Don't own it. The good news is that the final chapter is nearly complete!

Chapter 6: The Fourth Tale - Takao

Takao was about to flip a goddamn table. Akashi Seijurou was in his house, smiling with the beatific calm of a saint, completely ignoring that fact that he had not been invited, nor had Takao ever told him where he lived.

"Good evening. I realize it is quite late, but matters have progressed to the point where I feel it is best that I lend my assistance. Although I must commend you for your actions so far. Should I ask why half your home is covered in raw pineapple, however?"

Takao was not following. He had a few more immediate concerns to address. "How the hell did you get into my house? How did you even know where I live? And what do you mean, 'actions so far'? Did Kuroko send you?" His eyes widened as he considered further options. "Did Shin-chan send you?"

Akashi smiled, his patience untouched. "Of course not. Shintarou would be content to let us go our entire lives without meeting, which is a silly idea, seeing as how overdue our joining forces has been. I've long admired your spunk, Kazunari. Not many could pull off calling Shintarou 'Shin-chan' and live to tell the tale. But I digress. In terms of accessing your home, I have my ways. More importantly, in terms of your plan to unite Tetsuya and Taiga, I simply used my superior eyes. It was quite obvious something was going on at that party, and it's been obvious for far longer that Taiga and Tetsuya are making a horrible muddle of their feelings for each other. What I had not expected was that you would be instrumental in bringing them together. That surprised me. Unless, of course, it is connected to your own affections for our hapless friend Shintarou. In that case I quite understand."

In lieu of answering, Takao sat down abruptly on a relatively clean kitchen chair. Akashi knew? Akashi knew everything? Yet even with his mind spinning and the disclosure of his secrets at hand, Takao couldn't help but fight back. "Shin-chan is not hapless."

"Your loyalty is endearing, I assure you. Now, are you going to tell me everything, or shall I continue to infer and possibly - just possibly- miss a detail or two? It really is in your best interest to share. Then my methods become much more efficient."

It was 3 in the morning, Takao's lower body was still uncomfortably crusted in dried alcohol, he may have wrecked his ambiguous relationship with Shin-chan, and Akashi was talking about methods. Takao gave up. He had been through a terribly uncomfortable evening, and he had fought the good fight, but it was all over. Now that Akashi knew, he could rely on Midorima knowing everything by morning. Unless he could somehow convince him to keep it to himself… "You want to know, huh? Everything?" It probably was not wise to announce his secrets to Akashi, but this was his one chance, and he would take it. "You're sure?"

Akashi inclined his head towards the kitchen table, the one part of the kitchen that was not currently covered in pineapples and/or alcohol. "If it's not too much trouble. I didn't make the trip from Kyoto to Tokyo this early in the morning for nothing." He then reached down into his messenger bag, revealing a thermos. "If you wouldn't mind, could you provide two teacups? It would have been horribly remiss of me to come without at least serving you tea."

As Takao rummaged through his cupboards looking for two clean cups (and just how had Miyaji-senpai gotten pineapple in there as well?) he reflected on the circus their lives had become. It had started off with innocent parties, and then men started making kisses, and then there were pineapples, drama, and Akashi Seijurou serving you tea at 3 AM. What had his life become? What choices had he made that brought him to this?

It was falling in love with Shin-chan, he decided, as he settled into the chair across from Akashi, watching him pour the tea. That was probably the answer for all his life's present evils, although without him there would be very little that was good.

"Whenever you are ready," Akashi offered with a gracious nod that would not be out of place in a society group's high tea. Takao took a sip of his tea (piping, perfect, utterly impossible) before beginning. "There are very few things that I really want…"

…

…

…

…

…

There were very few things Kazunari really wanted. This was largely because there was very little Kazunari didn't have. He was smart, friendly, handsome and talented, and had never lacked for friends, entertainment, or opportunity. Therefore it was easy for him to smile at everyone, and to enjoy every day as it came. People who enjoy life are winners was his mantra, and if he tried to make those around him enjoy life as well, he never thought anything of it.

