Grey dust now sparkle in gold
And the best is yet to unfold
White heat found in comfort and cold
And a heart is found in her soul

When you grew up alone against the whole world, survival instincts were not optional. Every sense in Emma's body jumped alive on feeling the sudden pressure on her chest, and it didn't take her more than two seconds to go from almost drooling on her pillow to awake and on guard. She'd caught the hand on reflex when she shot up, her other hand was now reaching for the revolver stashed in the night-stand. Her fingertips had just touched the cool metal when her rapid blinking finally produced the desired result and she was able to make out the dark form she held captive.

Emma would have been less shocked on finding a Storybrooke version of the tooth-fairy trying to steal her whites.

"Regina?"

She stared blankly at the barefoot brunette who was standing in her room in the dead of night.

"Regina what the fucking hell", Emma whispered harshly, "you almost gave me a heart attack."

"I-I-I-I", the same word kept tripping out of her mouth as she hovered near Emma.

"Regina", Emma asked, her voice instantly going soft. Her initial shock wore off, worry taking its place at the realisation of how uncanny Regina's presence was.

"I just wanted to see, I just wanted to make sure-" her one hand went through her hair as her other hand tried to weakly break free of Emma's hold.

"Regina", Emma breathed, "Shit Regina, you're shaking. What happened?"

Emma gently pulled her onto the bed, Regina surprisingly complying to her touch. She sat next to her, but her eyes were downcast.

"I – I just needed to see", her lips quivered and Emma followed her eyes to her chest.

To her heart.

"Oh Regina."

She gently pulled Regina into her arms, "Come here. Cora didn't take it, I swear, listen."

With her hands, now themselves not steady, she made Regina's head fall on her chest as she reassured her, "See, I bet it's going pretty fast right now because a pretty lady is on my boob huh", she teased desperately, trying to get Regina to either laugh or scold her. She gulped at the silence in response, "You can make it out right?"

Regina nodded, twice, thrice, Emma didn't bother counting after five.

"Good, good, I just, this is good. I'll leave now."

"Come here, I don't really think you should be doing magic right now."

She slowly lied down with Regina secured in her arms. As they both landed on the pillow Emma pulled her closer with one hand as the other pulled up the sheet to cover them. The whole room was silent and the only sound that could be heard throughout the apartment was the faint tick of the living room clock. No one inside knew how two tortured souls were trying to find comfort in each other.

"Can you hear it Regina?" Emma whispered as she closed her eyes, tightening her arms around Regina. When she heard a small murmur, Emma rubbed her arms slowly, hoping any sleep that would come to her would rather go to Regina.

Contrary to her belief, Emma had nodded off at some point. Having Regina in her arms, under the lullaby of her slow breathing, Emma had slept deeper that night than any in Storybrooke. It was around 6 in the morning when something roused Emma from sleep. It turned out to be a someone.

"Henry... Henry, turn on the heat."

Emma tried to open her eyes, her mouth feeling dry as she licked her lips. When she yawned, she heard the rustling again and finally woke up to see Regina curled into a small ball and shivering slightly.

"Shit", she cursed silently, jumping out of the bed.

"Daughter of the fucking rulers and we still don't have proper fucking heat." Emma grumbled to herself as she ransacked her cupboard. She couldn't find a spare blanket so she doubled her side of sheet, draping it carefully around her sleeping form.

"Coffee", a bulb lit over Emma's head, "I should probably get coffee."

She tiptoed across the floor and closed the door carefully, breaking into a sprint down the stairs.

Emma was trying to find coffee powder when she heard someone behind her, "What are you doing in the kitchen?"

"Just trying to look for some coffee." Emma muttered as she turned around. Snow was standing in her baby pink fleece robe looking at her and then the clock on the fridge. Emma rolled her eyes at the obvious surprise and let Snow take her place as she sat down on the chair.

"Oh. Looks like we're out of coffee, but I can make you some tea if you want?"

