. She had lost all her bravado to the point of desperation, not able to fathom what she could say to stop Regina from going through those iron gates.
"Please, I've heard enough." Regina unbuckled, throwing the belt back rather violently as she opened the door.
Emma lowered her head as she leaned over the now empty seat beside her, just to catch a glimpse of Regina standing outside, "I just want things to go back to before Cora came."
Emma heard a long exhale and saw Regina turning back, her eyes softening as she kept her hand on the door keeping it open, "There was nothing back then Emma."
"That's not true", Emma lied confidently as she got out of her car. Her chin rested on the numbing top of her bug to look at Regina, "You said you loved me."
The opposite door closed with a bang making Emma recoil from her vehicle.
"I said no such thing", Regina snapped before stooping away from the blue wide eyes to the back seat, "That – that was, that was nothing but a momentary lapse of judgement. I was feeling vulnerable, just like you are feeling right now with Gold's death."
"I am not feeling vulnerable Regina." Emma said, "I'm just sorry I wasn't there for you."
"Oh please", Regina sneered as she closed the door with her hip, her hands full, "there's no need apologising; it's not like I've never wronged you before."
Emma huffed as her nails traced the depressions of her keys, struggling to find the right words, "I – I can – I mean I want to explain my reaction that night-"
"Don't, because clearly nothing has changed since then." Regina quietly said. She looked at the road to her house ahead, "You still don't believe me."
Regina's words pierced Emma's mind as it slipped back to that night in the vault.
...
"If you don't believe me then I don't see the point of you being here. Get off my property before I-"
"Regina, damn it, I'm trying to believe you." Emma slammed her fist on the wall she'd been talking to for the past ten minutes.
"Trying", smoke filled the hidden crypt below the Mills mausoleum as a hidden door revealed itself on the said wall. A livid Regina emerged with her head held high, like the dried tear streaks on her face were an illusion.
Regina closed in, well within Emma's personal space before her palms shoved her away.
"I'm sorry if my past makes it difficult for you to believe that I wouldn't kill the only person in this god forsaken town who has been remotely friendly towards me."
"But you were angry at him-"
"I am far angrier with you right now than I've ever been at the bug in this or any lifetime, and yet you miraculously continue to exist."
Before Emma could get a word in, Regina was shoving her again, making her stagger behind, push by push, "But you – wouldn't believe – the evil –"
Emma grabbed Regina by the wrists and pinned her to the wall behind. Regina fought to push her back but Emma held her tighter against the wall.
"Stop calling yourself that."
"Oh, because you had such qualms shouting it out today."
The words 'Who you will always be' floated through both their minds.
"I was... God Regina, I saw you. With my own eyes."
"Then you saw wrong", Regina sighed. Alarm bells rang in her head, telling her to stop talking because nothing good ever came with displaying her weaknesses. But Emma was so close and there was this... unexplainable feeling of impending doom that was slowly filling up her senses, like something bad was going to happen tonight. It felt like her last chance to confess.
"I didn't do it Emma, I wouldn't now that things are settling, now that you are finally back", Regina said softly, "I wanted things to be better between us, I... I wouldn't lie to you."
"Why?"
"Why", Regina's eyes narrowed as her lips twisted, "you silly girl, do you think I inhale death curses for everyone in Storybrooke?"
Emma's face scrunched up in confusion and a few seconds passed till her expressions melted into a blank, her mouth forming an O. Regina pulled her hand from Emma's grip that had turned limp and couldn't help wonder what was shocking Emma more, that Regina had feelings for her or that Regina was capable of such feelings. She kept waiting for Emma to say something, anything, but when the silence stretched on Regina pushed Emma back, palms slightly increasing the distance between them.
"I need you to tell me something."
"Huh", Emma tried again, "What?"
"Can you tell me, tell me you saw wrong?" 'Tell me you believe me.'
Emma's eyes bore into Regina's as though trying to extract the truth from her irises. Her lips quivered slightly but no words came out. Regina lowered her face, having expected nothing else on asking the sheriff to take a giant leap of faith. Giving Emma a tiny smile, Regina tilted her head and leaned in. The last thing Emma remembered was the touch of soft lips which tasted like disappointment mixed with goodbye. Before Emma could react, she got engulfed in purple smoke and when she opened her eyes again, she was standing in the middle of her bedroom. That night Cora had found her estranged daughter.