He had begun playing basketball when all his friends did, and thanks to his agility, ball-handling skills, and what his mother laughingly called his 'hawkeyes,' he was his team's starting point guard almost immediately. For two years they had played together, winning far more than losing, making a good showing of themselves. During their third year, however, that had changed. They had known going into that fateful game that Teikou was a fearsome team, and it would take a miracle to defeat the miracles. Yet nothing could have prepared them for how badly they would lose.

Playing Teikou was like a lightning bolt to Kazunari's brain. As a general rule he doesn't mind losing - everyone loses sometimes - but getting destroyed by joyless basketball automatons was something else. His body was shaking with despair and rage by halftime, and black spots had obscured his vision. Yet he didn't get why he felt so close to giving up until he watched Midorima Shintarou's fourteenth consecutive three-pointer fly through the dead center of the hoop, and the shooter himself look as if he couldn't care less. He realized then that he wasn't upset because they were losing - it was because they were losing to players who didn't even care.

Kazunari went home that day completely undone. He did not cry as many of his other teammates did, but his body thrummed with a need that took him days to understand. Yet when understanding settled in, it all amounted to this: more than he had wanted anything else in his entire life, he wanted to make Midorima Shintarou lose. He chose their shooting guard for several obvious reasons, and one reason that while he would not explicitly state it, was the one that kept him awake at night. The first two were fairly straightforward. Kazunari was not a boy who hated easily (or at all, to be totally honest) and therefore it was impossible to wish defeat upon an entire team. Therefore, he had selected the member who had scored the most points against him. That he was also the person who had enabled Kazunari's epiphany was the next reason. It brought it all full circle in his mind.

Yet the true reason he fixated on Midorima was because he was easily the most attractive man Kazunari had ever met. He had come to terms with his bisexuality several months ago, when he had broken up with his girlfriend because of it. Yet never before had he met someone as physically perfect as Midorima. And, because there was absolutely no way he would ever make an impact in the shooting guard's life - especially when his skills were so far beneath his and there was no way a player with that kind of talent wouldn't go to Rakuzan, where Kazunari couldn't get in even if he was ten times better than he currently was - he would hate him instead, working his hardest to make him taste defeat and notice him, even if it was just for one, fleeting moment.

Kazunari had assumed he'd have a year or two to work up to that moment of reckoning, but all his plans were dashed on the first day of Shuutoku's tryouts. There stood Midorima, literally a head above everyone else, and Kazunari's heart plummeted down to his shoes. The whole first day passed in a blur, and if it had been anything other than agility and endurance tests, he might have endangered his chances at making the team. Yet as he lay in bed that night, aching and sore all over, he came to a realization. Here was his chance to make Midorima notice him. This wasn't the end of his resolve, this was hope he had not even dared to dream of. If Kazunari could make Midorima acknowledge him as a teammate, he could let go of his dark dreams of revenge (which were hard enough to hold onto in the first place, and all his daydreams as of late began spiraling into romantic fantasies that were partly inspired by his mother's Korean dramas) and focus on his own personal growth alongside his determination to impress Midorima.

Yet even as his focus shifted, his fixation did not lessen. Midorima was just as handsome the next day at tryouts, and automaton or not, his hard-work was equally as attractive to Kazunari. Even Midorima's obvious eccentricities (selfishness, other players called it, or his goddamn craziness) couldn't turn Kazunari off. He just liked the guy. His standoffishness was a golden challenge, and Kazunari was a man who simply did not know how to back down. Likewise, his lucky items were inexplicable, amusing, and added an element of personality to the Teikou miracle that otherwise would have left him somewhat two-dimensional. And his demands - which didn't begin until after tryouts, mind you - were at the beginning simple and useful, like skipping the last hour of ball-handling drills to work on his shot. Kazunari couldn't blame him for using them as such, especially when the payoff was that amazing, and they won their first game by almost 60 points.