"Yeah, thanks M&M." Emma said suppressing a yawn as she saw Snow gliding around the kitchen. Ever since they'd had their little talk things had been easier between them, though that had largely to do with how Emma didn't feel the constant pressure to thinking of Snow has her mother. They were both good with being room mates for the time being.

"And by the way, why is this house always so cold?"

Snow looked strangely at her daughter, her daughter who was wearing a tank top with sweats while Snow had two additional layers underneath her robe.

"I have never heard you complain before."

"Yeah, well it's fucking freezing."

Snow clicked her tongue at the language as she kept the water to boil, meanwhile taking out two cups, "So, how was dinner yesterday?"

Emma sighed, "It was... ok."

"And", Snow smiled briefly before she asked, "And.. how is she?"

Emma didn't know who Snow was referring to but answered with her gut, "Regina is well."

"I thought a town as small as this we'd be bound to run into each other atleast once." Snow said lightly. Emma felt an intruder to her thoughts when she noticed the tinge of sadness in her voice. She would probably never understand what the nature of relationship was between the two women. She tried to steer the conversation away from Regina considering all she could think of was that Regina was under the same roof as them currently.

"Oh, Cora and I did get into a teeny tiny fight."

The spoon in Snow's hand dropped and Emma saw dark anger swirling in Snow's eyes, "If she laid a single finger on you-"

"Yeah ok, put down the arrows Snow White. It was more of a playground name-calling which got a little out of hand. It was just unpleasant mostly because I forgot Henry was still there. I really need to take care more. As for Cora, she is a bigger bitch than I remember but I guess she does love Regina."

Disbelief flashed across Snow's face as she pulled a chair. She fiddled with her cup as she looked up behind Emma to Henry's room, "Henry has been happier hasn't he?"

"Yeah, he has."

"I think all three of you are in a good place right now. I mean if you're unsure, you know, I won't say anything but... you are happy about making the correct decision right?"

"I am.. I am."

Emma was lost in her thoughts for a while till a steaming red cup was slid across.

"Here's your tea, and Emma, I'm really proud of how you're managing the entire situation. It's good you gave yourself time to think rationally."

Emma felt herself wither under the bright smile and managed to return a small one, "I'm just going to drink this upstairs ok?"

"I'll get started on breakfast a little late if that's ok." Snow said, making way to her own room.

Heavy steps trudged back upstairs, Emma's mind in a million places at the same time. When she opened the door, she took care to practice the same stealth as before, locking the door before quietly making her way to the bed-stand. She kept the cup and turned back but her little toe rammed into the bed post making her curse out in pain.

"Mother- ugh- fucking piece of- bed."

The sudden outburst made Regina jump, her hand on her chest and her face white on being woken by surprise. Her hair were sticking out in every possible direction and her face looked pale.

"Emma? What in god's name are you doing here?"

Regina rubbed her eye as she kept eyeing her surroundings. Judging by how they widened a second later, Emma could tell yesterday nights events had come back to her. But the way her face was clouded with embarrassment made Emma aware that this could go very wrong very fast.

"I should", Regina cursed inaudibly under her breath before saying, "should go-"

"No, stay, I... I got you tea."

Regina looked at the cup kept on the table, "I don't drink tea."

"Then stay and talk."

Regina shook her head and slowly removed her covers but Emma sat down in front, taking her both hands in hers, "Talk to me Regina, what happened last night?"

"Nothing. I just had a little too much to drink after you left."

"So naturally you dropped by after your night-cap as always." Emma deadpanned.

"I'm very sorry for the intrusion but I should be leaving now." Regina said, quite seriously.

"No." Emma replied.

"No?"

"You've told me, repeatedly, that your mother has changed. Why would you think she would do something like that?"

It looked like Regina had taken a physical blow from the statement. Her eyes trickled with tears as she thought of what Emma had asked. Why had she gone to this conclusion first, she asked herself. The emotional toil of the two days seemed to have worn down her mind and she tightened her eyes to shut out her guilt. It wasn't till she felt fingers holding her chin so lightly that she had to open her eyes to check if they were imagined. What she saw was a set of determined eyes staring back.