...
As Emma stared at the retreating figure, juggling three brown bags, she thought over that night and she thought of what Regina said today. She gripped her keys tighter when saw Regina stopping just before her gate. Instead of opening it, Regina just stood there. She teetered on her heel, her hair swaying slightly, and for a moment Emma felt like she was about to turn back. But her shoulders slumped and she shook her head. Emma wondered if everyone saw the white beacon cutting though the dark night that hit her right at that moment.
Regina had just managed to open the iron gate when two bags left Regina's arm leaving her with one bag which had a baguette comically sticking out of it. She turned and her brown eyes stopped on finding Emma standing next to her.
"Emma", Regina urgently whispered, her head swivelled between the blonde and the closed door. "You need to leave."
"These bags are heavy, Regina." Emma smiled, making Regina's lips curl in anger. Regina was about to snap when Emma added, "And you're wrong, things have changed", Emma pushed open the gate with her right leg. Emma walked inside before turning, "I am not afraid to believe in you. If you're saying it's safe here, I'm not going to fight you on it."
Regina entered behind her but stilled as she saw the porch light turning on.
"Regina? Oh Regina... Are you okay? Where have you been? What happened?"
Emma turned around as she heard the onslaught of worry-filled questions, the voice she knew belonged to the woman she had fought nought a week ago. Cora Mills took long paces, striding urgently but with surprising grace, along the path and embraced Regina making her drop the bag. It was a miracle Emma was still standing on her two feet because she felt like she had just entered a twisted parallel universe, one where Cora may invite her inside for a glass of the best apple cider she had ever tasted. Maybe Emma was the certified escort, delivering Mills kids safely to 108 Mifflin.
Regina glared at Emma, trapped in her mother's arms, as she saw the woman gaping at Cora like a fish out of water.
"Mother, I'm fine. I got held up at the store." Regina appeased her mother, before gritting out, "Miss Swan here helped me out."
Cora backed up and turned to finally notice the third person standing on their garden path, "Emma Swan?"
Emma kept staring and staring at the woman making Regina feel more and more uncomfortable. Oblivious, Cora just concluded Emma to be slow and took charge, not wanting to prolong this meeting, "I'll take it from here."
When Cora brought her hands towards the bags, Emma tripped out of her haze and fell head first into the present. The urge to reach for her gun was so insanely strong that Emma's fingers had dug holes into the paper bags, but she knew there was no way she could go through with that seeing how Regina had paled when the older woman took a step towards Emma. So she did what she had to, nothing, nothing but let Cora take the bags from her hands. Emma's eyes followed the woman till there was nothing to see but the glow of light coming from inside the house.
Regina let out a silent breath of relief and bent down to pick up the fallen bag, only to have it swiped from under her nose yet again. Regina quickly matched the saviour's pace as they both walked in the direction of the open door. On reaching the porch Regina turned to face Emma, a smiling Emma. Regina's eyes jumped from the bag to the woman in front of her.
"What are you trying to prove here?"
"Just trying to earn a chance for forgiveness, for trust."
Regina's eyes shifted in suspicion, "Why?"
"Why", Emma smiled as she deposited the bag in her hands and leaned in dangerously close to Regina, revealing her heart in barely a whisper in her ear, "because, my silly mayor, do you think I fall into portals for everyone in Storybrooke?"
Emma pulled back slowly with a hesitant smile on her face. Her one foot went behind the other, the figure slowly retreating back the path with her eyes never leaving Regina's shocked one.
Regina shook her head, "You don't mean that, you're just..."
"Emotional yes, vulnerable", Emma shrugged, "maybe, but there is no lapse of judgement from my side. I know what I feel."
Regina's eyes were downcast but not even a second passed when she looked up to say something. As her lips parted a whirring sound broke the atmosphere.
"What the-" Emma shielded her head which was suddenly wet, every drop feeling like hail in the cold winter night, the culprit being the nearby sprinklers splashing noisily.