Other members of the team did not cut him such slack, however, and by the end of tryouts Kazunari was the only first-year that still spoke to Midorima-san every day. Things like: Hey, or Good practice, or Dang, Midorima. If you keep baiting Miyaji-senpai like that, I'm pretty sure he's going to throttle you. Simple things that he would say to anyone, and nothing too appreciative or dismissive. Midorima's replies ranged from a curt nod to a polite thank you, and with increasing regularity, a confused look. Yet it was still progress, Kazunari assured himself. And at least the man hadn't thrown the ball at his face.

Their basic interactions weren't the only things that were progressing. Kazunari's crush on the ex-miracle was also proceeding nicely, although he wasn't so sure 'nicely' was how he felt about it. 'Doomed' was far more accurate. Three weeks in, and Midorima-san's oddities had come out in full-force. The rest of the team, while relying on his amazing talent, made no secret of their disdain for his person. Kazunari, who apparently had the patience of a minor deity (according to the upperclassmen) was the only one who could put up with him. Little did the team know that far from it being a chore to attend to Midorima, it was a heady pleasure, especially when, on a day when he was feeling especially adventurous, he glanced over at his partner for the passing drills and brazenly dubbed him Shin-chan.

The sheer mortification was an expression Kazunari would never forget, nor how the ball had dropped from his partner's nerveless fingers. The entirety of the team turned and watched with wide eyes, and even Nakatani-sensei's eyebrows rose. Yet before Shuutoku's ace could do anything other than sputter, Kazunari darted forward, grabbed the ball and spun it expertly on his finger. Gotta' keep up, Shiiiin-chan, he had informed him with a grin covering half his face. Can't let me beat you at passing! It was a gauntlet thrown somewhere between flirtation, challenge, and poking a monster right in the face, yet there was no way he'd stop calling him that silly nickname when it made his teammate blush and sputter eight times out ten.

Kazunari knows this isn't a good game to be playing, especially when the winning odds are so remote. Yet he goes along with the whole rickshaw thing, even though it's obvious he's never going to win a game of jan-ken-pon in his entire life. Worse yet, he's finally made Shin-chan notice him...but only as a servant. Having to cycle him around town is a painful tip off that he's losing and that there is a very large chance he'll never be anything other than a commodity to be used and discarded. It is as he sits at a red light, calf muscles aching and trembling from exertion that he comes to an even worse realization, however. I'm cycling around on a Saturday afternoon just to cart this bastard around. That's it. I'm done. Our rapport isn't worth this, basketball isn't worth this, even love isn't worth this.

Yet he doesn't go home, nor does he get off the rickshaw and walk off, leaving Shin-chan to fend for himself. Instead, he simply groans and pedals harder when the light turns green. This is because his realization is partially a lie, and with every yard he travels, straining to shift both the rickshaw's and Shin-chan's weight he is aware of the truth. Love is worth it, and neither is he finished with this situation. This fixation has been the driving force in his life for the last year, and as long as he's in love with a man who doesn't give two figs about him, this is his life.

...

Kazunari is not a man who gives up, but neither is he a natural masochist. After a particularly harsh week where Shin-chin ignores him (seven whole days of Shin-channing with no response. You can't imagine how bad it was) Kazunari makes a deal with himself. If they win their next practice match - against Seirin - he'll give up on Shin-chan. No matter how cute Shin-chan can unintentionally be with his inability to read even basic social interactions, nor how mind-numbingly handsome he is, nor how his talent on the court makes Kazunari weak in the knees, it's not healthy for him to obsess over someone like this. Especially someone as emotionally stunted as his shooting guard, and who treats him like a goddamn servant!