"Can I tell you why", Emma let go of Regina's chin, "it's because you, my silly mayor, are an idiot, just like me."

"Excuse me?"

Emma took Regina's hands in hers again, pressing lightly to show she meant well, "I let everyone tell me what I wanted was a bad idea and I listened to all these idiots, including you, who told me to back away from it." She shook her head, "And you're doing the same thing, listening to me of all people, letting yourself doubt about your mother."

"But", Regina's lashes were glistening now but she willed the tears to stay at bay.

"Regina, it's ok, you can tell me."

Regina opened her mouth but then bit her lip, shaking her head.

"Fine, it's between your mom and you. But you coming to check on me at the dead of night", Emma slowly removed the brown hair sticking to her forehead, "that's between you and me. So tell me, what was so bad of someone ripping out my heart?"

"Emma!" Regina hissed, appalled at the nonchalant tone of her question, "Don't."

"Too bad, because I just grew a pair. So I need to know why you won't admit it. Is it so unbelievable that I might have feelings for you?"

Regina snapped, "You're the one to talk, you all but fainted when I told you about mine."

"Whaa- you, you caught me off guard Regina. I wasn't surprised that you liked me, I was surprised that you liked me back."

"Don't say that. Don't lie to me."

"Damn it, it's true. I fell for you the day I saw you running out of that giant-ass white house for the first time Regina, it just took me longer to place those feelings but none of what I said is a lie."

"It can't be!"

"Why?"

"Because it just can't be real!" she almost screamed, "Don't you see, I already got my mother back, I can't have you in my life too. Good things just don't happen to me Emma. They get dangled and taken away from me, that's how fate has always worked. Even if you think it's true it won't last. So don't do this, be all this when I know you'll just turn around and step on my heart when someone else disappears-"

Regina got cut off when the sheriff tackled her into a hug, "I'm sorry Regina, I'm so so sorry. I know I screwed up."

Regina fell limp as she let herself be held by the blonde, her words coming out tired, "How can you say that? How can you say that when I've never done anything to warrant your trust?"

"Because... I never asked you to believe in me. But when we came back from enchanted forest I called you first, I showed you that I trusted you and then backed away from it."

Regina felt overwhelmed even with the dull pain of rejection still being harboured inside. But she never moved out of her embrace, instead slowly wrapped her arms around the saviour.

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything. But, just, please listen to me."

"Ok", her hands fisted Emma's top, "ok."

"It's not supposed to be so difficult you know", Emma said, "if I stop jumping a million steps in between and you don't keep saying that kissing me is your biggest regret like some broken record."

"It's.. not.. easy for me."

"Firstly anything with me involved isn't easy. And secondly, since when are you scared of a little challenge?"

Regina looked up vacantly, "You said we can't let Henry suffer in the middle."

Emma groaned as she pulled away completely, "Give me something Regina, I can't be the only one fighting for this. Tried it, does not work."

"Everything tells me this is a bad idea", Regina whispered.

"Fuck everything, what does your heart say", Emma asked sadly, hating seeing Regina succumb to defeat.

'That it feels too real', she thought but remained quiet.

"Fine, just tell me one thing then?"

"What?"

"If I kiss you will you still be here when I open my eyes this time?"

"Wha-", Regina's mouth got engulfed by sheriff's. As Emma's lips moved against her, Regina felt the familiar dread filling her body. Just like the first two times, the softest touches from Emma managed to be more intense than any of her past rendezvous. That in turn intensified her need to run away from it. Regina would never be able to look back and think she would have stayed if Emma's hand hadn't found Regina's. If her fingers hadn't wound themselves with hers. If she hadn't just provided her with an anchor in the middle of the storm of her feelings. For the first time she didn't feel like she was drowning.

