1.) Hey, I'm back! Anyway, this chapter was brought to you by Carnival Phantasm (watch it!), which inspired the little Elsie skit you'll see later on, and the song Hero, by supercell, was what I listened to while typing down the chappie.

2.) I need to call fans of this fic something. Hmm... aha! Muffins! Oh wait, that's for a different story of mine (PJ:CotLG)... got it! Berries!

Disclaimer still in effect (so don't sue!)

Enjoy, Berries!

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Me, Miharu, and Slapstick Comedy

'Must make her fall for me more!' exclaimed Keima in his head, walking side by side with a half-confused-half-excited Miharu. The cross-dresser lead the love-yearning lesbian into a random restaurant. Upon seeing the sign, Keima noticed that the restaurant was the same one as the one he had taken Sumire to. Speaking of Sumire, her Conquest hadn't gone so well, so Keima hoped that starting the Conquest at the same place didn't mean that it would end at the same place. Fortunately, everything else, such as the stereotypical dinner+movie date, was going to be fine, at least according to the Capturing God.

Miharu, however, was a nervous wreck. Sure, she had forced a very reluctant Minami on a few dates before, but Miharu was always the one in control. Being the submissive one was a new experience for the girl. It wasn't bad. In fact, it was pretty... intoxicating.

They sit down at the table, bringing relief to Keima's cursed leg, which was flaring during the walk to the restaurant. Keeping a cool composure was the only thing keeping Keima from gritting his teeth. He decided that a few pain-killers before the all-nighter would do the trick.

"Itadakimasu." Once the meal was finished, a problem arose: the bill. Since the two were both "women", it was unclear, at least to tradition, about who would be the one to pay. In response to the problem, Keiko did what she apparently did best: glare coldly. That sent Miharu into a flashback-

"Prove yourself to me, Miharu Shimizu," said Keiko, posing majestically in front of the lesbian, "and if you do, you'll experience a love beyond your wildest dreams."

-and was reminded of the challenge given to her. Beyond her wildest dreams? The pinnacle of her dreams was marrying Minami and adopting babies. What more could you ask for? The only way she'd find out an answer to that would be to succeed and win the prize. "I guess I'll take the bill?"

She didn't receive a response, but for a split second, Keiko's lips curved up into a smile. More like a smirk, but getting any response out of the stoic Keiko was worth exaggerating. The girl-with-a-worldview interlaced her fingers, putting her elbows on the tabletop. Her thumbs started to move in a circle, probably meaning that Miharu had to continue taking the initiative.

"...Movies, perhaps?"

'How dare they put Yokkyun in a movie just to get killed after five minutes of screen time!' cursed Keima, looking at the horror movie on the silver screen. 'I'll have to ask Haqua for her scythe, right after I find out the name of the director, and the name of the company that produced this worthless piece of bullsh-'

"Is this fine, Ojou-sama?" whispered Miharu. Speaking about the lesbian, she started to fall into the rut that Keima had purposefully placed her in: obey Keiko, get rewarded and have morale boosted, accepting initiative, get rewarded again, have initiative taken away, and it goes on and on... but was that really bad, for a girl who was used to getting nothing in return?

"Yes," said Keiko, taking a deep breath. "Everything is fine." Once those last three words came out, Keima swore (internally, of course). He had just jinxed himself and the Conquest. With the way Reality hated him, cats and dogs and meatballs could fall out of the sky at any moment, or maybe a guy would walk up to his still-disguised person and confess his undying love for "Keiko"! Luckily, nothing like that happened.

The only thing that happened was that a bunch of stuff came out of the movie and proceeded to assault the movie-goers.

"What kind of slapstick comedy act is this!?" exclaimed Keiko out of character, as knives, whips, and a risqué set of belts flew out of the silver screen and at Keiko and Miharu. Then, Keiko notices that the way the objects were controlled was different from Phoebe's. Phoebe was just a medium. She could only affect he natural aspects of objects. For example, a water fountain spurts out water. Phoebe merely increased the intensity of the gush of water. Same goes with the tree - when trees age, sometimes they fall down on their own. Phoebe simply sped up the process so much that the wood in the truck couldn't keep up, making it splinter in a large radius. Instead, the objects sprung from the movie, and screens don't normally spit out the stuff they're displaying. Only one Goddess had the power to control anything they desired...

'Hephaestus!'