Yet against all odds, Seirin wins. Midorima's old teammate (one that he clearly doesn't like but can't help but respect, and Kazunari wants that respect so badly he can barely keep his composure around this Kuroko) and his American (boyfriend? Heterosexual life partner? God knows but they are certainly something) defeat them, and it's the first time Kazunari has seen Midorima cry. It's out in the rain, no less, and the image is burned onto Kazunari's heart so that every time he closes his eyes he sees him, standing tall and broken, lost alongside his philosophy. Just pass me the ball, he had ordered the team, and Kazunari had taken that to heart. Yet now his shot had been defeated, his method of play rendered imperfect, and a miracle was made a man. Kazunari watched his entire way of life crumble to his ankles that afternoon, and realized that any further attempts at giving up on him was futile. He had fallen in love with this man like a runaway train, and now that he had seen him lose he was never getting over him, no matter how badly things ended when his train crashed.

...

Life went on, andone morning, Kazunari finds his little sister watching TV as he prepared his breakfast. She chirps on about someone named Oha Asa, and it takes his sleep-fogged brain several minutes to make the connection. When he does, he nearly drops his spoon. Oha Asa is Shin-chan's goddess, the one who demands lucky items from her followers, and feeds into their latent obsessive compulsive disorders (or so Kazunari suspects). Intrigued, he listens in to discover his sister's lucky item (a stuffed owl toy) and his own (a toothbrush). He doesn't pay attention to the rankings, as by then his brain has shifted into a higher gear, and he begins to think about how he might use this information to make Shin-chan notice him.

It was easier than he'd thought. By now, Shin-chan allows him to handle his items (especially the heavy ones, and Kazunari was going to put his foot down someday, he really was) and so barely looked over when Kazunari asked him a few basic questions about it. Then, with his best upward glance (the one that was just a hint flirtatious, nothing too obvious) he'd asked about his own. That caused the ace to turn and look him full in the face, and he was unable to hide his shock and subsequent embarrassment. Yet in the next moment he had swallowed his discomfiture, and had stiffly announced all that Kazunari had learned this morning about his zodiac sign. He then proceeded to awkwardly admit that his alignment was a fortunate one, as Scorpios and Cancers were highly compatible. Perhaps the most compatible of all the zodiac signs, if I may say so myself. Your parents are fortunate that they timed out their children so expertly. It makes for a harmonious household, I would expect.

All this had been capped off with a shy, microscopic smile that had disappeared so quickly that only Kazunari (and perhaps Miyaji-senpai, who called for a pineapple in a threatening tone of voice) caught it. It was enough to make his heart soar, however. Shin-chan could say what he liked about Kazunari's little sister, but the same logic held true for him. Now that the great man himself admitted that they were compatible (nonsense about stars and zodiac signs notwithstanding) perhaps he would begin to view him as a friend?

Kazunari floated through classes until lunchtime, and his elation made him a little sillier than usual. (Shin-chan, Shin-chan! Now, I've given it a lot of thought, and do you know what I've decided? There should be a legion of handsome men that run around solving problems, flirting haphazardly, and ultimately saving the day. We could call it...Hot Squad. Or maybe...Bootylicious Boys. Oh! What about the Generation of Miracle Men? What do you think?

I think you are delusional. Turn around and pay attention to the lecture.

Now, Shin-chan, that is no way to talk to the other founding member of the League of Sextacular Gentlemen...)

This caused him to be later than usual in meeting his old friends for lunch, leading him to overhear precisely what their classmates thought of Shin-chan. The shuttered expression on Shin-chan's handsome face caused something to misfire in his brain, and although he has no clear recollection of what he angrily told his classmates, his friends informed him the next day that he made two girls cry and the loudest bully turn pale with fear. All he remembered was the fire burning through his veins, and the need to reassure Shin-chan that he was nothing like what their classmates thought.

He dragged Shin-chan up to the roof, where for once the man followed without protestation, and proceeded to rant, rage, and ask the occasional rhetorical question for nearly ten minutes. He could have gone on forever (or at least long enough to make his feelings obvious) but when he took a breath Shin-chan had looked up at him with an uncharacteristically shy expression and asked in a tiny, breathless voice why he cared about any of this. Kazunari's breath caught in his throat. Shin-chan sat against the wall with his broad shoulders hunched over; his green eyes brimming with insecurity, and Kazunari had to physically bite his tongue to keep from admitting it was because he loved him. That became slightly easier when he realized that Shin-chan's inability to deal with all this - even the part of it where Kazunari became his knight in shining armor - was likely because no one had ever stood up for him before. If he followed that piece of logic, he could infer that Shin-chan had never had a friend in his life - or at least one who cared enough to fight for him.