Regina felt Emma pull back and could never have anticipated feeling this off-balanced. Lost in the trance of her feelings, a small voice still managed to sear through the haze.

"You're still here."

Regina strained her ears. Even though she knew it was Emma, she took a moment to really listen to what she had heard. She heard the joy but more importantly she heard how much genuine shock her voice carried. Was this how hopeless she felt about them, she wondered.

And just like that her whole being was filled with the bright light of epiphany.

Fate could go rot in hell, Regina would fight to have everything, and that included what Emma wanted, for them to be together. A huge weight lifted from her chest as her face relaxed. Her hand reached up, lightly holding Emma's face, her rapidly growing red face. Who knew Emma could blush like that?

This time Regina closed the distance. When their lips were less than a whisper away, Emma held her back, just to smile at her. Emma then brought both her warm hands to her cheeks but she abruptly pulled away at the touch.

"Just, one second", she squeaked before jumping out of the bed. She ran into the side, and disappeared into her cupboard. Regina just stared in front, sitting in the middle of the bed feeling lost to the situation and excessively embarrassed on having made the first move to be held back. Within a few seconds though, Emma was sitting in front of her grinning.

"Arms up Mills", she ordered and when Regina continued to stare at her she nudged her arms up herself.

Regina smiled as she felt the soft material of a sweatshirt being pushed through her arms, sliding downwards leaving a trail of tiny goose bumps. The neck got stuck on her head before Emma's fingers came up to loosen the tie around it. Brown hair got dishevelled and the wool tickled her skin as it slipped past her nose. As soon as it travelled below her lips, Emma's lips were on them, a pair of hands tugging the sweatshirt down her chin till they could rest on her neck. Regina's hands latched on Emma's for supper, her fingers weaving inside her hair.

Emma pushed her back till she was lying on the bed, "Just to be sure", Emma breathed on her lips and she sat up, her hand reaching behind for the thin sheet. She threw it upon them and raced against it, falling first on Regina, their lips re-attaching. Both of them were too lost in each other to feel the sheet falling on them a second later.

Regina opened her eyes and sighed contentedly. The furious make-out session had slowly mellowed into series of lazy kisses. The sheet illuminated the closed space that kept the two warm, making it glow with borrowed sunlight. Emma's lips managed to find Regina's once more and she parted hers willingly to make room for the delicious pink ones. Regina's eyes slipped shut again as she felt the blonde's tongue caressing hers, only remotely noticing that Emma had rolled them over. When she opened her eyes again she was on top of Emma, both trapped in a cocoon of white.

"Apple for your thoughts Miss Mills", Emma chuckled as she played with the collar of her nightshirt sticking out of the sweatshirt.

Regina's face flushed at the warmth in Emma's eyes, her body feeling giddy like a teenager. She sighed as her mind remained distracted by the soft fingers dancing on her skin, "I think I should head home now."

Panic flashed Emma's face as she suddenly grew fidgety, her hand leaving the collar alone, "But, so, we are, will we-"

Regina kissed her softly, "If there's any doubt, let me clarify. I like you", she kissed her again, "a lot. And I'll be seeing you for lunch."

Emma sighed dramatically but had a small smile on her face, "I guess you do have to go home, do you want me to drop you?" Her finger brushed the underside of her ear making Regina pull away with a barely concealed gasp.

"I don't think I want the whole Charming household to know I used magic to get inside your room at night. And definitely not my mother."

"Speaking of, what are you going to do?"

"Nothing", Regina shrugged, "what is there to do?"

Emma looked at her hesitantly, "Did she.. tell you where she went yesterday?"

Regina nodded but then stopped in surprise, "She told you?"

"Yes, and I would never be saying this otherwise.. but I think you both should go to him."

"I... I don't think I want to."

"I know it's hard, but talking doesn't mean forgiving those actions, and not forgiving doesn't mean you can't start fresh. I mean, everyone deserves a fresh start right? I mean, ugh, you know what I mean right?"