"Let's play Truth or Dare!" Those five words Summoned a deafening silence to disturb the lighthearted mood, as Kanon, Haqua, and Shiori stopped what they were doing to stare at Elsie. "Why not? Kanon and Haqua are tired because of Kami Nii-sama's awesome evasion stat, and Shiori still can't talk straight! Wouldn't a good round of ToD relieve you of your fatigue and help you form your sentences right?"

All three heads shook simultaneously. "B-But why!"

"Truth or dare doesn't really help relieve stress and fatigue," said Kanon, taking Rin Tohsaka Position 1: left hand on right elbow with right index finger pointing skyward. "In fact, it increases the two, because of the pressure that some of the questions and tasks may bring. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience." She shuddered at the memory of her and her co-workers playing the game on her one free hour of the month.

"Plus, Truth or Dare won't really progress the plot, or provide any kind of important character development," said Haqua, shrugging her shoulders. "It's basically for fluff and fan-service purposes, and I, the Pride of New Hell, refuse to demean myself!"

"~Auah! Even though your pride was declared abysmal because of all those ecchi moments in the manga, you're still going to try and protect it!?" cried Elsie, making Haqua face-fault.

"For the record, I can speak straight sentences," said Shiori, shocking them all. "The side-effect it that... you know when someone does something completely out of character, and another character says 'The Apocalypse is upon us!'? Yeah, that's what happens."

"Wait, that means..." Everyone waited for five minutes till a slightly dim lightbulb appeared above Elsie's head. "Kami Nii-sama!"

"Keima, we'll always remember you," said Shiori, hand over heart, with the other two girls in the exact same pose.

"W-What the...?"

"This is it, our final battle!" cried Keiko, pointing at the screen. A shocked Miharu looked at where Keiko was pointing with the most attentive of gazes. "Prove yourself to me, Miharu Shimizu!"

"...Yes, Ojou-sama!" yelled the one with a formerly unrequited love, pulling forks out of her hair. As a zombie part flew at Keiko's face, a fork intercepted it, piercing it to the wall. Then, the worst possible thing happened.

"It's quiet... too quiet," said the main protagonist, gun at the ready. Keima hoped that an anthropomorphic version of Reality existed, so that he could kick it where the sun don't shine. Once that line was said, all hell would break loose, and since the hell was connected with the power of Hephaestus.

"I don't think I can handle this, mi'lady!" gritted Miharu, crossing her newly acquired bread-knives in front of her, as the bullets, zombie parts, and blood from the movie were sent flying at her and her mistress. Once the lesbian felt a tap on the shoulder, she turned her head around, only to face a smiling Keiko. Yes, a smiling Keiko.

"I suppose that we must run away together," said Keiko, still smiling. Morale rest

"W-We made it *huff*, my-my lady," huffed Miharu, hands on her knees due to exhaustion. Keiko, who had been laid onto a nice patch of cool grass, looked up into the night sky, and smiled softly.

"Miharu," said the enigmatic woman, getting up. She reached into Miharu's hair, pulling out a bread-knife, still caked with the blood from the Decisive Battle that occurred in the theater earlier. Waving the knife over both of Miharu's shoulders, she said, "Be my knight, forever and ever, and love me till the end of time."

"Y-Yes, Lady Keiko."

And the Runaway Spirit was sent skyward.

"So Miharu only wanted a love that loved her back," sighed Keima, walking to the front of his apartment. Opening the door, he stepped into... a hellish inferno of pain waiting to be inflicted. Hovering over him was a Kanon wielding twin tazers, miasma leaking out of her, thanks to her Super Yandere state. On the pink-ette's right was Haqua, flames jumping about on the scythe in her hands.

"Keima, why didn't you stay and rest?" asked Kanon, her short hair ominously floating up.

"And we were supposed to take care of the Conquest ourselves..." said Haqua, a fiery blaze in her eyes. Keima gulped, looking around for anyone to help him. Shiori was sitting there, reading a book, though Keima could tell that she was pitying his position. Of course, Elsie was nabbing the Spirit, so she wasn't around to quell the two girls' rage. Keima sighed, and submitted to his cruel fate.

A death cry of an Otamegane could be heard all throughout the neighborhood.

Footnotes:

Rin Tohsaka: One of the main heroines in Fate/Stay Night

This is it, our final battle!: Fire Emblem 13 reference

3.) Y'know how I was unsatisfied with the other chapters? Well, I'm perfectly fine with this one! Though the ending seemed to be crumbling apart a bit, but oh well!

4.) Please support the story by reviewing, subscribing, and adding this story to your favorites! Each and everyone counts!

So long!