(Stop glaring at me, Akashi. I didn't know any better at the time! And neither did he, so settle down and drink your tea.)

In response to Shin-chan's timid question he had shaken his head, mumbling something non-committal. If the ex-miracle had been friendless for 16 years, perhaps it was no wonder he had the social maturity of a yardstick. It also made sense that he attempted to categorize Kazunari as a servant rather than as a friend, as he'd had no prior experience with someone actually liking him. Taken one step further, Kazunari could be accurately considered (whether Shin-chan admitted it or not) as his first and only friend.

This changed things, and Kazunari could think of nothing else for the rest of the day. In a single stroke, the playing field had been altered dramatically. Before, he had assumed he was dealing with an eccentric, selfish man who chose to be such. Now, he realized those oddities reached down deeper than he'd imagined, and were likely neuroses cultivated through years of loneliness and being bullied. Although he had wormed his way into Shin-chan's life (and his ace's behavior on the roof proved that Kazunari held more power over him than he'd realistically ever expected) he would have to tread carefully throughout the infamous friend zone before ever getting a chance at being anything more.

Yet as he said before, he was not a man who gives up easily (or at all, as his affection for the most impossible man he knows proves, and really there had better be some sort of prize for this at the end of the day) and so he took it one step at a time. He began eating lunch with him every day, and was heartened when Shin-chan didn't make too much of a fuss. An even better sign was when he made no demurral to Kazunari's joining his evening practices, and goes so far as to offer up (terse, impatient, yet detailed and thoughtful) pointers on how to improve Kazunari's own shot. This accompanied all the hours they spent studying and watching their competitor's games, and soon enough these instance were augmented by lucky item shopping trips, and other adventures that Shin-chan grumpily called 'wastes of time' but went along with anyway.

(There are times when he feels a little guilty at entertaining ulterior motives towards his friend, yet rather than think of himself as an opportunist, he chooses to consider himself a charitable man. And even if the album in his phone of Shin-chan in western clothes was deemed karmic payment, he'd still never, ever delete them.

...

As weeks passed into months, his hard work paid off. Shin-chan opened up like a flower, and Takao had to clear a small space in his room reserved for the lucky items his partner inevitably (haltingly, condescendingly, yet utterly adorably) gave him when Scorpios' luck was at their worst. At this point they were practically inseparable, in both the classroom, the court, and their homes.

Yet then came the day Kazunari had never thought would come, and he found himself explaining to Shin-chan about his ex-girlfriend, who had gone onto Japan's leading math and sciences high school. (That stupid fucking test. The one time Shin-chan actually wants to see his grade, and all Kazunari wants is to simply let his ex-girlfriend-enforced mastery of the subject pass by, like water under a bridge. Lying to Shin-chan was impossible, however, so he done his best to downplay their relationship, although not to the extent of doing her a disservice. She was a nice girl, after all, and it certainly wasn't her fault that she wasn't Midorima Shintarou.) Shin-chan clearly didn't know what to think, and Kazunari found himself at a standstill, unable to reassure his friend that he was his only important person now (if that would even solve things. Knowing Shin-chan, there was a chance he was only upset about a slight imperfection in his taping and the two point difference on their test.) He was afraid to say the wrong thing and watch his friend close himself off entirely, and did the only thing he knew to do: fall back onto his cheerful persona while suppressing his rising panic.