She heard Regina hurry inside, her shocked voice calling out to Cora as Emma herself ran to get off the garden path.
Emma latched the black gate, her hands lingering on feeling the iron as her eyes raked over the white house. Throughout her life she had winged through different courses of life, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, motherhood, even being the saviour had a lot to do with luck. But today, for the first time, she felt an inkling of clarity shine through. She knew what she wanted, Emma thought as she patted away drops of water clinging to her coat, and she would fight her way through retired queen of hearts for them, for her. After checking the closed gate one last time, rattling it with her boot, she forced herself to walk away, to trust Regina that she would be ok, because she wanted so desperately to take that first step in repairing what she had broken the last time she had shown up on this porch.
"Mother, that was not very nice." Regina said quietly as she reached the kitchen counter when she saw Cora close the back door.
"But I always turn on the sprinklers at 6, like how you taught me."
"Yes, at 6, in the morning, when no one is standing in vicinity."
Cora waved off the details, "A little water never hurt anybody. I hardly doubt she'll melt though dear, that's out area of expertise."
Regina tried to smile but her eyes were roaming all around the kitchen, trying to find the sense of control she felt she had lost back in the garden.
Cora paused as she noticed what she had overlooked since the time Regina had shown up late on the porch. Something was different about her, different from the Regina she had known since coming to Storybrooke. She frowned on seeing her daughter so distrait because the last few days they had been sharing laughs at every small jibe Cora would offer and she absolutely cherished the sound of Regina's laugh ringing through their house. Her brows furrowed watching Regina empty the bags half-heartedly.
"Mother, she is my only link to Henry."
Cora took a silent breath of relief: Henry, Regina was upset because of Henry and not her. But even in her relief came with a thorn, Henry, she would never want to jeopardise Regina's chance with Henry because that wretched boy was so important to her.
"Well then, next time I will be more careful..." Cora gritted the words out, "with the garden."
Regina barely hummed as she shuffled some cans inside the bag, worrying Cora, "Regina dear, what's the matter?"
Cora looked at the dance her daughter seemed to be doing, picking up cans only to put them back. She placed her hand on the tense shoulder making Regina jump.
"Nothing. I'm just... So conflicted..." Regina pressed the heel of her palm tightly over her eyes, "So tired. Sorry."
Cora's lips pursed as she gently squeezed her shoulder, "Regina dear", Cora said, "you don't need to apologise for being tired my child."
"Sorry mother." Regina said absent-mindedly as she put in her hand inside the bag.
Seeing her daughter so upset just fuelled the anger she felt for the saviour, her and her boy, always causing so much pain to Regina. She thought of what she could do to salvage the situation when suddenly a dark box presented itself in front of her eyes.
"Oh mother, I got something for you..."
Regina dangled the slender box in front of Cora trying to get her attention. Cora wanted to ask more about Henry but seeing her daughter's expectant eyes she played along.
"What is it?" Cora narrowed her eyes at the box, "After Eight? What sort of silly question is that?"
Regina smiled, her mood lifting already as she opened the box.
"Well since you like chocolate and you have an obsession with mint I figured you'd like this. Would you like to try it?"
"This is mint and chocolate?" she opened the box before looking at her daughter with a narrowed stare, "Do not toy with your mother Regina."
Regina shook her head chuckling as Cora observed the thin slice now between her fingers.
"If what you say is true then Regina you are truly facing some competition to be my favourite."
"Confectionery treats against your own flesh and blood. You wound me mother." Regina said, her voice tones lighter.
Cora laughed seeing her daughter's spirits, "Well true, you are indeed a very special daughter." Cora bit into the slice and suddenly gripped on to Regina's shoulder making her drop the packet of chips from her hand.
"Mother?" she asked, her voice clipped with a sudden bough of familiar fear she had forgotten a long time ago.
"Oh my. Oh I think I need to sit down."
When Regina turned and took in the awe-struck expression Cora had, she let out a big breath in relief and laughed. And she laughed and laughed till her eyes misted over as she leaned on her hands over the table. Emma is wrong was the last thing flashing in her mind as all other thoughts slowly dissipated, of blondes and portals and of hands inside chests.