Regina's thumb traced Emma's jaw as she looked at her in awe, "When did you grow so smart? I feel there are so many things I still don't know about you."

"Yea, well you just got a golden ticket to find out more."

"I did, didn't I?" she lowered her head down to her chest, "I'll think about it." she said and Emma could make out she was just saying so to end the conversation. "And I still have to go."

"Fine", she pressed her lips to the crown of her head, "go."

The sheet inflated before slowly floating down to Emma's body.

Regina blinked as she saw the room around her. Her timing couldn't have been better because as she fell back to her pillow, she heard a knock on the door.

"Regina, are you up?" Cora peeked inside with a tray in her hand, "I made breakfast."

"I'm not really-", Regina started before looking at the tray, "Oh my, mother, this is, wow, you made all of this?"

Cora waved it off as she placed the tray, with an impressive spread, on the side table but Regina didn't relent.

"No mother, that quiche couldn't have baked in less than an hour. And we didn't have this bread so... since when have you been up?"

"Well I wasn't getting any sleep.."

"Mother?"

"And I was... I was scared I'd do something rash if I didn't busy myself."

Regina looked at her mother, sitting with her hands slightly shaking as she fiddled with them in her lap.

"Define rash mother."

"Dear-"

"Mother."

"Oh you know. I was, I really wanted to punish that Swan female. But a bigger part of me knew, that's not what mothers are supposed to do." She sighed as she continued, "It's.. not.. what.. you'd do."

Regina couldn't contain her shock at the words. A smile was born and it grew till it threatened to run out of her face as she leant forward to take her hands, "Mother."

Cora looked at her, overwhelmed by the emotions sparkling in her daughter's eyes, something she'd never seen, something that meant her daughter was proud of something she did. "I", her hand went to straighten her hair, "I-", she looked away, "I just couldn't figure out the coffee machine. I tried but-I really wanted there to be coffee."

Regina shook her head; beauty and emotional conduct, both genetic apparently. She moved forward and boldly wound her hands around her mother till she could rest her head on her mother's shoulder, "It's ok mother."

"No, it's not, I really want this to work Regina, I just, really want-"

"Me too", Regina said quietly.

Cora breathed a sigh of relief as she turned to return so she could hold Regina better, "Oh my child, I don't know where to start."

"Me too. But we'll do something- we'll - you know this just smells absolutely wonderful."

Regina sat back and Cora watched her take a bite and hum in good nature.

"Oh Regina, what are you weari- heavens, were you eating in bed? Why are there so many stains on your jacket?"

Regina looked down in confusion and had to stifle her laugh. Emma had chosen a dark grey sweatshirt with 'The Beatles' written across in a bold font, and true to her mother's horror, there were some stains visible, though they seemed to be old and repeatedly washed over on.

"Give it to me I'll wash it."

"No", Regina said defensively before correcting herself, "I mean, it needs to be treated differently. I'll just do it myself later."

"Ok. Would you, would you like some juice instead of coffee?"

"I'd love some juice."

"I'll get it right away then."

"And get another set of forks for yourself please." Regina smiled chewing slowly to not bring notice to the fact that she had spoken while eating. Cora just laughed and closed the door behind her.

Regina took another bite, still unable to believe her mother had made a conscious choice to be the bigger person. It was one thing to think that mother had changed since that fateful day, a whole another thing to see her struggle to make the right decision. A loud buzz made her put down the fork and pick her phone up to a new text.

'Henry wants to meet NANA (btw not a fan of the name) before going to lunch. Is it cool if we drop by? Then we can go to lunch straight away.'

Before she could reply her phone buzzed again.

'You know, together.'

Butterflies invaded her stomach as her fingers swiftly typed out a message.

'Together.'

A/N:

Don't say it, I know this is late. It's just, it's hard.. this work thing you know. Worst when you're unsure about a chapter. I mean it's actually one of my fav's, but .. I don't know. Sorry for the delay, next chapter will be about the same day's lunch.

Hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas xx