That night his stress got the best of him, however, and he found himself drafting frustrated text messages to Shin-chan that had he sent them, might have ended everything. So before he could do something he couldn't come back from, he took a long, hot shower. Yet even that didn't ease his tension as all he could do was think about Shin-chan. Fantasizing about him was nothing new, nor was finding release as he does so, but that night he was angry, and his desires took an unexpected turn. (In his fantasy they are both angry, and take it out on each other in the way he's been dreaming of. Unlike all the other dreams, however, Kazunari spends no time teaching Shin-chan how to kiss, how to touch, how to love. This time, Shin-chan boldly takes what he wants with no opportunity for Kazunari to tell him no. He is kissed, licked, and bitten with no warning, and Shin-chan makes full use of his superior size and strength by shoving him back against the shower wall and using his vaunted fingers to stretch him out below. By the time dream Shin-chan replaces his fingers with his cock, Kazunari is nearly sobbing with lust, and in a direct correlation to his fantasy, his real fingers work furiously away inside of him as he comes.)

It was only after he surfaced from the piercing pleasure of his ejaculation that Kazunari realized the enormity of his fantasy. He'd never dreamed of being the bottom in that situation and had no idea he'd feel any pleasure from it. He'd also never imagined Shin-chan to be that forceful, as he knew that deep down the man was a giant tsundere, and his prickly exterior hid a gentle soul. (But oh lord, he liked the idea of Shin-chan dominating him, fucking him so hard he could barely draw breath. Even knowing that there was a difference between theory and practice, the mental image of Shin-chan bending him over and tupping him fiercely caused his cock to twitch in excitement. Tomorrow, his mother would complain about their hot water bill. For now, Kazunari was going to do it again.)

Clearly, Kazunari was in trouble. As he leaned back against the shower wall, panting after his second orgasm, he knew he had been so from the first. Meeting Midorima Shintarou had turned his whole life upside down, and had ruined him for everything else. Yet was that really so bad? Look at the pleasure he had just experienced. He would never have discovered it if not for Shin-chan. Likewise, would he have worked so hard to become the best point guard he could be if he hadn't someone to impress? No, meeting his partner was ordained (by the stars, Shin-chan would no doubt inform him) and even when it crashed and burned at his feet (for even now, he couldn't imagine loving this man would ever end well) he wouldn't regret a day of it.

…

Kazunari had always been a touchy guy. He used this to his advantage when dealing with his secret crush on his best friend, and as he regulated himself during their school hours, thought he could get away with it scot free. He was proven wrong when, out at a speed dating session with an old friend, he was asked whether he was actually dating Midorima-san and if not, why he persisted in jumping on his back and demanding piggy back rides between classes. (Kazunari had forgotten about that. It was all in retaliation for pulling the rickshaw around, and it wasn't like Shin-chan would bash him against the wall or anything, as he was a tsundere, and- look, he was only human, ok?) As he was fairly intoxicated and it was his friend who was doing the asking Kazunari was unable to mask his response. His friend dropped his drink in surprise, and it took Kazunari nearly a half an hour to calm him down; convince him that his affection was one-sided; assure him that he'd never had a crush on him, and then swear him to secrecy. After all that was accomplished, his friend had become a surprisingly good sport about it. Well, if anyone could possibly win that guy over, it's you, Kazu-kun. Seriously, Mom always said you could charm the devil himself...Midorima-san couldn't be that difficult. Work hard, man! I'll root for you!

The success had gone straight to his head, and through that, his four drinks, and the late hour he somehow convinced himself that tonight was the perfect night to confess. And perhaps it would have been if one of the girls at the session hadn't thrown up on his jacket as he was saying his goodbyes. His disappointment must have shown on his face, as her friend offered up her perfume in order to mask the smell. Unwilling to lose his momentum, Kazunari had agreed and they had cheerfully doused his coat in cheap perfume before he made his merry way to the Midorima house.

He called on the way over, and by the time he arrived the shooting guard was sitting on his steps. Kazunari saw this as a sign from God, and threw himself into his arms, squeezing tightly and singing a little bit of the song he had composed on the way over. His lowered inhibitions and the fact that his friend had gotten up for him at all made his hips twitch forward automatically, yet before Kazunari could really enjoy the firmness of his friend's body against his partially formed erection, Shin-chan had shoved him away. Kazunari's heart had dropped, knowing he had gone too far this time, and that his partner would be utterly disgusted. Yet even while intoxicated his hawkeyes could not be fooled, and the look on his friend's face had not been disgust, but sorrow.