"Mom, you're back", Henry cried out excitedly as he ran to his blonde mother standing on the doorstep. His excitement faded away the instant the door swivelled shut.
"But", Henry asked his eyes looking at the closed wooden gate behind her, "but-"
Emma shook her head knowingly making the boy's eyes fall. Emma bent down to comfort him but when she placed her hand on Henry's shoulder he jerked away from the contact and then rushed to his room avoiding his grandparents' questioning stares.
"Is everything alright?" David asked, curious at the exchange, as he came forward to hug Emma.
Watching her shuffle back, in a manner that oddly resembled Henry's, he settled on patting her shoulder. David was by now adept at not taking Emma's lack of warmth towards him personally. It was not that Emma was already playing favourites with her parents, but that there were miles in between to the place Mary Margaret had helped Snow reach with their daughter.
"Yeah, just swell." Emma replied as she hung her scarf, followed by her coat trying to soak in the feeling of being home after so long. Emma took a deep breath as she looked around, somehow it lacked the feeling she had yearned all these days, comfort.
"Is it because Neal didn't come with the two of you?" Snow's gentle voice reached her ears as her mother entered the main living room, leaving the pleasant smelling dish to simmer in the kitchen.
"Well", Emma turned to Snow, returning her embrace half-heartedly, "yeah but he understand Neal needs space right now. But mostly he's worried about Regina, seeing how his grandmother tried to make her kill his other grandmother."
"Emma", David shouted in surprise out as Snow's hands dropped suddenly to her side. Her brows wrinkled but her smile, her sad smile, didn't leave her face. Looking from Emma to David she quietly started retreating to the kitchen.
"I'll just, go check on dinner."
Waiting till Snow was out of earshot David sternly turned to his daughter, "I'll thank you to be more sensitive. You've come home after so long, was this really what you wanted your first words to your mother to be?"
Emma hated being the bitch, and she hated it when David was right, but she knew she was being one and that David was right. She had missed these two people she was slowly trying to accept as family even if she couldn't place them as parents. This was not how she wanted to address this issue, but right now everyone who was not Henry in the house would just end up rubbing her the wrong way, family or not.
"When you figure out a good way to put what she wanted to do in words you let me know okay? Right now I need to have to talk with my son." Emma bristled past a disgruntled David to Henry's door.
After knocking Emma entered when she heard a quiet confirmation.
"You said you were bringing her back." Henry said once his mother closed the door, making no attempt to mask the disappointment.
Emma took off her gloves as she made her way to sit on the bed, "I'm sorry kid."
"Is she still mad at me, is that why she didn't come?"
"Oh Henry", Emma turned Henry's head to look into his eyes hoping he would not think she was just trying to appease the boy with lies, "she isn't angry with you, she can never be."
"But I didn't believe her."
"Neither did I kid."
"But I am her son." Henry pressed on.
Emma wrapped her arm around his shoulders, "And she is your mother Henry, she loves you, she will always love you."
"Then why doesn't she want to stay with us?"
"It's just so many things and Cora is there-"
"So she doesn't miss me anymore?"
Emma groaned internally wishing she was better prepared for this conversation.
"No kid, it's just complicated. I mean I know Cora has her heart back but I don't think you should be anywhere near that lady."
"But mom wouldn't let anything happen to me." Henry looked up from Emma's arms expectantly.
"Oh that goes without saying", Emma smiled at the boy, before adding, "And neither would I kid, you know that right. We'll both always protect you."
Emma caught her lower lip between her teeth as she tried to think over the situation.
"Know what? This is not a conversation I am allowed to have on behalf of your mother. We, all three of us, will sit together and discuss this ok?"
Henry lowered his head as he snuggled into her, "When?"
"Soon kid, soon." Emma exhaled as she held the kid tighter.
"Ok", Henry iterated in confirmation, "soon."
A/N:
What Emma was hyperventilating about in the last chapter was exactly the stuff I was screaming during The Cricket Game, so I understand one of the reviewer's scepticism when it comes to Cora. Let me know what you think. This is a topic I'd love to hear as many point of views as possible.
x