Kazunari had reached for his friend (and ok, maybe poked him in the face harder than he'd meant to, but he was drunk, and it couldn't be helped) but Shin-chan had raced down the driveway back to his home, leaving Kazunari standing like a statue on his front lawn. For a long moment, all he could do was stand there and breathe as anything else would be far too painful. Yet understanding came crashing in as he began his walk home: Shin-chan knew. He knew that Kazunari wanted him, and had made his feelings on that perfectly clear.

He cried as he walked home, too drunk to care about his pride. He had wanted him for so long, and to have all hope ripped away in one fell swoop was jarring, not to mention heartbreaking. And what the hell was he going to do about it? What the hell could he possibly say to him the next day? How was this going to affect the team? And how was he ever going to recover from this?

Distantly, he wondered about Shin-chan's expression, and how it was closer to heartbreak than revulsion. Even more distantly, he wondered if this was how his girlfriend felt when he had blasted her dreams.

…

After a night of searching his soul, Kazunari learned two things: one, that Shin-chan meant more to him than basketball did. Two: that being the case, he still couldn't put his own desires over those of the team. So he had prepared his heart for the end and turned up at Shin-chan's house the next morning, hoping that he would get a chance to persuade Shin-chan not to give up on their basketball partnership. Yet his friend had surprised him once again. Shin-chan had come to a determination of his own, and after an interminably long ride (to Kazunari's frazzled mind) he had deferred the entire conversation with one of his signature selfish demands. When even his hawkeyes couldn't read anything but sincerity on his face, Kazunari acquiesced, utterly confused. Hadn't their interaction last night spelled the end? Could he have misread things in his drunken haze?

Just as his heart was beginning to hope he had simply been wrong, he ran into another old friend on his way back from the vending machines. Hey, Kazunari - woah, man. Why are you wearing women's perfume? Don't tell me it's that Midorima guy's lucky item or something...

The proverbial light bulb went off above his head. Although he had showered (and cried a little more when he was in there, but no one knew, so it really didn't count) his coat still smelled overpoweringly of woman. Had that been what Shin-chan reacted to? Had that been what caused him to look so desolate last night? His heart pounding, Kazunari ran straight back to his best friend, can of shiruko clutched in his hand. Hope and fear buoyed him until he was prepared to launch himself straight into Shin-chan's arms (whether his partner was willing or no) and had Nakatani-sensei not stepped out of his office at precisely that moment and called out to him, he would have done so.

His coach said the only thing that could have pierced through Kazunari's manic state. If you have a moment, I'd like to talk to you Kazunari. It's about the captain position for next year.

Coach, I'm a little busy at the moment-

I needed to catch you without Midorima, son. Step into my classroom. It'll just be a moment...

The next ten minutes (wherein it was decided that Midorima would be captain, but only if Kazunari agreed to taking the vice-captain position in order to negate the worst of his irregularities) served to calm him down, but also to drive him completely up the wall. The coach must have thought he was on drugs or something, with the way he kept fidgeting and glancing at the door. It didn't help matters when Shin-chan passed by the classroom, clearly looking for him (or his shiruko, but Kazunari would like to believe that he was more important.)

Their reconciliation was delayed even further when Nakatani-sensei realized Shuutoku's future captain was loitering outside the door. Now that he had Kazunari's somewhat distracted promise that he would keep the ace in line for the next two years, their coach lost no time in congratulating him. Shin-chan's surprise and delight was obvious (at least for Kazunari) and he knew that this wasn't the moment to act his revelation. So he handed his friend the drink, smiled broadly at the sight of Shin-chan's eyes (gone wide behind their glasses), and congratulated him.

There would be other times to straighten their misunderstanding out, Kazunari assured himself. Becoming captain was a major achievement, and nothing should complicate Shin-chan's happiness. Besides, the first flush of confidence was fading, and Kazunari realized he could be wrong - perhaps Shin-chan had merely gave them the chance to forget, rather than forgive, and to move on without wrecking their basketball partnership. So he bided his time, waiting for the perfect moment to tell his friend what really happened, and yet he could never quite muster up the courage to go through with it. Something always felt wrong, and on the few occasions it nearly happened, they were interrupted.

There are nights when he's on the brink of calling him, ready to explain everything. Yet he knows that it would be far too easy to confess his feelings as well, and so he merely turns his phone off instead. Sometimes, he takes a long, hot shower. Other nights, he merely lays awake fighting with himself until his exhaustion wins out. Either way he perpetuated the status quo for long months until Himuro sparked the disastrous chain reaction of men and rampaging hormones, and Shin-chan got him personally involved. That lead, of course, to tonight where Shin-chan finally admitted to being jealous at the thought of Kazunari's imaginary female conquests, and he had still managed to mess it up.

Kazunari then looked across the table at his best friend's ex-best friend (or whatever it was that they were, exactly) and smiled wanly. So. What do you think-

...

...

...

...

...

"So. What do you think?"

Akashi had removed a fan from his bag a while back, with which he had fanned himself wildly. Now it was going at a slightly slower clip. "Oh my. Parts of that were positively indecent. Shintarou is going to have his hands full with you."

Takao would have taken offense had not Akashi looked utterly delighted while saying so. "So you don't care that I am sexually inclined towards men? Nor that Kuroko and Kagami are as well?"

The rapidity of the fan trailed off as Akashi pouted. "I, homophobic? Hardly. Nearly everyone I know is gay, and I have learned to take my guilty pleasures where I can get them. Besides, it offers me rehabilitation for my control issues. I could have stepped in long before, Kazunari. But I did not, and am now reaping the benefits. After all, I would not have heard your story had I controlled all this from its inception. And I enjoyed it very much."

Takao couldn't remember Shin-chan ever telling him that Akashi was a closet pervert, nor that he took such delight in men loving other men. "Does that mean that you are gay?"

"No, no. Unfortunately. Believe me, Reo has been attempting to convert me for years, and if I could like it, I would. Still. I've built up quite an appreciation of other men getting it on. My therapist assures me it is a coping mechanism."

Partially to spare himself from Akashi's launching into a story of his own, Takao broke in with, "So you're stepping in, then?"

Akashi cleared his throat, and folded his fan with a sharp flick of his wrist. He placed it gently on the table, rooted in his bag for a manila folder, and then laid it on the table next to the fan. "Indeed. It was excellent work so far, my new friend, and I think it best to add on to what you've already accomplished."

"Wait, but I didn't tell you about S.P.E.P-"

Akashi waved him off. "Doesn't matter. I know everything. And believe me, I will be having words with Taiga after Tetsuya is won. Now, I feel as if the main obstacle to your and Shintarou's future happiness are his parents. Luckily for you, I've given this quite a bit of thought, and have come up with a plan that will ensure they don't make too great a fuss."

Takao's eyes widened as Akashi flipped through a large array of graphs, charts, and in-depth reports. "You have a plan...to make Shin-chan's parents ok with the potentiality of their son being gay?"

Akashi opened his mouth as if to explain, but hesitated. Something had clearly occurred to him, but at this hour in the morning Takao had no idea what it could be. Yet then Akashi smiled, folded his hands across the papers, and assured Takao in a warmer voice than he'd thought possible. "Leave it all to me, my new friend. Leave it all to me..."

…

…

…

…

...

I have this headcanon where Akashi, once defeated, will magically turn into the Only Sane Man with legendary, somewhat British sass. Please don't take this away from me. I've tried to write him evil and it's just no good. I just derive such joy from making him absolutely inexplicable.

...

The next chapter will be incredibly NSFW. Yes, smut ahoy. For both pairings. You are warned.

...

Let me know what you think! ^_^